


I Knew I Loved You

by Nadine1



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Anti-Michael, Brian with amnesia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:56:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 150,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9297161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadine1/pseuds/Nadine1
Summary: The mind may forget but the heart always remember.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a complete story with 15 chapters and 1 epilogue.
> 
> Feedbacks are highly appreciated.

He saw him again. 

It was a fine Friday morning and he was rooted to the ground, because he saw him again. 

He was outside the Starbucks, frozen to his feet, feeling as if everything had just disappeared except for him and the guy behind the counter. 

His reaction didn't surprise him anymore. It was always the same whenever he saw him, and their paths had crossed a few times now since he first laid eyes on the guy.

This time, he was talking to the customer while ringing her bills. He was all smiles, so unthreatening and warm, charming the lady without even trying. 

So, he was working in this side of town. One knowledge that he knew would be so valuable, if not for now, maybe for later on. 

Well, it would definitely be later on, as he was still immovable and gaping like a pathetic voyeur.

He wanted to get inside the Starbucks, and not only to get himself a cup of a much needed caffeine, but to also approach the guy behind the counter, who had this beautiful smile that made his heart skipped a beat.

But, just like all the other times, he couldn't find that courage to approach him. He would always freeze, his chest started hammering, making him retract his steps and behaved like a pathetic loser.

The first time he realized this reactions had left him surprisingly breathless. This kind of reactions toward another human were so new to him, so foreign, in fact he hadn't felt like this way with anyone before. 

He desperately wanted to step inside the coffee shop and come face to face with the guy. He wanted to personally know him, but he knew he couldn't do it at that moment unless he wanted to be perceived as a complete wuss.

He couldn't explain it, but whenever he'd see him, he'd feel so light headed. He felt like he knew he had to do something, but for the life of him, he didn't have a clue of what it would be. It was as if, there was something niggling at the back of his brain but couldn't point his finger on it. It puzzled him a lot, that for a stranger, the guy could actually elicit this strong feelings from him.

He first saw the blond guy exactly three weeks ago. He was from a dinner with client in a fancy restaurant near the local community college, which was a bit far from his usual hangout, the Liberty avenue. He was parked in front of the restaurant, where he sat for few minutes to smoke a cigarette. 

He was actually still feeling high from his successful meeting with the marketing head of SkyBlue apparel, a huge clothing line that had more than a couple dozens of chain stores in the east. He was somewhat trying to sink in his head the fact that he was about to bag this huge deal. He wanted to bask in the moment before starting the ignition and go home.

His client was long gone and his cigarette was almost finished to its butt, when his eyes landed on a small cafe house on the other side of the street. His eyes were caught by the guy sitting on a chair just outside the cafe. It was in early September and the weather was still warm enough to enjoy sitting out in an evening air.

The guy was leafing through a book, and for some reasons, Brian found it so fascinating. The way the guy's fingers touching the pages, his forehead creasing in concentration, he was mesmerized. The calming effect of the scene had him feeling a little bit of… home.

He must've gone crazy because he was sure that he hadn't seen the guy in his entire life, but there was something in his head that kept pushing through his consciousness, he wasn't sure what it was though.

He sat staring at the guy, who stayed unaware that he was being stared at, for nearly an hour. If it wasn't for the blond leaving the place, he knew he'd stay for hours and hours just wanting to feel that calmness of watching the guy’s beautiful face had made him. 

It was creepy, he knew that. He'd creep out himself if he knew someone was staring at him from afar. A guy who was a stranger but felt a strong connection to him. Yeah, he'd be running away from a creep like that.

What was more crazier, was when he contemplated to follow the guy home. He was considering his options and lost focus for a bit, and when he looked up, he saw that he was nowhere to be found. 

Brian was mentally berating himself as he drove along the street where he knew the blond guy had possibly taken, but he couldn't see him anywhere.

He finally drove home, feeling defeated and unsettled. He was sure he was going crazy when he couldn't sleep the whole fucking night. The guy's face had kept on playing in his head over and over again.

His body caught up with the exhaustion just before the sunrise and he had overslept until noon. Good thing it was Saturday and he could afford to just laze around his place.

As soon as he woke up, his thoughts went back to the guy he saw the other night. And just like that, his chest was racing so fast.

The whole afternoon was spent trying to make sense of what was happening to him. Nothing could explain the intensity that it brought within him, and yet the connection was there, unmistakably speared right through him.

He gave up dissecting when he felt an headache was starting to form. Instead, he decided to do something than just lying around and thinking about the blond enigma. In a flash, he was dressed and was on his way to the cafe house just minutes before six in the evening.

He parked at the opposite side of Romeo's, just like what he did the other night and waited patiently for the familiar blond head to appear, but the guy didn't come. He waited for couple of hours, he even went inside the cafe house at one point to have dinner, but still the guy didn't show up.

Brian was still restless that night, and he decided to go again the next evening, but he still didn't see the guy. 

The next week was a busy week for him, he was swamped with meetings and presentations, but the guy was still invading his consciousness. Brian was becoming a little antsy.

He returned to Romeo's every evening after his work for that week. He made sure to be out of his office at six and he'd go directly to the cafe house, even taking his dinner there.

Michael, his friend, was starting to question his whereabouts after a week of not going home like he used to be. He told his nosey friend that he was busy acquiring new clients, reminding him about the added responsibilities of being a partner in a top advertising agency in Pittsburgh.

And of course, it wasn't a hundred percent true, because as much as he was really busy with his work, he couldn't stay passed six o'clock. 

He never saw the guy again, though, not for the ten evenings he spent camping outside Romeo's. But when he did, it was so unexpected he would see him so randomly, especially after his unsuccessful creepy stalking.

It was a Monday afternoon, and for once, he went to the mall to buy the new Coldplay CD and decided to eat at a Korean restaurant after. When he was leaning at the counter, he saw the blond guy walking outside the record store, sipping a large soda and dragging several take out bags on his arms.

Brian was a bit shocked and couldn't move for a while. It was hard for him to believe seeing the guy again after several days waiting at Romeo's. He was brought back from his trance by the girl behind the counter, tapping his arm, making him jump from the contact.

He quickly took his CD, waving to the girl to keep the change, and walked out the store in a rush. He walked so fast to the direction where the guy had taken, but his effort was for naught, he was already gone.

He continued to go to Romeo's in the evening without any success, but had to stop after his nosey friend found out he wasn't spending his late nights at the office like he told him he was. 

He could've said ‘fuck you’ and just go on with whatever he wanted to do, but he wasn't ready to divulge any of his recent activities either. Knowing his friend, it was just a matter of time before he'd learn what he was up to. He wouldn't hesitate to follow him if he thought he was hiding something.

It was honestly irritating when his friend got too involved about his private affairs, it was one of the things he couldn't quite get used to, but he knew he should. He owed his friend a lot, especially after what had happened to him, Michael had stayed on his side all the time. 

His friend, Michael, was the only constant thing that he had since his life had taken a turn. Even most of the time, he felt his friend had actually gone into excessive interference when it came to his life.

He might've stopped  
going to Romeo's, but it didn't mean he forgot about the blond guy, though. Oh no, it was far from that. Now, he was even invading his dreams. He actually couldn't remember the actual dreams itself, which saddened him a lot, but he could vividly recall the guy calling his name over and over again.

The next time he saw him, it was four days from the last one at the mall. It was Friday afternoon and he was on his way for another client meeting. He was stopping at the red light when Brian saw him standing at the bus stop nearby. He couldn't do anything though, except watching the blond who was invading his senses, as long as the traffic would let him.

Brian could perfectly see him from where he was, and he could swear he didn't even blink once. That was the first time he saw him a bit up close, and he seemed to glow on a broad daylight having the most perfect skin that he had ever seen. 

He jumped on his seat behind the steering wheel, when a loud, annoying honks from the cars behind him brought him back to reality, and that he needed to step on the gas pedal.

Brian was anxious to get to know this mysterious guy. He wanted to know his name, to know where he lived, or to hear how his voice sounded like. And for the first time that he could remember, this was the first time he wanted someone to know him, too. 

He also had this unexplainable urge to touch him, he didn't know why, he just felt like his hands were itching to touch the guy’s skin. Something was telling Brian that he would love the feel of the guy's soft skin on his fingertips.

He promised himself that he would do whatever he could to approach the blond the next time he saw him. He was afraid that he might not see him again if he'd pass yet another chance of meeting him. 

But when it happened the next Friday morning, he just couldn't do it. He felt nervous and shy all of a sudden, his palms were sweating profusely just thinking about approaching the guy behind the counter.

He didn't realize he was standing for so long, until a girl had accidentally bumped into him from behind. He must be creeping the people walking on the sidewalk, they might think he was nuts and called the attention of this beautiful blond. 

But he couldn't seem to stop looking through the Starbucks’ glass walls, his eyes transfixed to the guy that made his heart jumping all over his chest. He was going mad.

After a half hearted apology to the girl, he decided that he couldn't face the guy, not at that moment at least. And so, he turned around and walked back to his car and drove the long way to downtown Pittsburgh, to the restaurant that he was supposed to meet the clients.

That same early morning, he got a call from his business partner having a crisis in his home. Unfortunately, he had a breakfast meeting with some people of Wyx Sports industry that he couldn't get out of. They were one of their biggest clients and they were discussing the preliminaries of their upcoming holiday season campaign.

His British business partner had personally taken the account but Brian was present for both staff meetings in creating this massive campaign. Gardner, his partner, was supposed to be going with their art director, Murphy. 

It wasn't a problem for him, Brian could have gone directly to the meeting place but Gardner had the files at his house which was located at the other side of town. So, he drove for almost thirty minutes to the suburban residents that he somehow felt a little familiar, yet he knew it was his first time to go there.

After taking the important papers, having some words and instructions from his business partner, he was on his way to the restaurant. Checking his watch, he confirmed he had a bit time to get coffee before going to meet the clients. 

He stopped at the first Starbucks he had seen, it was only three blocks away from the community college. The cafe house, Romeo's, the one he used to stalk the blond guy, was just two blocks away. 

Then, unexpectedly, he saw the only person that he desperately wanted to see and meet.

But he lost that chance again.

He was berating himself as he drove away for being a coward. It was his chance seeing the guy so close, the perfect opportunity to meet him, to talk to him, but he just had to chicken out. 

It wasn't as if the guy knew he had been thinking about him, or he had this effect on Brian, in which a sight of him would make his chest pounding so hard. He bet the blond didn't even know that he existed. 

Well, at least, he knew where he was working now.

It took him two days more to have the courage to go back to the Starbucks again. He was so nervous that he even hope the guy wasn't working that time. But when he arrived and took a peek inside the shop, blondie was there, smiling so widely to an old lady in front of him.

He took a deep breath and wiped his sweaty palms on his faded jeans before taking his first step inside the establishment. It was ten o'clock on Sunday morning and was obviously full of people who were in dire need of a loaded caffeine. 

He was kind of thankful for that though, because he could at least find his bearings while hiding at the back of the line without getting much unnecessary attention to himself.

He was really nervous and at the same time excited to finally be up close to the guy that literally made him crazy and reduced himself to a teenager with hormonal overload. With all the butterflies floating in his stomach, there was no better explanation.

When it was only one person in front of him, he contemplated fleeing the place and just fucked it all. He was a ball of nerves and was already bouncing in his feet. He was so terrified of embarrassing himself in front of the guy. God, what an unforgettable first impression he would have given him if he dumbly stuttered from just ordering a coffee.

When it was his turn to place an order, the guy looked up at him with his usual smile that made his chest fluttering even more when it was directed at him. He saw the smiles faltered a little, and the blond was staring at him questioningly with his big blue eyes. Brian must've been drooling or looking so dumbly stupid that he creeped the guy out, wiping that beautiful smile on his face.

He decided then and there that he would do anything to bring that smile back on the blond’s lips. Given a chance, he’d always make a way for him to keep smiling.

He was staring, he knew that, so he cleared his throat and smiled shyly looking from under his eyelashes. He knew his face must be flushing, he couldn't stall anymore though, not if he wanted to risk being shouted by the person behind him.

“Hey, uh…” He glanced at the name on the guy’s nameplate. “...uh, Justin. One tall black coffee.” Then with an afterthought, he added, “Please.”

He saw the blond blinked for few times and shook his head a little as if to clear it. It got Brian worried though, it looked like he already fucked it up. But then, Justin’s lips curved into a smile, his usual big bright smile. He could swear, his surroundings just disappeared and he was floating in cloud 9.

“Sure. Uh, anything else you want to go with your coffee?” He asked smiling up at him. It somehow made him a bit comfortable.

“What can you recommend?” He smiled shyly.

“Oh, uh, well, I like the banana muffins. The blueberry is good, too.”

“Okay, uh, why don't you give me one of each.”

He could hear a groan of annoyance behind him, but he couldn't care less, he was feeling high, damn it.

“Okay, I'll bring it in just a while.” With a smile, the guy prepared his orders and came back with a cup and a brown bag. He put it in front of him and rang his bill.

“It's 11.85.” Justin said looking at Brian without blinking.

He fumbled with his wallet as he heard a louder, irritable groans, which he didn't really mind, instead he handed a 20 dollars bill to the smiling blond in front of him.

“Uh, keep the change, Justin.” He collected his food and looked up again, hesitating a little. “By the way, I'm Brian.”

“Thank you, Brian.” Justin smiled a little, eyes suddenly get a bit misty and Brian felt like something important was missing there. But of course, he didn't know what it would be, just like the missing big piece in his life.

On the bright side, he already went way beyond his expectations meeting the blond guy, Justin, so he didn't know what else he needed to do.

He nodded and smiled at Justin waving a little and mouthed, “Bye”.

Justin sweetly smiled back at him waving a little too, until the girl who was behind him snap her fingers on Justin's face.

He was walking to the door when he heard Justin uttering an apology, but Brian had to get out, he was feeling a little bit claustrophobic. But God, he did it. He was so elated and in awe of himself that he actually had gone through and talked to the guy.

When he was inside his truck, he carefully settled the hot liquid into the holder and saw his hands were actually shaking. Holy fucking shit, he had talked to the guy. Justin, yeah, his name was Justin, and he was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

He looked so young and so radiant. He had this lovely smile that could melt your heart and so mesmerizing. He also loved the tone of his voice, it was deep and so masculine, that would make you wanted to talk to him for hours and hours. And his eyes, those big, crystal clear blue eyes, that could hypnotize you into submission. 

God, he had never felt like this before. He was both fascinated and terrified for this strong emotions that he had for this guy. It almost felt like he had been feeling like this for long time now. He knew he wanted to know Justin more, he knew he wanted more than just being acquaintances. 

The question was, how would he do that? It wasn't a good idea to stalk the guy, he could've scared him away that would make Justin stopped talking to him. He obviously needed a plan, a plan to befriend the blond. Well, he could always go back and get a coffee, couldn't he?

He decided to drive back to his loft and think of ways on how to proceed pursuing Justin after what happened today. But he couldn't deny the warmth he felt all over his chest.

He arrived at his loft still bouncing with energy, whistling as he unlocked his metal door. He made up his mind on the way from Starbucks, he'd go back there after couple of days. He'd buy a coffee, another muffin maybe, and just talked to Justin like he did that morning. Then he'd go from there. Hopefully, it would go somewhere where he envisioned them to be.

He threw his keys on the counter as he continued whistling. He was obviously in a happy mood.

“You seem to be in a great mood this morning.” A voice came over from his sofa that made him yelp and jumped out of his skin.

“Fuck, Mikey, are you trying to kill me from heart attack?” He annoyingly said walking to the sofa with his food in hands.

Michael suspiciously eyed him for a while, and Brian sat on the other end of his sofa.

“You went to Starbucks? Why didn't you tell me?” Michael looked at Brian with creasing forehead.

He let out a sigh and sipped from his cup, settling the brown bag on his lap.

“I don't need to tell you everything, do I?” He was a bit irritated. He just wanted to have a peaceful morning after what he had with Justin just half an hour before.

“Of course not. Though, we were so open before, Brian. We always tell each other everything. That's what I missed the most, you know. You never hide anything from me.” His friend said looking dejectedly.

“Sorry, Mikey. I didn't mean to snap. I just want to have some coffee, you know. I didn't think you'd like to go to Starbucks when you can have a hearty one at the diner.” He felt a bit guilty every time Michael looked so hurt because of him.

Michael smiled a little too sweetly and scooted over to him, looking up from under his lashes. Brian got goosebumps all of a sudden and inwardly groaned, thinking, ‘Here we go, again.’

“That's okay, babe, I understand. I just wished we are back to where we were before, you know. I really missed you so much, you know that.” He whispered in Brian’s ear, running his index finger on his thigh trying to be seductive.

Michael was about to kiss Brian’s neck, but before his lips landed on his skin, he jumped from his seat clutching onto his coffee and muffin bag tightly.

“Mikey, we talked about this.” Brian said with pointing stares.

Michael stood up and walked the few steps toward Brian. He was smirking a little as if he knew something that Brian was consciously hiding from him.

“Babe, I know we agreed to take a break but it's getting way too long. Do you think it's fair for us to deny ourselves when we know what we really feel? What we always feel. I missed you so much, Brian, and don't tell me you don't miss me, too. I know we are aching to be together again. It's already been two years and I know you missed making love to me as much as I'm missing it.”

Michael was already on Brian's personal space and started running his palms on his broad chest. Brian moved a step back but Michael just followed him.

“Mikey, please. Don't… I'm not--” he didn't get to finish what he was about to say when Michael stood on his tiptoes pulling Brian's head down smacking their lips together.

It ended after only few seconds when Brian pushed him on his chest a little too forcefully, accidentally pouring some of the warm black liquid onto Michael’s shirt. He flinched as he felt the the warm coffee touching his skin.

“The hell, Brian!” He shouted, taking some tissue to wipe his shirt. “Why are you insisting on fighting this? Why do you need to punish us when you know deep in your heart that you love me? I don't know what's stopping you, but you have to let it go, Brian. Why do you feel the need to suffer and be away from me? I really don't understand that. Isn't two years not enough time for you?”

Brian didn't move and was still clutching his coffee and the brown bag to his chest. He was really confused and conflicted with all of this. Yes, it's been two years, but he was still confused and so lost at that moment as he was back then.

“Babe, give us a chance, just another chance. You owe it to us to at least try and you'll see what I've been telling you for all this time. Let yourself feel me, love me and everything will come back to you. We've always been wonderful together, Brian. You and me, together forever, you promised me that. You said it will always be you and I, you told me that yourself before you forget everything!” Michael pleaded looking him straight in the eyes.

“Sorry, Michael but I need the space. I still need time. You might think this decision should come easy for me, but it's not!” He knew two years was way too long to ask someone to wait. It was way too long to think about your relationship while holding it on hiatus, but he just wasn't ready yet. 

He wasn't ready to finally tell Michael that he really didn't feel anything anymore. He honestly didn't know if he's ever going to feel anything for him again. As of now, what he knew, anything that he felt for Michael was only of that for a brother.

He was a bit mad at Michael too. His friend didn't know the word boundary when it bit him in the ass. He was trying his patience insisting and coming onto him when Brian clearly asked to give him time and space.

Michael's advances had actually bothered him more than he was letting on. It had gone out of control even from the first month since they talked about giving space. He always tried coming onto him whenever they were left alone.

“I'm not ready. Please, respect that.” He told him again, this time he softened his voice.

He might be mad for his insistence but he didn't have the heart to hurt Michael even more than he already had. Everything was fucked up since that fateful night two years ago, and he owed it to Michael and himself to be hundred percent sure before deciding anything that would forever change their lives.

What he was sure of at that moment, Michael wasn't the one who he was dying to kiss, who he was desperately wanted to be with. It was Justin, the beautiful blond barista at Starbucks who he had just met that morning. But as brief as their encounters were, he couldn't deny how the young man had elicited an undeniable longing within him. 

The feelings and longing that he supposed to have with Michael. Try as he might, there was really no comparison.

Yeah, it was crazy and complicated, and he was even more confounded than he ever was.

If he was with Michael for almost 9 years, like his friend said they were, why he couldn't feel anything for him? He tried, God knew he really tried, especially the first couple of months after his recuperation, but there was just nothing.

He wanted nothing more than to be liked what it used to be, or what Michael had told him they were used to be. Most of all, he wanted them to heal because he knew nothing was the same anymore.

But on the other hand, with Justin, it was the first time in his life--the ones he could actually remember-- to feel the want and need to try to be with someone else. With a twist of fate, it wasn't with someone he was supposed to be with. 

But the questions remained unanswered. Could he really hurt Michael? Could he hurt the one man who stood by him for all this time, whom he had a romantic relationship for 9 years? Was it worth to throw the 16 years of friendship for someone who made him ‘feel’ for the first time?

He really needed to think this through and he was procrastinating for two years.

Looking at Michael, he put his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Give me time, Mikey. I'll think about it, about us, okay? I'll call you.” He calmly whispered.

Michael’s pissed off expression was gone in split second. He smiled at Brian, reaching out to cup his jaw.

“I can't wait, babe. I know you will want us to be together.” He dreamily said. “Listen to your heart, Brian, okay?”

The excitement that radiated from Michael was palpable and it made Brian’s head ached even more.

What was happening to his life?


	2. Chapter 2

It all started two years ago.

Brian woke up from a two days drug induced coma in a sterile room of Allegheny General Hospital. He was so disoriented that he didn't move for few minutes after waking up.

He heard low voices talking in one corner of the room and he saw from his peripheral that there was another person sitting near his bed. He didn't dare move or let those people with him know that he was awake. Something wasn't right, and he felt it since the first time he opened his eyes.

He wanted to know what happened, why he was at the hospital. He also wanted to know why his body was aching so much that he felt he was hit by a ten wheeler truck.

Brian wanted to continue the pretense of being unconscious but he was so parched, feeling like he had just been stranded in Sahara for a week.

He turned his head a little to his right and saw a man who he hadn't seen before in his life. He was reading a book and was wearing a hideous purple shirt that almost a second skin to him. Brian was puzzled by this, why he had some stranger visiting him at the hospital?

“Who are you?” Was what he thought a valid question. The guy jumped a little gaping at him in surprise.

“Brian?!” The guy dramatically asked, his face was mixed with elation and confusion. He was looking at Brian like he wasn't sure if it was him lying in the bed. Well, Brian wasn't sure himself.

The murmured voices in one corner were suddenly halted and hurried footsteps were heard. In a flash, the face of his friend, Michael, had appeared in front of him. He was grateful to see him, he really needed to see some familiar faces of people he knew.

Michael was cupping his face with both his hands and tearfully said, “Oh God, Brian you are awake! Thank god, I'm so worried.” Then his friend kissed him on his lips, a little longer than what they always did.

Brian didn't react in anyway though, he just thought his friend was terrified with him being at the hospital.

When Michael pulled away, with fat tears in his eyes, Brian tried to smile. “Hey, I'm okay.” He shifted a little and a hot pain shot from his chest and head. “What happened?”

“I think, we should call the doctor.” An unfamiliar voice had spoken from behind Mikey and Brian glanced up. 

He saw a man in his mid thirties, sporting a worried expression on his face. Who were these people? Why was he surrounded by strangers that seemed to worry for his welfare? It didn't make sense.

“Yeah, Ted. Uh, I think you're right. Can you tell the nurses that Brian wakes up?” Michael said to the man who nodded his approval and smiled at Brian a little.

“Yeah, sure. I'll be right back, Bri.” The man said to him. Brian couldn't do anything but nodded back. He was so confused. These people sounded like they knew him, that they genuinely cared for him, but he didn't know these people.

The nurse came with the man, Ted, as Michael called him, and he wasn't alone. He came with a short haired lady in a lovely tailored suit.

Just like everyone else, she looked at him with same worried face, but hadn't tried to talk to him.

The nurse checked his heart monitor and his IV’s, telling him the doctor had been page. Then she left promising Michael that the doctor wouldn't take long to come and check Brian.

“I see that you've been awake, asshole.” The lady said to him smirking a little. Brian was so puzzled that another stranger was comfortably joking with him.

“Excuse me?” He said, forehead creasing in confusion.

“It's a joke, Brian. You know I'm glad that you are finally awake.” She gave him a sincere smile.

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” He looked at each and everyone of his guests. “But who are you people?”

The room got quiet for a split second, then Michael burst out laughing. Brian looked at him annoyingly, couldn't see why his friend would laugh at him like that.

“Brian, you're so funny. Thank goodness, you're back. We missed you so much!”

Brian just stared at his friend, good thing those three had the decency to remain quiet.

A doctor and two nurses came inside the room at that precise moment, stopping him from answering Michael or asking them more questions. Dr. Rodriguez introduced himself to him, checked his vitals, and he saw Ted and the guy in purple standing close together, talking so seriously at the corner.

The lady was inching her way to their direction and Michael was still hovering on his side.

“Mr. Kinney, how are you feeling today?” The doctor asked, smiling at him.

He groaned a little as he felt his head was about to explode from the pain. “My head hurts. It's hard to breathe, too. What happened to me, doc?”

The doctor, gestured something to the nurse, who nodded her head and went out of the room.

“You've been in an accident, Mr. Kinney. Don't you remember that?” The doctor looked at him intently.

Brian closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “No.”

“Okay, two days ago, you were in a vehicular accident. Your head has severely impacted with the side window of your car, then onto the steering wheel. The steering wheel had actually broken a number of your ribs, too. This is the problem with classic cars, Mr. Kinney. They don't have the best safety features when it comes to accident. Your car didn't have airbags.”

Brian was wrinkling his forehead more and more as the doctor explained his accident.

“And who’s crazy enough to lend me a classic car? I would never let anyone touching mine if I have one. Now, I crushed it, God, he must be pissed. Am I going to jail?” Brian said closing his eyes again.

Then he heard Michael saying, “What's happening, doc? Why can't Brian remember his own car? That corvette was his!”

He opened his eyes and shockingly looked at Michael. What did he mean the car was his? A classic corvette? Damn, he wished he had one. He promised himself to buy one when he could afford it, but now he just have to be contented with his old Ford pick up truck. 

He bought it from his neighbor, three houses from his parents’ house. He got a great deal out of it. Despite the car being almost a decade already, it was still in a good running conditions. Besides, he looked badass driving it and it was cheap to maintain.

So, Mikey must be dreaming, or he didn't want him to be embarrassed. But he wanted to know the owner of the car he used, that he crashed actually. It would be hell paying back that thing, classic cars were expensive. Fuck!

“Fuck!” He muttered sulkily. “It will take years to pay for that car I wrecked, huh. Well, I think I can just use the money I set aside for the new place I want. Damn, I want that loft so badly and they are practically giving it away for free. How can I be so stupid? Now, tell me, Mikey, who is the owner of that corvette?” He desolately inquired looking up at his friend. 

Michael was looking at him so shocked. “Brian, stop kidding around! The corvette was yours, and what loft? Are you buying another loft? How come I didn't know this? And why do you want another loft, you have the best one already.”

Brian sat up abruptly and winced when his head and chest protested the action. Michael was on him and non stop asking if he was alright, well, obviously, he wasn't.

“Mister… uh, excuse me, mister…” The doctor interrupted Michael.

“What?” He asked, eyes so worried looking at the doctor. “Doctor what's happening?”

“Well, if you can just stand aside and let me check the patient, maybe I can tell you what's happening to your friend.” The doctor impatiently said to Michael, who nodded and murmured a distracted ‘okay’.

“Mr. Kinney. Can you tell me, what was the last thing you remember?”

Brian squinted his eyes, “Uh, I--, I had my last subject at one, then I was on my way to Ryder agency. I am an intern there.”

He glanced up when he heard Michael gasped. He also heard the guy in purple saying, “Oh, baby!”, and the lady in smart dress saying, “Oh, shit!”.

He stared at them questioningly. His head was hurting even more with these people's reactions to him.

“Brian--” Michael was about to say something when the doctor put a hand on his shoulder.

“Let me finish with the patient. If you can't deal with this, it's better if you stay outside the room.” The doctor sternly said. Michael stepped back shaking his head.

“Okay, Brian. What was the car you were driving? Do you remember?” The doctor started again.

He nodded, “Yeah, of course, my car, a Ford pick up.”

Michael was gasping again.

“Hmm, that was the last memory?” When he nodded in affirmation, the doctor continued. “What date was that?”

“October 9, 1991. Why are you asking me thi--”

Michael was trying to control his whimpering by covering his mouth with his hand. Ted came closer to him and dragged Michael to their corner.

What was happening?

“Brian, how old are you?”

“What? Why are asking me this kind of things?”

“Just answer me, please, Mr. Kinney.”

“Okay, I'm 20. Now, tell me what's going on.”

“Okay. It seems the impact of the accident to your brain is more severe than we originally thought. You have an amnesia, Mr. Kinney.”

Brian just gaped at the doctor.

“I know it must have been hard knowing this, but it seems you are forgetting 11 years of your life. It's already August 23, 2002, Mr. Kinney. And your friend is correct, the car that you have been driving during the accident was yours.”

Brian couldn't move, he couldn't even blink. Amnesia? 11 years?

“We need to do some more test so we can give answers to your questions. I know it's easier said than done, but I advise you to refrain from thinking and stressing your brain too much. I know you want to remember again, but please, Mr. Kinney don't force it. It may have an irreversible repercussions if you do.”

Brian didn't give any answers, he just stared blankly at the doctor but inside he was terrified. He was so scared for the meaning of all this. He didn't know what to think and he didn't know what to do. 

“Can I talk to all of you outside?” The doctor asked his friends. They all nodded, still visibly shocked.

He closed his eyes when he heard the door was gently closed. He couldn't believe something like this could really happen in real life, and yet, he was told by the doctor that the past eleven years of his life was erased from his memory.

Eleven years, meaning to say, he was already 31. Damn!

Later, when he opened his eyes, it was already dark outside. He must've slept for a while, but he was really parched and hadn't drunk anything since he woke up few hours ago.

He noticed Michael was sleeping on a chair. His head was cradled on his crossed arms resting at the side of the bed. His heart warmed by the dedication his best friend was giving him.

He reached and ran his hand on his friend’s hair. He got lucky the day he met Michael, he knew that. Everyone knew that he saved him from bullies in their school, but Michael and his mother, Debbie, had saved him in more ways than one.

Michael slowly stirred from his slumber and looked up to him with his still daze eyes. His face broke in a wide smile and caught Brian's hand caging in his.

“Hey, babe. How's your head? Are you still in pain?” He asked in a soft voice but clearly still worried about him. But what's with the endearment? When did Mikey start calling him a lesbian names like that?

“I'm thirsty, Mikey.” He croaked out. Michael stood up, releasing his hand and went to his side table to get him a glass of water.

“Here, wait, let me help you.” He adjusted the bed a little and held the straw to Brian's lips.

After he drank half of the glass, Michael sat back on the chair and took his hand again. This time, he twined it together and kissed it. Brian thought he must've worried Michael too much, because he was being a little more sweet and a little clingy than usual.

“Babe, I'm sorry for what's happening to you. I know it's not easy to take it all in, but I promise to fill you in whatever you need to know. I'll always be here for you, like I always do. You'll get through this, I will help you, I promise you that.”

Michael kissed his hand again and reached to run his palm on Brian's cheek.

“I love you, Brian.” Then he moved forward and kissed him on the lips. At first, he thought it was just a friendly one like they always did. But then he felt Michael's tongue invading his mouth. His one hand was still on his jaw caressing lightly, and the other one was running on his side down to his hips and thigh. He was stilled for few moments, shocked with what was happening. 

Just then, Michael let out a moan that made Brian snapped and pushed his friend away. The movement was killing him, but he didn't care. He wiped his mouth with the white blanket that was covering him from waist down. 

 

Brian looked so dumbfounded at his friend who was looking a little hurt. He was sure he had kissed Michael before, a little longer sometimes, but it was just that, a friendly kiss.

But this, this felt nothing like a friendly one like they used to do. Michael was frenching him, moaning into his mouth and he was kind of groping at him, too.

“Oh, did I hurt you, babe? I'm sorry, but I guess, I just got excited. I missed you and I just can't help myself.” He chortled good naturedly trying not to meet Brian's eyes.

“What's with all this lesbian endearment, Mikey? Stop calling me, babe. I'm not a cute little piglet.” He didn't mean to be so harsh but this day had already shook him to his core.

“Oh, but we call each othe--” Pained expression crossing Michael's face and his eyes began to moisten. “Of course, God-- I forgot that you can't remember.”

Brian's chest started to ache so much that he thought he had broken the remaining good ones. He was suddenly feeling dizzy. Oh my god.

“What do you mean, Michael? What happened… Oh god, eleven years. What happened to me in those times? And who are those people this afternoon? I don't know any of them.”

“Brian, they are your friends, our friends. Ted, Emmett and Mel. You met Emmett through me, he's my roommate. We've been friends with him for five years now. Ted is Mel’s best friend from college. He is an accountant. Mel is Linds partner. They've been together for eight years now. We've known Ted almost the same time.”

“Who is Linds?”

“Lindsay.” When Brian didn't give any indication that he knew her, Michael continued. “Lindsay Peterson, your friend from college.”

His brows met in confusion. “That blonde, tall, chick from my art class? Yeah, she's Peterson, I remember her. But, we are not friends. I mean, the semester has just started, and I only have that class twice a week. I probably saw her for a total of three times. We talked once, yeah, she asked me if the food from the cafeteria were good. And I told her that it sucks.”

“Well, you two became best friends, and you even fucked her twice.”

Brian was nauseous. What happened to him this past eleven years? There's no way he would want to fuck a woman.

“Brian, you also have a son with her.”

Now Brian was truly fainting. He was breathing a little heavily and his chest was aching so badly.

“I got her pregnant? Oh, god!”

“Yeah, but not the way you must probably be thinking. You didn't get her pregnant when you fucked her in college. She is a lesbian and married to Mel. Over two years ago, they decided to have a baby, and they asked you to father it.”

“And I agreed. Unbelievable…” He whispered, shaking his head.

“Yeah. Gus, that's his name, your son, is two years old now. He looks so much like you. We always bring him to the park and zoo, we both love your kid, Brian. I even consider him mine, too. What's with us being together for so long now--”

“Whoa, whoa-- slow down. This is crazy, Michael. I could swear, I just hear you saying, we are together for so long. What do you mean?”

“Brian, we are together. It's crazy, I know, and I was so scared too when we decided to have a go at it. But we were happy, babe, and it really pains me a lot that you cannot remember a single time that we shared together.”

Brian couldn't say anything. No words would come out of his mouth, because it was unbelievable.

“Since when?”

“Nine years ago. We started dating after you were employed at Ryder. You asked me out for a celebratory dinner, and it was just you and me, you know. You didn't invite Linds or my mom and uncle Vic, and you didn't want to go to Babylon. After we have eaten, you brought me to a hotel. I was so thrilled at that time, and I could see how happy you were, too. I thought we were just going to hangout, you know, got wasted. But then, when we get inside you kissed me... I still couldn't forget that night, Brian. It was the best night of my life. You made love to me, over and over again. We are together ever since, happily together.”

“No. That's not true, Michael. We are friends, best friends, I would never--” Brian was shaking his head repeatedly that the action was actually making him dizzy.

Michael sobbed onto his hands swearing he was telling him the truth. “You are hurting me now, Brian. I know you cannot remember anything, but you don't have to do this to me.”

It hurt him, too, knowing he was consciously hurting his only best friend, but he couldn't wrap his brain around the idea that he was now involved with Michael romantically. It felt almost like an incest to him.

“I'm sorry, Mikey, I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear.” He whispered.

Michael looked up, smiling a little taking his hand on his again. “It's okay, babe. I know, you'll get your memory back and remember all the times that we shared. We were so happy, Brian, so content. I never thought something so tragic like this could happen to us and everything will be-- gone.” He cried again, and Brian couldn't take watching him so hurt like this.

“Hey, hey, we'll be fine, okay? Don't cry now, you know I hate seeing you cry.”

Michael smiled at him with eyes still full of tears, running the pad of his thumb on Brian's wrist. “I know.” 

“So, I really have a corvette?” He asked just so they could change the subject.

“Yeah, and you had two brand new jeep before buying the corvette. Oh, and you already bought the loft that you want when you were just in college, all paid.” Michael beamed at him so proudly. 

“About my son, is he with Lindsay and Mel?”

“Yeah, that was the agreement. You gave Mel your parental rights, but they let you spend time with him.”

That was like dagger slicing through his chest. How could he agree to bring a child into this world and just gave his parental rights to someone. Gus, his son, was not a puppy that you could just give to anyone. 

He couldn't believe the man that he became if he could do such an awful thing to his own child. Not after what he went through with his parents. He had a bad feeling how Lindsay convinced him in fathering her child. He only knew at that moment he would never agree to anything so cruel, so vicious. Not to his own flesh and blood.

“Is he happy? Tell me that Lindsay and Mel take good care of him.”

“Yeah, of course. You help too, you know. You give them financial support even though legally you don't have to do that, but you still do. You love your son, Brian, and Gus loves you too.”

It didn't make him feel any better. He still gave his son away. He could shower him with money and all the material things he could buy but it wouldn't change the fact that he didn't have any claims for his own son. He'd never have. 

He still hadn't met his son, but he could already feel the warmth inside him just the mere mention of his name. And when Gus was old enough to know what he had done, he would hate him. 

And If that day would come, he knew it would be his end. He couldn't bear to live knowing his son despised him like he despised his own father.

“Isn't it a little late?” He asked, longing to be alone.

“It's okay, they let me stay with you. I'm your POA, you know.”

Brian nodded his head despite the fact he didn't know Michael had his POA. Instead of trying to tell Michael to leave him, he closed his eyes and resigned to the knowledge that he couldn't be alone when he desperately needed to. 

He didn't have any energy left to get Michael out of his room, and he knew he needed a lot of it if he wanted him out.

He could still feel Michael's hand gently caressing his wrist, and the last thing he remembered before succumbing to sleep was Michael's voice telling Brian he'd always be there for him.


	3. Chapter 3

He met Gus the next morning when Lindsay, Debbie and Vic came to visit him, together with Ted, Mel and Emmett. They said it was the complete members of their gang.

When he saw Gus for the first time, he felt his heart had stopped beating. His son was looking so much like him, and when he ran toward him, calling him ‘dada’, it literally broke his heart.

He couldn't remember anything about his son, not a single thing, but he knew that he loved him already. They were hugging for a long time when Debbie kissed the side of his still bandage head.

He looked up at her and realized that she looked older than the last time he saw her. He glanced at Vic, who was standing behind her, and he wasn't the same Vic from eleven years ago, too. He looked so frail like he was sick or something.

When Brian was twenty years old, Vic was living in New York, he was a pastry chef in one of fancy gourmet shops over there. He saw him every holidays and both Deb and Michael's birthday. 

Vic was a good looking guy, a very happy go lucky who always had this smile plastered on his face. He always had this mischief twinkling in his eyes that was now prominently missing. 

Half of his hair was already gray and dull when it used to be so great. But what was so alarming, he was weighing half of what he used to be. He sadly surmised, that whatever Vic had, it was deadly serious.

“Hey, kiddo.” Vic greeted. “You must be terrified seeing me like this, huh?”

Brian flushed in embarrassment, he didn't mean to be so opened. He didn't want Vic to think that he was scared of his physical features, because he truly wasn't, he was just worried. They hadn't had the chance to get really close, what's with Vic living in another state since he had known Michael, but he respected the man for being so out and proud.

He was actually his inspiration for being so proudly out with his sexuality, well, except in his parents’ house.

“I'm just worried. Are you okay, Vic?”

Vic smiled, patting his shoulder gently. “Yeah, of course. Don't worry about me, I'm a tough dog. How are you?”

He shrugged, running his hand on Gus’ hair. “I'm okay. Head and ribs still hurting, though.”

“Just take it easy, Brian. Don't put so much pressure on your ribs. Why don't I take Gus from you.”

Brian looked up to the voice on the foot of the bed. It was the chick from his art class, Peterson, yeah. She looked matured and filled a bit on her midsection but she was more radiant than she was before. The husband, Mel, must really take good care of her.

“It's okay, Peterson. I want to hold Gus.”

Lindsay chuckled a little, shaking her head repeatedly. “You haven't called me that in so long, Bri. I think the last time was second year in college. God, that was ages ago.”

He smiled in return, he couldn't remember much of her, and he wasn't really comfortable with people he didn't really know. He reserved the right to judge her until the time he would know her better. He also wanted to know how they became so close that she convinced him to literally give his son away.

Emmett, Ted and Mel, introduced themselves to Brian. He noticed no one was mentioning his missing 11 years as his friends chatted awkwardly about every mundane things happening around them.

That made him feel a little relieved. He wasn't ready to know more about his missing life. What he had already known was more than he could manage as of the moment.

His guests had been gone after an hours. He desperately wanted to tell them to leave Gus with him, but he knew he couldn't. He didn't even have the right or any say when it comes to his son. So, he kissed his forehead promising his kid that he would visit him when he was discharged from the hospital.

Then he was left alone with Michael again. Brian told him he didn't need to stay, that he also needed a good sleep himself. But Michael looked at him like Brian had just killed his rabbit, and so he just shrugged and told him to at least eat something from what Debbie had brought with her.

He slept as Michael was rustling around the containers of food on the table.

The next morning, Dr. Rodriguez had talked to him about his condition. He confirmed about his amnesia and that no one, not even the doctors, could know when the memory be back. Every patients had different kinds of reactions and ways of regaining their memories. Some had been gradually, some had been more lucky to get it back all at once and some other people hadn't regained even a single memory back.

The information had terrified Brian. It terrified him to know, or in this case, not knowing when he could exactly return back to his old life. He even felt stranger to his own body and felt so empty inside. It was as if there was this hole within him that he didn't know how to fill. He was so lost, and so scared.

After the doctor’s visit, he asked Michael to leave him alone. Michael was hesitant to leave but when his voice turned icily giving him a look that said he was seconds away from losing his temper, Michael had left silently.

He shifted a little to his left side and watched the clear skies outside the window. He didn't know how to take the information that the doctor had told him. It's scary to think that there was this long period in your life that you didn't even know, that it was missing. It was just gone, erased, deleted. For how long it would take him to regain it or if he could even possibly have it back, no one knows. That was what terrified him the most.

He stayed at the hospital for the duration of five days. The doctors had done every single test they deemed necessary but couldn't let him stay any longer. His ribs just needed time to heal and his head was doing much better. 

They also advised Brian and his extended family not to put much pressure onto him or overwhelming him with too much information or even divulging many things that could actually stop his brain from remembering. They said it was better for Brian to remember all by himself in his own time.

For that short five days at the hospital, Gus and Lindsay visited him every afternoon and some of his friends were coming between their lunches and after office hours. He didn't really interact with anyone of them because he honestly didn't know how. Those guys, except for Debbie and Michael, were practically all strangers to him. He just didn't fare so well with strangers.

To his relief, nobody insisted on making him talk apart from asking how was he feeling, in which he always answered that we was going to be okay.

Michael on the other hand never leave the hospital since he was in. Everyone had tried to convince him to take some rest in his apartment, but he refused, saying he didn't want to leave him alone. He insisted that Brian needed him, and when Brian said he was fine being alone, he sulked for the whole evening.

Then, there was this thing between them. Michael always wanted to hold his hand, his face, or running his hands on his body and it made Brian so uncomfortable. Sometimes, he let Michael pecked his lips, but most of the time he turned his head away from his friend to avoid it. 

He would mope for hours if Brian would escape his kisses, or his touch. He would brood even more when Brian chose to sleep than to hear their ‘love stories’ again and again.

For small favors though, he seemed to do it when they were alone. Brian didn't want to embarrass Michael in front of their friends, but he couldn't promise himself that he'd be more receptive with Michael being overtly lovey dovey in front of people. He could do holding hands, even a soft peck, but definitely not frenching or the silly endearment that made him break out in hives.

Brian knew he was being difficult. He could see it in Michael's eyes that he was hurting him by not reciprocating his intimate touch, for not being enthusiastic in listening to their time together. 

Honestly, it wasn't because he didn't want to hear any of it, it was because Brian couldn't connect his present feelings to what he was hearing from Michael. It just didn't seem to sit well with him from within. Listening to it, made him feel almost like having a complex personality.

He loved Michael, he knew that, he always knew that, Michael knew that, too. But he loved him as a friend, there were not a time when he thought about him more than that. Not even when he almost gave him a handjob when they were just 15.

This thoughts had made him stay awake at night. The doctor had advised him not to push too hard and let his memory come back on its own time. But he couldn't stop thinking about it, it invaded every cell in his body. He was desperate to know how it happened, how the friendly feelings that he always had turned to falling in love.

He couldn't really say that it was impossible, because he knew everything was a possibility, even him falling for his best friend. But he also knew he couldn't just fall back into the relationship with Michael, like the one they used to have. They couldn't continue and act like nothing had happened. He just couldn't. Even Michael would beg him to.

He needed time, he needed space, he needed to think.

And that was what he asked from Michael after he came onto him in his loft. It was the day he was discharged from the hospital and he came home to a surprise party from his friends.

He honestly just wanted to rest and bask in all the beauty of his loft. God, he had a wonderful loft. But Gus was there, and he wanted to be with his son. So, he let them do whatever they wanted, and he sat in a corner with Gus.

After a while, everyone was beginning to leave except for Michael. Brian expected this but he just wanted to be alone and rest. But Michael seemed to ignore his pleading and was trying to do something when in fact there was nothing left to be done. The gang had cleaned the loft before they left and it annoyed him that Michael was so insensitive when it came to other people's needs.

Brian was so beat and felt a little drowsy from being in a room with too many people. He was tired telling Michael to go home and take a rest for himself, his attempts were being ignored, anyway. So, he just went to his bedroom and lay down in his bed. He was out in just a matter of seconds.

He was being awakened by a pressure on his chest. He was heaving a little when he finally opened his eyes and found out why his chest was hurting. Michael was sleeping on the side of the bed, lying too closely to him with his arm thrown over Brian’s chest.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was feeling a little claustrophobic and his chest was really hurting. Shifting a little, he bit his lower lip as he slipped out of Michael's arm and went to sit on his sofa.

He had been friends with Michael for so long, and they had slept in the same bed countless of times. Now, the thoughts of sharing his bed with his best friend distressed him more than he could possibly thought.

He must've slept again on the sofa, because next thing he knew, Michael was kissing his neck and his hand was inside his shirt.

He was moaning as he lowered his lips to Brian’s collarbone and dry humping his thigh with his big boner like a dog in heat. Michael's tongue was running up to his jaw and his sneaky little hand was now circling his nipple. 

Brian pretended to be asleep and tried to assess the effect on him with his friend’s ministrations. He wanted to see if he'd get turned on and actually could have a spark, even sexually towards Michael. He needed to know.

His friend was now moaning so loudly and from the sounds of it, he was in his brink of orgasm. He was running his wet tongue on the back of Brian's ear. Try as he might, he just couldn't get any reactions from his body. He was still soft and actually feeling disgusted and violated.

It wasn't much of a revelation than just a confirmation that he would have this negative reactions to his best friend. He couldn't really fathom how he fucked Michael again and again when he felt this kind of repulsion towards him. His friend wasn't a troll in any means, but he always know that they could only be friends, not any more than that.

But to keep it all in perspective, Michael’s negative effects on him could only be because of what happened to him. His head had been banged up so severely that it erased a large part of his memory. It might displaced some of his emotions, too. Who knows, right? But how come he seemed to be a whole lot different person when he was 20 to his future 31 year old self?

He was either became a lesbian and a cliché by falling for his best friend, or became this jaded, selfish, cynical bastard who gave his right to his child to a friend.

Whatever it could be, he just couldn't let Michael continue with what he was doing to him now. He was sure he needed time away from his best friend.

“What do you think you are doing, Michael?” He suddenly asked. His friend jumped a little but obviously still high from lust.

“Babe, I want you. I know you want it, too. I know you can't penetrate me, but we can have blowjobs or handjobs and just make out. I want to give you an orgasm, like I always do.” He started to reach to kiss him again, but Brian turned his face and held Michael on his shoulders with both his hands.

“Mikey, listen to me, are you listening?”

When he nodded, he removed his hands on his shoulders and looked at his friend in his eyes.

“I can't do this. I'm so messed up right now. I don't want to hurt you but I don't remember anything except the usual friendly love that I have, that I'll always have for you. Maybe the accident had affected my emotions, making me forget that I was in love with you. But as long as I can't have that feelings back, I don't think it's a good idea for us to continue this.”

“Why not? Actually, it might help bring back your memories again. We shouldn't suffer because you can't remember that you are in love with me. It's not fair.”

“What's not fair, is continuing this just because we were together before the accident. It's unfair to you and to me, too, Michael. It's unfair if we do this with me not feeling anything for you. I can't do that, I won't do that.”

“But I'm okay with it, Brian. I'll take you anyway I can, because I love you so much.”

“Michael, I'll always love you, you know that. But not in that way. I'm thinking and feeling like my twenty year old self, not the thirty one that you know. This isn't easy for me. Please, understand this, Michael. I need to find myself first. This is making me crazy that I don't even know who I am anymore.”

Michael was silently crying and it crushed Brian’s heart. “I just need time and space. Who knows I will remember my feelings this coming weeks or even days. But in the meantime, I need us to be just friends, best friends, like we always do.”

Michael was now sobbing so hard slouching down on his seat. It was hard for Brian to witness it.

“Please, Michael. I need you to understand this.”

His friend nodded and wiped his eyes with his balled fist. He looked up at Brian with his hurt and sad eyes that almost made him change his mind. Almost. But he didn't want to deceive Michael. If he'd be going to be in a relationship, he would want it to be genuine.

After that night, he found Michael distancing a little. By distancing, he meant Michael hadn't yet mentioned their past relationship. He still came to his loft everyday, telling him some important things that he needed to know, or just be there to hangout. 

He didn't have the heart to tell the man that when he asked for time and space he meant being alone. He also gave Michael some leeway, he knew he had already hurt him more than he thought possible, so he just let him come and hangout. He didn't want to complicate things even more.

Talking about complications, he couldn't seem to find some middle grounds with his so called ‘new’ friends and just couldn't relate to their jokes and their ways in dealing with him. He reckoned that it was because they know the missing eleven years Brian, the same Brian that he, himself, didn't know about.

They had been in and out of the loft since he was discharged from the hospital. But they would later noticed how their presence made Brian so uncomfortable. How he didn't get their private jokes and felt so out of place, so aloof and distant. It seemed that they didn't have that camaraderie anymore.

After a couple of weeks, they lessened their visits as they were all seemed so lost around him. They didn't know how to deal with him being in a twenty year old mind. He supposed, he was a total different person from what they used to know. 

Debbie was always busy with her double shift at the diner, but she made sure to drop in once in awhile. She was working herself so hard to pay her mortgage and taking care of Vic. But whenever she visited, he could feel how seeing him like this hurt her. Honestly, this tragedy had affected all their lives in one way or the other. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how he could survive this knowing eleven years of his life was missing. He was so lost and didn't know the way back.

That being said, the most he was wary about was Lindsay. He spent the most time to observe her whenever they came to visit. He was so careful in dealing with her and made sure to let her feel that he wasn't comfortable with them being the touchy feely kind of ‘best friend’ that they once were.

After a while, Lindsay looked at him like he was betraying her. But it looked like she got his silent message and lessened her presence. Brian made sure though that Gus was the one presence he would never mind in his loft. 

Lindsay or Mel brought Gus almost everyday. It was his personal request that had met a not so welcome response from Melanie. In the end, the two lesbians had decided that it was okay for Gus to spend some time with his father. 

If he was being honest, seeing his son, was the one giving him strength to go on with his days. He could feel how much he loved him already, the feeling of need to protect his child was so overwhelming. He silently vowed to himself that he'd never do anything that his father had done to him and Claire. He had already given his rights to him, he would not let his son down again by feeling unwanted and unloved.

He already met his boss, a Mr. Gardner Vance. He had learned that he was already made partner at Vanguard agency, the one who bought Ryder just a year ago. He was honestly surprised and awed to learn that at thirty one, he had done so well with his career.

They talked about his return to his work and how to deal with his amnesia. Mr. Vance said that he decided, it was best if Brian would take at least a month of relearning and get reacquainted with everything in his office. According to him, he was a pro and natural, Vance believed that everything would fall into place as his instinct would take the lead.

He was grateful to have that kind of considerate boss, and when he met his assistant, he knew he had to be a badass when it came to his work to have that kind of dedication from an employee.

Brian liked Cynthia so much, he felt at ease with her and she was the epitome of intelligence. She was so professional yet so compassionate. She promised him that she'd do everything she could to help him get reacquainted with his work and responsibility.

That made him feel less anxious, but he was still wary being surrounded by people who he had never seen in his life but knew more about him than he knew himself. But he couldn't do anything about that, he just had to deal with it.

He returned to work after his doctor gave him a clear. In the real world, he was only gone for four weeks, but for him it was his first day as an advertising executive.

He interned at Ryder agency since the summer between his freshman and sophomore year in college. He was already learning a lot in just a matter of four months that he was there. Now, Brian had been grateful that he was so eager to learn because that was the only experienced he had. This thought had both terrified and excited him.

One week before, he rented a car and let Michael drive him around the city of Pittsburgh. It was almost the same as he remembered it, saved for few high rise buildings in downtown Pittsburgh. But the Liberty avenue and the gay famous landmarks were still standing proud even after eleven years. That made him ecstatic in a way he knew there weren't too much changes happening around the gay mecca of Pennsylvania.

He noted the important places like the Vanguard, the restaurant Michael told him that was his favorite, the dry cleaners for his suit and some parks where he could bring Gus to play with.

Now, it was his first day of work and he was so anxious that he was sweating under his expensive Armani suit that he had like a gazillions of it in his wardrobe cabinet. He was sitting in the rental car for ten minutes when a knock had startled him from his trance.

It was Cynthia, thank God. He felt a little embarrassed yet he couldn't muster up to hide it from his face. Luckily, she didn't mention anything except making him comfortable before leading him inside the building.

She must've known him really well, because she just knew the right words and the right gestures to calm him down. She lead the way to his private office, as he smiled shyly to the other employees he met at the hallway who were greeting him and welcoming him back.

After the meeting with Gardner the first time, then with Cynthia, and knowing his position and status in his work, Brian didn't really had the time to sink everything in. But as he was standing in the doorway of his office, that was the time he felt that he had really made it. At least career wise.

He was standing at the doorway taking everything in. He was speechless and in awe seeing how great his office was. Cynthia held his arm and walked him to his desk. She told him that Brian decorated and selected everything in his office all by himself. He seemed to precisely know what he wanted then, and he liked how his loft and office were so clutter-free. A little minimalist, but it suit him just fine.

Since that day, Cynthia had slowly showed him the ins and outs of the advertising agency and he saw some of his advertising works that he had done in the passing years. Most of his works were brilliant and so provocative if not a bit bold. They were sensuous, erotic and fierce. Mischievous yet so sexy. He must've been so brave and confident to present an ad like he had to be shown to the public.

The eleven years must've changed him too much. He was a little fearless and courageous at twenty, but he never thought he could have this audacity to be this bold and brilliant at the same time. It seemed unbelievable but the proofs were staring him down on his face. Well, he guessed, time must've changed him a lot. Though, he was still on the verdict if it was for the best or for worse.

As days and weeks gone by, he felt that natural instinct and impulses coming back. He always wanted to be an ad man, and he had seemed to work so hard to achieve everything that he had. He didn't want to waste it all just because he lost a big piece of his memory. He just have to trust himself and his love for his craft to be able to do his work right.

Slowly he had learned, and with the help of some of the employees, Gardner and especially Cynthia, Brian was back being an advertising genius.

It took him almost two months to do his first presentation to a shoe company that Gardner had entrusted him to make. He was a ball of nerve just minutes away from the presentation. Cynthia had already reviewed with him and they both thought that he was ready, but he couldn't help feeling nervous.

The idea he made for the campaign had veered a little from his usual provocative style. He was all running with his instinct here and to his uttered surprise his idea had garnered the approval of Gardner and his team. They said it showed another brilliant side of him. The campaign had emphasized more on the quality of the product than the models that they used.

When he entered the conference room, he suddenly felt a sparks lit within him. It was like deja vu. His body must've known the familiarity, the adrenaline rushing through it, but his brain couldn't just catch up with it. But the emotions had surprised him.

Gardner approached Brian and patted him on his back for support. That subtle gesture had really boosted his confidence and Brian was one lucky guy to have these people guiding him, believing in him.

And he did it. The clients had signed the contract on the spot and promising to add more incentives when the sale would increase.

He was back to being a brilliant ad executive after that. He also learned that most of the employees were at ease with the new him better than the arrogant and the no bullshit version of him. He heard from Cynthia that the art department were more relaxed knowing Brian wouldn't just go there and berate them just because he felt like doing it.

God, he must be a terror to work with if they got so tense around him. He didn't want to work with someone like that, so, why would he do that to the people who he worked with? Those were the guys who made his work possible, no matter how great his concepts were, it still wouldn't make by itself. 

Debbie and Melanie were right, he was a legit asshole.

Admittedly, he wasn't some innocent mother fucker before, but he wasn't that bad either. He knew he was so focused with his studies and so driven to succeed, because he desperately wanted to escape the life he had with his own family so badly.

He always had been sexually active since he was sixteen. His first time was with a guy he met at a party he and Michael attended on their spring break when they were in tenth grade. It was a frat party and he was invited by a friend of a friend of the host.

It was a good excuse to be out and play a little, but Michael was wasted after three cans of beer, he was throwing up after an hour they arrived. He guided his friend to the upstairs bathroom and let him throw his gut out in the toilet.

In a matter of minutes after vomiting, Michael was snoring on the tile of a very pristine bathroom. He was about to help his friend in getting out of the house when a gorgeous guy came inside. He looked down at Brian who was crouching in front of his friend, arching an elegant eyebrow.

Turned out, the guy was the cousin of the host that came all the way from New York. He told Brian that Michael could rest at the guest room he had been using and Brian didn't have to leave the party just because his friend couldn't handle his liquor better. Brian reluctantly agreed and helped his friend to sleep at the guy’s bed.

They went down after that and started dancing and drinking. He learned the guy was in his senior year in college and that he was so interested in getting into Brian's pants. He was starting to kiss Brian's neck while his hands were roaming inside his shirt. 

Brian hadn't had any experience when it came to an actual sex. Yeah, he was fooling around with his gym teacher when he was fourteen, but it was only a mutual blowjobs in the shower. They had done that maybe three times, then his teacher told him that they couldn't do it again.

Then he had engaged himself with few more guys exchanging blowjobs and making out. This was the first time though that he wanted to do more. He felt an unexplainable fire within him and that was how he found himself with the guy on top of him.

It was good for a first time but totally forgettable. If it wasn't his first it wouldn't stick in his mind the minute after it happened.

He played the gay field after that, it was like being reborn, like being in a new world, a world where no father could beat him or a mother that let her son be beaten.

But he had never deserted his studies, he worked so hard to get into the position where he was at the top of his class. It was his goal all his life, to get that academic scholarship for college. And he had done it all by himself.

When he left for college, his perspective had changed. A little fun wouldn't hurt, but he was careful not to let it interfere with his studies. His tricking and the nights out that he sometimes did in his senior years had become almost non existent. 

He got lucky with the scholarship and he didn't want to fuck it up. A college degree would be his only ticket to get away from his miserable home and he'd do anything to achieve what he wanted. 

So, it puzzled him how he became this cynical and jaded. It must be the need for power and acceptance. He was struggling to have that all his life, and even now, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was still in need of his parents’ approval.

Michael had told him about the status of his relationship with his parents and sibling. He had learned that his father was already dead for more than a year, his mother was still an alcoholic and his sister was a cunty homophobe. Michael told Brian that he didn't have a good relationship with them and he hated his family with passion.

He honestly could understand that. At 20, he had already despised his family and wanted to be away from them as much as he could. It wasn't a surprise that he would develop an intense hatred towards them.

As he thought about it though, he acknowledged that it wasn't healthy to keep such a heavy negative emotions all his life. If he became successful, why did it matter to him if he would be accepted by the people who didn't matter? Why would he do such an awful things and stepped on people who were there for him and had helped him to succeed. He couldn't wrap his brain around that logic. Why hadn't Michael, who he was with for 9 years, had let him be this old bitter bastard?

Well, he couldn't really blame Michael for his behavior, but this made him confused even more. Because according to Mikey, he was a loving, attentive and sweet partner to him. 

So, he was an asshole for the rest of the world, but so dreamily in love with Michael. 

He guessed it was possible, but he doubted how in love he was with Michael. After nine years together, how come he didn't ask him to move into his loft? 

Now, that was a blessing in disguise, but, if you really think about it, it was unfathomable to have the love of his life for nine years and hadn't been living together. It was so insensitive of him not to let Michael moved in, say, five years ago. Instead Michael was still living with Emmett for years and years now.

Even Gus didn't escape his cruelty. He just turned over his rights and went on with his pathetic life like it was nothing. It was so hard for him to believe how he had done that, it was unacceptable especially for someone who had promised himself not to be like his father in any way shape or form.

And to put everything in perspective, Brian had given his and Michael's relationship a serious thinking. He thought it was the right thing to do before making any life changing decisions, he at least owe that to them. There was so much at stake if he'd throw it away just like that. 

But he didn't intend on jumping into the relationship just for the sake of Michael either, but he promised himself that he'd think things through.

And he did, he really did since he had been home from the hospital. But then, Michael started talking about it again not even a month from the day he asked for space. The sexual advances had started after that, too.

Brian tried to evaluate his feelings toward his friend. That was mainly the reason he sometimes let Michael be a little intimate with him, like kissing him a little longer than a peck on the mouth, or the subtle touches on his face, neck, back or even his thighs. He wanted to test himself for any reactions.

But as hard as he tried, and he really did try so hard, it wasn't doing anything to him, honestly. If there were any, even after two months of assessing and evaluating everything about Michael and him, it wasn't him being turned on. It was suffocating him.

Then he tried to watch a porn movie one night just to check how he would react, and boy did he get a reaction. He didn't get passed the 10 minute mark and he was beating his cock furiously and coming with a guttural groan. After finishing the 40 minutes movie, Brian had a total of three orgasms. It left him very tired, very sated and sleepy.

When he woke up the next morning, he thought about the meaning of what had happened the other night. Given he hadn't had any sex since his accident, and it was already almost three months. His numerous orgasms weren't all that surprising. But what surprised him the most, was the fact that he got hot all over a porno when he didn't get the same reaction to his own lover of 9 years. What's so wrong with that picture?

But everyone was already in a messed up situation. The lives of the people who loved him, who were there for him, had considerably changed because of his amnesia. And Michael, admittedly, was the one who was there for him even before he met any of their new friends.

If he was with Michael, then he would fight to have that feelings again. He wanted to get to where they were before, but he wanted it to come from deep within him. He needed to feel the emotion of loving him, not forcing himself onto it just because they used to be liked that.

He decided he got the time and he'd wait. He knew it would just be a matter of time before everything would come back to him. 

In the meantime, he'd not get into anything with his friend before he was totally sure. If he could just think of ways on how to stop Michael's advances, it would at least give his mind the peace it was dying to have. Maybe then, he could think things more clearly.

But Michael had always been hard to understand things especially if his mind had already been made about something. Brian was curious how his friend could continue coming onto him when his every attempt was rejected. Surely Michael wasn't that oblivious and could get a hint when someone wasn't into him, right?


	4. Chapter 4

(Continuation from chapter 1)

After Michael left him to his solitary existence, his mind went back to the beautiful blond that he had just met not long ago.

Could he really go after the blond and forget about his 9 years relationship with Michael? He couldn't fathom how a sane person could hurt his ex-partner like that, but Brian had given himself two years already. No one would blame him if he couldn't fall in love with Michael again, wouldn't they?

Instead, in just short amount of time, it was Justin who caught his heart from the first time he saw him. He couldn't explain the feeling, it's so foreign yet so familiar. It felt like he had already felt like this way before, he knew he had felt like this before--so strong and genuine.

Well, that must be his love for Michael then, right?

That realization had saddened him. It made him felt so guilty that he was once so in love with Michael, but now he couldn't find any residual feelings he had for him. What he felt for Justin, as premature as it might seem, was so intense that had rocked him to his core. If his love for Mikey was near to that intensity, Brian was sure as hell doing a colossal mistake throwing the 9 years just like that.

If he'd pursue Justin now, what would happen when his memory came back along with all his feelings for Michael? Would he let Justin go and take Michael back?

God, what had he done so bad in his life to warrant a punishment like this?

He opened the bag and took the banana muffin out. Justin's smile was suddenly flashing in front of him, and just like that his heart was pounding so hard in his chest. Damn, he only met Justin but he was already behaving like he was falling for him. 

He obviously couldn't remember the kind of feelings he had for Michael, but what he had for Justin was something that he knew only come once in a lifetime. It wasn't possible he had felt this way for the second time in his life.

On the other hand, the emotions with this kind of magnitude had frightened him to no end. It was too early to say that he was already in love with Justin but he couldn't deny the fact that he was on his way there. The ship had already started to sail and who knows what it would be like when he got to the other side.

Now, how could he let something as ferocious as he was feeling for Justin to just slip away? It could only be his chance in finding that ‘something’ in which he always said fate would be giving him.

‘But how about your chance with Michael?’ His conscience supplied, making him cringe.

God, he never needed a cigarette so badly than that time. But he finished his last one the other night and forgot to buy one.

He started to eat the muffin, and yes, it was exquisite. His blond had a great taste, he'd give him that. Now, if he just knew how to make Justin agree to go out with him.

He chuckled lightly while peeling the paper wrapping the bottom half of the muffin. Well, that was a great idea, he'd just simply ask the blond out. Damn with the consequences, he was running with his instinct here. He’d tried that more than he cared to admit, especially with his memory still missing and hadn't had any hint of ever coming back. He'd just go to where his heart lead him to, and at that moment it was telling him to go after Justin.

Well, not so fast maybe, he needed to at least give Justin time to know him a little. The guy didn't even know his full name, and vice versa.

With renewed energy and a plan set in motion, he decided to work on his account for awhile.

Later in the afternoon, Emmett called to invite him to have a drink with them at Woody's. He knew it was Michael who's behind the sudden invitation. As much as he was closed to them before the accident, he still couldn't connect with not only Emmett and Ted but also to Mel and Lindsay, even after all this time.

With that missing connection, Brian had rarely go out with them. And he guessed, the guys, except Michael, had stopped asking him to hang out together and they all just drifted away.

Honestly, one thing that he found too hard to sit with his friends, especially Emmett and Ted, sometimes with Mel and Debbie too, was the way they were making jokes about him. He felt that they were always making fun of him that it was almost insulting and degrading, considering they were his friends who were calling him as one of their family.

He knew it wasn't easy and fair to just expect them to adopt and accept the ‘new’ Brian and he couldn't blame them either if they expected him to act like how they knew him before the accident. That was the only Brian they knew, the only Brian that they could connect with. They were used to him being an asshole and he was letting them to tell him that on his face, anytime they fancied to.

But that Brian didn't exist anymore. He wasn't going to let even close friends insulting him right into his face. He wouldn't tolerate anyone, not Melanie nor Debbie, to call him names whether in private or public and most especially in front of Gus.

He didn't understand why his thirty one year old self was letting these so called friends treating him this way. He must be some kind of masochist to live a life like this. He thought he had already escaped his miserable home, but looking at his new one, it wasn't really much different from what he had with his parents. 

So, he mostly just sit around in his loft on his free time. He'd rather work on his computer, or watched a classic movies on his television or take a ride on the streets of Pittsburgh than to hear them insulting him. The nights were Michael left him alone were the nights that he had enjoyed the most.

Because of him being distant, his friends seemed to just go on with their lives and left him to his now boring solitary way. Well, it wasn't that bad being away from them, he honestly had more peace of mind when he was confined to himself, actually. His mind was jumbled as it was and didn't need anymore stress to his already tangled brain. 

One of the things that infuriated him was their insinuation that Brian would fuck anything that moves. He knew he had sex with a number of people especially when he was in his senior high, but he was wise enough to know that it wouldn't work when he wanted to finish his college degree. He was lucky if he could find time to go tricking one night a week three months to his freshman year.

He supposed could trick more when he was already established in his career, but if he could believe his friends it seemed like he had his way to almost all the gay boys in Pittsburgh. So, he became a slut and had been known as the stud of Liberty avenue, and because of that they all just expect him to fall right into it without batting an eyelash.

The first time he heard about it, Brian was frozen to his seat. He couldn't imagine himself being that callous especially when he was in a long term relationship. Did they mean he was blatantly cheating on Michael when they were together? How could Michael describe him as loving and attentive partner when he was screwing around right under his nose?

He could still remember how he wanted to react that time, how he was so angry with himself that he would stoop so low and treat his life partner of nine years like shit. He wanted to shake and yell at Michael for letting him do that to him. How could he just sat and accepted this kind of humiliation? God, he was really an asshole.

But he didn't react in any way at that time. He was so ashamed that he just kept quiet and let them laugh and reminisce his incomparable ‘conquests’. While he was simmering silently, a very young man was obviously hitting on him and seductively making eyes from across the floor. 

Ted snorted as they were witnessing the guy trying to get Brian's attention, then he said Brian's type seemed to get more younger and younger these days. He couldn't sit with them after that and left Woody's like the devil was on his heels. What was Ted trying to tell him? The guy looked like he was less than eighteen. Did he actually had sex with minors before?

When he saw Michael the next day, he asked him if Ted and Emmett were telling the truth. He wanted to know if he was a lying, cheating bastard who fucked just anyone right in front of his partner. He asked Michael how he could still picture him like he was this devoted, perfect partner who couldn't do wrong, when in fact it was the total opposite? How could Michael let himself be trampled on for this long? Everything was just driving Brian insane.

To his horror, Michael just smiled and calmly told him that it was their mutual decision to be non-monogamous. He said, they started a monogamous relationship, but after couple of years they thought they needed some spice to keep their passion to each other. Michael assured him that they were both okay with it. Brian's tricking was only that, just tricking.

That thought had bothered him for a while and the whole thing had made sense when he remembered a few weeks ago when a client came onto him after he made his presentation. The thought of having sex with clients in his office, with all the employees who worked with him just outside the door was so revolting.

He politely turned the client down, who luckily accepted it with grace. The guy was actually hot in his mid thirties, but he couldn't disrespect a client like that, even though he was the one who propositioned him. The client had apologized then, saying he heard that Brian was giving some of the clients another brilliant private performances. 

It turned his stomach out thinking he was using sex as a way of getting more clients. He'd stick with what he was good at, his idea for a great campaign and not his libido.

He didn't think much of it after that, because he thought the client was just actually saving his face and hadn't had any basis for his assumptions.

Now, it all made sense after Michael told him that they were actually fucking other people. But what he couldn't understand, how come they needed to spice up their sex lives if they were great together?

They must be both so secure with what they had not to be threatened with numerous tricks. Because if he would analyze what the ‘dynamic duo’ had been saying, he was on his way fucking through the next state because he already did almost all the gay population in Pittsburgh.

He kind of loved to have sex when he was twenty, but it wasn't the center of his life, and he couldn't imagine fucking thousands of men in eleven years. That thought terrified him. He knew he could have contracted a sexually transmitted diseases if he had that much sexual partners in years. He could have given it to Michael, too. What a devil had he become?

Then, the thing with the lesbians weren't much better either even after two years. Brian could feel the frustration, disappointment and even aggravation Lindsay was having towards him. He didn't do anything to cater any of Lindsay's sentiments and that made her silently fuming. His reticence and detachment were more evident as the days went by. He wasn't the Peter she was always telling Brian about, the Peter who she had successfully mold to her liking and had been eating on the palm of her hand.

That drove her away from him and Brian was just fine with that. He was so uncomfortable around Lindsay and never let his guard down around her. He was honestly still trying to find out how they became best friends when they didn't really have anything in common. Well, he couldn't say Michael and him had something in common besides being gay, but Mikey was like the only gay boy that was out in their entire school and was severely bullied. Brian was kind of feeling protective of him being a gay boy himself.

Regarding Melanie, she was a little uncertain about him always asking time to visit Gus. At first, after the accident, she had no problem with it. But as months passed by and he was still constantly visiting and taking Gus to the park or zoo, she became this threatened mother lion. 

They had butted heads several times and honestly he couldn't blame Mel. He couldn't blame her trepidation because he was always this cold, dropped in dad for two years, then he'd suddenly become this doting father to their kid. That must have given her head an alarm. Even after two years, she still didn't trust him. It was like she was waiting for him to revert to his old ways and dropped his son like a hot potato.

About Debbie, she was single handedly taking care of Vic since he was battling with his disease. Brian later on find out, that he was HIV positive. That scared him so much especially after learning from Michael that they weren't monogamous. He fled to the nearest clinic and had himself tested, he encouraged Michael to do it too.

Thank god, the results came back negative. He was so scared that he made himself a promise to be safe and took this thing like HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases seriously. Not that he believed he was taking it lightly before, because God forbid, he would have been already positive if he wasn't so careful with the numbers of men he had bedded.

Vic was not in a good condition for a long time now. When he thought it was bad seeing him after his accident, now was a lot worse. Vic had been hospitalized three times in a span of twelve months due to his fluctuating T cell counts resulting from the rejection of his body to his combination of drugs. His doctors had changed the cocktail several times now but it would always have the same reaction.

Then he met Rodney when he was hospitalized the second time around. Like Vic, Rodney was also HIV positive but his body had a better response with his cocktail thus his T cell count was great. After Vic’s third visit to the hospital though, he and Rodney decided that they wanted to move in together and that made Debbie gone mad.

She was non stop ranting about it since then, and it didn't lessen even after six months of Vic moving out. Brian couldn't understand her reaction, it baffled him why she couldn't just be happy with what Vic wanted to do with the remaining days of his life. 

Realistically, they all knew that it was just a matter of time. Vic wasn't really doing so well. So, why would you disagree and challenge a sick man’s wishes? He wanted to be with his boyfriend, plain and simple. Who was Debbie to question it? She might be the one who helped him through his sufferings, but Debbie shouldn't think that Vic owe it to her that he lived.

Instead of supporting his brother and letting him have this last chance in finding his happiness with the man that he loved, she was furious with him. Debbie didn't hide how she felt about her baby brother and always made sure that he knew every chance she got. She was doing this just because he had chosen to live away from her and moved in with his boyfriend.

This kind of attitude from Debbie was what made him so withdrawn from her. Brian knew she had helped him a lot especially when he was still living with his parents and he could actually see that she was sincerely worried about his condition. But being so cruel to your own sick brother didn't sit well with him. 

The fact that they all seemed couldn't connect like they used to, Sunday dinner at Debbie turned into an awkward event that everyone seemingly so out of place. It started with him being so quiet and detached. After few more dinners, his friends had started to get used to him being reticent and their incessant chatters had come back full force.

He rarely participate with their gossipings and he'd rather want to play with Gus in a corner than listening to Emmett's fictional tales about his aunt Lula or how hot and hung the new stud of Liberty avenue was.

But the thing that drove him away from her was her sharp tongue lashing out without so much care who might be listening. 

She had done this quite a few times with him even Gus was around. The first time she did it, Brian reacted in a not so polite way and remained silent the rest of the dinner. When she did it the next time, he didn't eat with them on the table instead he sat with Gus on the couch and read him a children's book. When Melanie finished her meal, he gave Gus to her and left Debbie's house without any word. 

From then on, his attendance at the Sunday dinner had dwindled down considerably. Debbie tried to make peace the few times they had clashed due to running her mouth without thinking, but she also seemed to have a hard time adjusting to this ‘new’ Brian. She must be used in getting her way with the ‘old’ one.

After six months from the accident, everyone was used to Brian attending the dinner once a month, sometimes none at all. No one was questioning it anymore, except for Michael, who was still a daily visitor to his loft. 

With the exception of Michael and Gus, who he visited almost every other day, Brian hadn't had any contact with the gang saved for some few phone calls from Debbie to invite him for Sunday dinner.

So, for the past two years, he had never really adjusted to his so called family and friends. Not even one of them. He was much a loner these days, and he was fine with that.

So, Emmett calling him wanting to hangout, his idea or not, still surprised him. Nevertheless, he agreed to meet them at Woody's at seven. It was way too long since he went out with any of his friends.

When he arrived, Michael was waving at him from the corner booth with Ted and Emmett. He sat at the one available seat beside Mikey who kissed him on his mouth even before he settled down.

“Brian, I'm glad you came.” He said beaming up at him.

“Well, Emmett, invited me.” He shifted his head to look at him. “Honestly, I'm glad you called Emmett, thank you.”

Emmett gasped and Ted was looking at him like he just grew a second head. “Did Brian Kinney just say thank you, Emmett?”

“Yeah, he just did, Teddy. The end must be nearing and I still yet to find my true love.”

See, this was why he didn't go out with them anymore. They would make a simple thank you a huge deal, making him out as ill mannered and a grade A asshole. 

Well, he could be, and he probably was one. He could be a bank robber for all he knew, but the fact that he wasn't acting like that this past two years, was consciously being ignored. They wouldn't shut up about the asshole Brian that they knew and loved, though.

He stayed silent just like he always did when he was out with them, drinking his beer trying to think of a better ways to talk to Justin the next time he saw him. Emmett was talking non stop while Michael was trying to subtlety feel him under the table. It started on his thigh, running up to his crotch. Typical Michael.

He dislodged Michael's hand a couple of times, but he'd always find its way back up. He was so irate that Michael couldn't even respect his wishes, much less doing it in public places, which he knew Brian would refrain from calling him out on it.

The fifth time Ted was pointing out a hot guy eye fucking him, he finally stood up and told them that he had an early morning and had to go home.

Emmett and Ted just nodded while Michael had ran after him which he already had anticipated. He caught up with him when he was on the stairs, asking Brian about his decision.

Michael didn't waste any time, did he? He actually could feel him vibrating next to him as if he was expecting Brian to confess his undying love. Well, he actually had decided what he was going to do. He was going to pursue Justin and give it a chance. As the saying goes, ‘follow your heart and you'll never be lost’.

On the other hand, he couldn't humiliate Michael with so many people around them telling him what he had decided. He still regarded him as his best friend and Michael deserved to be treated better than putting him in shame by officially breaking up with him in public. They were together for nine years, for god sake. 

He knew he needed to sit him down and get him to understand he was ending things with them for good. It was actually over since couple of years ago, and they both need to close that chapter of their lives and Brian wanted them to part in a mutual friendly way. It might be hard to make Michael understand, that was why he needed to talk to him in the right time and right place. And it wasn't that night, unfortunately. 

He very well knew he couldn't invite his friend to his loft and tell him about his decision that late in the evening. Michael would cry for hours and it wouldn't be safe to let him go and drive home after that. He couldn't let him stay the night in his place either, it wasn't up for discussion. He knew Michael didn't respect personal boundaries, break up or not, he'd be crawling into his bed as soon as he closed his eyes.

The next best thing was to tell him he still hadn't decided yet, and that was what he did. Michael pouted and gave him that puppy dog eyes, moving forward then resting his hands on Brian's waist looking up from his lashes.

“Why do you need to think too much, babe. You and me, it's inevitable. Let me come home with you and you can make love to me tonight. It's been so long, and I missed you so much.”

Brian took a step backward, shaking his head. “No, Michael. I already told you, we can't. Please, just--” he sighed in defeat, “I need to go home.” Michael was expectantly looking at him with his big brown eyes. “Alone.”

He turned and walked away from his friend. He had already decided, and he knew it would affect his friendship with Michael in a great deal, but he needed to do it.

The next morning, he woke up just as the sun rises. He took a shower and donned himself in his dark brown suit. At exactly 7:30 am, he was pushing the door to the Starbucks that was twenty five minutes away from his loft. He actually passed four Starbucks on his way to this one. This place was practically on the other side of the city.

As he pushed the door, he automatically saw the only person that made him drive this far, who was taking an order from a customer. The line was surprisingly short considering it was a Monday morning. He walked to the end of the line and stood patiently waiting for his turn.

His initial plan was to skip that day from coming to the shop, instead he'd be coming the day after. But when he was lying down in his bed the other night, he knew he couldn't last that long without seeing Justin.

The blond delightedly smiled at him as soon as he saw Brian. “Hey, Brian, good morning.”

That simple greetings made him weak on his knees.

“Good morning, Justin. How are you?”

“I'm great, thanks! What can I get you today?”

“Oh, uh, black coffee.”

“Anything else?”

“A muffin, definitely a banana muffin.”

“So, you like it, too, huh?” Justin smiled widely. God, he was so beautiful.

“Absolutely, great recommendation. Thanks.”

The blond chuckled and the sound had caressed something inside of him.

“You're welcome, Brian. Let me get your orders.”

He nodded and Justin turned his back on him. Brian looked over his shoulder and saw it was only one customer after him.

He took a deep breath as Justin came back with a cup and brown bag. When the blond rang his bill, he took the last bit of his courage and asked, “Are you working everyday, Justin?”

Justin glanced up at him, Brian could tell he was surprised by the question, but his lips curled up a bit before answering. “Yeah, 7 to 1, daily, well, except for Wednesday and Saturday.”

“Oh, uh, great. I mean, I like coming here.”

“That's good, but I haven't seen you here before yesterday since I started working over a year ago.” He noticed Justin was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“Well, yeah. Yesterday was my first time on this part of town. But I think I'm getting my coffees here from now on.” He smiled a bit looking down feeling a little embarrassed.

“I'm glad you'll be coming here from now on, Brian.”

That got his attention. Glancing up, he found Justin smiling widely and it made him feel at ease.

“You are?”

Justin nodded biting his lower lip. “It's 8.75.”

“Oh, right. Uh, wait.” He fished his wallet and took a 20 dollar bill. “Keep the change.”

“Thanks.”

“You're Welcome, Justin.”

“Are you two finished flirting with each other? I want to have a coffee before the sunset, you know.” The girl from behind Brian said irritatingly.

The other barista guy standing behind Justin snorted, but he had a playful expression while looking between him and the blond.

“I'm sorry.” They both said at the girl at the same time, it made the guy behind Justin burst out laughing.

“Damn, you two are even synchronized. That's really cute.” He jokingly said. Brian smiled at him and looked at the blond again who were flushing from neck to his face.

“Stop it, Seth.” He then turned to Brian. “Have a nice day, Brian.”

Brian kept smiling and nodded, “You too, Justin. See you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

Brian walked out of the shop with spring in his toes. He liked feeling like this, it was refreshing, so new yet so familiar. He knew he'd done the right decision of going after Justin. He'd just need to make sure the guy wasn't dating anyone, and he'd agree going out with him.

The thought of him and Justin dating made his face broke out into a huge smile. He not only like to date Justin, he wanted them to be together, like partners. Yeah, his life partner. God, how much he'd like them to be like that. It was so premature to think so ahead when they weren't even more than just an acquaintance. But it was also crazy to want someone like he did Justin.

The encounters he had with Justin, so far, had been great actually. Brian found Justin to be the kind of guy that made you feel comfortable talking with them. He had this unexplainable calming effect on him, though his chest wouldn't stop pounding, he just felt like Justin had touched something deep inside him.

He'd surely be at the shop everyday from now on. He wanted to know Justin better and made him feel at ease with him. Hopefully soon, they would see each other outside of it, too.

God, he'd do anything to be able to hold Justin’s hand. He didn't even want to know what kissing him would do to Brian.

The next day, he went back a little bit earlier. He was hoping the shop was empty, or at least had only a few customers like the day before. He wanted to ask Justin to sit with him for few minutes, if that was possible.

When he came, he was lucky enough to have only three people on the line, and they were all in their running outfits as it was only five after seven. He was awake at six and had his shower, donning in just a streetwear of faded jeans and a white T-shirt. He'd just go back home after his coffee and get dressed for work.

He patiently stood at the line waiting for his turn. He kind of space out thinking how he would ask Justin to sit with him even just for few minutes. But then he heard him calling his name from his side. When he looked up, he found him with a tray on his hands gesturing for him to follow as he walked to the plushy chairs on the far corner of the shop.

Justin put the tray down on the table and sat on one side. Brian looked back at the counter and saw the guy, Seth, he thought that was his name, winked at him playfully. He smiled and nodded his silent gratitude.

He sat on the other side of the table and stared at Justin who was on the process of stirring sugar in his coffee. “I hope you don't mind me ordering for you, Brian.” He said a little apprehensively.

He shook his head and gave the blond beauty in front of him a smile that said he appreciated the gesture.

“No, no. I'm glad that you did this. I was actually going to ask if we can sit together for few minutes.”

Justin stared at him quietly, then his face broke out into a smile after few moments. “You were?”, Justin asked with a bit of amazement in his voice. When Brian nodded his affirmation, he added, “Well, as they say, great minds think alike.”

There was a comfortable silence for a while as they quietly sipped and ate their breakfast.

“Justin, uh, I want to properly introduce myself. I'm Brian Kinney.”

“Justin Taylor.” Justin said, his voice had lost that energy all of a sudden.

“Your name suits you, you know.” He said conversationally, smiling a little, he couldn't take his eyes off of Justin, though.

Feeling a bit bolder, he bit his lower lip and asked the one thing that he had been thinking since the night before. “Uh, I know you are off duty tomorrow, and don't take this the wrong way or think that I'm too straight forward, but can I see you? I mean, just for lunch, if it's okay or if you are available.” The last words were being said to have its intended double meaning, and they were both aware of that. 

Justin was silent for few seconds, swallowing his muffin and smiled. 

“Sure, Brian. Let me give you my address, wait.” He stood up and took a pen and a piece of paper from the counter and wrote something on it, giving it to Brian when he sat back on the chair.

“You are living near the community college. Are you studying there?” He remembered the first time he saw him, it was in a coffee shop near to it.

“Yeah, I'm taking a few art courses there.”

“You're an artist.” Not a question. Something was telling him that Justin was a good one. He didn't know where that came from.

He nodded, “So, see you tomorrow at 12:30?”

He sucked on his lips and pocketed the paper. “Yeah, I'll be at your apartment at exactly 12:30. You like Italian food?”

“Anything, I eat anything, don't worry.” He chortled. “Uh, I need to get back to work. It's nice to eat breakfast with you, Brian.” He broke out into his beautiful smile again that made Brian's chest go pitter pat.

“Yeah, me too. Thank you, Justin.” He smiled back, “How much do I owe you for the food?”

“No, please. It's on me. I'm on an employee discount.” He chuckled again, crinkling his nose that Brian wanted to kiss so desperately.

“Okay, thanks again. I hope I didn't insult you by asking that.”

Justin shook his head and said that it didn't.

“I'll see you tomorrow.” 

Justin whispered a soft “Yeah”, then they smiled at each other for a while. But Justin needed to go back to his work and so he stood up, throwing his use cup in the waste bin, then walking to the counter again. The line was starting to pick up, and in few minutes he knew the blond would be busy.

He stood up after watching him for few moments, collecting his own empty cup and dunked it on the same waste bin that Justin used few minutes ago.

He gave the blond a last glance before stepping out of the shop. When he did, he found Justin was looking at him with something he couldn't read in his eyes. But then he waved and beamed at him so radiantly. Brian waved back at him and smiled before opening the door.

God, this must've been how it feels to be in heaven. He was so jubilant and couldn't get Justin out of his head. He was seriously thinking that his face would permanently twisted for smiling this much. 

Goodness, he felt like a kid who would be going on a date for the first time. As a matter of fact, he was really going on a date with a guy he was deeply enamored with. He couldn't believe that he had asked Justin out the next day and it was definitely a date, a lunch date but still a date and he was over the fucking moon.

The day flew by so fast. He was riding his high all the way through his evening and even when Michael showed up at his loft unannounced, he was too elated to be pissed off. He even ordered them a dinner from the Thai restaurant nearby and ate together that made Michael so happy.

What Brian had forgotten from having this good mood and spending it with Michael, was the fact that it was being misinterpreted feeding Michael's head more about resuming their once interrupted relationship. He was so certain that the tall brunet had already decided on getting back together.

But Brian hadn't said anything throughout the whole evening. Michael hadn't even tried any intimate moves feeling how close he was in getting Brian. He didn't want to fuck up their night by coming strongly onto him. A little more patience was what he needed to have. Brian was coming back to him but he should wait for him to broach the subject though. He could have at least play being confident and wait for Brian to make it happen. And it would happen.

Though, God knows how he wanted Brian to touch him, kiss him, fuck him into the mattress. But he wouldn't wait for too long now, Brian seemed to be coming into his senses. It was like he was in another zone that evening, seemed to be more relaxed and tranquil. He was glad he made Brian feel like that, they were always good together since they were fourteen. He always knew they would end up together, he'd known that since the first time he saw him.

And it seemed, the long wait was almost over. He would finally have the one thing that he'd always wanted. He knew they inevitably be together, it wasn't really a question, it was just a matter of time.


	5. Chapter 5

Justin's place wasn't the safest one, he admitted. He remembered living in a street almost similar to this when he was in college. Being a college student was still fresh in his mind that he knew how he counted every single penny he could save for rent, books, kerosene for his truck, and clothing. Fortunately, he was lucky enough to be spared from paying his tuition fees due to his excellent academic performances.

Justin seemed to be one of those people who wanted to do it by himself, just like Brian was. Well, even though he wanted to have his parents’ support he couldn't very well have them. His father was so against with him going to college. He wanted Brian to take the job at the same factory that he had been working for many, many years.

Brian was so determined in getting out of that house. Even he was struggling to pay his rent, to buy food and things for school, he just worked longer in order to sustain himself until he graduated. 

Justin must be struggling like he did in college, and more if he was paying his tuition too. Community college might be cheaper than the rest of the university in Pittsburgh, but it was still big money especially for a college student.

For a fleeting moment, he thought about Justin's family. Maybe the time would come when they'd become closer to each other and could share some important parts of their lives. Brian would want that, he would really want that with Justin. He was also aware that if this thing between them would go like Brian had wanted them to be, he had a lot of very important things to tell Justin.

He just hoped he wouldn't scare the young man away. He knew it wasn't easy to deal with someone who had been missing eleven years of his life. It would be a big risk for Justin getting involved with him, any sane person would be wary enough to start having a relationship with someone like him. Someone who was in a long term non-monogamous relationship that he had yet to officially break up with. 

The other night was actually a perfect night for him to break it all out to Michael. It was a great evening just hanging out together, like what he had always remembered them being. He was still feeling wonderful about having lunch with Justin the next day that he guessed he had forgotten about the ‘issue’ for a while. Because for once, all throughout the evening, Michael was behaving like the Michael he knew when he was twenty.

He didn't know what to do if Justin couldn't accept him with his medical condition. Or if it turned out to be too risky for Justin knowing when he got his memory back, it could very well bring his feelings for Michael too. And if he was going to be with Justin, he needed to be opened with him. Justin deserved to know the risk he was taking in being with him. 

Now, with him sitting outside the blond’s apartment thinking of not seeing that beautiful face ever again, it hurt him more than he could possibly thought.

He took a deep breath before opening his truck and headed to Justin’s apartment building. It was in third floor without elevator.

Justin opened the door with a sweet smile on his face after a firm knock. He reached up to kiss Brian's cheek that had actually surprised the brunet.

“Hey, Brian. You want to come inside for a while?” Justin was looking as surprised as well.

He nodded silently. He honestly couldn't say anything because his cheek was still tingling with sensation. It was only a kiss to his cheek and he was already speechless. What would a kiss to his lips would do to him? God forbid if he would faint.

“Nice apartment.” He complimented.

“Thanks. It's small, but it serves its purpose. A room to sleep, kitchen to cook, living room to sit and a spare room where I can paint anytime the mood strikes me.”

He nodded his head in agreement. Then he remembered the box in his hands. 

“Oh, I forgot, this is for you.”

Justin was looking down at the box like it would bite him. Brian was starting to think that he had done something wrong when Justin took it from him and smiled shyly at Brian.

“You didn't have to give me anything, Brian.” Justin was sounding a bit emotional.

“I know, but I wanted to. I hope you'll like them.”

Justin glanced down to the box and see that it was a chocolate. He was actually surprised by the name of the chocolate more than the gift itself. He had tried this one before and knew it was locally made which impressed him a lot that Brian didn't splurge in those ridiculously expensive imported ones. He liked how unpretentious and unassuming Brian was showing with this simple gift.

“Thank you. This is one of the best chocolates that I have tasted.”

“One of my guilty pleasures, too.” Brian smiled and turned to check the place. 

The apartment was small, but it was clean saved for some new canvasses leaning on the wall and plastic bags full of paint cans. 

Then his attention was caught by the painting on the wall just above the sofa. It was an abstract one. Ordinarily, you'd just see a swirling of blue, orange, brown and red. But, the emotions it elicited from within him was overwhelming. It was stunningly beautiful yet the desolation it manifested had made his heart broken.

“Why do I feel like crying just looking at this painting?” He whispered.

Justin was silent for a while, “Maybe because I painted it with tears.” He replied, “Literally.”

Brian turned to look at him and saw the bubbly young man was suddenly melancholic. A flashed of despair had crossed his face. He couldn't help but walked to Justin and caught him in his arms. He didn't want to know what or who broke this young man’s heart. It ached to even contemplate that Justin was with someone else before him.

After a while, Justin looked up at his face shyly, “Sorry. I didn't mean to be sad when we are going on our first-- uh, is this a date, Brian?”

He tightened his hold on the young blond in his arms looking affectionately down at him. “Yeah, this is definitely a date. The first one of many. If you like.”

Justin beamed up at him, “Yeah, I like that, Brian.” Then he surprisingly reached up to plant a soft kiss on his lips.

It was just a soft peck, but Justin's lips was as soft as cotton and Brian wanted more, so much more that he was aching all over, but he knew he shouldn't. He didn't want Justin to think that he only wanted to bed him. Well, of course he was dying to make love to him, but he'd be patient and wait for the right time. And that day wasn't the right time.

“Let's go?” Brian quietly asked. 

When Justin nodded licking his suddenly dry lips, Brian closed his eyes and kissed his forehead.

They pulled away from each other, then Justin caught Brian's hand and lead him to the door.

When they were inside his pickup, Justin was eyeing the interior of the car. “Nice ride, Brian.”

“Yeah, I had one like this when I was in college. I thought it would be hot to have the newest model. The first one I had was made in the eighties.”

“Yeah, it's a great car. I'm surprised you're not driving a sports car.”

“I had a corvette once.” He simply said. 

Justin was looking at him expectantly, like he was waiting for him to elaborate, maybe. But he wasn't ready to tell him about the accident, he would, just not now. “But I like this one better.” He added.

“You seem to be out of place with that exquisite suit in my neighborhood, huh?” He chuckled lightly.

“Nah, that's okay. I used to live in a street similar to this when I was in college.”

He brought Justin to the best Italian restaurant in Pittsburgh. He had dined in before with Gardner and Mr. Leo Brown, and he found the place and food to be one of the best he ever had.

Justin was kind of caught off guard, whispering to him as they were walking to their table that it must be expensive dining there. He held the young man’s hand in his and told him that he just want the best for Justin.

As they sat and ordered, Justin was still squirming in his seat. He wanted him to feel comfortable, so Brian held his hand that was on the table and gently ran his thumb on it.

“Hey, Justin, relax.” He continued to softly caress his hand.

“Brian, I don't want you to spend too much on me. A diner would suffice, you know.”

“I know, but this is our first date. I want it to be memorable. Don't worry too much, okay?”

“But--”

“Okay, I guess, I need to tell you something about me. And I want to know you better, too.” He moved his chair closer to Justin and held his hand again. “To stop you from worrying about finances, I'm going to tell you where I work. I'm working at Vanguard agency as a senior advertising executive. I'm a partner now, too.”

“Wow, that's great, Brian. You seem to be so successful at the young age.”

“Thank you. I'm almost 33, so, I guess I have done my dues. I worked there for the last 11 years.”

Their food came at that moment, and Brian unwillingly released Justin's hand. They started to eat when he asked Justin his age.

“I'm 21. I'm on my third year in college. Hopefully, I'll graduate after 2 more semesters.”

The meal was exquisite and they stayed for more than an hour just talking about anything. It was so easy talking to Justin, he wasn't so overtly inquisitive. He'd let you talk about things that you wanted to discuss and never pried on things that was too private. It was kind of refreshing actually especially when he was always with Michael who was nosey and a man who didn't have the word boundary in his vocabularies.

But sadly, he needed to go back to the office again. But it made him ecstatic that Justin seemed to enjoy the lunch date they had and forgot about his worry about finances.

But as they were walking out of the restaurant, Justin suddenly said, “Brian, I really appreciate you dining me in this elegant place but I don't want you to think that I will expect this kind of expensive treatment from you from now on.”

Brian held Justin's arm and stopped him from walking. “I still don't know much about you, Justin, but I can already say that I know you're the type of guy that can't be bought by money. Please don't think anything like that if I'd bring you to places like this. I actually liked this place and I just want to share it with you.”

Justin nodded and said that he understood, but he still wanted Brian to know that he'd be happy with McDonald’s or a hotdog stand. Brian chuckled heartily, then kissed Justin's forehead. He could swear right then and there that he fell in love with Justin.

He drove him to his apartment and insisted on walking his date up to his floor. After exchanging numbers, Brian leaned down to give Justin a sweet kiss on his mouth. He didn't really know where he was getting this new boldness he possessed.

“See you tomorrow for breakfast?” Brian softly asked.

Justin bit his lower lip and Brian thought it was the sexiest thing that he'd ever seen.

“Yeah. Thanks for the best date ever, Brian.”

“Really?” When Justin nodded, he leaned back down and kissed him once again.

Brian lost it when Justin deepened the kiss and brought one hand to his jaw, softly running his thumb. The kiss was so light, yet it was so passionate. He mostly just gently nipped on Justin's lips, but it was the best kiss he had to date. He swear he was levitating from the floor.

“Wow…” Brian dazedly said after they pulled apart.

“Yeah…” Justin answered, which wasn't really faring that much.

Then they both cracked up at how cliché they were being. Brian held Justin's face again, looking him straight in the eyes thinking that he might have just found the one for him.

“See you.” He gave the still plump lips a peck and turned to walk.

“Brian…” Justin called.

“Hmm?” He turned to ask.

“Take care.”

Brian smiled and nodded.

Brian was floating the rest of the afternoon. He couldn't believe that he was a nervous wreck just the other day, but then he actually had gone on a date with Justin. God, it was so surreal. And to think the young man had actually enjoyed his company, too, was just an added bonus.

His great mood had continued through the evening and hadn't diminished even a bit when Michael called and talked to him for a while. Brian's voice still had that cheerful sound that had Michael's excitement skyrocketed. 

When Brian was in his bed ready to retire for the night, his mind went to the only person who was in his thoughts all day. And in an instant, an idea came to him. Not a second later, he was texting Justin.

“Hey, Justin. Still awake?”

His phone vibrated almost instantly.

“Still wide awake. What's up?”

“I was just going to offer you a ride to your work tomorrow morning.”

“You don't have to, Brian. It's too early.”

“I know, but I want to. It's not that early and I'm going there to have breakfast with you, remember?”

“Yeah, are you sure it's okay? I'm okay riding the bus. Honestly.”

“I'm sure. By the way, are you sure it's okay for you to take a few minutes to sit with me?”

“Yeah, we can go a little bit earlier than my schedule if you want. That way, I don't need to hurry up. If it's not too early for you.”

“Yeah, that's better I think. I don't want you to get into trouble at your work.”

“Thanks for being thoughtful.”

“You're welcome. So, is six am alright with you?”

“Yeah, we could at least sit and ACTUALLY talk:)”

“Perfect. I'll be at your place at six. See you. Good night, Justin.”

“Good night, Brian.”

***

Justin was on the side of the road when he got there. After exchanging a morning greetings, they were on their way to the shop. When they arrived, Brian ordered for them while Justin snatched the same table that they had the other day.

It was a pleasant morning especially when he started it with someone he admittedly cared a lot. He was now more at ease holding Justin's hand and he even once kissed it after laughing from the blond’s funny joke, as they sat side by side.

Unfortunately, Justin needed to start working when the clock hits seven o'clock. He gave Brian a soft kiss on his lips before standing up to help Seth with their customers.

Brian left after ten more minutes of watching Justin behind the counter, then he waved as he opened the door and walked out.

His day got even better when he stopped by Mel and Lindsay’s place after his work to visit Gus.

By the next day, while sipping their morning coffees and holding each other's hands, Brian asked Justin if he could take him to another lunch date that day after his work.

Justin told him that he was available until his class at 3 PM and asked in return if it was okay for Brian to spend another long lunch break with him.

“I'm a partner, remember?”

“Yeah, I forgot you're one of the bosses.” He said good naturedly.

“Actually, I always have lunches and dinners even breakfast meetings with clients. And being a partner means I don't have that nine to five working hours anymore. My working hour is normally ten hours per day and I'm okay with that. I never take my responsibilities so lightly and I loved working together with my team, working like the rest of them and not just giving orders.”

“You're a good man, Brian Kinney.” Justin said kissing him on his lips.

“Now, if I'm going to spend some of my lunch breaks with you, and believe me when I say it doesn't take longer than I usually did with my clients, I think it's very well compensated with the extra time I spend at the office. So, it's all good, okay? Besides, we can always have dinner date when lunch isn't possible.”

“Or we can just hang out at my place and I can cook for you.” Justin smiled radiantly.

“Or that. I really would love that, Justin. I love spending time with you.” He said after giving the young man a peck on his lips that he seemed couldn't get enough.

“Me too, Brian.”

***

Brian surprised Justin by bringing him to McDonald's that lunchtime. He chose the one near the community college and had sat there with Justin for over an hour. Brian hadn't expected to be so jovially eating a hamburger at lunch and didn't really mind at all because the company was exceptional.

Being with Justin was like freedom. He could be just himself when he was with Justin and it was actually refreshing to know that someone could like who he was and not the one who he used to be.

He drove the young man to the campus after their lunch and shared a sweet kiss before Justin hopped out of the truck.

Brian was really ecstatic and he found that he loved having this feeling, the feeling to be this carefree with someone who seemed to understand him.

Despite his medical condition, Brian still feel so fortunate that he met Justin. He knew he was already falling for the young man and he couldn't do anything except wishing that Justin would fall for him, too.

***

Michael came to Brian's loft that night, bringing a bucket of KFC fried chicken. To his surprise, Brian ate three pieces of chicken drumstick and a square of chocolate brownies. Michael was so delighted that Brian seemed to be so calmed and happy. He was smiling more that night than he had in the past two years. 

This was it, this was the beginning to their relationship again. Michael could feel it in every Brian's smile, the way he looked at him and just how he was with him. He knew the day was coming and he almost couldn't contain himself not to jump on Brian.

They ended the night after the movie they were watching was over. Michael desperately wanted to ask about Brian's decision but thought better of it. He quietly made his way to the door and Brian had actually told him, “Good night, Mikey. Take care on your way home.”

He felt his heart had soared so high that he could have actually been flying. Michael was beginning to see the appeal of this new Brian, the subdued and low key outlook, he thought they could just be perfect together.

Michael stayed restless the whole night. He was berating himself for not seizing the moment while he had the clear opening, but Brian's easy going attitude these past few days were just so good that he honestly had been enjoying. But he knew he should have insisted and demand right then and there that they have to talk about officially being together again. He wasn't going to let Brian disregard his proper place in his life.

Michael let out a sigh, he was a man on mission. He'd talk to Brian the next day and he wouldn't take no or another excuse for an answer. He’d make sure of that.

***

Brian woke up early the next day with a boost of energy from the fiery dream that he had the night before. He knew Justin wasn't working that day and he'd actually had his rare days that he could just sleep in, but for some reason he was already wide awake at quarter after five in the morning.

He decided to go to gym and used his energy to his advantage. He arrived just before six and he was glad that the place was almost deserted save for a couple of guys running on the treadmill.

He loved going to the gym. He loved how his muscles were working and livened up his entire body. This was one of his favorite stress reliever or even just to pass the time. He still got some men coming on to him at the steam room but most of them already know that it wasn't going to happen.

He wasn't saying he was totally celibate in the past two years. He had sex for the first time after the accident when he went to his first out of town trip to present a campaign to a toy company in Detroit. The concierge had given him the name of the most relevant gay clubs and he decided the one that called ‘Gigi’s’.

A few men asked him for a dance and some were even kind enough to buy him a drink. Then one young man, with dirty blond hair, approached him and asked him for a dance. Brian found the guy so hot and he couldn't ignore the heat that had grown in his groin anymore.

He took the guy with him to his hotel room, fucking him hard twice.

But as much as he got off and his sexual needs had abated, he couldn't say he was truly satisfied even though his bed partner seemed to know what he was doing in bed.

But looking at the guy sleeping next to him made him feel like there was something wrong with the scenario. Not that having sex was wrong, but it was about the blond guy sleeping in his bed. It almost felt like he was sleeping with a wrong guy, which didn't really make any sense.

He tried to think why he was feeling that way, but try as he might, nothing reasonable explanations would come to him. 

He went out couple more times while in New York and another one in Philadelphia, when he was there for client meetings. And all his experiences were good but nothing out of ordinary either.

The last one in Philadelphia was over three months ago, and the thing was, he wasn't very comfortable tricking in Liberty avenue. He supposed could have hooked up online or he could try going to another club in another part of Pittsburgh, but he just wasn't really comfortable doing it, until he met Justin.

But he couldn't just fall into bed with Justin. He wanted to, he was so desperate to be with him, but he also wanted to do it right. And because he wanted to do it right, he needed to be opened with him. Justin needed to know the most important part of his life, the life that had been missing.

When he was on his way back home, he contemplated his next move when a thought suddenly came to him. Glancing at the clock on the dashboard and seeing that it was almost eight, he stepped on the gas pedal and sped off to the part of town that he became so accustomed with.

Justin opened his door after an incessant rapping and found Brian with his hands full of coffees and brown bag.

“Breakfast?” he cheerfully said, lifting the cups and the bag a little higher in case it wasn't clear with the still sleepy young blond what he was saying.

“Brian, why are you awake so early? It's Saturday.” Justin yawned but opened the door wider letting Brian get inside.

“I went to the gym. Then, I decided to bring you goodies.” He placed the food on the coffee table and sat on the sofa comfortably. “Come and eat, I'm starving.”

“Wow, these are from Romeo’s. How'd you know I loved it there?” He asked taking the cup and sitting beside Brian.

“I saw you there once.” He admitted while biting a big chunk of croissant. God, it was heavenly.

“What?” Justin shockingly asked. “When was that? I haven't gone there in weeks.”

“Over a month ago. I'll tell you the whole story, I promise.” He said giving Justin a sweet morning kiss. A coffee kiss. “Ah, that taste good.”

“Better be, I haven't brushed my teeth yet.” He chortled taking a bite from Brian's croissant.

“Really, well, let me have a taste again. I might be wrong the first time.” He leaned to take Justin’s lips again. Then he shook his head as they pulled apart. “Nah, I was right. You taste even better the second time.”

They laughed as Brian fed Justin the remaining croissant on his hand.

They watched a movie after Justin had a shower and they ended up asleep, cuddling on the sofa after only fifteen minutes to the movie.

An incessant ringing woke them up and Justin nudged Brian on his ribs, murmuring, “Your phone.”

Brian only hummed and went back to sleep holding Justin tightly in his arms. This was so good, too good actually. He didn't want to ever wake up again.

They woke up around noon and Brian pushed Justin to the kitchen telling him he wanted to sample the young man’s culinary skills. Justin only had an ingredients to make a pasta and after half an hour, they were digging in while sitting on the sofa watching another film.

Brian had the best moment just spending time there with Justin. They were both comfortable with each other and Brian felt like he was home. There was no point in denying that he was falling in love with Justin, and boy he was falling so deep. It was all so fast but never before that Brian had been so sure in his life than at that moment.

As the sun was setting, they were lying on the opposite sides of the sofa and Justin was sketching him while Brian was absently playing with the blond’s toes. They were both quiet for a while but it was a comfortable silence.

“You are thinking so hard.” Justin’s voice was cutting his musings. He looked up and saw his sketch book was on the table. He must've finished sketching him.

“What?” He dumbly asked.

“Your forehead was creasing. You are thinking about something.” He said matter of factly.

“I really like you.” Was Brian's answer.

“Well, I kinda hope so, because I really like you too.”

Brian was so glad that they had established that already, at least they were clear on that page and the feelings were mutual. But he knew he should be addressing the elephant in the room.

He was terrified of what he was going to share with Justin. This talk would make or break them and Brian was so anxious of what he was about to do. He needed to do this, in fact, it suddenly dawned on him that he hadn't had that talk with Michael either. 

But they were over as far as he was concerned, they were over since he woke up from that hospital bed. When he woke up and couldn't remember the past eleven years of his life, his feelings for Michael had been erased together with it.

What he had with Justin was what he wanted, it was what he needed and he'd do anything to make Justin understand.

“Justin, I want you to know something about me. I need to tell you some important things that had happened to me.” He started saying and sitting up to look Justin in the eyes.

Justin followed his actions and sitting with one leg under him to face Brian better.

“Okay.” Was the blond's tentative answer.

“I had an accident over two years ago, twenty six months to be exact. And…” He paused for a second biting his lip, “... and I have an amnesia.”

Justin was looking at him wide eyed, but nodded his head in understanding and kept his silence.

“I cannot remember the past eleven years of my life prior to the accident. When I woke up, I was back to my old twenty year old self.”

“That must be hard, Brian.” He whispered catching the brunet's hand to his.

Brian nodded, “Yeah, it was. It still is. Eleven years is just too long a time to forget.” He sighed so deeply tightening his hold on Justin’ hand.

“I couldn't imagine.” Justin said looking at their twined hands.

“Yeah, me too. Just imagine the horror of waking up and finding yourself thirty one when you last remembered just being twenty.” Brian mirrored Justin's move and looked down to their twined fingers.

“I have a son, Justin. His name is Gus, and he just turned four last month. I almost die when they told me I have a son and that I have given all my rights to my two lesbian friends. I must have been a terrible person to do that to my own son. I don't know if I can forgive my old self for doing that.”

“Hey,” Justin pulled their hands to make Brian looked at him. “You can't judge yourself for what you have done especially when you don't know the real reasons behind. There is no point in castigating yourself to what has already been done. What's important now, is to let Gus know that you love him, that you will be there for him, that YOU are his father whether it is in paper or not. Don't be too hard on yourself, Brian. We all make mistakes. We just have to learn from it.”

There was a few moments of deafening silence, then Brian lunged at him and kissed him so passionately. He held Justin’s face on both his hands deepening the kiss as the young man opened his mouth to moan. 

This was the first time they kiss with this kind of intensity and Brian couldn't contain himself on how good it felt. He leaned into Justin to consciously push the younger man on his back as they continue exploring their mouths.

Brian laid Justin on the sofa covering his body with his. He ran his hand underneath the young man’s shirt as he ran his tongue down Justin's neck and nipped on his collarbone. Justin was scratching his back trying to take Brian's shirt off.

He lifted his head for a second to let Justin removed his shirt then he was back on kissing the blond’s mouth. Lowering his head again, he kiss a trail down to Justin's nipples and the blond was moaning loudly with his head thrown back to the end of the sofa.

It was so hot looking at his expose neck. Brian took Justin's shirt off and kissed on every surface he could on the flawless, porcelain skin.

“Brian…” Justin moaned. God, he looked so hot. He loved seeing that gratifying look on Justin and it drove him wild knowing he was the one giving him that pleasure.

“Justin…” He whispered through Justin's mouth. “I want you.”

Justin was breathing heavily. He took Brian's mouth and kissed him so wetly crossing his feet together behind Brian's butt. The position had their groins grinding together and both were rock hard.

“Do it, do it, do it.” He said over and over while still kissing Brian.

Brian's brain had short circuited and fumbled with both of their jeans. They both sensually grunted when their dicks aligned without any barriers. 

“Brian, do it.” Justin pleaded again.

Brian pulled away yanking his jeans from the ground and taking a pack of condom from his wallet. But he didn't have a lube.

“Where's your lube?” He asked breathily.

Justin opened his eyes and looked at him like he didn't understand what Brian had just asked.

“I don't have a lube, Justin. I need lube to open you up.” He said softly with their mouths just inches away.

Justin closed his eyes again shaking his head. “Don't need that. Just do it.”

“Hey,” Brian softly caressed his face, when he opened his eyes he saw Brian staring down at him. “When was the last time you have bottomed?”

“Why? Brian, please, I need you.” He lifted himself and kissed the brunet on the mouth.

“I need to be inside you, too, but I don't want to hurt you.”

Justin let out a sigh and murmured, “It's in my bedroom.”

“Let's go.” Brian pulled the younger man up to his lap and Justin happily straddled him. They were back to kissing feverishly and Brian stood up lifting Justin with him who locked his feet behind the brunet's back to secure his place.

Brian walked them to Justin's bedroom and put him down on his bed, finding the rhythm back easily like they were born to be in tune with each other. Well, maybe they were. Brian really hoped that they were.

He took the lube from the nightstand and opened up Justin's entrance carefully as he noticed how tight the young man was.

“How long, Justin?” He asked again, watching his soon to be lover writhing underneath him.

“I-- uh, I fucked a guy over two months ago. I bottomed weeks before that.”

It was vague. Weeks before two months ago could mean from two weeks up to twenty two weeks, even more. He hoped for Justin's sake that it really wasn't that long. But if he was being honest, he kind of wished that it was really that long. He was thinking selfishly, of course, but that was what he was feeling.

“Brian, I'm okay, just do it now, please.” Justin was now begging and Brian donned on the condom and lather the remaining lube on his hand to his dick.

“God…” Brian whispered as he slowly penetrated Justin who was holding the brunet's arms in a tight grip. Justin was breathing heavily and biting his bottom lip.

Brian could see that Justin was hurting a bit, it must really have been a while for him. He stopped moving when he was halfway in and let the blond adjust from his intrusion.

“Breathe, mo chroí. Breathe for me.” Brian whispered.

Justin opened his eyes and let out a deep breath. Brian lowered down his head and kissed him ardently until Justin pulled away telling him he was okay.

Brian moved slowly again, just pushing a bit, and when the young man moaned in pleasure he nudged a little more, then thrust all the way in. They both groaned into each other's mouths and Brian started to pull back then pushing in, in an agonizingly slow thrust.

When he felt Justin had already adjusted, he started to pound a little harder until Justin demanded him to ‘fuck me hard, damn it!’.

They both wanted it to last for a while but they couldn't just hold it any longer and both climaxed almost at the same time. Brian breathe on Justin's neck holding him so closely until he had gone soft and his dick slipped out of Justin's entrance.

He moved to his side holding the condom and throwing it to the trash can beside the nightstand. When he looked at Justin, his eyes were closed and he was lying there all sated and so serene. 

Brian felt the happiness within him just thinking he was the one who gave that pleasure to the only person who had his heart. Yeah, Justin was his chroí, definitely he was Mo chroí.

“You okay?” He whispered.

Justin smiled contentedly without opening his eyes. “Yeah, I'm just bathing the afterglow.”

Brian rested his head on the space between Justin's neck and shoulder and wrapped his arm on the blond's waist breathing him in.

“You smell so good.”

“I'll smell even better after we take a very needed shower.”

“Later. I want to hold you.”

Justin shifted a little to give Brian a little more space, then he put his arm in top of Brian's that was holding him on his abdomen.

They were silent after that. Brian was actually thinking how someone like him could fall in love so easily and he was falling so hard. He only saw Justin for the first time just a little over a month ago and they were properly introduced in exactly a week ago. But it seemed like they have known each other for so long.

“I saw you the first time a month ago at Romeo’s.”

Brian waited for Justin to react, when he didn't he continued, “I was having a dinner meeting with a client across the street and sat in my truck to smoke, then I saw you sitting outside drinking coffee and reading a book.”

“Hmm, I missed that place, that was the last time I went there I think.” He ran his hand on Brian's arm.

“I know.”

Justin's hand halted, “How'd you know?”

“I went back to see if you were going to be there again. But you didn't. Don't take this the wrong way, I know it's creepy but I'm really harmless. I just want to meet you.”

“Okay. I promise I won't judge you.”

“I kind of stalk you there for the whole two weeks.”

Brian glanced up and saw Justin looking down at him with something like amusement in his eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief that Justin wasn't angry or scared of him.

“Then I saw you at the mall, but you were kind of running with so many take out bags on you. I ran to follow but I have lost you. Then I saw you at a bus stop after few days from the mall, but I was in my truck stuck on traffic.”

“Don't tell me finding me at Starbucks was also coincidental?” He arched his brow.

“Yeah, actually it was. It really was. I have never been to that part of town but Gardner needed me to get a file from his house, which by the way near to your Starbucks. I was on my way back and I needed coffee so bad, so I stopped by the nearest coffee shop I spotted. Luckily, for me, you were there.”

“Wow, it was like kismet or something.” Justin said.

“Yeah, I guess it was written in the stars.” Brian answered.

They said it as a joke but they knew deep inside that it must have been true. They couldn't think of anything to believe otherwise.

“Justin?”

“Hmm?”

Brian kissed the skin that was there not even an inch away from his mouth. “I know it's so soon. I know that we must spend more time knowing each other first before deciding anything seriously, but…” He kissed the skin again. “... I know that I like you. Like a whole lot, who knows it will be even more than that.” Brian knew it was already more than that.

“What are you trying to say, Brian? Are you saying you want to date me?” Justin's voice was hopeful.

“I want us to be official. I mean, we are dating already, right?” He felt Justin's head nodded in affirmation.

“So, you want us to be officially boyfriends?” Justin asked, confirming what Brian was hinting at.

“Yeah, if you want.” He pulled his head up to look at Justin's face kissing him lightly. “And I really want it.”

“Okay.” Justin had whispered but Brian heard it as loud as it was being shouted from the speakers. 

He smiled indulgently and caged Justin's face between his hands, kissing him passionately this time. He was now in a relationship with Justin. Who would have thought that when he couldn't even muster up a courage to enter the door of Starbucks just a week ago?

He chuckled a little as he pulled away from the kiss.

“What?” Justin asked.

“I just can't believe that we have gone this far in just a matter of one week. You don't have an idea how nervous wreck I was that first time I approached you.”

“Well, you are obviously not shy anymore. And you are obviously not shy in bed either.”

“So, you don't think that we are moving too fast? That it's kind of premature to be in a relationship so soon?”

“It's kinda moving a little bit fast to be honest, but sometimes I think, there are things that we just can't explain. I believe that sometimes it's not about how long we should know about each other, but it's about how strong and intense the feelings are.”

“You are wiser beyond your age. Are you really just twenty one?” He kidded the young man. “I'm glad that we are on the same page though.”

“Life will give you that, wisdom I mean.” He mysteriously said. The air had shifted a little as Justin eyes looked away from him. He suddenly became a bit melancholic.

A thought had suddenly crossed Brian's mind. Could Justin be with someone before him who had really broken his heart? Quite possibly. But how long ago was that? He wondered if Justin was really in love with the guy?

Whatever it was, how long ago it might be, the fact that Justin was with him now was the only thing that mattered to him. He didn't know much about Justin yet, but he knew he could trust him not to play with someone else's emotions.

“Justin, I want us to work. I will do my best to make you happy and I'll make sure you won't regret agreeing to be my boyfriend.”

Justin touched the back of his head and caressed it lightly, then kissing Brian's lips.

“We'll try to make it work. Don't stress yourself too much about it though, we'll just take one day at a time.” Justin told him.

Brian agreed and placed his head on Justin's shoulder again. This time they both doze off, arms wrapped around each other.

When Brian woke up, he was a bit disoriented. When he saw Justin sitting on the edge of the bed smiling down at him, Brian couldn't help smiling back.

“Morning” he croaked, hiding his face on the pillow to stifle a yawn.

“Morning to you, too.”

“What time is it?”

“Five thirty.”

Brian looked at him in disbelief. “What? We slept that long?”

Justin nodded.

“Let shower, then?” The young man nodded again beaming at Brian excitedly.

They showered and had a mutual handjob before Justin dressed for work. Brian, unfortunately, had to use the one he had on the day before.

They arrived at the shop fifteen minutes after six and Seth was already behind the counter. Justin pushed Brian to the direction of the table when he tried to order for them.

“I got this, Brian.”

Brian didn't want Justin spending his money on him, but he very well know he couldn't tell Justin that. He needed to find how to broach the subject without making it sound like he was belittling his boyfriend.

Justin ordered them coffees and a mixed of cheese, multigrain and plain bagel. Brian was telling him while they ate that he was going to see Gus, but not before he changed his clothes. They had a good laugh all throughout their breakfast and both were looking cozy together.

They agreed to meet after Justin's work and Justin said he wanted to cook for them again.

They parted just as the crowd was beginning to pick up and Brian gave him a peck on his lips.

Brian felt like walking on the moon as he was taking the stairs to his loft. For the first time since that fateful day, he found himself being hopeful about his future and he was excited to spend it with Justin by his side.

He was absently humming the sound that he was listening to in his truck as he opened his loft door. Tossing his keys to the counter and walked the way to the kitchen while shrugging off his jacket.

He continued to hum as he opened the door to his fridge and took a bottle of Evian.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Michael’s shrilling voice had him jump out of his skin.

He turned to face his friend in aggravation who was also shooting him a furious daggers.

“What the hell, Michael? It's not even eight o'clock. What the fuck are you doing here this early?”

Brian forcefully placed the bottled water on the counter and walked towards the living room. He stopped when he was a few feet away from the back of the sofa where Michael was standing on the opposite side.

“I asked you a question, Brian. I was here since yesterday but you didn't come home the whole day and night! Where the fuck have you been?!” Michael was so irate that even Brian got worried he might bust a vein.

But then he continued, “Have you been tricking? Did you sleep at your trick’s house? How can you do this to me, Brian?”

“You don't have the right to ask my whereabouts. We are over, Michael. We were over when I told you I can't be with you.”

“The hell we are! We are not over! I will not let you do this to me. How about us, our relationship? Nine years, Brian! Are you just going to throw that away?” Michael's voice was quivering. 

Brian knew he was going to hurt his friend, but this was one thing that he must do. He shouldn't have waited this long, he should've told Michael the truth two years ago when he knew he couldn't love him again like he used to.

“Michael, I have tried. Why do you think I asked for time? Because I wanted to make sure. I don't want to take this matter so lightly, but I also know I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you. You are my friend, I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. Please understand that we are over. I can't, Michael. I can't be with you again.”

There, he already said it. He just wished Michael would accept his decision.

“No…” He murmured, the rage in his eyes were back as he shook his head over and over. “You are not doing this. I won't let you do this, Brian. We are supposed to be together, grow old together. No!”

“Michael…”

“I said, no!”

Brian was lost for words. Michael was being difficult and as usually stubborn. He didn't know what else to do to make him understand and accept that whatever relationship they had before was buried together with his missing eleven years of life.


	6. Chapter 6

“I love you, daddy.”

Brian's heart was wrapped in a warmth that he always had when he was with his son.

He smiled down and kissed Gus’ forehead and lovingly said, “I love you, too Gus.”

He quietly slipped out of the room as his son closed his eyes and went back to find Lindsay. He needed to go if he didn't want to be late for Justin. He found her in the kitchen tossing a hearty salads on the table.

“Hey, Gus is taking his nap. He should be fine for an hour or so.”

Lindsay looked up and smiled, “Thanks, Bri. Uh, I fixed some salads and I have a salmon in the oven, why don't you eat lunch with me.”

“I can't. I need to go, I have some important things to do.”

Lindsay's smile didn't waver, “It will not take us long to enjoy a lunch together. Come and sit, I'll serve the fish in just a moment.”

Brian took an irritated sigh, “Linds, I really can't. I have to go. Thanks for offering, though. Where's Melanie, by the way?”

She was obviously disappointed, but wisely covered it by walking him to the door.

“She has to meet someone, it's about a case that I really don't know anything about.”

He nodded and opened the door. Brian turned and smiled at her, “So, have a nice day. I surely did with Gus.”

Lindsay bit her lower lip and nodded. When he was starting the ignition to his truck and glanced at the door to the house, he saw that she was still standing there looking at him. He waved a little and sped off.

Justin was already at the sidewalk waiting for him when he arrived at the shop. He knew he would be late but couldn't take the risk of being pulled by police for speeding. It would just make matters worse.

The young man gave him a smile as he hopped into the truck, but Brian reached for his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

The kiss went on for a few moments, only stopping when they needed to breathe. Brian rested their foreheads together and breathe in each other's mouths. His chest was pounding furiously.

“God, I think I'm going crazy. I'm so crazy about you.” He confessed closing his eyes still holding onto Justin's neck.

Justin smiled sweetly at him, “Well, if it helps, I think I'm crazy about you, too.”

Brian's face broke out into a wide smile. He kissed Justin again, invading his mouth with his tongue and explored every crevices inside.

Justin was fighting back. He was sucking Brian's tongue and was moaning while his fingers were carding through the brunet's hair. It was so sensual and Brian was hard as rock.

“We better get going. You sure be getting hungry.” Brian said after they pulled away. But before he took off, he gave Justin a kiss and nibbled lightly on his still plump lips. It was too irresistible not to do it, so he just had to.

Turned out, Justin needed to go grocery shopping before going home and Brian convinced him that they should just have a light lunch at Romeo’s, then do the food shopping afterwards and Justin could practice his culinary for dinner.

Justin needn't have to be convinced real hard because his stomach had rumbled loudly when Brian told him his better plan.

Brian's Sunday afternoon had become more vibrant and he was buzzing with excitement and anticipation. This was a real 180 turnaround from what he was doing with his Sunday for the last twenty months.

Even the screaming match he had with Michael that morning was already forgotten.

He ended up sleeping at Justin's apartment again. If he was being honest, there was no place he'd rather be than being cocooned together with his boyfriend in his small bed.

When he returned the next morning to his loft after having breakfast with Justin at his work, he found an irate Michael waiting for him again.

“Seriously, Michael. Did you spend the night here again spying on me?” He loved his friend, but this was getting ridiculous. He seriously needed to get his key back from him, this invasion of privacy had been downright disrespectful.

“Yeah, I did. When did you start sleeping at your trick’s apartment? I didn't even know you are tricking. I never see you fucking anyone after the accident.”

“Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not celibate and I will never be.”

“Then why are you denying me? I've been waiting for you to make love to me! What do you think I would feel when I know you are fucking other people but not me?!” Michael was shrieking again.

“Because I told you I can't and I won't. You are my friend, Michael, and that is all we ever could be. So please, don't let this be harder than it already is. Let's just live in peace.”

“I told you that I will never let you go, Brian. You owe me the nine years that I spent my life with you. You know that I never had a problem with you tricking, but you can at least spend time with me, too. How'd you know that you will not like fucking me when you won't give us a chance?” Michael was inching closer towards him.

“I don't need to try fucking you to know. And Michael, I don't owe you anything. I didn't fucking force you to be with me for nine years, so you don't have the right to throw it on my face.” Brian was trying to be calmed but with Michael, it was just not happening. He always had the tendency of pushing his buttons.

“You don't know what you are saying. Listen to me, Brian. If you push me now, what will you do when you have your memories back? And I'm sure you will. You will regret throwing us away. That's why I always told you this separation is ridiculous. It's only a matter of time.”

Michael was now within his reach and he was starting to reach out to him, which made Brian to move in order to escape his hold.

“I'll take it. This is my final decision, and whatever happens to my memory, I'll accept it. If it comes back along with my feelings for you, then so be it. I will still stand by my decision. We are over.”

Michael shot daggers at him, his nose was flaring in fury. But Brian meant what he had said to him. When the time comes and he'd remember everything, he would deal with it. He and Justin would deal with it.

Justin. God, he needed to tell his boyfriend about Michael and their past relationship, and the risk of having the feelings back when he would get his memory again.

He wasn't so sure about Justin's reaction to this and that was the reason he hadn't mentioned it to him when they talked about his amnesia that night. Justin could feel wary letting him into his life when there would be a big risk of falling back with his ex.

God, he just wished his boyfriend would understand the situation. Justin was nothing but kind and understanding, and so open minded and compassionate. But this one was a little hard to even contemplate, it was like setting yourself up to get hurt. 

Brian hoped that Justin would see him worthy to take that big risk for. Because if he wouldn't, it’d destroy him.

He'd tell him about Michael. He just needed a little time and a lot of courage.

He was a little late getting to his office because of the hold he got with Michael, but immersed himself with work and later became so busy that he didn't have any time to think of anything. Well, except Justin.

He called him after his lunch meeting and the blond told him he was already on his way to class. They talked for awhile and Justin told him that he'd be home painting after class.

Brian wasn't sure of his schedule though. He was overseeing the progress of the artwork for the campaign they were doing that he had to present the next day.

When they finished and had gone home, Brian sadly noticed that it was already after ten o'clock. Justin must be in bed already and he didn't want to disturb his boyfriend.

He went home and took an invigorating shower trying hard not to think about washing Justin’s body. Of course he failed, in few minutes he found himself pleasuring his dick moaning loudly, thinking about fucking his boyfriend’s ass.

Minutes later, he was having his orgasm shooting his cum to the tiled walls, feeling good but not as satisfying as being with Justin. But it'd do.

Just then, he felt a cold air penetrating the steamy closed cubicle. He went still for split second, but turning quickly around and found himself face to face with a very naked Michael.

“What are you doing he--” his words were cut off when Michael pounced on him kissing wetly him on his mouth. He was caught off guard by the aggression and Michael took that chance by inserting his tongue in his mouth.

Michael was holding onto him tightly and they were both wet from the shower head. Brian struggled a bit but Michael was surprisingly strong.

Brian mustered his strength and successfully pushed Michael away from him by digging his hands on his shoulders. He could see Michael so aroused with his dick still pointing at him. His eyes were so far gone and he was riding in his overflowing lust. Nevertheless, what he had done was not acceptable, he had crossed the line.

“This is it, Michael. I will never tolerate you assaulting me like this. Get dressed and get out of my loft. Now!” He was seething. Michael just didn't know how to back off when he was more than clear about that.

He didn't want to lose his friend, he really didn't, he was the only one remaining from his few ones. But this had gotten so out of hand and he would never let him get away with that.

“Babe, I have needs too. I need yo--”

Brian stepped out of the cubicle and wrapped a towel around his waist turning his fury eyes on his friend. “I am not your boyfriend. If you're horny, get someone from Babylon to fuck you, or just buy a twelve inches dildo and shove it up your ass.”

He was fuming. He was breathing so hard that he had to open his mouth to let some air in. He felt disgusted and violated.

“But I want you, Brian!” He said petulantly. He was walking towards Brian who pointed his index finger at him in warning not to move any closer.

“I don't want to hear anything anymore from you, Michael. I'll call a police if you don't get the fuck out of my loft in two minutes. You will not pull this shit on me again, you hear me, or I swear to god I'll get a TRO on you.”

“Brian, I'm sorry. Please, don't do this to me--”

“Out, now!” Brian shouted. He felt his body trembled.

Michael put on his clothes and scurried out of his loft. 

Brian slumped down to the nearest wall and slid down to the floor. Michael had been persistent and annoying since the accident, and admittedly had been intense in pursuing him to get back together. But he hadn't done something so damaging like this and it shook Brian inside.

He didn't want to stay here. He wanted to have a peaceful night in the arms that could calm him down, the body that he could share his warmth and the kiss that could make him feel like home.

He needed Justin.

He found himself outside his boyfriend’s door in just after twenty minutes. He didn't bother to knock, he called him on his phone instead.

“ ‘Lo?” Justin sleepily answered after few moments. He was so sorry to disturb him in midnight but Brian needed him.

“I'm outside your door.” He whispered.

“Brian?” Justin sounded hoarse.

“Yeah. Open the door, mo chroí. I'm here.”

There was no answer for few seconds, then he heard him moving in his bed. “Okay, wait, I'm coming.” Then he ended the call.

He could hear Justin's footsteps as he neared the door, then he unlatched the lock opening it. 

“Hey.” Justin greeted, moving forward and hugged him fiercely. Brian closed his eyes hugging the young man back finding the place where he could say where he belonged.

“It's crazy, but I missed you so much.” Justin whispered on his ear, not letting him go from his embrace.

“Me too. I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep.”

Justin was shaking his head. “I don't mind. You can come anytime you want. I want you here with me.”

That simple sentiment meant a lot to Brian, because more than anything he wanted to be there with Justin.

“Let's get inside.” Justin pulled away but reached out to hold his hand and pulled him inside the apartment.

“Are you okay, Brian?” His intuitive boyfriend asked when they were lying together in bed. His head was placed above Justin's shoulder wrapping his arm on his abdomen, his favorite sleeping position.

“Yeah.” He whispered. “I am now.” 

He knew that Justin was wise enough to know that something was off, and Brian knew he wouldn't push him if he wasn't ready to tell. Brian loved him so much for that. 

It wasn't really hard to fall in love with Justin. The young man seemed to know him so well. It almost felt like they had been together for so long.

Justin was back asleep after ten minutes, and Brian could feel the rising of his chest when he breathed. For some reason, it comforted him and lulled him to a dreamless sleep.

The next thing he knew, he was being awakened by a shrilling alarm clock. He glanced around in bewilderment trying to locate the offending machine. It was on the nightstand by Justin's side of the bed.

He reached to stop it from busting his eardrums, closing his eyes and sighed happily hugging Justin's pillow to his chest.

Justin. Where was Justin?

“Oh, God, shit!” He quickly sat up looking at the clock and learned that it was already quarter before eight.

He frustratedly rubbed his hands on his face lying back down on the bed. Of course Justin didn't wake him up, instead he rode a bus to his work and let him have a few more hours of sleep.

He took his phone from the nightstand and see that he had a text message from Justin. He couldn't help but smile as he read what his boyfriend had to say.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Don't get mad that I didn't wake you up, I just feel that you need an extra hours of sleep before facing the advertising world today. Please don't think that I'm making decisions for you. Anyway, because you missed our breakfast today, and boy how I missed you this morning, I'm going to make you dinner tonight. Just text me if you are available, we can do it some other time if you can't make it tonight. By the way, I left an extra key on the kitchen counter for you. Please take it and know that you can always come to my place anytime. You take care, Mr. Kinney.”

Brian texted back that he wasn't mad and thanking him for being so considerate and thoughtful. But he was sorry that Justin had to take the bus and missed him at breakfast. He said that he'd check his schedule for the day and get back to him later. He thanked his boyfriend for entrusting him with an extra key and that it meant a lot to him. He ended the text with, “Whatever schedule I'll have today, I'll be coming to you tonight. You take care, Mo chroí.”

Brian got up and used Justin's shower. He thought it was best if he wouldn't use the one at his loft when that distressing event was still fresh in his mind.

In ten minutes, he was slipping out of Justin's apartment locking the door and pocketing the key that he now had.

He was dreading to go back to his own place. He sat for awhile as he parked his truck in front of his building. He really hoped Michael had listened to stay away because he didn't know if he still had the patience to deal with him.

He sighed in relief as he found his loft empty. He quickly got dressed and groomed his hair for a while, the lock that he needed to get changed was etched in his mind. When he came back to the bedroom, he opened his closet and took out a duffle bag and put a couple of shirts, a pair of jeans, few socks and briefs. He added a pair of trainers, too.

When he arrived at Vanguard, the first thing he asked Cynthia was to contact a locksmith to change his lock at the loft and asked her to make three copies for the key. Then he checked with her his schedule for the day and was satisfied that his last meeting was at three o'clock. He'd be able to go back to Justin's place at around six.

With this knowledge, he texted the information to his boyfriend without expecting a reply, well at least not until he was out of his work.

There was one call he was dreading to have. He really hoped Michael would not attempt to contact him for few days. He knew it was highly unlikely that his friend would totally back off, he was Michael after all, but he wished it wasn't that day.

He received a text from Justin at around one thirty telling him that he was glad they could have dinner together that night.

Before he went to the conference room at three, Cynthia gave him the new keys to his loft. It made him feel a little better knowing no one could just barge into his place like they owned it. 

It always bothered him since the first time he knew that both Lindsay and Michael had a key to his place. Well, he could actually understand why Michael had one, they were boyfriends for so many years. But Lindsay? It didn't make sense why Brian had to give her, too.

He finished the day and was about to head out when he realized Michael had actually stayed away. He would like to think that his friend had realized how inappropriate and violating his actions were to him.

He arrived at Justin's place at twenty before six. He let himself in using his key with duffle and briefcase in hands.

“Justin?” He called to the almost quiet apartment, freeing his hands by placing both the duffle and briefcase at the floor near the door.

“Kitchen!” the answer came.

He walked to the kitchen and found his boyfriend sautéing on a wok pan. He smiled at the scene in front of him and couldn't help but wrapped his arms around Justin's waist from the back. He nuzzled his neck smelling the scent that made Brian go crazy.

“Hey...” Brian greeted.

“Hey...” Justin greeted back, tilting his head to the side to give his boyfriend a little more skin.

“Smells good.” He breathed him in, tightening his hold on his middle.

“The food?” Justin teased.

“That too.”

Justin chuckled while Brian released him.

“I hope you don't mind that I came here directly. I brought some change clothes with me.”

“Of course, I don't. Why don't you change while I finish this? You can hang your suit in the closet.” Justin suggested, giving him a peck. Brian had grabbed him back to get another taste from the blond’s plump lips.

 

Their night was relaxing and just being with Justin was calming. He didn't have to worry about a pre conceived notions or pre judgements from his past that he couldn't even remember. Justin wouldn't look at him bemusedly or strangely because of something he had said or done.

It was refreshing especially when you felt like being watched under the microscope for two years now.

Justin hadn't even asked him much about the accident, he just accepted him considering his present mental state. Not that he was crazy, but he was literally a twenty two year old guy who was living in his thirty three year old body.

Justin even challenged him to go and do whatever he wanted. Things that he hadn't done before, some things he was dying to do but hadn't had the nerve or courage to do it.

Like when he asks Brian that night when they were lounging in front of the TV after dinner. They were snuggled together laughing to Mrs. Doubtfire and Brian's head was on his favorite place, above Justin's shoulder. He was sprawled a little on the blond's side who was soothingly carding his fingers on his scalp.

“If you have one thing you want to do, but haven't come around doing it for some reason or another. What would that be?” The young man asked him.

He had few things running in his mind, like playing baseball. He was in soccer team in high school by the insistent of his father who was the one who taught him how to play when he was around eight. His father was a soccer player himself back in Ireland before he and his family migrated to the States. But in his heart, he wanted to play baseball, but he never had the chance to do it.

He loved photography, too. He loved to take pictures since he was twelve and found a disposable one in Claire’s trash can. He tried to use it until it ran its course. Then he asked his mother to buy him a camera on his thirteenth birthday, but she gave him a pair of snickers instead.

He decided to buy one that he could afford and worked on the lawns of his neighbors non-stop for three months. He bought the cheapest model but at least it wasn't disposable. For months he was so happy clicking it whenever he wanted to. He went to the river to snap a shot or went to the park to picture the ducks.

He thought it was the best highlights of his younger years, that for couple of years he had explored his creativity in photography.

When he met Michael, he was already sucked into the world of photography. Michael enjoyed at first, or maybe he was just trying to, in order to go with him wherever he wanted to have pictures that time. But then he started to whine when Brian would spend long hours taking pictures of the same spots, leaving Michael bored out of his mind sitting in a corner. Brian tend to get so focused when he was with his camera, totally forgetting people around him.

Michael felt neglected; his dad, Jack, thought he was wasting his time and money. On the morning of his fifteenth birthday, he found a box on his table with soccer ball and jerseys inside, a gift from his dad. His most prized possession was broken and unsalvageable at the backyard.

He hadn't touched a camera after that, well, as much as he could remember at least.

Then he wanted to do motocross racing, too. The urgency to try the sport began when he entered his freshman year in college and sat with some of his classmates in between classes. One of them was enthusiastically telling the group that he was going to Indiana the coming weekend to see his brother compete in a motocross racing competition.

Brian's interest perked up at that and he was in total awe by the next Monday when that said classmate was showing them the pictures he had taken from the competition.

It must've been so cool riding that bike, flying it in the air and taking on that dirty, bumpy and rough trail. He could just imagine the adrenaline pumping through his veins doing something so exciting like that. So yeah, motocross it was.

“I'd say, photography, but I think that ship has already sailed.”

Justin didn't say anything.

“So, Motocross racing.”

“Hmm, sexy.” Justin agreed, nodding his head.

They slept not long after that, but not before Brian made love to his boyfriend and slept peacefully in his favorite place.

The next few days had gone by with surprisingly no calls from Michael. It was in a way a huge relief, but it was a little unsettling too. It's just that with Michael, silence meant something was cooking inside his head.

But he could be wrong. His friend, except for his obsession with their past relationship, had been there for him throughout his ordeal. He couldn't thank him enough for his help and support. He hoped, in a way to save their friendship, Michael would really accept that he wasn't getting Brian back.

When Thursday evening came, Brian went home to his loft from visiting Gus. He needed to get more change of clothes to bring to the blond's place. He hadn't slept in his bed since he started sleeping with Justin, though he was there every morning to change to his suit after their breakfast together.

When the elevator stopped on his floor, he saw a box placed on the ground in front of his door. He warily walked to it, checking the name printed on the top lid, and yes it was for him.

He opened his door and crouched down to lift the box and proceeded to place it on the kitchen counter. He left it there and prepared the duffle he needed to bring to Justin's place and took a shower afterwards.

He was ready to go out when he glanced at the counter finding the box where he had left it.

He tentatively dropped the duffle and walked to the counter. He lifted the lid after few moments of hesitation finding a bottle of Johnnie Walker Platinum label lying diagonally in the box and a small card was on top of it.

He opened to read that it came from Michael. The card said, “Brian, I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Love, Mikey.”

He left the box and card on the counter, took his duffle and walked out the door.

He stopped to buy them Chinese takeout and arrived to find Justin with paint all over his hands, smock, hair and neck, too. He loved to see his boyfriend when he got into this zone, the zone where nobody was allowed to witness except for Brian.

It was amazing to see how one's emotions could be expressed in an art. He had already witnessed Justin painting a couple of pieces in his presence. The experience was overwhelming, it was like Justin was marrying his talent with his passion, infusing life’s experiences, the outcome creation was extraordinary.

He was in the zone that moment, but like always, he glanced back over his shoulder like he could feel his presence whenever they were in the same room. Justin gave him a smile that said ‘he was happy because he just created another masterpiece’.

He left his boyfriend to clean himself up after kissing him hello. It was already nine and he knew Justin hadn't eaten since he began painting. He plated their dinner and brought it to the sofa.

People might think that they had a very boring domestic life, but it was far from that. They mightn't have spent it clubbing or whatever young gay guys were doing nowadays to enjoy their nights away, but they were more than pleased to have a quiet night together. 

Well, they went on a date last Tuesday evening and Justin brought him to the art exhibition that had been going on in his school. Brian was surprised to see that it was all about photography. 

It varied from graphically manipulated, to the old school photography, to the modern day style, to black and white. He couldn't contain himself from gushing over several exquisite ones and felt the urge deep within him to hold a camera again. 

It was a lovely night, and Brian was grinning like a kid in winter wonderland. He didn't let Justin's hand go the whole time and Justin never leave his side, he was soaking in Brian's happiness and it was enough for him to be enjoying himself too.

They arrived home just before midnight and fortunately, they didn't have to wake up early the next day, it was Justin's day off.

But that Thursday evening, as they ate mongolian beef with rice, Justin asked him about his availability on Saturday. When he answered he'd be in bed with his blond, Justin smiled and said that he was inviting him for a fun filled day in New Castle.

“What are we going to do in New Castle?” Brian asked him curiously.

“I found this place in internet, it's like 500 acres of land and dirt trails, they also have mining adventure for those who wants to go the tunnel and see limestones. But mostly, people go there to ride the ATV and dirt bikes. They are famous for their 60 miles off road trails. What do you think?”

Brian was gaping at him with mouth slightly opened. This was too much. Justin must be an angel who had been sent to make his life worth living after the ‘power that be’ had messed it up big time by erasing his eleven years. Justin must be his reward. And damn it, he'd do his life, however miserable it was, all over again if it meant he'd have Justin in the end.

He abandoned his plate and took his boyfriend’s face in his hands and kissed him. He knew, regardless of what had happened to him, he was a very luck man. He was the luckiest to have someone like Justin.

“Perfect. It's perfect. You are perfect, mo chroí.”

Now, that was what he said about them not being boring. No, they weren't at all. Brian, for the first time in so long, had felt like he was about to burst with happiness.

Those things, as simple as going to see an art exhibition or a little detailed like the place in New Castle, it was Justin's way of challenging him to do what he always wanted to do. He was bold enough to show Brian that life was full of hopes and dreams. What people could do was to hold on to that hope in order to have the dream to possibly come true.

That same night, while he was lying on Justin's shoulder, Brian decided that he'd let his resentment go. He'd let whatever residual anger that he still had for his parents to go. He couldn't change what had happened to his childhood, but he could certainly live far better than what he saw in his parents’ house. Just to have that chance to live his life with Justin was enough for him to be happy.

That new revelation was what prompted him to go to the mall in his lunch on that Friday afternoon and buy a Nikon camera that was great for new users.

When he went home to Justin that evening, he showed him his new purchased and tried it on his favorite subject, Justin.

Later that night, when they were sated after a great orgasms, Brian shared what made him bought the camera. Justin listened to Brian telling him about his parents, about his childhood and how his father had destroyed the one thing that he found his happiness with and forced him to train for soccer. He told Justin how seeing his camera, all damaged and broken, had his heart ripped out of his chest. 

He told Justin, too, that he helped Brian realized to let his resentment go. He was in a more happy place now, and though he didn't want to pay his mother or sister a visit, he wanted to let any ill feelings that he still had for them to go.

“There will always be failures and disappointments in life, Brian. Several throughout our lifetime actually, but it's the failure and not success what makes us stronger, what drives us to do better. Just having that will to try again after failure, disappointment or rejection is already a testament of success. We'll make bad choices all the time, but it just makes us human. What's important is what's in here.” Justin was pointing to his own heart. “It's about the intentions, Brian. Sometimes, our good intentions what often lead us to make some bad choices.”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Brian murmured. He loved talking to Justin, he always made him feel good and made him see things in different perspective. Justin was a very intelligent and wise man.

“But if we are at fault, we should admit that we are at fault, then learned from it, moved on from it. I know it's easier said than done, but we just have to try.”

Then Brian froze for a fraction of second, thinking about his conscious decision of postponing on telling Justin about him and Michael. He was doing it with good intentions, would it lead them to the path of hell?

“Are you, okay?” Asked by his ever intuitive Justin.

He was quiet for few minutes, then he asked, “Justin, can you trust someone when you only know them for several weeks?”

He felt him shrugged a bit, “I could. Yeah, of course, I could.”

Brian arranged himself onto the pillow so he could look into Justin's eyes.

“Can you trust me?” He asked sincerely.

“Of course, Brian. I know it sounds crazy, but I trust you with my life. I really do.”

It was a massive relief to hear that. He just hoped Justin would be true to his words after learning about Michael. He wanted to tell him at that moment, but he still needed to settle whatever ruffles he had with his ex. He wasn't ready to tell Justin about what happened in his shower last Monday night either.

“I'm glad to hear that. Justin…” He trailed of looking for the right words to say. “... I need you to trust me. Whatever happens, you have to know that it is you who I want to be with. It's you that I will always choose no matter what. Can you trust me that much to believe that?”

Justin shifted to his side and placed his hand on Brian's face.

“Is this about your amnesia?” Justin's voice shook a little.

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes and put his hand on top of Justin's that was still on his face. “It's eleven years, Justin. I don't know who I was, who I became. As far as I know, if anything my close friends reactions were telling, I'm a total narcissistic, and a heartless asshole.”

“Hey, look at me.” When Brian did, he continued, “It doesn't matter if your friends are right, but Brian, you don't have to be anything just to please anybody. Because whoever you are now, is what you really are or what you always have been inside. If your friends cannot accept that, then that is their problem and not yours.”

Brian didn't say anything, but Justin knew his words were getting into him.

“I'm not saying I won't like you if you are what they told you, you were, because I know I will still want you. But you don't have to be that guy anymore if you don't want to be. Maybe this is what you always want to be, Brian.”

“I have been always like this. I honestly don't know what happened to me to be so jaded and cynical. Did you know I fired employees like they were nothing? God, I don't even think about their families.”

“Then it must be the environment that you surrounded yourself with. You couldn't help adopting some of their qualities or do something just to please them until such time you don't even know who you are anymore.”

Brian was looking at him straight in the eyes like he was just beginning to understand something that had bothered him for so long.

“I wasn't only talking about your friends, Brian. Each and every person that we meet would have an impact on us. It started at home.”

Justin became quiet after that. Brian suspiciously thought that Justin had just touched a sore subject for himself, too. Well, he guessed they weren't that much different after all.

They had been silent for some time, Brian had started to think that Justin had gone to sleep when he suddenly said, “You have to trust me, too, Brian. Trust me that I will be here, that I will do anything to be with you. Anything.”

Brian kissed the side of his face, nodding so gently. “I'll remember that.”

Then Brian returned to his favorite place, kissing the skin he found there. His eyelids were so heavy with sleep and Justin's smell filled his nostrils.

“I trust you, mo chroí. With all my heart.” He murmured before drifting away.


	7. Chapter 7

“It was fun, Justin!” Brian chortled blissfully. 

“Yeah, it was. I can't ride like you though, but it was definitely fun.” The young man said looping his arm around the brunet's waist and Brian pulled him closer by wrapping his arm on his shoulder as they walk to the men's locker room.

“You weren't that bad. Just need a little more practice.” He said that with a glint of excitement in both his voice and eyes.

“Are you telling me that we’re going to come back?” Justin teased.

“Am I that transparent?” He giggled. Justin looked up at his boyfriend and couldn't believe that he just heard him giggle. “What?” Brian suddenly asked after noticing that Justin was amusedly gaping up at him.

“You are giggling.” The blond smilingly said.

“Blame my adrenaline. I'm so hype, uhh!” He jumped up and down three times and giggled again. “Justin, make me stop!”

Justin was starting to double and laughed so hard.

“Stop laughing at me!” Then he couldn't help but to laugh with Justin. “I'll get back at you when we get home.”

“Oh, I can't wait, Mr. Kinney.”

They showered and got dressed after that. It was really a great day, the weather was already cold as it should be in late-October, but Brian bought them suits that were suitable for the weather.

“God, I don't want to go just yet.” Brian forlornly said as they walked out to the parking lot.

Justin caught his hand and sway it front and back for a while, then pulled his boyfriend to stop.

“We'll be back. But I think it's best if we get back by June. That time, they'll be no more snow, and it would be the beginning of summer. Perfect weather.”

“June? But that is in eight months!” Brian was looking at him with wide eyes. Justin loved this side of Brian the most, the one where he was acting like ten year old kid.

“I know. But it will start to snow soon and it's not really safe especially for beginners like us. We could try in May or even the last week of April. Okay?” Justin was sounding like a teacher talking to his pupil.

“I guess. Come on, I'm hungry. And I want to get more shots from my camera on the way home.” Brian pulled Justin's hand and they almost ran to the truck.

They drove back to Pittsburgh and arrived after over an hour. They decided to eat a fat steak for dinner and enjoyed talking about their day. It was almost ten in the evening when they arrived home, sleepy and tired.

***

“I'll book us for a massage this afternoon.” Brian said to Justin flexing his left arm out. They were eating breakfast at Starbucks that Sunday morning.

“I didn't know riding a dirt bike would do this to you. My ass is burning.” Justin pouted as he squirmed a little on his seat.

“And not in a positive way.” Brian chuckled, reaching out to hold Justin's neck and pulled him for a kiss. “Thank you, though. You make me so happy, Justin.”

“I'm so glad to hear that.” Justin smiled lovingly at him.

“Hey, are you working this Thanksgiving?” Brian asked and dunked a piece of croissant to his coffee, Justin crinkled his nose.

“No. I worked thanksgiving last year, so this is my off year. I have to work on Christmas, though. But I'm free from Wednesday to Saturday.”

“Perfect. Let's go to South Beach?” Brian hopefully asked.

“You want me to go on a vacation with you?” For some reason, Justin was looking at him dubiously.

“Yeah. Of course. I want us to go on a short vacation. We can go Tuesday evening after your classes, then we can come back on Saturday afternoon. What do you think?”

Justin looked at him for few moments, then a smile was creeping slowly on his lips.

“Okay.” He simply said but Brian could see that Justin was excited.

Brian kissed him again on his lips exuberantly, saying that he'd book their special getaway himself.

Justin went to work not long after, and Brian went to visit his son for a while before returning to the loft. He needed to get some important personal documents that he needed to discuss with his lawyer the next day.

Unfortunately though, Michael was sitting on the top stairs, standing up as he saw Brian lifting the elevator door.

“Brian, hey…” He greeted nervously.”

“What are you doing here?” Brian sternly said.

“I want to talk to you.” When Brian didn't move to open the door, Michael said, “Please, Brian. I just want to talk, promise.”

Brian glanced down to his wristwatch and saw it was already 11 o'clock in the morning. He moved to open his door and slid it wide enough to let them enter.

“Okay, talk.” Brian said sitting down on an armchair.

Michael followed and took the sofa and let out a deep breath. “I want to say I'm sorry, Brian. I realized that, what I did to you was so out of line. I should've listened to you when you said I should respect what you want.”

“Honestly, Michael, I never thought you'd stoop that low. We might be lovers before but we are friends first and foremost, and friends don't do that to each other. I respected you because I always treated you as family. And that was the only reason I didn't call a police on you.”

Michael was starting to cry, wiping his face and nose with his sleeve, but he still remained silent.

“I didn't ask for my memory to be wiped out like this but I have to try to live with it. I'm not the same anymore, Michael, nothing will be the same anymore, I'm not that Brian anymore.”

“It's just too hard-- to-- accept, Brian.” Michael hiccuped the words out. His face was blotchy from crying.

“I know. It's hard for me, too, honestly. One third of my life was missing, Michael, and there's a possibility that I won't be getting it back. But I have to accept it and moved on, I want you to do that, too.”

“I promise to try. But, babe, please forgive me. I want us to be friends again.”

“First, stop calling me babe. You never call me that in public, so I know it's really not a hardship on you. Second, I have always been a friend to you, it was you who wanted to throw it away. Lastly, don't try, do it. If you think you can't, then I'm sorry but I can't be around you anymore.”

“No, Brian! I'll do it, I promise I'll do it. It would be like the old times, you and me best friends for life.” Michael tried to sound enthusiastic and convincing.

Brian gave his friend an encouraging nod, standing up to subtly tell Michael that the talk was over.

Michael pursed his lips together and nodded understandingly. “I should go.” He said pointing to the door.

Brian nodded and walked him to the door. Michael told him that he'd call Brian the next day, then he was out of the loft.

He glanced down to his watch to check the time and searched for his important documents. It was already half past eleven.

He smiled triumphantly as he found the papers and proceeded to call the massage clinic to make an appointment.

He actually didn't need to take some clothes with him because almost half of his wardrobe, except for his suits, were already taking residence in Justin's closet.

They should be talking about their living arrangements, but Brian was too aware of how soon it was for them to even think about that. But they were already almost living together and Justin seemed to be fine with it. So, why not make it official? It would be better though if Justin would agree to move to a bigger apartment. 

Well, he'd try to broach the subject while they were vacationing in South Beach. Justin would surely protest about the rent, but he'd try to find a compromise with his boyfriend. If not, then he'd be happy to just move in with Justin.

It was not a question anymore if he was in love or not, as he stood there, he couldn't even imagine sleeping alone in his huge empty bed without his blond on his side anymore.

Their afternoon went great. Brian was outside the Starbucks at exactly one p.m., driving them to the Wellness Spa salon. They had enough time to eat a light lunch and so they went to the little resto bar two doors down.

Brian booked them a special couple package that made Justin's eyes widened after learning the price. Brian knew his boyfriend was uncomfortable whenever he spent too much on him. He understood where Justin was coming from, though.

He sure would hear something about their South Beach vacation when it would finally sink in with Justin. But he'd deal with his boyfriend’s queening out whenever the time comes.

Toby and Kai would be their masseurs, but different staffs would be doing their various other treatment as well. Their packages included a custom facial + a body scrub + a 90 minutes massage + a hydrotherapy soak + the manicure and pedicure.

It was so relaxing that they both fell asleep after the massages.

They were out of the Spa at seven o'clock in the evening, feeling revitalized and invigorated.

***

“Justin, can I asked you something?” The brunet asked as they were lying in bed that night.

“Sure.” Justin was running his thumb on Brian's jaw.

“Where is your family?”

He felt his boyfriend stilled for a moment, then he cleared his throat.

“My father can't accept a faggot son, he threw me out when I came out and wanted to divorce my mother because she was kind of okay with me being gay. But I have a little sister and they had a pre-nup agreement that would basically left my mother with nothing. My dad threatened to take her to court for my sister’s custody.”

Brian listened with a frown on his face. “Where is your mom and sister now?”

“My dad gave her another option, they can stay married but they will have to move to my father’s hometown, Syracuse, and start their life there. My dad sold his two electronic stores here and moved my mom and Molly away. I don't know, but I guess, It wasn't easy for my mom, but I understand why she had to do that. Molly’s future is more important than her principle. I was adult at that time, Molly was only eight.”

“When did it happen?”

“Just before I turned eighteen. I stayed with a friend.”

“Boyfriend?”

Justin was silent, then minutely nodded his head.

“He had hurt you, too, didn't he? Your boyfriend, I mean.”

“I was young.” He whispered, “And I hurt him, too.” Justin bit his lower lip.

“Did you-- did you love him?” Brian's chest was beating so fast. It was crazy but he was actually jealous that Justin might've loved his first boyfriend and the thought that he could still be in love with the guy was twisting his heart so tight.

“It didn't matter now, Brian. I have you now, and I will always be with you as long as you have me. Right at this moment, nothing and no one could make me give you up. It's you that I want to be with, kissing me, making love to me, eating breakfast with me.”

Brian's heart leaped up after hearing his boyfriend's words. He was so happy knowing Justin was beginning to love him, too. He could feel it, he knew his feelings were reciprocated and Brian couldn't ask for more.

“I feel the same, mo chroí.” He said lovingly to Justin.

“Hey, I was meaning to ask you but I always get distracted. What's ‘me kree’? You've been calling me that since we first had sex.”

“It's Gaelic for ‘My Heart’.”

Justin glanced up in wonder, “You've been calling me that all this time?”

Brian bit his lower lip and nodded, he looked almost shy.

“Yeah, you are my heart from the very start. You have it since that night I saw you at Romeo's.” He kissed Justin softly, “I feel like you already have it even before I met you. And I have a feeling that you will always have it, Justin.”

Justin's eyes began to tear up and he kissed Brian so passionately. The brunet felt the tears rolling down Justin's face and he pulled away to wipe it.

“Hey, it's okay. We'll be okay.” Brian said pecking him on his lips.

“You always have mine, too, Brian.”

Brian was surprised by that. It wasn't because he didn't think Justin meant it, as a matter of fact, he totally believed him because he felt it. But he was just surprised from the conviction in his voice. Justin sounded like it was an obvious fact already and that Brian should've known it for so long now.

***

Michael started to text Brian the next day. To his relief, it was only to greet him ‘good morning’. He busied himself checking for the best accommodation for their thanksgiving getaway in between meetings all day long. In the end, he chose the The 1 Hotel that had the most positive reviews.

He had to be careful not to book the most lavish suite, he knew his boyfriend would already go ballistic with what he got for them.

The days had gone by, and by Tuesday evening, two days before thanksgiving, Brian was waiting for his boyfriend outside the school campus to go on their flight to Miami. They only had enough time to check in and it was time to go.

Brian flew them in business cabin instead of first class seat. Justin was excitedly vibrating beside him and Brian held his hand most of their flight.

As expected, Justin went nuts after checking the suite Brian had for them. The hotel itself was so luxurious that made the blond's head spin.

“Just let me do this, Justin. I want to do this for us. Please…” Brian kissed his neck while wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's stomach from behind.

“I'm just…” Justin tried to explain but he knew that he couldn't say no to Brian. Justin wanted them to enjoy this moment.

“Don't make money be an issue for us. I know you are a proud man, Justin, but I hope one day we can say that what mine is yours and yours is mine.”

Justin reached for his cheek and moved his head to kiss Brian's chin. “Okay”.

Brian turned Justin to face him. Then he proceeded to show how his boyfriend made him feel like the luckiest man on earth.

***

Brian's phone was blaring the next morning waking them both up from deep slumber. He took it from his bedside table, answering it without checking who was calling him.

It turned out to be Michael.

“ ‘Lo?” Brian croaked on the phone turning his head to the other side and finding the back of Justin's neck. He kissed and sighed contentedly on it.

“Brian? Brian are you at the loft?” 

“Mikey? Why are you calling this early in the morning?” He shifted and spooned Justin to him.

“It's not that early, silly, it's already eleven. I'm outside your loft. Are you inside?”

Brian opened his eyes and smiled thinking why they were tired that morning. He shifted his lower limbs and felt the sting in his ass that Justin had given him last night.

“No. I'm out.”

“Oh. Uh, where are you? I can wait until you come in. But you've changed your lock and--”

“Michael...” he cut him off. “I'm not in Pittsburgh.”

“You're not?” Michael's voice was shocked. “Are you working?”

Brian let out a sigh, “No. I'm on vacation.”

“Vacation?” His friend’s voice had gone an octave higher. “But how about the dinner at mom’s tomorrow evening?”

“I can't come, obviously.” Justin shifted to face him, giving him a smile and kissed his lips. Brian chuckled lightly kissing Justin back.

“What? Why? How about-- Are you in bed with someone?” Michael was trying to contain himself and Brian was too aware of that.

“Not your business, Michael. I need to go.”

“Wait, Brian! How about Gus? He would want you there.” Michael was trying to point out how bad the idea it was to just sprint out of Pittsburgh especially in thanksgiving.

“I already talked to my son yesterday. He understood, I promised to have dinner with him when I come back.”

“But I was at Lindsay's last night and she didn't say anything.”

“I said I talked to my son and not Lindsay. Why do I need to ask permission from her?” He was starting to get irritated.

“No, of course, of course you don't. We just want you there, Brian.”

“Now you know that I can't. Tell Debbie for me, please. Bye, Michael.” He closed the phone without waiting for a reply.

“Your friends will miss you tomorrow.” Justin murmured on his neck.

“Nah.” He shook his head. “They will be fine. They might actually enjoy the dinner now that I'm not going to be there. Besides, this way, I'm giving them reasons to talk more about me.”

Justin was quiet for a while, then his hand creeped down to Brian's butt making him start to heat.

“Don't even think about it, mo chroí. It's out of order for today.” Brian said, Justin chuckled and kissed the brunet's shoulder.

“No problem, I'm going to wait to feast on it tomorrow. I'll have it with my turkey baster here.”

Brian laughed out loud, rolling Justin to be on top of him. The young man moaned as their dicks lineup together.

“Ride me.” Brian requested as he sucked on his boyfriend's neck.

“My pleasure.”

***

Lindsay and Debbie had tried to call later that evening, but Brian both ignored the calls. Instead, he and Justin had strolled the length of the sand and dined in the hotel’s restaurant.

 

The next morning, they were lounging under a large umbrella on their patio facing the beach. Justin was slouched in between Brian's legs with his back glued to the brunet's chest. One of Brian's hand was holding a bowl of fresh mixed fruits in front of justin, while the other was holding a fork, feeding them both.

“Justin?” Brian tentatively called his boyfriend's attention.

“Hmm?” Justin hummed as he chewed a pineapple.

“What is your opinion about monogamy?”

Brian had admittedly been bothered about this especially when Justin hadn't given him even a hint about the subject. He wanted to know if the blond was pro-monogamy or if the idea of being monogamous would irk him.

“Honestly, Justin. I want to hear your take on this.” Brian said urging his boyfriend to tell him his mind about it.

“I guess, the idea of no other but you and I, is like an ultimate dream, Brian. It is like saying that we are enough for each other and already satisfied of what we've gotten at home to seek more from outside.”

Justin didn't look up at him, instead he moved his knee up, leaned his body towards it, and put his arms around it.

“But on the other hand, if you decide that you ‘have’ to do it, then I can live with it. I honestly prefer for us to be opened and just set some boundaries maybe, but it's better than pretending.” Justin glanced back from his shoulder and gave him a small smile.

“I guess, what I want to know is if you want to be with anyone other than me.” Brian asked looking back at him.

Justin looked out at the ocean for few silent moments, then shaking his head.

“No.”

Brian waited for him to continue but he didn't say more after that. Brian actually felt relieved to hear that because he didn't know what to do if Justin wouldn't want to be monogamous with him. He might go crazy thinking someone else was touching him. 

Brian didn't say anything but fed him a kiwi chunk and ate the last piece of mango. Then he set the bowl aside and took Justin to his body and held him tightly nuzzling his neck.

“I'm glad we're on the same page.” He continued nuzzling Justin's neck. “I don't want to be with anyone else, either. No one but you.”

Justin looked up at him with an unreadable expression. Then his face broke out into a big smile and kissed him fervently.

***

It was after lunch that Brian called Debbie. She was a lot calmer than Brian thought she would be. She asked why he couldn't come for thanksgiving dinner, and when he told her he was away for a much needed vacation, she somewhat distractedly say, “Good for you. Enjoy your time.”

“Everything's all right, Deb?” He knew he was pulling away from his so called family and friends, but Debbie would still be someone who had literally saved him when his own mother couldn't even bother. She patched him up number of times from the beating he took from his father, and his mother had only watched and took a sip from her sherry bottle.

Debbie was a great mother to Michael. He couldn't remember how many times he had wished she was his mother, too. He didn't care if he would grow up like Michael did, he actually felt Michael was lucky he didn't have a father.

He could say Debbie wasn't really thrilled with him when he started showing up at her house with Michael. She loved her son and wanted him to be happy and Michael seemed to be oddly happy with his company.

At times when he found himself alone with her, she always reminded him to take care of his son and to be sure Michael wouldn't get into trouble because of him.

He really didn't understand it at first, because as far as he was concerned, he was the one saving Michael from being bullied at school. That was how they had met actually. He saw him being pinned to the wall by three big boys. He scared them away and Michael kind of latched on him after that.

One week later, he found Michael surrounded by the same bullies again asking for his money. He pushed one of them who stumbled down to the ground but Brian didn't expect a punch to his jaw from one of the others.

Michael insisted that they'd go to his house and let his mother checked on it, that was the first time he went to the Novotny's house. Debbie was looking at Brian askance. When she asked what had happened, Michael just told her that someone had tried to punch Brian.

Debbie skeptically looked at Brian but helped to clean his cut with an antiseptic, nevertheless. She didn't say much but her body language said it all, it clearly said she didn't like Brian befriending his son.

The bully had stopped for a while because Michael was practically tied to his hips. Brian was supposed to get away from him, he didn't want how Michael evaded the truth to his mother about him being punched. When he asked him about it, he told Brian that he didn't want his mother to get more worried about him, she was already way too overprotective.

Brian tried doing his own thing, like going to the river to take pictures with his most prized possession. That was actually the only thing that made him happy for many months since he had the camera. But Michael kept insisting that he liked to see the places he took his pictures and Brian let him to tag along.

As someone who had grown in a house where everyone was ignoring him, who was constantly being told how he wasn't wanted, and the only time his father was giving him some of his precious time was to hit him, he would tend to like the attention Michael was giving him.

Michael looked up to him like he was a superhero, and with his comics filled brain, he was so certain that Brian would be there to protect him from the super villains. Brian was too aware of the situation with Michael, but the strange friendship made him feel somewhat important and being wanted for once, and Brian decided that he liked the feelings it bought him.

So, who cared if Michael never told Debbie that Brian's bruises were from his bullies? He also liked how he could act defiantly with every dubious looks he got from her. He was acting rebellious with her, maybe something that he couldn't do in his own house. But it was also because she never really cared to ask Brian his side and never even thought that Michael could be the reasons for his bruises. She just reckoned it was his fault that he was in trouble in the first place.

But then, there were those times when his bruises were from his father. And to his dismay, Michael had blurted out to his mother that his father was hitting him.

Debbie was an angel sent at those moments. She'd patch him up, gave him Ibuprofen and feed him with a plate full of pasta. He'd convinced her not to report anything to the child services, he said he didn't want to be in a foster home.

Fortunately, she agreed. She always helped him whenever he needed to be cleaned up, though sometimes she'd make snide remarks of him being a troublemaker who loved to provoke his father.

But she still did something that his own mother couldn't even be bothered. And she was so great with Michael, the best actually. She loved him so unconditionally and Brian had wished that he was her own son, too.

 

“Deb?” He asked again when she became silent.

“Oh, everything's fine. It's just Vic being stupid again.”

Brian closed his eyes and somewhat regretting that he even asked. “What did Vic do now?”

“He called yesterday saying that he wasn't really feeling well and therefore couldn't come to the dinner. He doesn't want his true family. What he wants is Rodney. Well, he can eat shit with Rodney!”

Debbie started her words calmly but somehow ended it shouting.

“Debbie, did you consider that Vic might really not feeling well?”

“I know an excuse if I hear one.” Brian felt those words weren't only for Vic.

“Okay. Gotta go now, Debbie. Happy thanksgiving.”

“Yeah, you too.”

So, Debbie was in a foul mood, what's new? But Brian thought Vic wouldn't blow his sister's thanksgiving dinner if he didn't have a real reason to do it. Like he wasn't really feeling well.

He decided to call Vic, even if it was only to wish him happy thanksgiving. The sick man answered him after five rings and had a hint of happiness to hear Brian's voice.

“Hey, Brian…” He softly answered.

“Hey, Vic. I, uh, I just want to greet you a happy thanksgiving. I am not in town, so…”

Vic chuckled a bit, then breathe heavily, “Let me guess, my sister laid it on you, too.”

Brian smiled a bit. He and Vic might not be that close ever since, or they might become closer-- who knows, but he remembered he was always pleasant to talk to.

“Nah. Not really. She was to you, though.”

Vic was silent for a while. “I'm sure she did.”

“Are you okay, Vic?”

“Not really, kiddo. But, I still got it. So, where do you spend your thanksgiving?”

“South Beach.”

“Hmm, nice. And I bet you have someone there to warm your bed, huh?” Vic was sounding a bit mischievous.

Brian smiled looking at his boyfriend who was sketching the beautiful beaches in front of the floor to ceiling glass windows. 

He was momentarily distracted and Vic chuckled lightly.

“I guess, you have your ‘special’ getaway, huh, kiddo?” He chortled.

“Yeah”, he shyly said. He wasn't still comfortable telling someone about his private affairs, even if it was Vic, well, especially Vic and Debbie, it was just a courtesy for being the mother and uncle of his ex.

“I'm glad that you are moving on. Not that I didn't think, uh, you know-- I mean, that's life.” Vic sounded perplexed all of a sudden. Brian thought, it was because of the near slipped of the tongue about his past relationship.

“Yeah…” Brian worried his lips. “I am moving on.”

“Just like what the song said, Sometimes Love just ain't enough.” Vic let out a deep sigh.

Brian never had any talked about his previous relationship to anyone except for Michael, of course. This was the first time that anyone from their circle of friends had actually mentioned it.

He thought it was because their friends were all aware about the relationship being on the edge already, what's with him not remembering anything. Brian was almost sure that Michael was blabbing everything to the gang and so they didn't want to give their two cents that might stress it even more. 

It could also be because he didn't really get closer and didn't interact with anyone of them, he just didn't feel comfortable where he could actually talk to them about his personal life.

Vic could be a good one to talk to, but by the time Brian was released from the hospital, Vic was also starting to get sick. Not a couple of months after, he was being hospitalized due to his organs shutting down. He was so sick for few months while his doctors tried for the combination of cocktails that his body wouldn't reject.

He got better for a month or so after finding a good combination of drugs but it was rejected again by his body that made his heart collapsed.

He was hospitalized for the second time where he met Rodney. He was there to visit a friend who was occupying the bed in the same room as Vic. He guessed, the two got to talking and hit it off since then.

Vic was hospitalized again for the third time in the middle of that year. After few months of recuperating, Vic moved in with Rodney. He actually got better after that. But his doctor still haven't gotten to finding the right combination for him. Every trials was being rejected by his body.

There wasn't really a time where he and Vic could really sit and talk. Even if there were few occasions that they could've, Brian wasn't about to open up to someone that he really didn't know. Vic could have talked to him, though, but the man was busy living his life with his boyfriend. He couldn't begrudge him the time that he wanted to be with the love of his life.

But hearing him now giving his two cents about Brian's previous relationship, he felt like, given a chance, Vic could be a great friend.

 

“I know. I mean, I can't even remember anything, but-- yeah, I guess I want to close that chapter of my life. I want to have a new one.”

“Well, I guess Michael has told you, I shouldn't be surprised, even if he was the one insisting on not saying anything about it. We all decided not to mention it to you because of your amnesia especially when the doctor told us it was better for you to remember on your own. But, hey, kiddo, if one door closes, a window will open. Just remember that.”

“Yeah, Michael has told me. He told me everything about it. I still can't believe that we---” he sighed deeply. “I guess, it's better that it has ended now that I can't remember any of it.”

“It ended because you two weren't communicating anymore. I know you both still love each other but it wasn't easy to have a relationship when you weren't on the same page with one another. I was rooting for you two, you know. I have seen how he made you happy, Brian.”

That made Brian so quiet. His mind was reeling about Michael making him happy and they were both in love with each other. He felt a little guilty thinking how he didn't feel that way anymore.

Then his eyes caught the sight of Justin still hunched down on his sketch book. He knew then and there that he had made the right decision. He’d never regretted that he had met Justin. Even if the consequences of that was letting a lover of nine years to go.

“I think, it just wasn't meant to be.” He said in a soft voice. Michael was still Vic’s nephew and he didn't want to hurt the man by saying awful things about his ex.

“Yeah, I guess so. Did anyone knows about this companion of yours?” Vic’s voice had turned mischievous in split second.

Brian smiled again, “No. I want it to be private for now.”

“Good thinking. Anyway, nice talking to you, kiddo. You take care, okay?”

“Okay, Vic. Thanks. You take care, too.”

Then Brian closed the phone.

“Is Vic okay?” Justin asked from the chair, looking at him with obvious worry on his face.

“I don't really think so. But he said he still got it, whatever that means.”

Brian had told Justin about his friends. He told him how he met Michael, Vic and Debbie, how he knew Lindsay from his art class. Brian told him how he couldn't remember meeting Emmett, Ted and Mel, and how they all seemed not to connect with each other anymore.

Brian also told him how Vic was suffering from his illness and how his sister hadn't been so supportive about having his own life with his boyfriend.

With all that, Justin just listened. He asked a couple of questions but he just mostly listened.

“He knows that I have someone with me on this getaway.”

“Really? What did he say?” Justin placed his sketch book on the table and walked up to him on the other side of the room.

“He agreed that I kept you from them. Justin, does it bother you?” Brian was thinking about this actually. He wanted to show Justin to his friends, but he knew it wasn't the right time. 

Brian and Michael's relationship might be over, but it wouldn't be so polite to throw Justin on his face. Then there were Debbie and the gang. Debbie was Michael's mother and was so protective of him. Brian didn't want to put Justin in scrutiny or worse, scorned Debbie and Michael would be a disaster waiting to happen.

“It doesn't, Brian. Maybe in time, we all get to know each other. But there is always the right time for everything. I trust you to know when it would be.”

Brian cupped his boyfriend's face and leaned down to kiss it. “How did I get so lucky to have you?”

“I'm the lucky one.” Justin blushed.

“Okay, we are both lucky to find each other. Deal?”

They sealed the deal with another round of shower sex that made them took an hour of nap after.

They had their thanksgiving dinner later that evening at the hotel’s restaurant. Then, Brian held his hand and took him to walk on the beach as the sun was setting on the horizon. It was an exquisite view, something that would take your breath away.

They had been walking for fifteen minutes when Brian stopped him and looked over to the pink and orange hues painting the darkened sky.

“Do you believe in fate or destiny?” He asked softly, still not letting Justin's hand go.

“Yeah. I do.” Came the soft reply.

“I doubt it if my missing eleven year old mind would believe in something so sentimental like this. But, I do, you know. I do believe that we were destined to meet, we are destined to be together, and we are meant…” Brian shifted to face Justin and held the back of his neck. “... And that we are meant to fall for each other.”

Justin's eyes widened as he heard his boyfriend's words.

“I can't explain it, neither do I want to think so much about it, but I know, I know that I love you, Justin. It's crazy to think how I can feel like this when I just met you. But I do, and I want you to know that.”

Justin's eyes were full of tears and it fell down his cheeks as he closed his eyes. Brian's hands were still holding Justin's neck and he held onto the brunet's arms that was hanging on his shoulders.

“I believe you are my destiny, Justin. I feel like I already loved you even before meeting you.”

Brian lifted his face, cupping his cheeks and wiped his tears with his thumbs.

“Don't cry, mo chroí. I don't want you to cry. I want to make you smile and I'll do my best to make you smile until we get old and gray and all wrinkly.”

Justin chuckled at that and Brian leaned down to kiss his lips. The kiss got hot and Justin was scratching Brian's back while Brian's hands were on Justin's hair and neck, pulling the blond closer to him.

When they pulled apart, Justin looked up from under his lashes and whispered, “I love you, too, Brian. I love you so much.”, and the young man's breathe hitched.

Brian might want to hear Justin saying the words back at him, too, but he didn't expect to hear it at that moment. And hearing it coming from his boyfriend's mouth, it was just so surreal. He didn't know that a person could possibly feel so high and so happy just from hearing that three little words.

He excitedly took his boyfriend to his arms and lifted him from the ground. Justin was giggling, saying, “Put me down, Brian!”

They ended up rolling on the sand. They both rode the excitement and happiness they were feeling until they were out of breath.

Brian settled on top of Justin and placed his nose on the crook of Justin's neck, kissing it lightly. Justin was playing with Brian's hair who was well aware that it must be full of sands by now.

“Justin, I want to live with you.” Brian suddenly blurted out. This day was certainly a day of revelations.

Justin's hand stilled for a moment, then it resumed to run through his hair again.

“We are living together. We are sleeping together every night.” Justin's voice was so soothing.

“Yeah, but it's not official though. I still go to my loft in the morning to change to my suit. I still have my computer there, too, and my collection of shoes and--”

“I'd love for you to move in with me, Brian, you know that. But I don't think my closet could accommodate all your clothes. Even if I will take my own clothes out, my closet is still small for your wardrobe.”

“I guess.” Well, this was it. Brian took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Hear me first okay? If you don't agree, I'll back off, I promise.” Then he leaned back and settled himself on his elbows taking some of his weight off of Justin.

“Okay.”

“We can check another apartment. A slightly bigger one than what's yours now. We can have one much nearer to your campus or wherever we decide to have.”

“I guess it's all right. But I want to pay half the rent.” Brian had known Justin would say this.

“How about we open an account, a joint one, then you can put your share there, the same amount you are spending now on your rent, utilities and food. Would that be okay for you?”

“I think you are leaning on to lease a high end apartment. Let's just get a reasonable one, Brian.” Justin absently ran his hand on the brunet's arm.

“Of course, we can. But you need a studio and I want a study, even just a tiny one. We should get a bigger dining room, so we can eat at the table if we decide to, in lieu of the sofa.”

“But what about your place?” Justin asked in a soft, tentative voice.

“I want to sell it.”

Justin shockingly gaped up at him.

“You really shouldn't, Brian. I mean, I think you should wait until you can at least remember something from your past.”

“Why is that?” Brian curiously looked down at him.

“Well, the place might have some sentimental values to you, you know. I don't want you to regret selling it when someday you'll find out its importance to you.”

Brian looked blankly at him, his mind was actually thinking that the loft must be the place where he and Michael mostly spent together for nine years and that life for him was over. He actually wasn't comfortable bringing Justin there, he hadn't even given Justin the extra key he had for him. 

And it wasn't because he didn't want to taint whatever memories he might have there with Michael, but it was because he wanted to separate Justin from the life that he couldn't even remember.

It didn't make any sense, but he wanted his life with Justin be away from his friends, away from his past. He knew he needed to introduce him to them one day, but if he could, he wouldn't.

“I don't know about regrets, but I know that it's not my home anymore.”

Justin had this unreadable expression again. 

“Just wait, Brian. Please don't make any hasty decisions, okay? That's all I'm asking.”

Brian nodded and leaned down to kiss him.

“Okay. I guess it's okay. It's all been paid and it only needs to be cleaned once a week.”

Justin smiled up at him and Brian kissed him again. They kissed and groped until they were both so rock hard and rutting on to each other.

“Justin, I want you in me.” Brian whispered in his ear.

“Then let's go. I'm ready to have my feast.”

***

Friday and Saturday came so fast. It was a lovely and relaxing vacation that they both surely wouldn't forget. 

When it was time for their flight back home, both was a little sad that they couldn't have this paradise for longer than three days.

Brian said they should try going to Maldives on their next vacation which made Justin to totally agree.

They arrived at Justin's apartment, or their shared apartment now, at five in the afternoon. They were so tired that they just unpacked and threw their soiled clothes to the hamper and slept soundly until four in the morning.

They went to have their breakfast at Starbucks a little earlier as they were both hungry from not having dinner the other night. Seth, who was always scheduled to open the shop at five was a little surprised to see them that early but happy to serve his friends, nonetheless.

As they were munching their breakfast, the couple began planning about their move. Brian listed down the criteria they both wanted to have for the apartment.

So far, they both agreed to have three bedrooms. One for the master's bedroom, another for Justin's studio and the last one for Brian's study. They wanted a big closet, a good space for both dining and living room, too.

The location would not be too far from either the school or Justin's work.

They departed with a promise to have a dinner together later that evening.

Brian went back to their apartment and called a real estate agent and set an appointment with him. The agent, Jonathan, tried to get the specifics Brian preferred to have in an apartment. When they were done, he told Brian they could meet together the next day to check some apartments that he could find.

Brian went to visit Gus after that. Lindsay was a little uncharitable but Brian didn't give a shit, really. It was Gus he wanted to see, not her. Melanie just nodded at him in greetings and went back to reading a file.

Brian took Gus out and they went to the park to play, then a decision came to him as he was driving to take Gus for lunch.

It was only eleven thirty and Justin was catering to an older man carrying a newspaper. No one was on queue but there were some customers occupying the tables.

Justin broke out into a smile as he saw him, but his eyes had gotten bigger when he looked down and saw a mini Brian holding onto his boyfriend's hand.

Brian took his son onto his arms as he walked to the counter. He was smiling, and greeted Justin with a simple, “Hey”.

“Hey. This must be Gus.” He said shifting his eyes onto the kid clutching on Brian's arm, who was looking at Justin shyly.

“Yeah. This is Gus. Gus this Justin, he is daddy’s heart.” Brian said staring into his boyfriend who had this twinkle in his eyes while looking at his son. That utterly melted Brian's heart.

“Hi, Gus boy. How are you?” Justin greeted the little guy who was biting his thumb, looking a bit shy.

“ ‘Lo, daddy's heart. I'm okay, fhank you.” Both Brian and Justin had their ‘aww’ faces at the sweet kid.

“That's so sweet, Gus. Thanks for calling me daddy's heart.”

“Daddy said you are daddy's heart.” He innocently said.

“Yes, he is daddy's heart. Now, daddy's heart is going to be busy in a while, why don't we order. What do you want to eat?” Brian asked his son, giving him a kiss on his forehead.

Gus was looking at the food through a glass counters and pointed to chocolate cookies.

“Okay, why don't we have two chicken paninis and two cookies. A glass of milk for the little guy here and black coffee for his gorgeous daddy. Kindly add a bottle of water, mo chroí.”

Justin gave him a sweet smile and nodded. Telling him to take a sit with Gus and he'd bring the food over to them.

Not long after, Justin was walking up to them with a tray on his hands. Brian stood up as soon as he saw his boyfriend and took the tray from him.

“Thank you, do you have a time to sit with us?” He hopefully asked, looking back at the counter to see if it was busy. He was happy to see it was empty and the other female worker, Bea, was standing behind wiping the counter.

“Yeah, but only for few minutes, though.”

He sat opposite Gus giving the kid his cup of milk and placing one plate of panini in front of him.

“But I want cookie.” Gus said looking at the sweet food that was placed in front of Justin.

“Yes, this cookie is yours. But you need to eat your lunch first, okay? It will make you grow tall and big as daddy.” Justin said seriously. He talked to Gus like he was an adult person.

“Okay. Then I can have my cookie, daddy's heart?” Gus was looking at Justin with his big brown eyes.

“Of course. I'm just keeping it safe right here.”

Then Gus nodded enthusiastically and bit on his panini sandwich.

“You are good with children.” Brian commented as he bit on his own panini, too. Justin smiled while drinking Brian's coffee. Brian noticed that his boyfriend was looking at his son so fondly, and their interaction was quite easy and seemingly familiar. “We have an appointment with a real estate agent tomorrow at 1:30. Is that okay?”

Justin nodded his head in affirmation. After ten minutes, the blond regretfully noticed three people lining up at the counter, he stood up to help Beatrice.

The customers picked up by that time as the lunchtime was imminent.

He hadn't had the time to go back to Brian and Gus before they finished their meals. Brian went up to him with a sleepy Gus on his arms, saying he'd be back at one.

Then Gus was waving to him and said, “Buh-bye, daddy's heart.”

A collective ‘awws’ was heard from the line in front of Justin. The blond waved back and made a gesture of blowing a kiss to the kid.

***

Brian was closing the door to Gus’ bedroom when Lindsay appeared in front of him.

“Bri, hey…” She started tentatively, running her fingers on her loose bangs curling it to the back of her ear.

“Hey, Gus is napping. I better get going.” He said starting to walk down the stairs, but Lindsay grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Brian, I hope you will not make it a habit of going away from your son in every holidays that we will celebrate.”

Brian shrugged the hand on his arm and turned to look at Lindsay.

“Whatever I decide for my holidays is no one's business but mine. I told Gus before I left for my vacation. As far as I'm concerned, he understood. So, I don't see any problem with that.”

Lindsay bit her lower lip, “Why didn't you tell me and Mel?”

“Why? My concern is for Gus, and only Gus, not you and your wife. So, if you are finished, I need to get going.”

“What happened to you, Peter? What happened to our friendship? Why are you detaching yourself too much from me, from us your friends? It's been two years since the accident but you are becoming more distant than ever before.” Her eyes started to get misty.

“I'm not your Peter anymore. I'm not sure how'd you even do that to me, to make me believed in something so idiotic and foolish. I'm still solving the puzzle. The idea of Wendy and Peter who never grow up were ludicrous and ignorant. And I'm neither an idiot nor ignorant.”

“Bri, why are you being like this? This is the amnesia talking not the real you.” Her tears were falling freely now.

“No, this me talking, the real Brian Kinney. I don't want to be that person I became, Lindsay. Because I tell you I would never give up my son. I would never agree to be just a donor, not with the childhood that I had. I don't know what you did that you had me agreed to this, but I hate it. I hate it so much.”

This was the first time Brian had laid what he was feeling to any of the gangs. He guessed, even him had limits when it came to bottling up emotions.

“You never told me-- why didn't you say that you wanted us to have a family--” Lindsay's face was blotchy, and she rested her fists on her chest.

“I don't want a family with you. Not that kind of family, at least. It's about my rights, Lindsay, and the fact that I considered giving a sample then just signing my kid to you like he was a fucking dog. I have difficulty in understanding it.”

“We never manipulated you. You signed it like what we have discussed. It was a deal, Brian.”

“Maybe, that's why I hated the man that I become. I will do my best not to be that man again. I want to be a better dad for my son.”

“But we loved you, with all your imperfections, Brian. We loved how you were so honest and got the balls to tell us like how it was. You loved yourself, too, Brian. You got whatever you wanted when we were younger, the looks, the wealth, the power, and everything in between. You were happy, Brian. You loved life, you loved being worshipped by those men who were literally drooling for you. That's who you are and we loved every inch of you!”

“That's not what I want to be. That's not me. I don't want to be that man.” Brian said in conviction.

“What's going on here?” Melanie asked from down the stairs. She was looking between the blotchy Lindsay and the flushing Brian.

“I was just asking Brian about thanksgiving. I told him it wasn't fair to Gus that his father was absent during dinner.” Lindsay said turning to smile at Melanie.

“I also told her that I am not Peter. I will never be Peter again. I want to actually grow up, unlike her.”

Then he looked at Lindsay first then at Melanie and continued to climb down the stairs, leaving an open mouthed Melanie behind.


	8. Chapter 8

“Michael, are you trying to wake up the dead?”

Brian asked as he saw his friend knocking furiously on his door. Michael turned to him after hearing his voice, firing his questions like a machine gun.

“Brian! Where have you been? I was calling you since yesterday, why didn't you answer your phone? Lindsay told me you've been back from your vacation and already went to see Gus. I came here last night but you weren't home-- what's going on, Brian?”

“Can I get inside my loft first before you question me?”

Michael looked contrite but then he started the inquisitions again as soon as they entered the door.

“Michael-- Michael!” Brian interrupted him mid-interrogation.

“What?”

“Listen to me. I don't need anyone's permission when I want to go anywhere. You don't have the right to question me of my whereabouts nor I needed to tell you about it.”

“I know that, Brian.” He said looking rejected. “I was just worried, you know.”

“But you see now that I'm fine and still alive, you can lay off the questions. If I want to share anything to you, I would tell you without asking.”

“Sorry, Bri.” Michael apologetically said following Brian's every move with his eyes as he went to change to his suit.

“Uh, you're not going to shower?” Michael looked so flabbergasted.

Brian stared back at Michael, looking irate. Then he calmly answered.

“I already had my shower.”

“You take a bath at a trick’s hou--” Michael stopped mid sentence as Brian shot him a deathly glare.

“Sorry. Uh, you want to get breakfast before you go to work?” His friend tried again.

Brian was shaking his head. “I already had my breakfast.”

“At the trick’s hou--” Michael cut his own words this time. Shuffling to his feet, he walked to the door and said his goodbye to Brian, he was clearly aggravated.

He was actually busy that Monday morning. They had so much things to do, so much papers to sign and so much artwork to revision.

He called Cynthia at around twelve and asked her to order one double cheeseburger with fries and one Caesar’s salad without croutons. Then he added one coke and a bottle of water.

“You order yours if you want, charged it on me.” He additionally told her.

Cynthia was surprised by the request. He knew Brian wasn't a big eater and obviously the food wasn't for him. But she knew when to keep her mouth shut.

The food came after thirty minutes and Cynthia brought it to Brian's office. She was surprised when he started to eat the salad and drank the water, but leave the rest of the food in the bag.

She was even more surprised when his boss stood up after eating and took the bag with him telling Cynthia that he was going out for lunch and be back at around three.

Brian then drove to Starbucks and Justin was already waiting for him outside. After they kissed, Brian gave the bag to his boyfriend, telling him he was sorry that Justin got to eat in the car, they didn't have time to have a proper lunch. They needed to meet the agent in less than 15 minutes.

Justin didn't mind but asked him if he had his lunch. When he said yes, the blond started to dig in his food and Brian pulled off from the parking lot.

They met Jonathan at the building few blocks away from Justin's school, but to the opposite direction of his work. The building was actually great, they had the necessary security for the tenants. The apartment was in second floor and it had three rooms. But because it was in lower level and there were tall building apartment next to it, the windows didn't have much sunlight coming in.

Jonathan showed them another one that wasn't very far from the first. But Brian didn't like it due to the easy access to the main door of the building. It was faulty and not very upgraded. Brian was particular with their safety, so it was a no.

After that, Justin needed to go to his class. Jonathan promised to have more apartment that he’d show them by the time they would meet again.

They all decided to meet on Wednesday afternoon, and Brian would only work half day, Justin would be off that day.

They left the apartment and Brian drove his boyfriend to school, then driving back to the office.

 

Brian drove to the loft and brought a number of suits, shirts and ties before going home to Justin. He didn't want to go back to the loft the next day or the day after that.

***

On Wednesday, they had the rare days for waking up late and had breakfast in bed. Brian went to work at eight thirty leaving his boyfriend to sleep some more.

Brian came home after one and they went out to eat lunch then met Jonathan. They checked two more apartments but there was always something wrong about them.

Then Jonathan was looking apprehensively at Brian when he asked what else he got for them, he hesitated a bit.

Then he proceeded to tell the couple about a house he thought they might want to check out. Justin was telling Brian that they agreed on apartment not a house. Brian hugged his boyfriend and smiled down at him, he told Justin to relax. They were just going to check it out and if Justin didn't want it, then they wouldn't take it.

That made the young man felt a little better. The house was almost a mile and a half away from the campus. It was two story with five feet high perimeter fence.

Brian looked so seemingly interested especially when Jonathan said the house had an upgraded alarm system. The garage was big enough for two cars and the house itself was great.

It had four bedrooms, three on the second floor and another that rather small room at the ground floor. It had also four toilet and bath, and the one at master’s bedroom had a tub that big enough for two people. The living room was spacious and airy, and the kitchen and dining were just perfect.

Brian was looking around longingly and Justin was so torn. He knew this would cost too much and he couldn't certainly pay even just quarter of the monthly payment. 

Could he really swallow his pride for Brian? Justin actually loved the house, too. Having four rooms would mean there would be one available for Gus or anyone who needed a guest room.

“Is this house for lease or the owner is actually selling?” Justin heard his boyfriend asking Jonathan.

“This is for sale actually, Brian. The owner was a sixty nine year old widower who moved in with her only daughter in Seattle. She actually has this price considerably lower than its valued market price. This is a winner, in my opinion, especially it includes all what's inside. But of course, the decision will be yours and Justin.”

Brian was looking at his boyfriend. He was assessing his reaction but Justin was looking a bit confused.

He asked Jonathan to give them a little time to talk and Brian lead Justin to the second floor and went inside the master's bedroom.

Brian asked his boyfriend his opinion about the house in which the young man had answered him truthfully, as much as he could.

“I love it, Brian. Who wouldn't?” He softly said, walking to the vanity that was made from English oak and ran his hand on it.

“But…?” Brian urged him to say.

“You know why. But, I couldn't be selfish and make that the reason why we can't have this house. I'll contribute whatever I could to our account and maybe someday I can do more.”

Brian couldn't contain his happiness and swooped in to hug his boyfriend.

“Thank you, thank you, mo chroí.” Brian said kissing Justin some more.

So, they made an offer and it was accepted by the next day. Brian texted Justin about it but hadn't had a reply until after one.

Justin called him squealing his happiness through the phone. Brian was so glad that his boyfriend did this for them, that just showed how perfect they were for each other.

Brian had already called his accountant, Tony, about buying a house the other day. Tony told him the down payment wasn't an issue, Brian could even double it to lessen the mortgage in which Brian agreed.

Then he proceeded to the bank with all the papers from Jonathan and soon everything was done.

By Friday, Brian surprised Justin at dinner giving him the Manila envelope. The blond was funnily looking at him asking what it was.

“Just read it.” Brian coolly answered, he continued drinking from his wine glass.

Justin furrowed his forehead and slowly opened it, then his face broke out into a huge smile and his eyes were twinkling.

“Oh my god… We have it, Brian. I can't believe it. Oh my-- wait, you put my name on it.” He asked looking at Brian a little verklempt. 

“Of course, Justin. This is our house. Not mine, not yours, it's ours.”

Justin smiled happily and they toasted for the new house, to the new beginning and to a happy and long life together.

That night, they decided on what things they needed to replace and the things that would stay at the new house.

Almost every furnitures were of real beauty and it really complimented the interior. In the end, they both decided to just replace the mattresses and converted one room into studio and another for study. The living room sofa and dining table were all classy yet so comfortable, so they didn't replace it.

They only have to buy all the kitchen necessities, and maybe a new rug for the center table.

The constructors would start to do the two rooms by Monday and they said it would be finished and everything would be installed by Friday.

Everything was falling into place and they were both busy than they ever were. Justin found someone to sublet his place until he would be free from the rental agreement.

Brian had slowly packed his suits and his remaining wardrobe from the loft to the new house, leaving those that he rarely used anymore. By Wednesday, his computer and collections of movies and CDs and all the contents of his drawers were already at the new house, leaving the television behind.

The loft looked almost exactly how it used to be, except for the lack of computer on his desk and the closet contents.

For the week that he was busy juggling his work, packing his clothes from the loft, visiting Gus and spending time with his boyfriend, Michael was continuously calling him.

The call would range from a simple greetings, to an invitation to get shitface or doing some subtle inquisition.

He actually hadn't seen any of the gangs since he came back from vacation except for Michael, Lindsay and Melanie. And he thought they were all just fine with that.

By Thursday morning, Michael was calling his phone just as he sat on his desk. He wanted to have lunch that day with him saying that he had something important to tell him and that he missed his friend. He told Michael that he was swamped with work and couldn't go out that day, but they could meet at the lesbians’ house at five, he was going there to visit his son.

He arrived minutes later than five and Michael was already there sitting on the couch together with Lindsay and Melanie. Gus was on the floor playing with his truck set that was a gift from Justin last Sunday. Brian had gotten his son after his lunch nap instead of morning visit and the three of them went to Chuck E. Cheese. Justin had enjoyed as much as Gus did.

“Daddy!” His son excitedly said.

“Hey, Gus boy!” He smiled, crouching down and kissed Gus’ head.

“See my twain? It's beautiful.” He said lifting the train toy showing it to his daddy. Then he suddenly looked back at the doorway, “Where's daddy's heart?”

Brian's heart melted at that innocent face who was inquiring about his boyfriend. He smiled sweetly and cupped the back of Gus’ small head. 

“He's here inside.” He said while pointing to his own heart.

“Silly, daddy!” The little guy was giggling happily. “I want to see, daddy's heart, though.” Gus said after his bout of giggles.

“You will, but not today, okay, Sonny boy?” When Gus nodded, Brian kissed his forehead again.

“What are you showing my son, Brian? He's going on and on about your heart these past weeks. Just yesterday he cried and asked to see you and your heart. What's this all about, Brian?” Melanie asked with a hint of contempt in her voice.

“I'm not going to corrupt my son, Melanie, if that's what you mean.” He sternly said looking at her face.

“Brian, why don't you sit with us, Michael had something to tell you, well, we all wanted to tell you.” Lindsay smilingly said. Brian wanted to roll his eyes but stopped himself before he could contemplate doing it.

Michael had a shit eating grin pasted on his face. Brian sighed and walked to the space beside Michael and sit.

“Brian, I'm so excited!” His friend scooted closer and held his arm.

“About what?” He curiously asked looking between the three people sitting around.

“Melanie is pregnant and I'm the father! See? We all be connected! My kid will be siblings with yours.” Michael was bouncing.

The two lesbians were smiling to each other, too. That left him the only one who was less than enthusiastic.

“When did this happen?” He asked. He actually didn't mind if they wanted to have another child, it was their decision. But how did they decide Michael to father it?

Well, Michael was a good choice, he didn't have anything against that. He was just kind of surprised that Melanie didn't choose her best friend Ted.

“We decided for few months now, then Michael agreed and the procedure was done over a month ago. The doctor confirmed the pregnancy this morning.” Melanie smilingly said, she was happy and Brian could see that. He was happy for them, too.

He wondered if the procedure was done when he and Michael weren't speaking to each other just after the shower incident. Because this was something his friend couldn't keep from him that long.

“Congratulations to you all, then.” He sincerely said, hugging his friend sideways who latched on him after that.

“Well, this calls for a celebration and I have a champagne cooling in the fridge and sparkling water to both Mel and Gus.” Lindsay jumped from her chair and went to the kitchen.

She gave them all a long flute glasses and let Brian opened the champagne. He was relieved to dislodge Michael's hand on his arm. 

After he filled three glasses, Brian opened the sparkling water and filled another two, giving one to Melanie.

“Gus, come here.” He called the boy and let him sit on his lap. “We are celebrating, son.”

“What's cebrabation?” He looked up innocently at his daddy.

“Celebration. Here.” He gave the kid the glass who looked up hesitantly to his mothers. “Take it, just be careful and sip little by little. But first, let toast.”

Brian held Gus’ hand that was on the glass and guided it to his own and clicked together. “Drink”, he said to his son who copied his dad and drank a little from his glass.

“Congratulations, Gus.” Brian smiled to his son.

“Yeah, Gus you'll have a baby brother or sister after several months! We all be a big happy family!” Michael said exuberantly to the kid.

A chorused of “Michael!” was heard from the ladies.

Brian took the glass from his son’s hand and placed it on the coffee table. “Michael, let Melanie and Lindsay explain this to Gus.”

Then he stood up, carrying Gus to settle him between his mothers who proceeded to explain to the kid what was happening.

Gus understood as much as his four year old brain could process and went back to playing his train set.

At round six o'clock, Brian stood up to go. He kissed Gus and promised to visit again. He hugged him tightly when the kid asked, “I see daddy's heart, too?”

“Yes, very soon. Now, be good to your mothers, okay?”

Gus nodded and Brian started for the door when Michael said he wanted a ride from him, and Brian couldn't actually say no. Michael was still bouncing when Brian started to drive to Michael’s apartment.

“Could you believe it, babe? Our children will be siblings. We can have the daddy and children days out, we can bring them to the parks and go swimming. I'm so excited!”

Brian glanced at Michael and furrowed his brows, “Michael-- could you please stop calling me that stupid name?”

“Sorry.” His friend said, who looked a little contrite but then he smiled again and said, “Why don't we go and celebrate? We can go to Woody's now and Babylon later.” Michael was vibrating with excitement.

“I can't. I'm beat. It's really a busy week at the office.” Brian didn't take his eyes off of the road.

“We can just hangout at the loft, then. We'll order takeout and watch movie.” He tried again.

Brian shook his head. “No can do, Michael. Maybe next time.”

Well, that was a wrong thing to say. Michael took it as an opening and began to make plans for them.

“Okay, Saturday. It's a date, Brian. I mean a friendly date.”

Brian closed his eyes momentarily. They were in the middle of traffic and Brian was starting to get an headache.

“Not Saturday.” They were moving into the new house on Saturday morning. The mattresses and kitchen utensils had already been delivered and set that afternoon by Justin and the crews.

“Brian! Why are you being so difficult? I just want to celebrate with my friend. Why can't you even spare few hours for me from your busy schedule?” Michael whined, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Tuesday, the loft at six. Bring the beers.” He relented. He saw Michael shifted and tried to hug him, but stopped by the seat belt. “Bring Theodore and Emmett.”

Yeah, sue him but he still didn't trust his friend. He saw him became a little deflated but nodded, nevertheless.

He didn't flinch when Michael kissed him on the cheek before going out of the truck. He guessed, he was healing a little, too.

***

When he opened the door to their apartment at quarter before seven, Brian heard voices from the bedroom. As he got nearer to it, he surmised that Justin was in a heated discussion with someone, a female someone.

He hesitated to interrupt but he wanted to check what was happening and who was his boyfriend fighting with. He slowly opened the bedroom door just enough to see who was inside, noticing a fiery dark skin lady who he guessed the same age as Justin. 

Hmm, he thought he might have an idea who she was. Justin had told him about her in few occasions. He watched the scene in front of him and noticed that Justin was tense and flushing. He was pacing in front of the lady who was sitting on the side of their bed.

She looked so angry and shooting Justin a deathly stare. Then she suddenly yelled, “You are twisted in the head, Justin. How is this okay with you? You are cruel, you are not so different with those people you say you hated! I can't believe you---”

That didn't bode well with Brian. This lady might be Justin's best friend but she didn't get to do that especially in their own place. He wouldn't allow anyone disrespecting his boyfriend in front of him.

“Hey! That's enough! You don't get to yell at my partner ever again.” Brian stormed inside the room pointing to the lady. Justin jumped and looking like he was being told to stand in a firing squad.

“Brian!” Both Justin and his visitor said at the same time, both looking at him with shocked expression.

“Are you okay?” Brian asked Justin, mentally checking his boyfriend's appearance before hugging him to his chest protectively.

The lady stood up, looking a bit worried, yet Brian could still see the anger in her eyes. The tension in the room was palpable you could slice it with a knife.

“Justin, are you okay?” He asked again, looking down and kissing his forehead. When he heard a faint ‘yeah’, Brian glared at the lady who seemed get glued to the ground.

“Care to tell me why are you shouting and calling Justin names? I don't appreciate it, by the way.”

The lady shifted his eyes on Justin who was looking straight at her, too. They seemed to communicate wordlessly, which surprised Brian, and saw the renewed anger in lady's eyes.

Brian didn't know what had just happened. He was standing there with them and witnessed a battle between two people using only their eyes as weapons.

He'd find it amazing if he wasn't worried about Justin. He also wanted to know what was going on.

“Brian, I just-- Daphne and I had a little disagreement, but we are okay. Uh, God, I want you two to get to know each other, but you came just a minute too early.” Justin tried to diffuse the tension, still looking a bit flustered.

“So, you are Daphne.” He said flatly.

Daphne looked at Justin again. Then her eyes seemed to soften a bit and looked at Brian.

“You must be, Brian.” She offered her hand. 

Brian skeptically looked at her for a while but shook her hand in a silent pleading of truce, for the sake of Justin. He knew how Justin loved her friend. He sometimes told him some stories about their childhood and Brian could hear the longing in his voice.

According to Justin, Daphne was a pre-med student at John Hopkin’s University in Maryland. Justin hadn't seen her much since she left after high school graduation, but they communicated fairly well by email and some phone calls.

But the last time he saw her was last July. She came to attend her dad’s birthday and stayed for three days. They saw each other before she departed back to Baltimore and had gone for a movie and an ice cream.

She was so busy and Justin understood that. They had their own lives now but they still remained good friends.

“Yeah, I'm Brian. So, what were you two disagreeing about?” Brian looked between the two friends and saw them communicating again. 

He kind of got jealous seeing Justin connected with someone, that was not him, so deeply like this. He wanted to have that connection with Justin, too.

Well, he'd certainly work on that, but on the other hand, he was glad that Justin had someone he could lean on when he needed one. Daphne might be two hundred miles away from Justin, but Brian knew Justin could lean on her anytime he needed her. Brian had been friends with Seth, too, he liked how he was so friendly, funny and kind.

“I don't want to be rude, Brian, but--uh, it's rather personal. I was asking Justin's opinion about something and we just got in a heated discussion, I guess. But we are okay.” Daphne shifted her eyes to meet Justin's. “I'm sorry for what I said, Justin. For what it's worth, I should respect your opinion and I want to tell you that I might disagree with you on the matter but I'm still behind you.”

To Brian's bewilderment, Justin whimpered and ran to Daphne to hug her. He told her, “Thank you, thank you, Daph, thank you”, over and over again.

Brian looked around the room and could see that Justin must've been in the middle of packing their remaining clothes to the suitcases. The apartment was already empty saved for the furnitures, few clothes and shoes, and toiletries.

They would leave all the kitchen utensils and Justin's appliances. He could sell them after his lease agreement would expire.

They went out to have dinner at a French restaurant and enjoyed their meals. Brian had finally felt at ease with Daphne after witnessing how she and Justin interacted to one another. It was obvious how they were so closed even being apart for over three years now.

Daphne hugged both Justin and Brian before they separated outside the restaurant, whispering to always take care with each other. She had her flight back to Baltimore the next day afternoon, but she promised her parents to spend the morning with her aunt in her house. This evening was her only time to spend with Justin.

Later that night, while they were showering, Justin suddenly looked apologetic as he was rubbing the washcloth on Brian's chest.

“Brian, sorry, I forgot to ask about your visit with Gus. How was he?”

“Gus was fine. He asked about you, I think he's in love with you, too, you know.” He chortled. Justin smiled but didn't stop his hand from running it on Brian's arm. “You are not going to believe this.”

Justin glanced up at him expectantly, “What?”

“Hear this. Melanie is pregnant with Michael's baby.”

Justin was momentarily stunned. “Michael? Not Ted?”

“Great minds think alike. That's what my first thought, too.” Brian took the washcloth from Justin and started to clean his boyfriend’s neck and shoulders.

“Well, maybe Michael is a better choice than Ted in their minds. But Ted is Melanie’s best friend, right? Just like you are with Lindsay.”

“Was. I was Lindsay's best friend. We aren't anymore. But you are right. The time they wanted Gus, Lindsay and I were best friends-- according to her, at least.”

They rinse after that and got out of the shower. Brian started to dry his hair then his body. When he saw Justin doing the same, he helped him towel off his hair. Then smirked as he saw his boyfriend's hair sticking out in every directions. He looked so much younger than twenty one. 

But looking down to the blond’s dick, he felt an immediate heat filling his body. Brian dropped the towel on his hands, then yanked the one on Justin's.

As the young man looked up, surprised by Brian's action, his mouth was captured by his boyfriend and was being invaded by an insistent tongue.

Justin was moaning loudly as he rutted his hard cock on Brian's thigh. He was being lifted and Justin crossed his feet together on Brian's back to secure himself on the brunet's waist.

Brian settled him on the counter and Justin scooted a bit backward and leaned on his elbows as Brian ran his tongue down to his jaw, neck, nipples and the final destination-- his steel hard cock.

Justin was pulling on his boyfriend's hair as Brian swallowed him down to the base of his cock, then proceeded to deepthroat him while fondling his balls.

Justin was literally in heaven as the fingers on his balls lowered down to his pucker, circling it gently. He whimpered when two fingers penetrated him as Brian's saliva was running down to it providing a little lubrication.

Brian was humming through his nose and continuously deep throating him. His fingers were now prodding on Justin's prostate that made the young man rolled his eyes from ecstasy.

Then the fingers were suddenly gone and Brian's tongue was running down the length of Justin's manhood, down to the balls, and finally to his quivering asshole.

He started to lap on it, then penetrating it inside while his hands ran the blond's thighs up and down, scratching it a little. Justin was now lying down on the counter, all the strength leaving his body as Brian continued to rim his ass.

After ten minutes of his tongue going in and out of that tight pucker, Brian stood up and yanked Justin's body towards him. He kissed him so wet and hotly on the mouth, sharing Justin's musky taste while Brian entered his fingers back into Justin's asshole.

“Fuck me, Brian… Fuck me…” He whimpered to Brian's mouth. Brian hadn't stopped kissing him and fucking him with his fingers at the same time.

“You want my cock?” He asked in between sucking Justin's tongue.

“Y-yeah. I want it… inside me… Please, Brian.”

Brian pushed another finger in him, Justin sensually whimpered.

“You want me inside you, so hot and wet?” Brian roughly bit his lip, then ran his tongue on it.

“Yes…” Justin hissed.

“You want me to fuck you raw, Justin?” Brian nipped at Justin's lower lip again. “You want me to fuck you without anything? No lube… no condom.” He whispered while sliding his hard leaking cock on Justin's crack after withdrawing his fingers in it.

“Oh, god…” The young man could only say. “I want it, Brian. I want that with you.”

“You want to belong to me? You want me to mark you with my cum deep inside your ass? Then mark you again… and again… and again?” Brian's every words was punctuated with a kiss, his hand was digging into Justin's hip while feeling the erotic pleasure of his cock sliding on Justin's crack.

“Brian… You're killing me… Please.” Justin was going crazy.

“Then... you're going to do it to me, too. Fucking my ass, riding it bareback… fucking it until I can't move for days without thinking about you.”

Justin was trying to lift his knees up to give Brian more room in his ass, he wanted him to enter him, but Brian seemed to enjoy torturing him. Justin's eyes were closed and head was thrown backwards, he wasn't capable of talking coherently anymore.

“Do you want that, mo chroí?” Brian was sucking his neck now. “Do you want to cum deep in my ass claiming me as yours? Do you want me to be yours, Justin?”

“Brian…” He weakly answered. “Brian… do it. Do it, Brian… fuck me, fuck me… do it, please.”

Brian straightened his back and looked down at his pliant and sated lover. Justin was too far gone and Brian admittedly wasn't doing any better. He felt he was ready to self combust watching Justin in sexual daze.

Brian pulled on his boyfriend’s hand to sit, then carry him off the counter holding onto his butt. He carried him to their room and settled on their bed. If they were going to do this, they'd do it comfortably. He wanted them to always remember this, the ultimate commitment they could give to each other.

He kissed his boyfriend's lips and began to explore his body again. Justin was grinding their profusely leaking hard cock together and Brian was moaning into Justin's mouth.

Justin whispered, “Brian, please… do it.” Then he scratched at his back moaning loudly, urging him to fuck him, to claim him. “It's yours, Brian… I'm yours.”

That did it for Brian. Giving one bite to Justin's lower lip, he suddenly lifted Justin's legs onto his shoulders and aligned his bare cock onto his boyfriend's entrance.

They looked into each other's eyes as Brian slowly lowered himself into Justin's hot and tight cavern. The sensation was phenomenal, it was indescribable. Brian could feel every creases and ridges as his cock slid into its home.

“Brian… Oh, god…” Justin's eyes were closed and he was holding onto Brian's arms for leverage. “It's so good, Brian.”

He lowered his head and caught Justin's lips again as they began to rock together. Brian couldn't pull away, he didn't want to, instead he breathe into Justin's mouth and panted for few seconds, then swooped in to kiss him once again.

They continued to battle with their tongue as Brian increased his rhythm and Justin was now unconsciously pulling on his hair. “Harder, Brian… Please, harder.”

The blond lowered his legs and locked it on Brian's lower back as the brunet shifted a little and was now hitting Justin's prostate who was writhing and thrashing underneath Brian, talking incoherently. 

He loved to see the effect he had on his boyfriend. He particularly yearned for Justin's look that said he was in heaven and it was all because of Brian. And Justin had that look on his face right at that moment as Brian gave everything he got to bring them to nirvana.

“Justin, god, I love you so much…” Justin let out a guttural moan while Brian ran his tongue on his neck and wetly sucked on it.

Then he felt Justin's hold on his arms got even tighter and let out one last blissful sound as he cum without even touching himself.

Brian closed his eyes and concentrated on not losing his rhythm as he felt Justin's pucker clenched even tighter. Not few seconds passed, he felt the tightening of his stomach and the familiar feeling running through his spine making him shiver in anticipation.

Then he was cumming. He felt his cum exploded inside Justin, coating his inner wall, marking him, claiming him, binding them together in a way they hadn't done with anyone. 

Brian seemed to cum in buckets as he continued to thrust and shot his load, shuddering from the intensity of his orgasm. He didn't stop kissing his boyfriend's lips, holding him so close, until his breath knocked out of him.

They were panting and Brian couldn't help slumping his weight into Justin, resting his head on his neck. ‘Ah, heaven’.

This was a new territory for them. They were both silent and soaking all the feelings and sensations of being together without any barriers. The feelings that they both shared.

Justin ran his hands on Brian's sweaty back, he just needed to touch him, to feel him and made sure this wasn't just a dream. He thanked the powers that be, for bringing Brian into his life.

Brian moved a little but Justin stopped him. He wasn't ready for Brian to pull out of him. He wanted him there, on top of him, inside of him.

“Don't pull out, Brian. Let it be there for a while.”

He felt Brian kissed his sweaty neck shaking his head lightly.

“I want to be inside you forever.” He kissed Justin's neck again. “But I'll squish you.”

“I don't care.”

“Okay, I don't want to pull out, too. But I'll slide down to the side and I'll take you with me so I'll still be inside you.”

Brian carefully rolled them and arranged their thighs in scissors style for better position and to make sure that they wouldn't dislodge from their connection. He covered them with the blanket laying his head on the same pillow with Justin.

They both just looked into each other, both faces were fully bliss out. Justin's hand reached out to cup Brian's face, softly saying, “I love you.”

Brian leaned in to capture his lips and they lazily kissed for a while.

“You know that I would never put you at risk, right?” Brian whispered as they pulled apart. When Justin nodded, he continued, “I want you to know that I didn't have sex for over three months before I met you, and we are together for more than two months already. We had our checkup last week, and we are both negative. I know we didn't really talk about this but--”

“Hey, I know you wouldn't do anything to put us at risks.” He said cutting his boyfriend off. “Brian, I'm so glad you think that I'm worth to have that kind of commitment with.”

“You are worth more than anything in this world, mo chroí. And yes, I'm fully committed to you-- I will always be committed to you.”

***

Friday afternoon, Brian and Cynthia had a lunch meeting with one of their clients at an Italian restaurant on an upscale part of Pittsburgh. Brian was supposed to go alone but his client called before the meeting and asked Brian to bring his wife with him. 

Brian didn't hide his sexuality nor threw it in everyone's face. Most of the time, he got the questions from the clients about his wife and family. He never shied away from it, though, nor did he evaded the question.

He always told them that he wasn't married and unfortunately might never be able to. When asked what would the problem be, he always told them, “Our state hasn't passed the Bill yet for same sex marriages.”

He got mixed reactions from his honesty, but he believed that his work hadn't had anything to do with his personal life. So far, he only lost one client but decided to seek them again after six months, with an apology to Brian.

The client he was going to see understood the situation after explaining that he didn't have a wife, but if it would be okay he could bring his female assistant so his wife could have a female companion while they discussed business.

The client agreed and they all had an enjoyable lunch. When they separated outside the restaurant, Cynthia had spotted a very posh gift shop across the street that she decided she needed to check.

“Brian, five minutes. I promise. Now, come on!” Cynthia pulled him to the shop and started to wander.

Noticing what was inside the shop, Brian's interest had picked up a bit. Then he found himself in front of arrays of jars lining up the shelves.

The jars had different sweet foods in it with cute little words attached to it. He smiled as he saw several jars of peanuts with a saying, ‘I'm nuts about you’. 

His smile widened as he saw the next one, it was a jar full of kisses chocolates with the saying, ‘The only kiss you get when I'm not around.’

There were candies in a shape of pills with a saying, ‘Take a chill pill.’ 

He shook his head in amazement at the gummy worms with a tag, ‘Hooked on you.’

“Brian, is this cool?”

Brian turned to his assistant with the smile still pasted on his face. Cynthia was amusedly looking at him after noticing his expression.

“What?” He asked confusedly.

“You have that look on your face, you know. I've seen it before.” She answered hesitantly.

“What look?”

“That look. The… Happy look. The in love look.”

Brian stared down at her, but then he shrugged his shoulders and turned to look at the jars again.

That was the time he saw a jar with heart shaped red candies, with the saying, ‘My heart is yours.’

He reached to take it and looked at it some more. Then he walked to the counter to pay. After paying, he took the bag and went out of the shop with Cynthia on his heel.

“Does this mean-- Brian, are you dating again?” She quietly asked as they hopped into the truck. Brian looked at her for awhile and nodded his head.

“Wow…” She really looked surprise. “I mean, I'm so happy that you are going out again-- and we never really talked about your personal life even before the accident. But after, I mean-- the doctors said that it was better not to tell you too much about your life, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. I never discussed it with the family, too. Only with Michael. He told me about it.” Brian played with his purchase in a cute box.

Cynthia stared at him skeptically. “Are you back with the same ex?”

Brian shook his head. “No. I don't remember anything about that relationship before, Cynthia, nor the feelings I had. And I decided to move on.”

Cynthia looked away from him, furrowing her forehead. Brian was little surprised by that reaction, it was like Cynthia wasn't really thrilled that he had a new boyfriend. She seemed to expect he was going back with his ex. 

Brian thought it must've been the longevity of the relationship, some people tend to get attached and become invested as much as the couple themselves.

Brian started the ignition and pulled away from the parking lot. He was driving for few minutes when she said, “I'm glad you are moving on, Brian. I really do. Maybe I'll get to meet the new lucky guy and get to know him too. Not that I really know your ex that well.”

Brian smiled at that and Cynthia knew that Brian had really moved on. She sighed sadly and thought that if it were meant to be, then it would happen. What was more important, his boss was happy at the moment.

“You didn't let me see what you get.” Brian interrupted her thoughts. She smiled and took the bag from her feet and took a football out showing Brian the saying, ‘You are a great catch.’

“Sweeet.” Brian teased. Cynthia smiled again and was feeling a bit better. She just hoped that when he remembered again, he'd not regret his decision to move on from his ex because Cynthia knew how Brian felt about him. It was just too bad that it was erased together with his memory.

***

Friday evening, everything in their apartment that they needed at the house was already moved there. The girl who would sublet the place would be coming the next day to take the key before they go to the house.

Both were excited but a little melancholic, too. This place was very memorable to them. They had their first kiss here and they made love the first time here, too. As short as the time they actually lived there, the place was their first shared apartment, where they had their first raw sex, too. They were both sure that this place was going to be unforgettable to them.

But as they all said, life would go on and they needed to move with it not against it. The memories they had together at that place would be forever engraved in their hearts. Brian loved every single time he had with Justin and made sure not to take it for granted.

That night, their last night at the apartment, they made one more memory to store in their hearts and mind. They could say that they left the apartment so happy and so excited to start their life together in a new house that they both owned.

***

“Welcome to our home, mo chroí.” Brian cheerfully said as he pushed the door open to their new house. “Come here.”

He pulled Justin into him, crouching a little, then he placed one arm around his back and the other on the back of Justin's knees. Brian lifted him up and carried him to the middle of their living room.

“Why do you need to carry me? Put me down.” Justin laughed lightheartedly.

“I vaguely remember someone saying that you needed to carry your partner when entering the house for the first time.”

Justin burst out laughing. “Oh my god, that's for a newlywed, Brian!”

Brian kissed his happy boyfriend on the forehead and laughed with him. He walked to the comfortable sofa and sat them on it, with Justin still on his lap. 

“Well, for what it's worth, you are my spouse in every sense of the word.”

“How so?” Justin asked, his eyes were twinkling with brightness.

“Well, first, you are my partner. I guess, partner is better than boyfriend, don't you think?” Justin nodded. “Thought so. You are my life partner, the better half of me. Second, I love you to the moon and back. Third, we owned a beautiful house together. Lastly, I'm seriously committed to you and I don't plan on changing my mind in a very long, long time. That's more important than the papers that says you are someone else's spouse, right?”

Justin couldn't articulate any words, so he just nodded.

“And as part of being committed to you, I was thinking we should bind our relationship legally.”

“What do you mean legal?” Justin asked in total bewilderment.

“Domestic partnership. That way, I will live peacefully knowing that whatever happens to me, it's an assurance that you and Gus will be protected and will be taken care of.”

“I don't like how this conversation is becoming morbid.”

“But that's life, mo chroí. Everyone will face death sooner or later. We should be more realistic. I don't want to regret in the end. I have seen too many gay and lesbian couples, who were with their partners for decades but weren't allowed to even enter their partners’ hospital room. I don't want either of us going through with something like that. I want us to have the rights, legal rights with each other. I don't want them telling you that you can't sit in my hospital bed just because you are not my wife.”

“You don't think it's too soon for that? I don't even have anything to offer--”

Brian kissed Justin's lips, stopping him to continue.

“There's no such thing as ‘too soon’ for people who are certain about their feelings. I'm confident and definite about this. This is about us committing to each other, not counting how much fortune each of us have. Sometimes, you just have to trust your instinct... and my instinct says I need and want to do this with you.”

“Brian, I'm not opposed to the idea of being legally bound to you. I actually get the importance of it in state of incapacity or untimely death for either us. And I can't thank you enough for that, for thinking about us. But Brian, I want you to put a stipulation as part of our agreement.”

“What stipulation?” Brian furrowed his forehead.

“I want you to make provision that you can revise or terminate the partnership anytime you want without any waiting period. If one day you feel you have to, or needed to, you can do it without being tangled up with legalities.”

Brian stared down at Justin. “Do you think you are going to change your mind about us? About being with me?”

Justin shook his head. “I love you, Brian. I know I will love you and be with you as long as you want me to. But I'm talking more about your amnesia. When it comes back, I don't want you to feel tied up to me. I want you to always have a choice, Brian, and I will always respect whatever choices you make. Remember that, okay?”

Brian's heart twisted at that sentiment. Justin was already skeptical that Brian wouldn't choose him when his memory would come back. And Justin still hadn't known about Michael and their nine years together, yet. He could just imagine the wheels turning in his partner’s head when he would know about it.

“You will not fight for me, Justin?” Brian asked solemnly.

“Of course, I will. I will fight for you, for my rights with you… I will not stop until you will tell me that you don't want to be with me. I will only stop if you tell me you don't love me anymore.”

“I don't want to ever lose you, mo chroí. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too Brian.”

They sat there cuddling for a while, then Justin stood up and offered his hand to Brian who took it gratefully.

“Let's see our room.” Justin said mischievously. “And the bathtub.”

They marched upstairs and checked Gus’ room first.

“When will you bring him to see his own room?” Justin asked, eyes shining with excitement.

“Tomorrow after your work?” Brian answered.

“Sounds perfect.”

“How about that bathtub we're going to check? That sounds perfect, too.” Brian yanked him from his middle towards him.

“Why don't we check your office downstairs?”

“I'd rather check what's down here.” Brian ran his hand on Justin's crotch, rubbing the length of it, slowly up and down.

“Well, uh-- yeah, we can check the-- oh god, do that again--” Justin leaned his back towards his partner’s chest, his eyes were starting to droop. 

Brian turned him around to face him and Justin loosely looped his arms on Brian's neck sucking on it lazily.

“I can do more than that, mo chroí.” Brian seductively said while slowly backing Justin out of the room. 

They started to peel their clothes off in hallways leading to the master’s bedroom. As they fell to the bed together, the house began to fill with the echo of their kissing, followed by their moaning, then the sound of skin slapping skin followed by a loud grunting.

The house became quiet after that saved for some heavy breathing.

“We can get rings, too, you know…” Brian said, he was still panting on Justin's neck. “That way, people will know we are not available anymore. That will be our commitment ring, it's as good as wedding ring. We'll say our vows to each other, and in our hearts we are married.”

“Brian, do you know how great it is to hear you say something like that while still deep inside me? God, it's only been an hour and a half since we entered the house but we already became life partners, soon to be domestic partners, soon to be married at heart. I feel so overwhelmed.”

“Let your brain process it for a while, then it will be okay.”

“I know.”

There were comfortable silence after that. Justin was gently running his hand on Brian's back.

“Are you happy, Justin?” Brian asked all of a sudden. His voice was sleepy.

“Yes, very much. I've never been this happy, Brian. I never even know that it's possible to be this happy.” Justin sincerely said.

Brian lifted his upper body to looked at his partner. His eyes were still a bit sleep dazed but his face broke out into a big grin.

“I am, too. I'm very happy, Justin.”


	9. Chapter 9

“There…” Brian slid the platinum band on Justin's ring finger, then kissed it. “Now, we are married-- sort off.”

“You have to seal that with a kiss, Mr. Kinney.” Justin said puckering his lips and making kissy sounds.

“I'm not only sealing it with a kiss, I will seal it with a good, long, slow fuck, too.”

“Promises… promises.”

Brian smirked seductively as he proceeded to remove both their clothing and make do with his promise.

 

Earlier that afternoon, they went out to buy groceries but ended up buying the rings. They didn't spend so much time at the jewelry shop because they both wanted just a simple bands.

They both agreed to a plain platinum, and had their names engraved on the inside of the ring. It was a surprised to know that they could get the engraved rings just after couple of hours.

While they were waiting, they decided to do the reason they actually went out, grocery shopping.

Now that they were celebrating the progression of their relationship to another level, they both could say the day they moved into their house was a day like no other.

***

Brian and Justin, both excitedly show Gus his own room. The kid was so happy and was asking if he could sleep in there that night.

That dampened the cheeriness of the atmosphere. Brian hadn't known what to say to his son to save him from breaking his heart when he knew Gus couldn't sleep in their house. Well, not yet, at least.

Brian was planning on remedying that. He already had his mind set on telling Justin about Michael first, assuring him that no matter what happened to his memory he'd always want to be with Justin.

Then he'd introduce his partner to the ‘family’ and tell them about the state of their relationship. Maybe they could invite them to the house for lunch or dinner. That way, both Lindsay and Melanie would see his and Justin's house and Gus’ room, too. Then he'd proceed to ask permission to let Gus stay with them every Friday nights.

He was already proven to be a good dad to his son. For all he knew, he was always a good dad to Gus since he was born. According to his accountant, he had always been generously helping Lindsay and Melanie even after he signed his rights. He guessed, he wouldn't really do that if he didn't really care.

“Sorry, you can't, buddy. Uh, you know your mom and mama would miss you. They would be lonely without you there. Now, you can take your little naps while you're here, just until you are big enough to be away from mom and mama for a night. Would that be okay?”

Gus’ bottom lip was sticking out and quivering a bit. His eyes were already heavy with tears, but the kid nodded to his dad.

“Don't cry now, sonny boy. Daddy and daddy's heart love you so much. We want you to be happy here and not sad, okay? We just have to ask your mom and mama when you grow a little bit bigger. Now, give me a smile.”

Gus smiled at them and it melted the couple’s heart. 

Later that afternoon, they were all sprawled out on a sofa with Gus between them watching 101 Dalmatians. Brian was actually enjoying the movie seeing it for the first time.

They were just getting to the best part of the movie when his phone began to ring.

Brian frustratedly groaned in annoyance but took it off the table and stood to take the call. He was on his way to the kitchen when he answered.

“Hello?”

“Brian?” It was Michael, of course.

“Yeah. Why do you sound so surprised? You are calling me, aren't you?” He said while opening the refrigerator and took a bottle of water.

“Yeah-- uh, where are you?” Michael sounded a little bit distracted.

“Out with Gus.” He twisted the bottle cap and drank a few gulps.

“Where?”

“Is there any point with this call, Michael?” Brian sat on the breakfast bar.

“Well, uh-- I know you are with Gus this afternoon-- I was just thinking that you might want a little help-- we can bring him to the zoo-- or park-- I'm actually outside the loft, but you're not here--obviously.” Michael rambled on and on.

“It's too cold for either park or zoo. And I can manage to entertain my own son.” Brian brought the bottle to his lips and drank.

“I didn't mean it to sound like you couldn't handle Gus. I just-- I want to be with you guys, I guess. I thought you might like the idea.”

“Well, thank you, Michael. I appreciate the thought, but I can handle it. So… I got to go.” He threw the empty bottle in the trash can.

“Okay… So, Tuesday at the loft, see you then. Bye.”

“Bye.” Brian answered and ended the call. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He forgot about Tuesday. He needed to tell Justin, he'd rather stay home and spend the evening with him but he already promised Michael. Good thing though, his partner would be off work the next day.

He went back to his little family and finished watching the movie with them. Few minutes in, with both his boys giggling profusely, Brian had forgotten about Michael and everything outside their little haven.

He drove Gus after they've eaten an early dinner and the kid was already sleeping on his shoulder as he rang the door to Lindsay and Melanie's house. 

Brian settled his kid on his bed, kissing him goodnight and walked down the stairs.

Lindsay was leaning on the wall directly facing the stairs, looking like she was waiting for him to appear. She glanced up to him when she heard his footsteps and pasted a strained smile on her face. Brian saw Melanie walking up to them from the kitchen with a mug on her hands, blowing the liquid and taking a sip.

“Brian, it's uh-- it's so nice of you to give Gus a bath and got him into pajama. I didn't pack a pair, though, so where did--”

“It's okay. I got him clean after eating dinner. That way, he could go to bed after the car ride, that always lulled him to sleep. I bought the pajamas, don't worry it's new.” Thanks to Justin, that was his idea and they bought it the other day after getting the groceries.

Melanie let out a small chuckle and Brian glanced at her curiously.

“Did he blew bubbles on your face?” She asked amusedly, like she already knew the answer.

Brian nodded and smiled. “Yeah, that he did.”

“But you don't have a tub?” Lindsay asked, looking at Brian confusedly.

Brian very well knew couldn't tell that he had a tub, a big one actually. But before he could answer, Melanie did it for him.

“Linds, you don't have to have a tub to blow bubbles.”

 

He left after that and instead of going home immediately, he took a detour to a gourmet candy store that he knew near Tremont.

His face broke out in a sultry grin as he secured his purchase on the passenger seat. He had a surprised for ‘his heart’ tonight. He bought a platter of chocolate coated strawberry for Justin to eat on Brian. Then he'd surprise him more by giving access to Brian’s body, in any way he pleased.

This would be a long night for them.

***

Early Monday morning, Brian called his lawyer and explained what he and Justin had decided. 

“So, is it possible to have all the legal documents prepared today?” He hopefully asked.

“Well, I can get the registration from the City office and make the affidavit for you this morning. But you also requested to change your living will, and I'm making one for your partner, then the POAs for health care and finances for both of you. After lunch, Brian, say two o'clock. Would that be okay?”

Brian smiled triumphantly. “Yeah, of course. Thanks for doing this in short notice, Nathan.”

“You're welcome. I aimed to please my clients.” He laughed softly. “Don't forget to fax your revision for the will and your partner’s copy, too.”

“Yes, I'm faxing it to you as soon as I end this call. And Nathan…” He paused. “Don't forget to put that little stipulation on the agreement.”

The lawyer was quiet for few seconds, “Brian, not that I'm prying or anything like that… but if you aren't sure about--”

“The stipulation was Justin's request.” He said conversationally. “He's just giving me an easy way out if… a big if… I would have a change of heart when my memory will come back.”

“That's… that sounds reasonable.” Nathan sounded thoughtful.

“I guess. I just-- I don't want to take anything for granted anymore. I know how life can be-- how it's there in one minute and then you turned around and it's gone. I want Justin to have legal rights that no one can disregard and I want to have that, too, when it comes to him.”

“Understandable, Brian. Most people wanted security, and with bigotry everywhere and some stupid laws nowadays, it's really not a wonder anymore if you choose to bind legally.”

“Yeah”, Brian didn't elaborate anymore and the line was silent for a while until Nathan cleared his throat.

“Well, I got to go, Brian. We need to get to work on those papers so we can get you and your partner tied the knots-- so to speak.”

As he ended the call and prepared the written wills to fax to his lawyer, he dialed Justin's phone and left him a message.

“Hey, mo chroí. Listen, my lawyer said he could have the documents ready for us to sign by two o'clock. So I'm coming to get you at one. We can swing for a burger before going to the Law firm. Okay, gotta go. See you.”

That was how their afternoon went. Nathan called him just as he was leaving to confirm that the papers were all done and ready to sign.

So they went directly to the Law firm and Brian went on introducing Justin to Nathan. Brian met him through Cynthia. After his accident, he learned that he used Melanie's services for his legal matters before, and Brian wasn't comfortable with the idea. 

He asked Cynthia for any recommendations, and Brian became Nathan’s client since then. He talked to Mel about it and she didn't really react while they were talking. But Lindsay barged into his loft the next day, telling him that he was being an asshole. It was safe to say that both ladies were livid.

 

Not long after, all the papers were signed and the affidavit of Domestic partnership was notarized.

“I'll ran this papers to the City to file and properly documented. They will issue a certificate and wallet card for you to have it all the time. I'll bring it to your office tomorrow together with your copy for all your legal documents. I will have one copy for my office, too.” Nathan said collecting the signed documents on his table.

“Yeah, I need the documents to give to the HR for Justin's insurance. Thanks again, Nathan.” Brian said warmly, glancing at Justin who was smiling on his side.

“No problem, I'm handsomely paid.” Nathan joked good naturedly. Then he shifted to face Justin extending his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you, Justin.”

“The pleasure is mine, Nathan.” Justin politely answered.

“Well, as I noticed that you have your rings already…” Both Brian and Justin were flushing. “You two can start the honeymoon.”

They all laughed together and they left soon after that.

When they were in the truck, they just sat there quietly for some time. Then like synchronized puppets, they both shifted to look at each other with beaming faces.

“I can't believe we are partners legally.” Justin whispered, still smiling radiantly.

Brian reached out to cup Justin's nape pulling him to rest their foreheads together. They closed their eyes and sighed happily.

“I love you.” Brian whispered.

Justin pursed his lips and whispered back, “Me too. I love you so much, Brian.” The blond closed the small gap of their mouths and kissed his partner.

Brian angled his head deepening the kiss. He invaded Justin's mouth with his tongue and moaned when Justin started to run his fingers on his hair.

“I hope to have more of that, but I know you are famished.” Brian panted on Justin's mouth as they pulled apart. “Do you have time to eat with me before your class?”

Justin glanced at the clock on the dashboard and saw it was already 2:20 pm. 

“We can eat at Romeo's. Just a sandwich.”

“Okay.”

***

Brian came back to the office with spring on his heels. He made sure to get Cynthia a box of chocolates as a gift to her. The occasion, well, he just got married-- sort of.

Cynthia just gaped at him when he placed the box in front of her.

“What's this for?” She asked bewildered.

“For you.” He smiled.

Cynthia looked up at him blinking rapidly, saying, “Well, thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

Then he walked to his office closing the door gently. Cynthia stared at the box for some minutes more and actually got a little sad. Brian seemed to really had moved on and was so happy with it. She just couldn't stop thinking about his boss’ ex-boyfriend. She couldn't stop thinking how she knew that Brian truly loved him.

But maybe the ex-boyfriend had moved on too. Maybe they were this star crossed lovers who were doomed to fail from the start. But didn't mean they weren't each other's one true love.

Everything had really changed after Brian's accident. She guessed, the relationship was already on its way out even before he had amnesia. Brian was always in bad mood at that time. She remembered how the agency was like, pink slips were issued like they were gift vouchers; she was beginning to think that the scowl on his face was already permanent. Brian was working longer than he usually did, and the absence of that mischievous twinkle in Brian's eyes were imminently lacking.

That started also the notable absence of the ex-boyfriend’s name on Brian's mouth. Brian was never an out romantic type of guy, but Cynthia knew when he was thinking about his boyfriend, Brian would mention his name so randomly with that far away look in his eyes.

But before the accident, Brian never mentioned his ex’s name for months.

Sometimes, she even thought that the reasons Brian hadn't yet gotten his memory back was because he really didn't want to. It had already been two years and as far as she knew, he hadn't had even a glimpse of his past eleven years. Cynthia thought that the amnesia was Brian's way of forgetting some of his painful memories. Maybe it was a way for his subconscious to act in order to move on.

Either way, as she could see it, Brian was moving on and she shouldn't wallow on a failed relationship that wasn't even her own… but still.

She sighed as she opened the box and took one piece of the chocolate. “True love prevails.” She said to herself before shoving the candy to her mouth.

***

As they sat the next morning in Starbucks, Justin and Brian still have that euphoric expressions on their faces. They were like two teenagers having make out sessions and doing goo-goo eyes at each other in a corner table of a coffee shop before going to class.

Seth had already teased them that if they could get anymore sweeter, the place would be full of ants from floor to ceiling.

They all laughed at the visuals of it.

“Brian, about yesterday, I didn't know that I already had your power of attorney. When did you decide to do that?” Justin asked after a while.

“Over a month ago.” He looked at his partner. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just-- I felt I needed to do it. Who knows what would happen to me, I already have amnesia and we don't know what another blow to my head would do to me. I don't want you to just look from the outside. Whatever happens, I want you beside me. I trust you with my life.”

“I trust you, too, Brian, and thanks for making me this happy.”

Brian smiled, then in a split second, he looked at Justin anxiously. He knew he needed to tell Justin about Michael. He wanted to be completely honest with him, especially now that they were legally partners. Brian wanted to do it right and he knew the time to tell Justin the truth had finally come. There were no reason to delay it any further.

“Mo chroí?” He called softly. Justin loved when Brian called him that, but Brian sounded so troubled all of a sudden..

“Yeah?” Justin began to worry.

“I have to tell you something very important.” Brian said in a small voice and Justin felt cold air running through his spine.

“What, Brian?” Justin knew his voice shook a little.

“Tonight.” Brian nodded, as if he was talking to himself. “Tonight, I'll tell you tonight.” He reached for Justin's hand and squeezed it.

The blond looked at Brian worriedly. “Okay. I'll be home waiting.”

They were silent for awhile, the tension was palpable.

“Trust me, Justin, okay? I'm asking you to trust me.” Brian looked uncomfortable and unsure, Justin hadn't seen that look since they met in this very same place.

Justin wondered what Brian would tell him. Why was he acting like he was about to bolt? Was it about his amnesia and his memory loss? Did Brian remember anything? A shiver ran down his spine.

They were in heaven until just few minutes ago. What had happened? Why was Brian going on and on about trusting him? 

Justin couldn't say anything instead nodded his head in acceptance.

“Okay, so, I need to go.” Brian said still looking warily at Justin. “Seth is waving already for you.”

Justin glanced up at his friend and nodded at him, then he looked at Brian and tried to give him a smile. Brian kissed him and whispered, “I love you”, to Justin's ear.

He stood there for few moments more watching his partner walking out the shop looking somber. He didn't understand what had happened when one minute they were kissing and so high with everything that was happening to them. But in a blink of an eye, Brian looked like the world had suddenly collapsed on him.

“Everything's okay, bud?” Seth asked when he finally walked to the counter and began to take orders.

“Yeah, sure.” He said sounding uncertain. Seth looked at him then nodded.

Justin worked the whole morning in automatic. His mind was so preoccupied about the ‘talk’ that he'd have with Brian later that evening. 

He wasn't doing much better in his classes. He found himself spacing out more times than he cared to admit.

At six, he went straight home and started to pace in the living room. He knew he might be overreacting, but there was something nagging at the back of his head and his conscience was already hitting him so hard. He was so afraid of what Brian might have to say. Was is possible that Brian had…

He almost jumped when his phone was ringing. In the quietness of the house, the sound seemed like a blaring horn.

He took the offending machine with a shaking hand. It was Brian.

***

In a way, Brian regretted saying anything to Justin. He knew his partner would worry the whole day and it was so cruel of him to put him in that situation.

He wanted to call and leave a message for Justin, but he also knew that it wouldn't do any good, he didn't know what to say.

The whole day, he focused on doing his job. He told Cynthia that he didn't want to be disturbed except for very important calls. He turned his phone off, too.

Nathan dropped off all the notarized papers, legal documents, Domestic partnership certificate and wallet cards in his office before lunchtime. He felt a little better after holding the papers.

When Nathan left, he immediately went to HR and submitted all the necessary documents to include Justin in his insurance. The guy working there, Vincent, teased him that he'd file the papers as soon as possible before Brian could change his mind. Brian gave him a confident look and smiled, saying, “Go ahead, file it. But I'm never changing my mind about it.”

“Lucky guy.” Vincent said, smiling at Brian.

Then he went back to his office again and didn't stop working.

At quarter to six, he stood up and stretched his back. He sat for way too long and his back was killing him. He shouldn't forget that his body was thirty three and not twenty two like he was always thinking.

Cynthia came inside as he was clearing his desk. He put some papers he needed to work on tonight and their legal documents in his briefcase.

“I'm going, Brian. Do you need anything?” Cynthia asked looking at him strangely.

“Nah. I'll walk out with you.” Brian answered, carrying his briefcase and they both left the room.

The elevator ride down the lobby was uneventful. They had few staff with them inside the elevator car and whatever Cynthia was dying to ask him, she didn't get any chance of doing.

Maybe Cynthia didn't have anything to ask, Brian was skittish all day that he began to get paranoid.

But then before they bid goodbye, he saw her looking down on his ring. Now, he knew what was on her mind.

When he was inside his truck, he sat there for a moment and remembered about his phone. He fished it out of his pocket and turned it on. Just as the device started to light up, it rang in his hand.

It was Michael.

He sighed and answered it, “Michael”.

“Brian, I've been calling you all afternoon! Why'd you turned your phone off?” Michael was sounding pissed off.

“I was working, Michael. I was so busy.”

“I called your secretary, Cynthia, but she won't put me through. She said you were busy.”

“I just told you that, you should believe her. So… why are you calling?” God, he needed to go home to Justin and shower.

“Why am I calli-- are you fucking kidding me?” His friend was shrieking.

“Michael, please, I'm so tired. I want to go home.”

“Brian, you promised! You promised we will get together tonight. We are outside your building frozen like a Popsicle, then you're telling me you've forgotten?”

Brian banged his head on the steering wheel. God, couldn't he get a fucking break?

“Michae--” Brian started to say, Justin needed him.

“Brian, please… Ted and Emmett are with me. We don't get to hang out anymore. I want to celebrate my being a father to all my friends. Please, Brian. Besides, we are here already and you are coming in any minute now. What are you going to do, slam the door on our faces?”

Brian sighed resignedly.

“Two hours, Michael. Only two hours. I need to finish some work.” Okay, he could stay at the loft for couple of hours, then he'd go home. He'd call Justin, he hope his partner wouldn't get pissed at him.

“Okay. Hurry! We are freezing.”

“I'm coming.”

He dialed Justin's phone as he was leaving the parking lot. It rang three times before his partner answered and when he did, he sounded a bit anxious.

“Brian?”

“Mo chroí.” Brian wanted Justin to feel at ease and secured, he didn't mean to make him nervous all day.

“Yeah? Are you on your way?” He asked timidly.

“Uh, Justin, listen, I'm on my way but not to our house. I'm going to the loft.”

“Brian-- why--what's going on, Brian? Why aren't you coming home?” Justin was distraught. His voice was obviously shaking.

Brian felt awful. Justin was in obvious distress and he wasn't making it any better. He decided to pull over on the side of the road so he could give his full attention to his partner.

“Justin, hey, listen. You misunderstand, I didn't mean I'm not going home to you tonight, because I am. I'll always come home to you, always remember that. Okay?” 

When he heard a faint “Okay” from his partner, he continued.

“I forgot to tell you that I agreed to have a little celebration with Michael, Ted and Emmett at the loft. It's about Michael being a father. I'll be home in two hours.”

“So, we're okay?” Justin asked tentatively and it broke Brian's heart to hear his partner so unsure like that.

“Of course, Justin. Please, don't worry too much. I didn't mean to make you feel like this, it wasn't my intention.”

He heard Justin sighed in relief.

“Okay. Just take care, Brian.” Brian could hear him sounding a bit fine.

“I love you, mo chroí.”

“I love you, Brian.”

Brian felt lighthearted after that conversation. It still wasn't over, he needed to tell Justin about Michael and he needed to tell him tonight. He also needed to make him understand that what he and Michael had before was over. And whatever might happen, he would always be with Justin.

He started to drive again and after seven minutes, he was parking in front of the loft’s building.

Michael was on him the second he opened his truck’s door.

“What the hell, Brian!” He shouted, hugging his parka onto himself.

“I think my nuts have already fallen off.” Emmett rolled his eyes at him.

“Always fashionably late.” Ted snarked.

He opened the door to the building and let his guests passed, who had each a pack of beers in each hands. 

“Wow, that's a lot of beers you got there.” He observed. The guys thought they'd all get wasted. Maybe they were, but not Brian.

“Let's parteyyy, Brian!” Emmett sing songed as they rode the elevator.

“Order the dinner for us, Mikey.” He said as they all lined up to enter the loft.

Michael took the phone and started to order as Emmett kept the beers they brought inside the fridge, bringing two packs to the living room.

Ted was already perusing the remote and comfortably sat on the sofa and Brian went to the bedroom to get changed.

The loft was pristine and Brian made a mental note to give his cleaning lady a Christmas bonus. He hang his suit and checked what clothes he could use that he left at the loft.

When he went out and joined his friends, he found them all sprawled out on the sofa watching a survivor reruns.

“Come, Brian!” Michael waved jovially at him with a beer on his hand.

“Good thing I thought about bringing peanuts, you don't have anything, not a thing in your fridge and cupboards. Not even cereals. What are you eating?” Emmett said looking aghast.

“You're making the restaurants more money, Brian. I can come and cook for you sometimes, it's no big deal.” Michael trying to insinuate himself again.

Brian shook his head. “Thanks, but no thanks Michael. I can manage just fine.”

“I know I haven't come here in so long, but did you change anything?” Emmett observed looking curiously around.

“I thought so at first. But I noticed it's just the computers and his movie collections. Did you throw them, Bri?” Ted said looking expectantly at him.

“No. I want to upgrade my computer and the movies, I stored them.”

“Where? Each one for your tricks?” Ted sarcastically asked. He heard Emmett snorted then laughed with Ted.

Michael had a proud smile on his face that made Brian sick to his stomach. He thanked god that Justin wasn't anything like Michael who would be happy to share him to all the gays of the world. 

“Well, that's Brian for you. He could nail three guys in an hour. I've seen it, many, many times.” Michael shared with a shit eating grin pasted on.

“Of course, then he'd kick them like yesterday's trash.” Ted snarled.

“Ted, what do you expect? They are called tricks for reason.” Michael again, who opened another can of beer.

He stood up to go to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the fridge. He fished his phone out and checked if Justin messaged him. Seeing that he had none, he placed it on the counter twisting the cap and drank the water.

When he walked back to the living room, Emmett was looking at him like he had just grown another head.

“You were never in Babylon or even Woody's in two years, where do you hunt now?” Emmett asked suspiciously.

Brian just shrugged and drank his water.

“Brian, why aren't you drinking? Have you had anything before coming home? Of course, you have, why I even bother asking.” Michael laughed at his own joke.

Brian started to have a headache. God, how he was friends with these people. He just wanted to go home to his partner.

When the buzzer sounded, he opened the door and pay for the food. Michael came and helped him put the bags at the counter. He excused himself and went to the bathroom and took his time to take a piss and washed his face.

When he went out, Ted and Emmett were setting the food on the dining table while Michael was hovering the counter.

“Brian, who's Mo?” Michael asked, looking dubiously at him.

“Mo? I don't know any Mo.” Brian answered with a shrug.

“And what a strange name, totally stupid.” Michael chortled. “But how did it get to your phone?”

“What do you mean?” Brian went to get his silverware from the drawers.

“Well…” He pointed to Brian's phone. “Someone called your phone. It was Mo Chroey. If you don't know him, how'd you get his phone number in your--”

Brian's hand stilled. “What? Why didn't yo--”

Brian didn't finish what he was about to say because he sprinted to the bathroom in a flash with his phone in hand. Michael, Ted and Emmett were left with mouths hanging opened.

Brian dialed his partner’s phone and tapped his fingers on the counter as he waited for him to answer.

“Brian? Hey, sorry to disturb you.” Justin apologized but sounding a little mischievous. Brian slowly smiled as he imagined his partner lying on their bed, naked.

“Hey, mo chroí. I missed you.” He whispered.

“I missed you, too. Uh-- I am fixing a salad, I was just wondering if you are going to eat with me. I don't want to make too much if you won't.”

So, he wasn't in bed naked. He was in kitchen tossing vegetables. But the image was just as sexy. Brian smiled.

“I'll eat with you.” He'd eat small portion with his friends, that way he could still sit and eat with Justin.

“Okay. I'll wait for you, then.” Justin said sounding a bit jolly.

But before Brian could answer, the door to the bathroom was being pushed opened and Michael came in smiling. The door wasn't completely closed and Brian knew Michael had eavesdropped on his conversation.

“Hey! There you are, what took you so long? I've been waiting for you, the food is getting cold.” Michael said as he barged in, he was almost yelling. Then he closed the door and leaned on it. Brian couldn't act fast enough as Michael talked again. “Who's on the phone, babe? I'm sure not as important as me. Let's eat and then you can eat me later.”

Brian's face had paled considerably. Michael looked at him then to the phone that was still attached to his ear. Justin on the other hand was quiet, so awfully quiet and Brian didn't like it a bit.

“Mo chroí? I'll call you again.” Brian's voice was pleading, he knew it, but he didn't care because Justin was still quiet. The silence on the other line was deafening.

“Babe, who are you talking to? The dinner is waiting--”  
Brian couldn't believe the gall of this man and he was starting to see red. He knew Michael was doing this deliberately.

He must've connected the dots after what he had heard from outside his bathroom. Brian's sleeping somewhere else, Gus talking about daddy's heart, and how Brian talked on his phone just now was just a confirmation.

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Brian shouted on his best friend, then he passed by Michael and yanked the door open. 

Brian's demeanor shifted as he went back to speak to the phone. “Hello…” His voice softened and borderline desperation. “Mo chroí, talk to me… Please.”

Brian stood at the foot of his bed, pacing so nervously.

Justin still hadn't said anything and Brian was so worried. Then a faint whimper was heard and Brian felt like dying. He needed to go to his partner.

“Wait for me, I'm coming. Mo chroí, do you hear me? I'm coming to you.” He said to the phone and regretfully ended the call and pocketed it.

With a heavy heart, Brian walked down the steps and went to Emmett and Ted who were standing frozenly on their feet. He surmised that they heard what he said to Justin on the phone when he was in the bedroom.

“Listen, I'm sorry but I need to cut this party short. I'll wait for you two to pack the food and bring it with you. I need to go out immediately--” Brian tried to explain but was being cut by his obnoxious ex-boyfriend.

“Brian! You can't just throw us out! Why are you acting like this? Who's that schmuck you were talking to? Why are you going to him?! Brian, you are not going!” Michael was in his scorned ex-boyfriend mode, but Brian didn't care.

“You shut up! You fucking shut up or god help me I'm going to knock the daylight out of you.” Then he walked to the table after taking the bags from the counter, sealing the lid for each containers then putting it back inside the bags.

“Brian-- that's okay. We can just leave the food here. We can go--” Emmett said walking to take his and Ted’s jacket.

Brian shook his head, turning to them with the packed bags of food in hands. “No one will eat that. It's better for you to take it. I'm really sorry.”

Brian gave the bags to Ted who was looking bewildered. Brian took his briefcase from his desk and opened the loft door. He saw Emmett was about to go to the coffee table to clean the scattered peanuts and empty cans of beer, but he stopped him. He told Emmett not to bother, and that he'd call his cleaning lady the next day to clean everything. He said he really needed to go.

Ted was pulling Michael with him, and for once, he was shutting his mouth. When they were all outside the loft, Brian locked and enabled the alarm, then apologized again to his friends before running down the flights of stairs like he was being chased by the devil himself. The last thing he heard from his friends, was Ted’s voice asking no one in particular, “Who is Mo Chroí?”

Brian sped off the road and didn't care if he'd broken the speed limit. This was an emergency, he needed to go home to Justin. 

God, Justin. 

He hoped they would survive that night. He hoped that Justin loved him enough to understand why he hid something so important like this from him.

He was parking at their garage after fifteen minutes. Brian flew out of his truck and went inside the house.

“Justin?!” He called out to the quiet house. “Justin!”

He turned to the living room and dining room, but Justin was nowhere to be found. He ran the stairs two steps at a time and threw open their bedroom door.

The room was pitch dark saved for the glow that was illuminated from the street lights through their windows. His eyes flickered to their bed and his heart fell to his stomach as he saw it empty.

When he was about to turn around and go, he saw something moved on the couch by the window. When he squinted his eyes, he saw a shadow on one end huddling on himself.

“Justin…” He whispered. God, his eyes were already heavy with tears and he still hadn't said anything. But all he knew, Justin was hurting and it was because of his cowardice.

He stepped inside their room and made a beeline to the couch. When he was in front of Justin, he knelt down and took Justin's hands on his. He squeezed it a little then kissed it.

“Justin, let me explain. Let me explain, please.” Brian started to say. He waited if Justin would say anything but he didn't.

“What I told you this morning, the talk that we supposed to have tonight was something that I know I should've told you long before tonight. But…” He felt a tear rolled down his cheek. “... but I was so scared. I was terrified that you wouldn't understand and decided that I'm not worth the risk you would be putting yourself to.”

He released Justin's left hand to wipe the tears on his cheek. Then caught the hand back again pressing it together with his. He felt he was getting strength from it.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I tried to hide the fact that I was in a relationship before I had the accident.” He felt Justin's body became rigid. Then he shivered slightly, his breath hitched on his throat.

“I cannot remember anything but as it was explained to me, I was in a relationship for a long time. We… Michael and I were together for nine years.”

“What?” Justin's asked incredulously. He sounded so appalled and his body shivered again. Brian stood up from the floor and sat beside his partner and hugged him close to his body.

“I know. I was so shocked when I learned about it, too. I mean, from what I could remember, Michael was like brother to me, but then-- it was crazy.” He took a deep breath. “He wanted us to continue our relationship but… I couldn't. I have tried--”

“Oh god…” Justin whimpered. He extricated his hands from Brian's hold placing it on his face and cried. He shook his head over and over. “No… no…”

He brought his partner back to his arms, kissing his head lovingly. Brian was crying, too. He couldn't believe he was hurting the man who made his life complete.

“Justin, please… I need you to understand. I need to tell you, that before meeting you, I tried everything that I could to save that relationship. I didn't abandon it just because I couldn't remember any of it. Please don't think that I'm a horrible person for breaking the nine years I have with him. I swear I gave myself the chance to have that feelings back for Michael. I thought I owe us that at least, but… I just couldn't love him more than the brotherly love that I had, that I always have for him. So I told him that it was over. And I swear it was over, Justin. It was over long before I met you.”

Justin started to sob again. “I shouldn't have-- God, I should-- this is not--”

“Mo chroí, please. This is why it was so hard to tell you. I'm so scared that you'd be afraid and leave me. I mean, who would want to be in a relationship with me when they know I have an eleven years memory loss? Then on top of that, I was in love with my best friend and have been together for nine years until I forgot that I was in love with him. Who would want to risk loving me when there is a big possibility that my feelings for Michael would come back when I finally remember everything? I know that you would start to doubt me and I don't want that. I'm so sorry for not being completely truthful to you… I was just so scared of losing you, Justin.”

Brian closed his eyes as tears rolled on his face. He tightened his grip on his partner praying that Justin would at least understand him and give them another chance. 

Few minutes passed, Justin's sobbing subsided a bit and leaned his head on Brian's shoulder. That small gesture made Brian breathe a little easier and he kissed his partner’s temple.

“I love you so much, Justin. Have always been since I first saw you. I promised you that I will always going to be with you, that I'll always, always love you.”

Justin wound one arm around his waist and Brian's breathe hitched. He was so happy that at least Justin wasn't kicking him out of their house.

“You are my heart, Justin. They can take my memories again and again, but my heart would always find you. That's how much I love you. Please, stay with me. Give me another chance to prove how much I love you. I promise that I will not hide anything from you. I love the life that we share, our commitment for each other. I hope I didn't ruin everything for us.”

Justin slipped his other arm around Brian's back and linked his fingers together on Brian's side, his head was still resting on the brunet's shoulder. Justin was hiccupping a little but nevertheless had settled down.

“I told you that I would be with you… I will stay by your side, Brian, until you'll tell me you wanted me out of your life. As long as you love me, I'll always, always be here loving you, too.” Justin whispered as he felt his tears rolling down his cheeks.

Brian couldn't contain his happiness and hugged his partner tightly. “Thank you, thank you… I promised, Justin, my heart will always find you.”

They stayed huddled together on the couch. Justin hadn't stopped shivering, though. When Brian asked if he was alright, he said he would be okay… a little shaken but he would be okay.

Brian knew Justin was trying to be strong, trying so hard to be okay, but they both know that Justin was still hurting. Honestly, they were both hurting but Brian knew that they would heal together, too.

Brian had never felt so drained and elated at once. He never thought he could be so terrified in his life. He could finally breathe a little easier after overcoming the first hurdle in their relationship. Well, there would still be rough patches here and there, but Brian would do everything in his power to make Justin feel he was the only one for Brian, and that would only change if his heart stopped beating.

“Brian… Who told you … about your past relationship?” Justin's voice was a bit tense again but his body was comfortably hugging Brian's.

“Michael.” He sighed remembering how incredulous he thought it was upon learning it the first time. “Twas the day I woke up from coma. He was acting a bit--uh, touchy and was calling me this stupid pig name. I thought he was just shaken from my accident but then he kissed me-- not our usual smack, but… It was intimate, a lot intimate. I pushed him away asking what he was doing… then he told me.” Brian shook his head. “I didn't believe him, I was so shocked but he swore to me that he was telling me the truth and Michael would never lie to me.”

“Did you…?” Justin faltered in his question, he sounded like he was afraid of asking it.

“Did I what?” Brian asked softly.

“Uh-- The kiss?” The blond whispered.

Brian surmised that Justin wasn't only afraid of asking but he was also dreading his answer.

“The kiss? You mean if I enjoyed it or loved it?” He felt his partner's head nodded.

“Honestly, no. I was shocked at that time especially when he uh-- inserted his tongue and moaned. It was... distressing. And when he tried to touch me-- I felt violated. When he didn't stop coming onto me and took advantage every time he got, I felt disgusted.”

They were quiet for few seconds but Brian wanted to clear this issue with Justin.

“It's what got me all so confused, you know. My mind could have forgotten about him but I should've at least be familiar with his touch after being together for nine years, instead of feeling repulsive to it. How can you loved a man for that long and when your memory had gotten erased, you couldn't even fathom to intimately kiss him?”

Justin let out a deep breath and stayed soundless for a while. When he speak again, his voice was noticeably shaky.

“You said, you've tried getting your feelings back, what do you mean by that?”

“After the shock-- I thought, if we were together for nine years, I must've really loved him so much. I mean, you have to, right? It was a long time to be with only one man. So, I asked him to give me time to sort my emotions out. I tried-- I really did. Sometimes-- I uh-- kissed him back or let him grope me a little just to see my physical reaction or if I would have that sparks again. I tried for few months-- trying so hard-- because I felt that I needed to know, I needed to be sure-- I owe us that at least. But-- there was really none.”

“Did you two… ?

“Have sex?” Justin stiffened but nodded a little. “No. I couldn't even pass the kissing, I might've hurled at him if I see him naked. But it wasn't from his lack of trying because he did every chance he got. Once, the first night I was back at my loft, everyone was there earlier to welcome me back and Michael refused to go home when everyone left. I was so tired to argue so I let him clean up, but I woke up with him almost lying on my chest. I had a broken ribs and I was still hurting and so I went to the sofa and slept there. I woke up again with some sound and a feeling where I know I didn't like. Then I realized that the sound was Michael's moaning and he was licking my neck and touching my chest. He was also dry humping my thigh. I decided to let it go for a while to see my reaction, to see if I would get hard. But as the time passed, I could literally feel my stomach recoiling. I just couldn't. He really did try though-- I just learned how to evade it, I mastered it actually.”

“Why didn't you tell him straight away then? Were you that desperate to love him again?” His voice was surprisingly stern.

“It took me long enough to finally tell him that I don't want to get back together. But it wasn't because I was in doubt of my decision or still have this hope, as a matter of fact, I have known it was over after less than a week since he told me about it. The reason… Michael was my friend and the only friend I could remember. The others were all strangers to me. I felt so alone and I was scared shitless. Michael was there for me all that time. He was the only constant thing in my life that I could remember and I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.”

“What happened when you told him it was over?”

“He refused to accept it. He still trying to come onto me. Justin, uh-- two months ago, I was at the loft after a long day at the office-- I was taking a shower and thinking about you. I swear I didn't hear him coming inside the loft. I just noticed when he came inside the shower.”

Justin tried to push Brian and he was breathing heavily. Brian didn't let him though, he instead held Justin closer to him.

“Nothing happened, I promised. He tried to kiss me but I threatened to call the cops on him. I didn't talk to Michael for weeks… it got me a bit shaken. That was before we went to New castle. You helped me a lot to forget about it. When I'm with you, everything just seems right.”

Brian was so drained, but he was grateful that his partner had listened to him and trying to understand the predicament they were in.

“Have you tried talking to your other friends about you and Michael? I mean--”

“No. They know about us, of course-- we've been together for nine years. They all must be a part of it in one way or another, and it must've been hard for them to see it end. But, no, I didn't have any conversations with anyone of them regarding it. I have a hard time connecting with them and I guess, we just all drifted away. I'm not comfortable talking about my personal life-- not with Theodore and Emmett, or the girls either. It's been two years, yet, they still see and talk to me like the guy they knew before the accident. They were doing that tonight.” Brian sounded desolate.

“Not even Debbie or Vic?”

Brian shook his head. “Vic was sick, he was in and out of the hospital since my accident, then he moved in with Rodney. I'm not that close to him to begin with. But I liked the way we talked when we were in South Beach. That was the first time we have that kind of conversation.” Brian sighed.

“And Debbie… She was trying to do everything, taking care of Vic, working double shifts. She tried to be there for me and I did appreciate it, but sometimes she just couldn't hold her tongue. I really hate it when she does that especially in front of Gus. To the point I don't want to attend Sunday dinners in her house anymore. Then we really don't talk that much now.”

Justin nodded a little, looking like he was thinking so deeply.

“Don't think about it too much. I believe everything happens for reason, you know. I'd gladly do everything that had happened to me again and again when in the end I got to be with you.” Brian kissed Justin's head.

“What if… Brian, what will happen when you get your memory back and you will remember everything-- you might find out you don't really love me that much. Brian--”

Brian was about to say something when Justin put his index finger on his mouth to stop him.

“Brian, I want you to promise me that when you feel you can't be with me anymore, just be honest okay? I promised to understand and respect your every decisions.” Justin was beginning to tear up again.

“Why wouldn't I want to be with you? I love you so much, Justin. I told you, you are my heart and I can't survive without it.” Brian hugged him even tighter.

“We don't know the future, Brian. As much as I wanted us to be together for a long, long time-- you of all people should know that nothing is permanent in this world. Tonight wouldn't be the first and last that we'd have trouble in our relationship.”

“Then we'll just have to remind each other how we feel. Justin, I asked you to hold on to me. Whatever happens, please don't let me break us up. Fight for us, Justin… fight for me.”

Brian put his index finger on Justin's chin to lift it up. 

“Promise me, mo chroí. Please, promise me.” He pleaded.

Justin was still looking at him. His eyes were filled with tears and it fell down quickly on his face.

“I will fight for you, Brian. Unless you'd tell me that you won't want me to anymore, I'll always fight for you.”

Brian realized that Justin always ended his answers with Brian being the only one who could change what they had.

He guessed, he could understand that. This what made Brian so hesitant to tell Justin about Michael and him, he knew it would plant a seed of doubt in his partner's head, and Brian didn't like it. He didn't like it a lot.

***

It was almost midnight when they moved to the bed and laid spooning. They didn't usually want to lie down this way but tonight Justin wanted the little privacy it gave him by facing away from his partner.

He was so confounded and furious about what he had heard from Brian. It made him mad to the point he just wanted to scream and had a fist fight with Michael, to hell with the consequences. 

He was so angry with himself, too. Everything was so fucked up, and his partner was the one being abuse most of all. He didn't have any idea that Brian was being subjected into this.

Justin couldn't even start to imagine how Brian must have felt when he realized eleven years of his life had been erased. He couldn't fathom how terrified and alone Brian must've felt. 

In a way, he understood everything what Brian had told him. Everything from his reactions, decisions and even the indecisions, we're all logically possible and fathomable.

But it didn't cease the pain he was feeling for Brian. The guilt and enraged were stabbing on Justin's core. Their lives had all been turned upside down and Brian hadn't even known half of it.

Justin's tears fell down as his heart was crying with regret. Justin was in a place where he knew he had a very huge decision to make, and couldn't procrastinate on it any longer. However, that decision could cost him Brian and the life they were building together. The life that Justin had always wanted.

***

Justin woke up the next day with the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Brian was sitting on the side of the bed looking down at him with a smile that he knew was only reserved for him.

Justin smiled back and croaked, “Hey”.

Brian reached out to gently caress his cheek and uttered, “Hey”.

“Why are you awake this early?” Justin held the hand that was still on his cheek.

“I just want to make breakfast for my spouse.”

Justin stilled for a second but then his face softened and a smile was slowly creeping from his lips.

“Our partnership certificate was released yesterday. Nathan came to my office and gave all the legal documents. So, it's official. You are my spouse and I'm yours…” He leaned down and kissed Justin. “... always.”

Justin was about to tear up when Brian said, “Hey, hey, no crying on this day. Today, we will celebrate our life being as one. I want us to always remember this day for the rest of our lives. And…” He turned to lift the breakfast tray he had settled on the side table and placed it on Justin's lap. Then he took his camera from the bed and smilingly said, “..... we will start that by taking pictures so we could reminisce when we are old and gray.”

Justin chuckled but poised to give Brian more room on the bed for them to take the picture. Brian placed his arm on Justin's shoulder bringing their face side by side. He clicked the camera twice and checked if the pictures were good.

“We look incredible, my heart.”

Justin smiled happily at the endearment, it would never grow old with him.

“Wait, let's take a picture showing our rings.”

They posed again, but this time they were showing off their rings with twin ecstatic smiles.

They ate the breakfast that Brian prepared, then spent a lot of time showering.

Brian gave Justin his partnership wallet card and kept the rest of the legal documents in their safe.

Their afternoon went by just hanging out together. The predicament they were in had almost been forgotten, but Brian had to open up again just to make sure Justin had understood Brian would stand by their commitment as long as they lived.

But Justin had his own dilemma that he needed to face himself, too. Sooner or later, he knew if he wouldn't address it, it would come back and bit him in the ass. Well, it already started to come back and slapped him on his face.

He just didn't know if he was strong enough to actually do it. And when he'd have the courage to finally say it, there would be a huge possibility that Brian would never, ever forgive him from what he did. 

Justin just hoped that after all the storms had calmed down, Brian could still say right to his face that he was still ‘his heart’, and that he would still love him the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I know some of you may want to throttle Justin by now. But, please, give our Sunshine a chance to tell his story and fears? It's coming, be patient with me, okay? Thanks, everyone:)
> 
> Oh, and also, I'm not sure if Pennsylvania is giving an ID for domestic partners, but I have read that it's been given in some State.


	10. Chapter 10

Brian's day started fine. He and Justin woke up at the same time, cuddled a little and hit the shower together which took them longer than when they had a separate ones.

Brian drove him to Starbucks and shared breakfast together, then drove straight to his office. For once, he arrived before his ever reliable and punctual assistant, Cynthia.

She had to double check if she wasn't seeing a mirage of his boss and that he was really there before her. Cynthia always arrived at seven thirty on the dot and was one of the few who were early birds.

They had a little friendly banter about it for few minutes but then they started to work on an account that Brian was working on since last week. Cynthia updated him with his reschedule meetings since he canceled a couple of it yesterday when he chose to stay home with Justin.

Just minutes after nine o'clock though, Michael had started calling him and predictably asking so many questions about their aborted party and the ‘stupid fuck buddy’ that Brian had to chase the other day.

Brian tried not to lose his temper. But listening to Michael ranting about Brian's life like he had a say in it was utterly ridiculous. And Brian hadn't forgotten about the deliberate attempt to break him up with Justin. It was sickening.

He took a deep breath and told Michael as calmly as he could, though he was seething inside, that it wasn't his business to know anything about his private life. If he wanted Michael to know, Brian would tell him without being forced. But because he didn't, it should have been an obvious sign that Brian didn't want him to know.

Then Michael had become a little hysterical and he even mentioned the ring that Brian had on his left ring finger. Brian cut him mid sentence and told him he had to end the call because he actually needed to work, unlike Michael. He ended the call by saying, “One advice, Michael, get a fucking life.”

Not a second later, his phone was blaring again and Michael was now in full blown hysterics. Brian was in the end of his rope and yelled at Michael to stop calling. He once again ended the call and turned his phone off.

Brian had a peaceful ten minutes before Cynthia was buzzing him about Michael calling on line two. Michael didn't call his office that much after the accident and Cynthia was kind of relieved on that small favor from his boss’ obnoxious best friend.

Brian was seconds away from throwing the phone to the wall, but that wouldn't make Michael stopped bugging Cynthia and so he answered the phone and shouted to Michael that he wasn't playing games with him. He was actually working and lots of people were waiting on the papers that he needed to review.

“You never care if your employees would wait hours for you, Brian! But you always care about me! Why are you doing this to me?! It wasn't enough you breaking up with me but you have to get yourself a fuck buddy?! Who is that fucker, Brian?! When did you start fucking him?! You didn't do fuck buddies, you trick you son of a bitch!”

“Hey, I'm going to say this once Michael and you need to get it through your head. What I do with my life isn't your business, and whoever I want to be with is my decision. I don't want us to be like this, Michael, and I don't want to be cruel to you but you are pushing me to do it. Now, you listen to me, people break up all the time. It hurt, yeah, but that's life. We have to dust off ourselves, picked up the pieces and moved on. It's hard but it would be harder if you keep hoping that there's still anything left for us because I'll tell you, Michael, there is nothing left for us. I already belong to someone else and that someone else is not you.”

Michael was silent, but Brian could hear his heavy breathing.

“One more thing, I might've not respected my co-workers before but now is a whole new different game. If you really love and prefer that Brian, then I would have to tell you to forget about him, that Brian was gone-- he isn't coming back. This is me now and I love being me.” Then he ended the call.

He buzzed Cynthia and she came in after few seconds.

“Cyn, I don't want to receive any calls from Michael until I'll tell you so.” Brian looked up at Cynthia who lifted her eyebrow up.

“That's all?” She asked nonchalantly.

Brian nodded and she murmured a cheerful, “Great”.

He was kind of taken aback by her reaction. He was expecting her to get misty eyed like the other day when she learned that Brian was with someone else now. Brian surmised that she, like most women, got attached with his and Michael’s long relationship and the promise of ever after. It must've been painful to see it shattered.

But now, she acted like she was glad of his decision of banning Michael's call. Well, maybe she was just not in the mood to sulk or she had actually accepted that he moved on. Either way, Brian hadn't had the time to ponder it much.

After ten o'clock in morning, Cynthia called again saying that Michael was at the lobby fighting with the receptionist. She said the security was on his way to throw Michael's ass out of the building.

Brian told Cynthia to let the security handle him. He didn't want to do this to his once best friend but this was too much even for Michael. He knew they both needed to cool down for few days and talked when they were not high with emotions. Maybe by then, they could actually talk and Brian wanted to lay some ground rules. He wasn't going to tolerate Michael's bullshit anymore.

He had a peaceful day after that. He called Justin from his office line at one thirty telling him about Michael. Brian told him he needed to turn his phone off and gave his partner his direct line to his office.

Justin sounded a bit sad and Brian kind of understand why he would feel like that. But when Justin whispered that he loved him and he would be waiting for him in the evening at their house, Brian spent few seconds thanking the power that be for bringing his partner to his life.

Because he came so early, Brian was out of his office by five. He decided to go and get Justin from school and have dinner together. He was thinking that coming to the office earlier had an advantage actually. He could start his day having breakfast with Justin and he could get him from school to go home together.

He was bouncing with excitement with this realization when all of a sudden a screeching Michael was barreling in front of him. He was literally spitting fire and Brian was actually worried for his friend’s sanity.

Brian just looked at Michael and waited for him to take a breather. This was getting out of hand and Brian was really tired having to face this entitlement issue all the time.

“Are you finished?” Brian tiredly asked when Michael stopped his rant. “Did you even go to your store since this morning?”

“Is that what you're going to ask me?! My store?! I can't believe this, Brian! You owe me an explanation, you owe it to me to be honest, you owe me the life that I am supposed to have if you didn't have that stupid accident!” Michael was foaming in his mouth.

“Michael, for the last time, I don't owe you shit. Whatever we had, we mutually agreed to it.” Brian felt this wasn't worth anymore, trying to make Michael understand wasn't worth the effort anymore.

“But I never agreed to breaking up with you!” Michael shouted. Good thing there were only few people on the employees parking lot at that time.

“Michael, just stop this.” Brian roughly rubbed his face with his hands. “You know it would be futile to hang onto the relationship when we both know that I don't feel the same way before. I've been saying this over and over again but you have to move on. Let's just be happy for each other, why can't you do that for me?” Brian said frustratedly.

“You want me to be happy that you have moved on from me?! That you are now with some stupid schmuck and you didn't even care to tell me?! How could you do this to me, Brian? I should be the one you are going home to, I have been there for you when you don't have anyone! Now, you just give my place, the place that belongs to me for nine fucking years, to someone who doesn't deserve it!” Michael was flushing, his nose was flaring and his hands were in tight fist.

“I don't know what else to do to make you understand, Michael. I don't know why I even bother explaining, it's not worth it to spend a single second talking to you in circles. Michael, we've been friends for so long, I may not remember all of it, but you are the first one who thought that I'm worthy enough to be their best friend.” 

Brian thought to give Michael one more chance. This might be futile because their friendship was already hanging on the thread, but Michael and Debbie was the only family that he knew for so long.

“Despite everything, I don't want us to end the two decades of friendship. Please, let's just stop this before we say things that we probably regret later on. And I'm warning you to stop badmouthing my partner. You don't know anything about him, so you don't have the right to belittle or criticize him.”

“I don't care about your whore! I can call him anything I want because he's a slut who takes you away from me! When I see him, when I know who he is, I will let him know how horrible person you are! How after I have stood beside you, you just kicked me to the curb like yesterday's trash. Do you think he will like that, huh, Brian? Do you think he wouldn't question himself if you would do that to him, too?” Michael said pointing his index finger on his chest several times.

Brian caught his finger in a tight grip and said through clenched teeth, “Might as well couldn't remember loving you, because I couldn't stomach being with someone so despicable as you!”

With that, Brian released Michael's index none too gently and turned to walk to his truck. Brian had done everything he could do, Michael was not worth the chance that he even consider giving him. Brian was so furious, he needed to get away from Michael before he could do something that could land him in jail for physical assault.

But before he could step further, Michael held his elbow and forcefully turned him back.

Brian faced the still livid Michael.

“You will regret hurting me like this, Brian. I swear, you will regret breaking up with me and dumping me like one of your tricks. You are mine, Brian. Always remember that.”

Michael gave him one last fiery look and turned to leave in a hush. Brian stood for few minutes more, feeling a little unsettled. He knew Michael since they were fourteen and even though it took Brian a little time to like him, he truly cared for him as a brother. He could say that Michael was his only friend growing up as teenager and Brian didn't mind that he didn't have more.

Knowing Michael brought mixed emotions for him. He couldn't understand some of the smaller man’s attitude, and sometimes, he couldn't even stand him but decided to let it go in exchange for the hero worship Michael was giving him.

Brian always knew that Michael had developed a huge crush on him. It weirded him out at first but he later on used it to get his friend’s attention and devotion. He knew it wasn't right for him to dangle Michael like that, but Brian was so troubled that he was hungry for anyone's loyalty.

But Brian had grown out of that hungry feeling or the attention seeking as he graduated from high school and had to face the world outside his parents’ house. He had learned that there were so much life ahead of him and he could possibly get it if he just did it right.

That was the time he focused even more on his study and was so thankful for the scholarship that had been granted to him. Not that he took it for granted before, because he worked his ass off just to make sure his academic was exemplary for him to get the spot for scholarship.

And he got it. He became a college student who devoted his time in molding his future by focusing on his studies. He was a straight A student since high school, and Brian planned on exceeding it in every way.

Brian hadn't date in all his life and he honestly didn't have time to even contemplate asking someone out due to his hectic schedule. But he started to entertain the idea of having a life so opposite from his family. He knew it wasn't easy to find someone that could both understand and respect him, someone who was strong yet so tender and someone who would love him completely for who he was.

He knew there would be a guy for him out there, a guy who he would love and loved him in return, a guy who he would spend his life with until they grow old. But, because he had a very unstable family that he grew up with, it made him skeptical and a bit wary to start looking for his right guy. In his mind, if he was fated for someone, then someday, somewhere, somehow, it would happen. That's when he started calling him ‘Dream guy’ in his head.

He decided not to look for it instead he would wait for the right time. It wasn't like he had a spare time going out with someone when he was busy studying and researching all the time. He also started working at a record store for four hours everyday.

That was how Brian remembered his first year in college. He was busy as a bee and hadn't even gone out tricking the whole summer before his sophomore year as he started interning at Ryder agency which he really enjoyed so much. He hadn't seen Michael that much, too, since he started his freshman in college. He had totally forgotten about his secret satisfaction on Michael's hero worship that he yearned most of his teen years.

What happened on his sophomore year in college was a big question. The years following it until he was thirty one was a big hole that Brian honestly didn't know if he would retrieve again. What had happened to him on that years and what molded him to become the asshole that he was, was still a big mystery to him.

Going back to Michael, he was the one constant in his life. He might not give Michael the love that he wanted from him, but Brian was sure that he loved his friend like the brother he never had. They had shared so many memories, the good and the bad ones, and many naughty ones too. 

Michael was always demanding, he whined his way to get what he wanted, a boy who was used to be the center of attention. He was possessive and a little selfish, it was due to the fact that he grew up as an only child. But Michael was never this loathsome.

This Michael that he had just encountered was nothing like the Mikey he used to know. This Michael had turned out into vengeful and vile. He didn't know when Michael became like this, but Brian surely didn't like how Michael had grown up to be, too. Apparently, they both grew up to be assholes.

No one could blame him for what had happened after the accident, could they? It wasn't as if he asked to be hit in the head and had a memory loss. Brian had tried to give his and Michael's relationship a chance, but he guessed it just wasn't meant to be. He was nothing but honest to Michael about his feelings or the lack thereof. He thought his friend would appreciate his honesty because Brian certainly would if he was in Michael's shoes.

He took a deep shuddering breath and continued to walk to his truck. He glanced down on his watch and saw it was five thirty. He still got time to be at Justin's school by six.

He texted his partner that he was outside waiting as soon as he parked on the curb. And within few minutes, Justin opened the passenger door waving to some of his classmates and hopped in.

“What a nice surprise, Brian.” Justin smiled at him strapping his seatbelt securely on his body.

Brian leaned toward him and caught his lips in a searing kiss that left them both breathless.

“I just thought that we can have a nice dinner by the hill. I'm craving for seafoods tonight. Is that okay with you, mo chroí?” Brian asked and worried his lower lip.

Justin's eyes twinkled and nodded saying that he was already salivating for grilled lobster.

The evening was great and they both enjoyed their meals and each other's company. Though, Brian noticed that Justin was a little subdued from his usual quirkiness. And if he was being honest, Brian was still tense from his altercation with Michael at the parking lot.

“Are you still thinking about last night, Justin?” Brian asked as they walked hand in hand from the restaurant to Brian's truck. The weather was freezing but there weren't any snow falling.

Justin halted their steps and looked at Brian for few seconds. “I'd be lying if I say I wasn't thinking about it most of the day.”

“Are you… are you doubting me? Were you thinking I would go back to Michael when I can remember again?” Brian moved a little closer to him and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I don't doubt you, Brian… and I honestly wasn't thinking about you wanting to be back with Michael again.” Brian thought Justin was looking a bit remorseful. “I was just-- I was thinking how much I love you and I'd do anything to be with you. Anything, Brian.”

Brian could swear Justin was talking about something other than the literal meaning of his words. He lightly shivered and hugged his thick trench coat to his suddenly cold body. He couldn't be sure if the shivering was from the cold or from Justin's words.

They continued walking to the truck and not long after they were parking in front of their house. Brian contemplated telling Justin about what Michael had done and said that evening, he didn't want his partner to worry more than he already had. But in the end, he thought he needed to tell Justin, he promised to never hide anything anymore. They had promised to face everything that comes their way together and Brian didn't want to break that promise.

Justin didn't say much after Brian told him about what Michael had said, and he was looking contemplative and irate. Brian gave his partner a big hug whispering sweet nothings to his ear that elicited a loving smile and later a scorching kiss.

They ended up in bed and Brian proceeded to show how much he loved his partner by worshipping his body and made a long, slow and passionate love to him.

They both ended up sleeping right after they orgasm with Brian's cock still deeply buried inside his partner's ass. Brian was lying on top of Justin with his nose planted on its usual favorite place, on the juncture of Justin's neck and shoulder.

The quietness of the night was being disturbed by the incessant ringing of Brian's phone. It blasted for several rings then going to voicemail, but it went off again just after few seconds.

Brian frustratedly ran his hand on the night stand blindingly looking for the offending machine. When he finally had it on his hand, Brian answered it without checking the caller ID.

“‘Lo?” He croaked while hugging Justin's torso and placing his head on the crook of Justin's neck.

“Brian?! Brian, this is Debbie! Brian, it's Michael, please-- Brian can you hear me?” It was Debbie sounding frantic and scared. Brian sat up abruptly that had Justin stirred up looking disoriented.

“Deb, what's wrong? What happened?”

“Brian, Michael is in the hospital. He-- oh god, I'm freaking out. My son, my baby-- Brian, I'm freaking the fuck out.” Debbie was in borderline hysterical.

Brian stood up and started to search for his clothes that had scattered on the floor.

“Tell me what hospital, Deb, I'm coming.”

“Allegheny.” Then Brian told her he was on his way.

Brian finished getting dressed as Justin sat looking bewildered in the bed. 

“What happened, Brian? Who's at the hospital?” They both looked at the digital clock on Justin's nightstand and saw it was already 3:35 am.

“It was Debbie on the phone. Michael is at the hospital. I don't know what happened, Deb was far from being coherent and collect.” Brian was fully dressed and went to sit on the side of the bed. “I need to go and check on them.”

Brian might still be angry with Michael, but in case like this, even Brian knew how to set aside his emotions.

Justin nodded, “Yeah, of course. You call me later, okay?”

Brian nodded and put his hand on Justin's nape and pulled him to Brian, kissing him so hard. When they separated, Brian gently pushed Justin back to the bed and tucked him in.

Justin sleepily smiled and Brian kissed his head. “I better go before Debbie would have a heart attack. I love you.”

Justin whispered back, “I love you, too.”

Then he was alone. Justin was alone in their room looking out at the dark, velvet sky through their glass windows. His conscience was eating him inside and Justin felt a shiver ran through his whole body. 

He knew the dynamic of their relationship had shifted since he and Brian met at the Starbucks, too much had happened in so little time. Justin had everything he wanted but he still couldn't truly feel at peace.

He was honestly torn on what he had to do, all the little details were beginning to show, and Justin couldn't take anymore on how Brian was being treated in the past two years. And Justin was not innocent, either, and it was what killing him inside.

Justin only hoped that Brian would be strong enough to handle the truth. He hoped for them to survive this, he was hoping Brian loved him enough to forgive him from everything that he had done.

Justin prayed for strength, he prayed for courage and he prayed for his and Brian's future. How he wished that it would stay the same as they had at that moment-- but after everything would be revealed, Justin was not so sure anymore. 

He knew it was the time to tell Brian about the truth, the complete truth. Justin loved and respected his partner and he didn't deserve this kind of wicked mind manipulations from the person that he thought who had his best interest. 

Justin painfully realized that he was one of those people who was cruelly misleading Brian's life. His longing to be with Brian wouldn't justify the fact that he was outright lying to the man he confessed to love, the one who had given him everything without question. That was how trusting Brian was to the people he cared about, meaning Justin and Michael. Brian accepted what they were telling him knowing they wouldn't do him wrong. 

Well, Justin hadn't told him any lies, but he also neglected to tell the truth, and he honestly didn't know if there was distinctly difference between the two.

This was where Justin's fear came about, he could lose everything after telling Brian the truth. He wouldn't only lose the man he loved but most importantly his trust and respect for him. This what was stopping Justin from saying anything, he was too scared to lose what he and Brian had especially now his partner was loving him in a way that he thought he could only have in dreams.

Few minutes more, Justin finally succumbed to slumber after being emotionally drained from thinking too much.

***

Brian ran through the hospital’s main entrance and made a beeline to the Accident and Emergency department. He was just about to ask the front desk about Michael when he heard Debbie's voice on one corner of the building. He turned and found his friend's mother in a hallway talking loudly to the doctor.

Brian ran to them wanting to give support to her and learning what was happening.

“... my son is not suicidal! How many times I told you that Michael is a happy man, he doesn't have any reasons to want to end his life! I don't appreciate you concocting lies that would get my baby in trouble.” Debbie said indignantly to the doctor who had already looked frustrated.

Brian halted on his tracks after hearings the words Debbie was saying to the doctor. Did Michael tried to kill himself after their altercation that day? He couldn't believe what was happening.

“Mrs. Novotny, as a doctor and you being Mr. Novotny’s mother, I need to tell you everything regarding your son’s medical condition as well as his mental state. He intentionally drink several bottles of liquor and take a number of sleeping pills at the same time. I talked to him for few minutes when he woke up after performing gastric lavage to pump out his stomach contents.” The doctor took a deep sigh. “And he knew what he was doing, he was aware of its effects. It was intentional, Mrs. Novotny.”

“He doesn't have any reasons to do that! My son is a happy go lucky kind of guy and I don't know any problems that he might be having. I'm telling you that he must be drinking with his friends-- here!” Debbie was suddenly pointing at Brian who was standing silently just few feet away from them. “This is Michael's friend, Brian. He'd tell you my son is not suicidal. My son doesn't need to see a fucking shrink or be thrown to a looney bin!”

The doctor turned to look at Brian who looked a little tense to be suddenly put on spot.

He cleared his throat and said, “I'm not with Michael tonight. How-- Who found him?”

“Emmett. He was just coming in from Babylon and found Michael in the living room foaming from the mouth. Are you sure you weren't there drinking with him? I always tell you that you drink too much and you make my son drink too much!” Debbie was beginning to get agitated again looking daggers at Brian.

“I haven't been drinking since my accident, Debbie. And Michael is an adult who can make up his own mind if he wanted to get shitface.” Brian sternly told her as she started to run her mouth again.

The doctor was clearing his throat, “Uh, please, can we talk about the patient first? I am needed by another patients in this hospital.”

Debbie shifted her eyes to the doctor, “My answer is no. I'm not giving you any permission to put my son with crazy, suicidal people. He is perfectly sane. He just had way too many drinks and maybe took few pills to help him sleep. I know that's what happened.”

The doctor resignedly shrug. “Okay, that's your call, Mrs. Novotny. I ordered for your son to be transferred to the ward in third floor. We need to monitor his vitals for twenty four hours and if everything goes well, your son can go home Saturday morning.”

Debbie nodded.

“Okay then, I need to go see my other patients. The nurse will inform you when your son is already in his room.”

With that, the doctor walked away from them. Debbie looked up at Brian who was furrowing his forehead in deep thought.

“Debbie, are you sure Michael doesn't need what the doctor has recommended?” Brian asked looking at the woman who he once wished to be his mom. As he expected, Debbie's eyes narrowed and glared at him.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Are you insinuating my son is suicidal? Are you, of all people, agreeing to that stupid fucking doctor that Michael did this intentionally? You fucking kidding me!”

“Debbie, I am not insinuating anything, I was just thinking that the doctor might have a reason to recommend evaluating Michael's psyche. They are the doctors, for god sake!”

“Well, I don't fucking care if he is the president or the fucking pope. My son is perfectly fine. End of discussion.” With that, she stormed off to the end of the hallway and went into the waiting room.

Brian followed her and found that Emmett and Ted were already sitting huddled together in a corner. They both flickered their eyes up at him then looked away in just a matter of seconds.

They all sat on each side of the room until the nurse informed them that Michael was already resting in his room in third floor.

They all went together silently and saw that Michael was in a room with at least six other patients that were only separated by curtains. Brian hang back from their crowd and let the others hovered over Michael.

He heard his friend croaked when his mother smothered him with hugs and kisses, and maybe a slap on the head. That made him smile a bit, that was what Debbie would always be, a mother to his only son.

“Where's Brian?” He heard Michael asked in a weak voice.

He turned to see everyone was expectantly looking at him. He walked inside the curtain to Michael's side who broke out a smile upon seeing him.

“Brian!” Michael said, reaching his hand up to him. Brian hesitantly closed the small gap between him and the bed and took the offered hand who clutch on his in a demanding, possessive way.

“Hey, Michael.” Brian tentatively greeted.

“Hi. I'm glad you're here. I know you will be here for me, you will always be here for me.” Michael crooned sweetly, taking Brian's hand to his lips and kissed it. 

Debbie, Ted and Emmett were all looking at each other, having the same expression on their faces, their ‘what the fuck’ faces.

Brian reflexively yanked his hand free from Michael's hold as it landed on his friend's lips and backed away a little from the bed. Michael was looking at Brian with his puppy dog eyes.

“Brian, come closer, sit beside me. I want you here beside me.” Brian hadn't seen Michael being this overtly lovey dovey outside his loft.

Brian looked around the room and he saw the others were seemingly surprised watching their exchange. He glanced down to his wristwatch and saw it was already 5:25 am. He needed to drive Justin to his work and maybe spent some time with him over a coffee and bagels. Michael seemed to be fined and Brian had to go to work later.

“Uh, I need to go. My--” Brian started to say.

“No!” Michael shouted and cut him off. “I don't want you to go!”

“Honey, don't stress yourself too much. It's not good for you. The doctor only allowed us all to see and check on you but they have a strict policy for the time of visiting. I can only be the one to stay.” Debbie tried to explain to his agitated son.

“But I want Brian to stay. Let him stay, Ma, and you can go with Emmett and Ted.” Michael reasoned with his mother.

Brian waited with baited breath, but he knew he wouldn't be staying with Michael even if he would demand for it.

“No, Michael. I am your mother and Brian needs to go to work in few hours. You'll be going home tomorrow morning, so Brian can visit you later.”

Michael was about to argue but Debbie looked at him pointedly.

“Okay. But Brian, come back and stay with me today, okay? You need to be here with me.” 

Everyone was bewildered by Michael's overtly clingy way. They were all used with him being Brian's shadow, and it became more apparent after Brian's accident. It was almost as if he was monopolizing Brian's attention. And it didn't help Brian in restoring his connection with his other friends at all, instead it made him more aloof and distant.

“I'll try, I have bunch of work at the office, what's with the holidays and all. I'm glad you're okay, though, Michael.” Brian said as he was edging toward the opening of the curtain.

“Make sure to be here, Brian--”

“We are going too, Michael. Get well, okay?” Emmett interrupted the supposed demand that was starting to grate on Emmett's nerves.

“Yeah, Michael, I have to go to work, too. Debbie, let me know if you need anything.” Ted sympathetically said to both mother and son.

“Thank you for coming, guys. We'll have a little get together tomorrow welcoming Michael back home.” Debbie invited and looking at Brian pointedly.

They all nodded in affirmation and let themselves out of the ward as quietly as they all possibly could. All the other patients were still sleeping and they didn't want to disturb their rest.

They walked out the hospital in uncomfortable silence until they reached the parking lot.

“Uh, Brian, maybe you want to join us for breakfast?” Emmett said when Brian started to turn to where he parked his truck.

Brian looked back at them and smiled a bit. “Thanks for inviting, but…” He worried his lower lip. “... I have someone waiting for me. Bye, guys.”

He turned to continue walking while his friends were gawking at his back. Brian knew what they were doing and he intentionally did slip that information. It was a way to confirm what they heard at the loft Tuesday night.

He decided it was time that he would bring Justin to their circle. He wanted his ‘family’ to know how happy he was with his new partner and he wanted to make Justin feel that he wasn't keeping their relationship a secret to those people who he called his family.

When he parked the truck in front of their house at six o'clock, Brian smiled knowing his partner didn't expect him to be home this soon. Justin should know that he always comes first and Brian wanted him to feel secure in his place in Brian's life.

“Brian, hey you're back so soon. Is Michael alright?” Justin asked as he hurried to him from the stairs. Brian waited for his partner at the bottom of the stairs looking at the incredible man that he called ‘his heart’.

He received his hug and kisses from Justin and deepening it by tilting his head a little backward. He missed Justin just for that few hours away from him and his kiss had been an obvious way of telling him that.

“Good morning, mo chroí.” He whispered to his mouth as he released it from his intense morning kiss.

“Good morning, Brian.” Justin greeted back while biting his lower lip. Brian followed the movement with his eyes as he felt his manhood got harder. Justin wasn't aware of how sexy he looked like without even trying.

He leaned down to catch the luscious lips again, then stared down at his partner. “You ready to go to work?”

“Yeah, I wasn't expecting you, but I'm glad you are here.”

“Me too, my heart.” Brian lead his partner out of their house and drove them to Justin's work. They still had time for breakfast and few minutes to chat about Michael's condition.

“The doctor wants Debbie to consent the psychological evaluation and maybe see a shrink, but she refused. She said Michael just had way too much to drink.”

Justin looked thoughtful for a minute, then asked, “You don't agree with her, do you?”

“No, I don't. I think Michael is up to something and he thought it would make me want to dump you and go back to him.”

Justin fidgeted with a piece of tissue. “Would you?”

That question broke Brian's heart. This just confirmed how Justin wasn't still feeling secure with his place in Brian's life.

Brian reached to hold his hands and said with all conviction, “I would never, ever leave you for anyone, Justin. Please, believe that, okay? We could face more hurdles than we both can count on our little hands and feet but I promised you that we are going to overcome it together. No matter how hard life would throw us, we would both face it hand in hand. Please, believe that, mo chroí.”

Justin's eyes suddenly filled with tears but he held it and drew a deep breath. “Even if you will know that I'm… that I'm not the man who you think I am?”

Brian's brows knitted together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Justin looked down to their still twined fingers. “Everyone has a past and some… secrets, Brian.”

Brian was staring at his partner. “I know we all have a past, Justin. I even have one that I can't remember and I have told you how bad I actually was according to my friends. I fucked and treated men like trash while still being with Michael, I gave up my son for god sake. So, what past that could be much worse than mine? And even if you have a not so good one, Justin, it was in the past. This-- us, here-- this is the present and will be the future. You are my future, mo chroí.”

Justin's tears had finally rolled out and Brian wiped it with his thumbs cradling Justin's face with his hands. Brian kissed him after that, until it was time for Justin to get to work.

Brian went to work that day a little tired and sleep deprived. His body had already adjusted with his and Justin's pattern and with only few hours of sleep, Brian could actually feel the difference in his stance.

Cynthia, blessed her heart, who was always one step ahead of everyone had kept the unwanted calls at bay and limited the employees visit for him that day.

He called Justin that he'd be going to pick him up after school but had to go visit Michael at the hospital after, Brian was actually wanting to confront Michael about this supposed accidental overdose.

Justin was fine with it. But when they were home and Brian was changing his suit, it only took him one glance at Justin's direction and saw his naked torso to make him abandon his previous plans and pounced on his partner.

He made love to Justin on the carpeted floor of their room and the sound of wet skin slapping skin and the mixed moaning and grunting were the only thing anyone could hear for almost thirty minutes.

Brian loved to feel his partner's ass, every ridges and contractions were more heightened to its fullest extent when there weren't any barriers between them. Brian wouldn't trade this feeling for million asses in the world. This was the only ass he would want to be in, the only ass he wanted to plow for the rest of his life.

He nipped on Justin's neck as they both trying to calm their breathing down. Justin was running his hands on Brian's back so softly that almost made him sleep.

“Brian, let's have dinner first before you go to the hospital.” Justin's voice was gentle on his forehead.

“Yeah, I'd love that. Let's eat at Romeo's.” Brian automatically answered running his tongue on Justin's collarbone up to the back of his ear. Brian's hands had started to knead the perfect globes of his partner's butt and Justin had started to rut his half hard penis on his still wet cum that was on Brian's abdomen.

When Justin moaned loudly and his thrust became frantic, Brian caught his lips and gave him a fiery kiss. Brian started to move his once again hard cock, that was still inside Justin's hot cavern, in a slow in and out motion.

Brian felt the hotness and the wetness of his cum inside Justin. It was so good, it was heavenly, actually. Brian thrust slowly, just feeling the sensation of his cock and his cum gliding together inside.

Justin was thrashing again, he was moaning incoherently and tried meeting Brian's thrust with his ass.

“Harder, Brian...” Justin whispered, then Brian abruptly pulled out. Justin whimpered at the loss of contact, but before he could verbalize his protest, he was being flipped to his stomach. 

Brian put his arm on his partner's abdomen and pulled him up until Justin's knees were bending and his ass was up high in the air.

Brian could still see his cum coating Justin's pucker, some had been trailing on his thigh. The sight made Brian growled like a lion in heat and couldn't help but taste his own spunk. Justin yelped when he felt Brian's tongue lapping on his entrance, then moaned loudly as he inserted his tongue inside.

Brian hummed in satisfaction as he continued to stick his tongue in and out, while he was drooling down Justin's balls. He held both Justin's cheeks apart to have a better access.

“Brian… fuck… Oh god!” Justin said incoherently while slowly stroking his rock hard cock in his hand.

Then Brian pulled his tongue out running it to his perineum to his balls down to the dried streak of cum on his thigh.

And in a matter of seconds, Brian was penetrating him with his cock as he growled and held one hand on Justin's hip and the other on his shoulder to guide the motion of meeting their thrusts against each other. The impact was hard every time their bodies meet and Justin was honestly at the edge of unconsciousness. He knew his orgasm would hit him hard and he wanted to savor it for few more moments.

Brian was continuously growling and grunting and sometimes biting Justin's neck. God, this was nothing they both had experienced before with any other men. What they had at that moment had strengthened the bond that was binding them as one, marking their souls to the point where nothing could break the ties that keeping their lives intertwined.

They were both in nirvana, swaying to the music that the two of them only knew. They were the one who composed the rhythm and sang the tune together. They were soaring up to the highest heaven while still connected as one, connected from inside out.

When they came, they both could swear that they were being brought down to earth by a cloud.

Brian didn't want to pull out and he didn't have a reason to do it, too. That was the best thing of doing it raw, they could even sleep with him still inside his partner, and that's what they were doing most nights.

They waited a little bit to calm down before showering and got dressed to go and get dinner. The evening was great in their own way, a way they both loved, simple and quiet yet a very satisfying one. 

They were almost finished with their meals when they heard from one of the patrons at Romeo's that there were some Christmas Art extravaganza at Carnegie hall and they were both interested to check it out. It turned out to be a great way to spend the rest of the evening.

They strolled the hall full of mixed arts. They had varieties of Christmas paintings, sculptures, hand crafted pots, dresses, house decors, different Christmas trees and jewelries from ancient to modern age. It was a spectacular display of arts that had been around even before the civilizations.

They went home before midnight and had been talking about their Christmas plans. Brian was sure that Debbie would invite him for Christmas Eve dinner along with the family. He asked Justin to come with him and be finally introduced to his friends, but his partner refused saying it wouldn't be good for Gus if his Christmas would be ruined if some of Brian's friends wouldn't react appropriately.

Justin was right, they both know Michael would not close his mouth just because of Gus. Brian wanted his son to have a memorable holidays, something that he didn't have.

Maybe he could bring Justin to meet his friends after New Years. He'd make sure they would attend one of Debbie's Sunday dinner and he'd bring his partner to introduce to them.

When they came home and got ready for bed, Brian noticed that he had forgotten his phone on his night stand. When he picked it up, he found his voicemail was full and that he had twenty eight missed calls.

His phone was in silent mode since morning and he had forgotten to turn the sound on again. He checked his call log and found Michael had been calling him since after lunch until just ten minutes ago. There was two calls from both Emmett and Ted with the last one just half an hour ago.

Brian had totally forgotten about Michael and his suppose visit, and he didn't want to call him that late at night knowing he would only demand for him to come. He opted to call Emmett instead, but when he called, Emmett didn't answer his call.

Brian just shrugged, he knew Debbie would call when there were any emergency. He decided to call Emmett again after brushing his teeth and settled for bed. When he was waiting for Justin and sat his back on the headboard of their monstrous bed, his phone vibrated on the night stand.

Justin came in from the bathroom and noticed that he was staring at his vibrating phone. Brian mouthed ‘Emmett’ at him and proceeded to answer the call.

“Emmett, hi.” Brian greeted and paused to listen to the other line of the call.

Justin settled beside his partner who automatically opened his arm to let him snuggle closer which Justin happily obliged.

“I understand… that's okay, Emmett…”

Brian was absently running his unoccupied hand on Justin's arm soothingly.

“I was planning to visit after having dinner but then… yeah, I was with my partner.”

Justin lovingly kissed Brian's shoulder.

“So, he is doing well?... Uh-huh…”

Justin settled his face in Brian's neck and breathe him in while tracing his index finger on his partner's happy trails.

“You do that, mo chroí, and you will not be sleeping tonight.” Brian playfully chastised his partner who giggled in response. “Oh, I'm not talking to you,Emmett-- yeah, I was talking to my-- yeah, I call him mo chroí.”

Justin looked up and nipped at Brian's chin.

“You all going to meet him soon… no, not on Christmas… ok, I'll be by your apartment tomorrow at ten… yeah, bye.”

Brian ended the call and put the phone on the night stand.

“Brian, I didn't mean to distract you from going to the hospital--” Justin suddenly said.

“Hey, I never thought you'd do that intentionally. I honestly don't want to visit him, and the display we saw at Carnegie, was pretty distracting.” Brian kissed Justin's temple.

“So, Michael is okay? Why did you talk to Emmett and not Michael?”

“I had my phone on silent all day today, Michael was starting to get his claws on me, I suppose. He apparently calling me since lunch making my voicemail full and left twenty eight missed calls. Emmett and Ted had called, too. I thought calling Emmett would be better than Michael. He told me Michael was queening out, and Emmett was already enraged by it. He asked me what I fed Michael to be this over the top clingy, more clingy than he usually was.”

“Michael wants you there.”

“Yeah, I figured that much. I'm sure he thought I'm going to run over there every time he calls. So, according to Emmett, the doctor is releasing Michael tomorrow morning just like what he told us last night. Debbie is giving him a welcome party.”

“You're going?”

“Yeah, I honestly don't want to, but Gus would be there. I can ask Lindsay to let me take him tomorrow instead of Sunday. Then, we can spend the day with just the three of us.”

“That would be great. I missed that little guy. I'll get some groceries while you have breakfast with them.”

“Take a cab, okay?”

Justin nodded and they both shifted to get comfortable. They shared few lazy kisses and drifted to slumber.

***

Brian consciously turned his phone off. He was being mean, he knew that, but he also knew by now how vicious Michael could be. Brian still felt that his ‘accidental’ ingestion of ‘few’ sleeping pills while having ‘way too much’ alcohol was precisely premeditated. 

Michael knew what he was doing and he perfectly knew what would the outcome be. Brian was also aware that Michael would probably milk this situation in anyway he could.

He honestly didn't want to attend the ‘welcome’ brunch for Michael. It almost felt like Brian was rewarding Michael for being stupid or better yet, being manipulative.

He drove Justin to the grocery store five blocks away from their home and sped off to Michael and Emmett's apartment. He found his friends’ cars already parking on the curb and Brian readied himself from the onslaught that was awaiting on the other side of the door.

He could already imagine how the morning would be like, Michael would guilt trip him from not visiting yesterday, then he'd cling on him like an octopus. His friends would back Michael up and ganged up on him for being an asshole who didn't give a shit if the world around him collapse. He only cared for his dick to get sucked or stuck in someone else's ass. Yeah, he had heard all of that over and over again for two fucking years.

As he predicted, Michael played the scorned sick friend who fired thousands of questions for not visiting him the other day. He subtlety assessed his friend's condition and he satisfactorily concluded that Michael was better than fine.

Good thing his kid latched on him the moment he stepped on the apartment and Brian didn't let Gus get off his lap.

“Where's daddy's heart?” Gus innocently asked his father when they all settled on the dining table.

Brian smiled at his son who sat to his left looking up at him with sippy cup in hands. Brian took Gus’ right hand and placed it to his left broad chest.

“Here.” he softly said that made Gus giggled.

When Brian looked around the table, he saw Emmett with a tender expression on his face. Michael was scowling who looked like he swallowed a whole lemon, while Ted was amusedly looking at him. 

Brian was kind of surprised by Emmett's reaction, usually he and Ted could not wait to laugh at his expense. But he was sure that Ted was just waiting for his time to taunt him about his supposed partner.

He saw Ted at that precise moment leaning to say something on Emmett's ear, then he saw their eyes looking at his ring. Brian let them gawk some more and didn't even flinch when Ted leaned to Mel’s ear.

“Yeah, how's your ‘heart’, daddy?” Melanie goaded with an emphasis on the word heart. She was inciting a reaction from Brian.

Ted snorted but hadn't said anything, he just shoved a huge piece of bagel to his annoyingly smirking mouth. 

Brian didn't give them the satisfaction of stirring his emotions, they weren't worth eliciting any response from him. He noticed Michael was silent on the other end of the table, a scowl was still pasted on his face. 

Mel was getting okay the past few weeks, they weren't clashing so often like before, but old habits die hard, right?

“What happened to your heart, Brian?” Debbie asked as she came from the kitchen with a plate of cheese.

“Nothing, Deb. Mel was just joking with Brian.” Lindsay demurely said. She looked at him with twitchy eyes but had chosen to close off her expression.

He surmised, most of his friends didn't take the news seriously and had actually found it hilarious. They found it funny knowing he was seeing someone. That had honestly hurt Brian and it reminded him why he couldn't seem to connect with his friends even after all this time.

Debbie just nodded absentmindedly and went on to put some more eggs onto Michael's plate. Brian thought it was a small mercy, at least.

“Maaaa.” Michael protested.

“Don't complain, you need to get your strength back, Michael.” Debbie said, sitting on the seat beside his baby boy.

“Maaaa.” He was now sounding more like a whining goat than human.

Brian wasn't really surprised to know that Mel and Lindsay had known about the ‘Mo chroí’ incident and maybe even what he had said at the hospital parking lot.

And of course, they would goad him for it, making fun of it. That would be the topic of the day despite the elephant in the room sitting with them on the center of the table.

Everyone seemed too keen on gossiping about his life, but consciously ignoring the serious matter in which Michael had put himself into.

Instead they all coddled and cooed at him even after what he did, giving him the pass just because he was the doe eyed, innocent little Mikey who seemed to walk on water.

It felt so wrong that no one was actually addressing the incident. No one was even contemplating if the act was intentional or not when it was pretty obvious that it was. Michael could be stupid, but he always knew what he wanted and do whatever it takes to get it. 

The only downside to this, Michael wouldn't be getting what he thought he could have had, all his efforts for trying to kill himself was for naught. Brian was not a stupid, he was actually far from being one.

Just then, a thought crossed his mind of him being the one who recklessly took the pills together with the dangerous amount of booze. If that was the case, he was sure to have already been castrated and looked down by his good friends by now. Well, that just summed up his worth to these people.

After a while, Brian was tuning them all out especially the whining that had been happening non stop since he arrived. More to his surprise, Michael didn't mention anything about Brian's new partner to put him on the spot for ‘betraying’ their relationship. It would surely get sympathy from this family and Debbie would be blaming him for his son’s drinking and eventually overdosing.

Brian wanted to be anywhere but here.

He was dreading the time for him to ask Lindsay and Melanie to have Gus that afternoon. It could go bad if they wouldn't lay off the snide remarks about his personal life and Brian didn't know if he still had the patience to ignore it.

After the meal, he slipped out of the apartment to smoke at the fire exit at the end of the hallway. He stood there looking out at the busy street below him, all those people who had their own lives and problems of their own, too. People who had their own Justin and a son like Gus, and people who had shitty friends, too. He wondered if one of them had an amnesia like him.

“Nice view, huh?” A voice came from behind him. He turned to find Emmett standing on the doorframe jutting his hip on it.

“Hmm..” He responded unenthusiastically.

“Mind giving an old friend a smoke?” Emmett stood beside him looking straight ahead.

Brian fished his cigarette from his pocket who only had two sticks left.

“Running low?” Emmett asked while taking one to his lips and lit it with Brian's zippo.

“I don't smoke that much anymore.”

Emmett glanced at him for a while with a slight shocked face.

“It's hard to believe, huh?” Brian said that in a tone where Emmett couldn't escape the resentment in it.

“It's not like that, Brian. You have to understand that we have known you for so long being this ‘no regrets no apologies’ kind of guy who stuck his dick in any available holes. That was the Brian that we've always known. Then, bam! Everything changes… I think our minds have a hard time catching up with everything that has happened, or it resisted to catch up with what you are becoming.”

“It's been two years, not two months. How many more years you all have to need to catch up on what is happening to me? Maybe I haven't really tried connecting to you all, but you must know that you all didn't give me any reasons that I should even bother.”

“We never really try hard, too, Brian. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's weird seeing you quiet and behaving like you were a stranger. You seemed too uncomfortable in our presence, obviously not enjoying our company. And I guess, we just left you alone to at least get used to us, but we all drifted away as we let more times passed without even bothering to reach out to you.”

“Funny you'd say that I was behaving like stranger. Because you guys were strangers to me, I haven't seen you before in my life. I couldn't get your jokes and I always felt disrespected when you all making fun of me when I don't even know the guy you all were laughing at. I think, it's hard to understand when it wasn't you who's suffering.”

Emmett took time to blow his cigarette, nodding his head in agreement.

“We make it about us, instead of you. We focused on ourselves, on how hard it was to see you with the same face and body, but so totally different. We don't even consider how petrified you must be waking up without memory. This is all fuck up, Brian, we fucked up and I'm really sorry.”

Then Emmett leaned forward to look at Brian for a while.

“For what it's worth, I know when you told Ted and I that you are seeing someone, I believe that you are serious about it, that you are serious about the guy.”

Brian flicked the butt of his cigarette and stepped on it.

“Why would you? They all seem to make me the butt of jokes.” Brian clenched his jaws.

“Because I saw you being in love before.”

Brian didn't say anything, he continued to look at the streets down the building.

“It wasn't a perfect relationship, but I know you were both in love and committed to each other in your own undefined and unconditional way. Oh god-- oh my god--I didn't mean-- sorry--”

Emmett was suddenly looking agitated and apologetic at him.

“I shouldn't have said that-- oh god, Brian.” Emmett really looked horrified.

“That's okay. Of course, I have known about it. Michael wouldn't stop telling me how much I was in love.”

“He did?” Emmett was surprised to know that, then he continued,

“Well, I'm relieved to know that I didn't fuck up again. It was the consensus of majority not to tell you, though, and Michael was so adamant on not mentioning it. Well, the doctor had actually advised us not to tell you more than what you need to know, it's about the bad side effects if we do. Speaking of Michael, what's has gotten into his head and he suddenly becoming this…this over the top, extremely, hyperbolic clingy to you.”

Brian snorted, “You mean he wasn't always like this?”

“You got a point, but, no this time it's different… it's almost territorial and possessive. Brian, what happened at your loft? What did Michael say to you in the bathroom?”

“He deliberately did something that could cost me my partner.”

“What? How can Michael-- wow. This is crazy, how did he even know who's your talking to? We honestly didn't have an idea until you were talking in the bedroom. Did you tell him when you started dating your partner?”

Brian shook his head, “No, I've never told anyone, but he was always at the loft and I wasn't home most of the time. He even slept a couple of nights waiting for me to come home. I think, he just put everything together. He heard Gus asking for daddy's heart when we were at the girls’ house. The girls didn't get it, but I think Michael did. Then he heard my conversation with my partner in the bathroom before barging in pretending to be my lover.”

Emmett was shocked. “What the actual fuck? Do you think Michael-- the overdose-- God, no, this is too much. My mind cannot process this just yet-- that fucking dick. What did he thought he could accomplish by this? He hasn't been like this since--”

“Don't worry, I'm not going to give in to his advances. I'm fully aware of what he is doing.”

Emmett was still looking troubled.

“Now, tell me what all of you have been talking behind my back?”

Emmett snorted, “Well, it's a new topic, so you know, we tend to get invested over it. Mel and Ted are just fucking with you, Brian, don't think about it too much-- they thought it's not serious. Lindsay doesn't believe, and Michael is surprisingly mute about it.”

Brian wasn't surprised by all that.

“But don't think that ring hasn't been catching everyone’s attention. There's a debate going on about this.” Emmett smirked at him.

 

When they went back inside the apartment, Brian saw Lindsay and Melanie on the couch talking with Ted. Michael was nowhere to be seen, but his money was betting on the bathroom.

Gus was playing on the floor with his truck, while Debbie was fluffing Michael's pillow in his bedroom. He walked up to the group who suspiciously got quiet as he got nearer to them.

“Brian, sit with us, lover boy.” Melanie invited him with her taunting smile.

Ted snickered but scooted aside to give him room on the couch. He didn't take it, instead he crouched down in front of Gus who gave him a sweet smile.

“So, we've heard that you are dating again…” Melanie was interrupted by Lindsay's elbow digging to her side.

“Why don't you tell us about it, Brian?” Lindsay asked in her waspish kind of voice.

Brian shrugged, “I'm with someone, what else to know?”

“Wow, this is kind of amusing, he really did admit it. The world must be nearing its end.” Melanie surprisingly gaped at him.

“I'm glad to be of service.” He gave them a three fingers salute like a little good Boy Scout that he was.

“And you must wear a ring, Bri?” Lindsay eyed him.

Brian shrugged, “When I decide to do something, I go all the way.”

The conversation was interrupted after that when Michael came out of the bathroom whining about feeling dizzy. Debbie was immediately on his son’s side leading him to his bed. They all followed the mother and son with their eyes until Debbie closed the door to Michael's room.

“Lindsay, Melanie…” Brian started to say. “I would like to have Gus for the rest of the day.”

“We want to be with our son on weekends, too Brian.” Melanie said, shooting him an icy glare.

“Of course, you will have him tomorrow.” Brian compromised.

“That's okay, Bri. But I don't have enough clothes for him with me now. We could--” Lindsay said in which Brian had to cut.

“No worries. I have some change clothes for him at my place.”

That made the two mommies looked at each other.

“Is your--” Melanie was looking at Brian skeptically. “I'm not comfortable letting my son be with someone that I don't even know, Brian.”

“You don't know him, but I do. I'm not going to put Gus at any risk.” Brian defended.

“We know that, Brian. Mel was just saying that it would be more nicer if you at least bring him to our house and let us meet him. To know him a little better.” Lindsay challenged, arching her brow up.

“We don't even know the guy’s name, we don't have any idea how you met him. We don't know how long you've been seeing him that you trust him enough to be around my son.” Melanie interjected.

“He is my son, too, Melanie.”

“No one is saying that he isn't yours, too, Brian. Why don't you bring your ‘friend’ to meet all of us?” Lindsay insisted again, but Brian didn't like her tone. He remembered Emmett saying she didn't believe that Brian had a partner.

“I could, but I don't think this is the right time. Let's all have this holidays be over with, and when it quieted down a bit, I'll bring him to meet the family.”

“Whatever.” Melanie mumbled standing up looking down at Lindsay. “We better get going, Lindz.”

Lindsay nodded and went to Emmett's room to take Gus’ bag and handed it to Brian. The two mommies said their goodbyes to their son telling him that they would be waiting for his return later that evening.

Gus was jumping up and down upon learning that he was going to see daddy's heart.

The girls and Ted had knocked on Michael's door saying that they were leaving and thanking Debbie for the breakfast. Michael was starting to get agitated when he saw Brian kissing Debbie on the cheek with Gus perched on his hip.

“I don't want you to go, Brian.” Michael tried to sound distress and in pain.

“You have to rest, Michael and I suppose Brian is going to have Gus today, don't you, honey?” She looked at Brian who nodded his head. She turned to her son again and chastised him with, “You are still not well, so rest.”

They all went out of the apartment together and were on their separate ways in just few minutes.

Justin was baking chocolate chip cookies when Brian and Gus arrived at their house. Gus ran straight to Justin calling him, “Daddy's heart! Daddy's heart!”

Justin hugged the little guy to his chest that looked so much like his father and telling him that he missed him so much. Gus returned the sentiment and kissed Justin's cheek.

“I want cookies, daddy's heart.” He adorably said to Justin who smiled so widely and sat him on the tall bar stool.

“I want a cookie, too, my heart.” Brian said sticking his tongue on his cheek.

“Okay, one cookie each for my favorite boys. With milk for you…” Justin gave an Eskimo kiss to Gus. “... and coffee for you.” He turned to Brian and did the same.

But before Justin could pull away, Brian caught the back of his neck and gave him an intense open mouth kiss.

They had forgotten Gus for a matter of minutes as Brian savor the taste that he was craving the whole morning. But then they heard Gus giggling, and they both softly nipped on each other's lip and smiled.

“Daddy kissy kissy Daddy's heart.” The little Brian said while making a kissy face at them.

“Yeah, daddy loves to kissy kissy daddy's heart.” Brian chortled that made Justin laugh out loud.

The afternoon went so great and they even went out and brought Gus to meet Santa and his elf at the mall. They also brought Gus an appropriate gear for them to play on the snow outside their home. The snowfall had started couple weeks ago and the forecast for the next seven days were 1-3 inches of snow.

Brian was knocking on Mel and Lindsay's door at exactly seven in the evening. Gus, who was already in his pajamas, was sleeping on his father’s shoulder.

Lindsay encouraged Brian to have coffee with them, but he politely declined saying that someone was waiting for him.

***

The next day, Brian and Justin started the day like they usually had. But when Justin started to work and Brian had no Gus to take with him, he decided to brave the busy streets of Pittsburgh to buy his Christmas presents.

Debbie had already told them to attend her Christmas Eve dinner and they would have the exchange gifts that day. That would leave each and everyone of them to be with their own little families or special someone on the actual day of Christmas.

Brian spent his morning dodging elbows and umbrellas, but he really needed to buy Gus, Vic, Rodney and Justin their Christmas gifts. He already had bought for the rest of the gang, including Cynthia and his business partner, Gardner.

In all honesty, Brian wanted to buy Justin a car but he knew his partner would freak out and Brian didn't want that for their first Christmas together. And so he settled for an Italian leather sketchbook case, a complete set of kolinsky sable brushes and a black leather strap Tag Heuer watches.

Well, Justin might still freak out with his presents but Brian couldn't help buying him those things when he saw them.

He bought Gus an elaborate set of trains having six feet railways that went up on a mountain and tunnels. The mommies would certainly freak out, too.

After picking Vic and Rodney’s presents, Brian went home to secretly hide the gifts from his partner. Checking the clock, he found it was only ten minutes after eleven. He decided to just watch some old Christmas movies that was on TV.

But before his butt was even heated on the sofa, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was Michael and he regretted answering it when he started spouting that Brian didn't care if Michael had died that night. Saying he needed his friend but Brian was busy to even give him few minutes of his time.

Brian resignedly agreed and drove to Michael's apartment. He even bought lunch for both Michael and Emmett.

When he arrived though, he found the front door unlocked and Emmett was nowhere to be found. Then Michael was apparently feeling a little bit dizzy and was resting in his bed.

Brian plated the lunch for his friend and handed it to Michael who bit into the sandwich with gusto.

Brian wasn't comfortable with only them in the apartment. The realization had made him sad, he used to hangout with Michael from sunrise to sunset when they were still teenagers. But now, his mere presence was beginning to be unbearable to Brian.

“So, where's Emmett?” He asked sitting on a chair near the window.

“Out with Ted. Why are you so far away, come sit next to me.” Michael patted the bed invitingly.

Brian shook his head and looked around the room. He didn't come out here much in the past two years, it was always Michael coming to his loft. Now, he noticed that Michael had a top chest full of picture frames.

He stood up to check it closer. One picture was Michael with Debbie and Vic, another was with all of the gangs sitting on Debbie's couch, and the six remaining frames left were all Michael and Brian's pictures.

The pictures had varied from high school until before the accident, because he couldn't remember taking some of those pictures.

He was so engrossed looking at it and hadn't noticed when Michael stood up and walked up to him. He jumped when he felt a pair of arms hugging him from behind.

He instinctively moved forward in an attempt to get away from his friend. He succeeded and backed away slowly from Michael.

“What are you doing?” Brian snapped unkindly.

“Babe, when my life was hanging on the edge of death, I saw us, you know. I saw our life, our past and the future-- and I promised myself that when I get through it, I'd fight for our love. Babe, this is what I was telling you over and over again, we belong together.” Michael said while inching closer to Brian.

“Michael-- Michael!” Brian was trying to escape from Michael who had caught him off guard and latched on his body like a leech. “Stop it, Michael, for god sake!”

Brian was almost yelling. He had successfully shrugged Michael off of him again.

“Brian, I can't live without you. What else do you want me to do to prove that I'm the one who deserves you? We are together for nine years, Brian, we should be together until the end-- you promised me that. Don't fucking do this to me!” Michael shouted at him.

Brian let out an angry sigh but maintained the distance between them.

“I told you I can't be with you anymore. I don't love you anymore like I did for nine years. Stop this, Michael. I'm so tired of you insisting on the things that I cannot give you. Just stop this.”

“I'm going to do it again, Brian. I'm going to off myself again if you don't take me back, I swear to you, Brian.” Michael threatened.

“You are a thirty three years old grown up man, Michael. Be a man and accept that we are over. Our nine years relationship was over and you can't have me back.” Brian walked to Michael's room door and yanked it open, he almost had a heart attack when he found Debbie standing there looking so shocked herself.

“Debbie.” He whispered. “I'm sorry.” Then Brian fled Michael's room and out of the apartment.

Brian knew that he shouldn't have gone there in the first place.

***

“What the fuck, Michael?” Debbie laid it to his son after what seemed to be like forever. Her face was a revelation of shock, anger and distaste. She couldn't believe what she had just heard coming from both his son and Brian's mouth. This was not happening. How could Michael do this to his friend? A friend who had an amnesia. How could they not know anything about this?

Debbie was so devastated. How could his son be this devious and conniving little asshole? Debbie was actually speechless and dumbfounded for once in her life. Michael was in serious mental trouble than she originally thought and seemed to have done a great deal of damage where Brian and his amnesia was concerned.

“What have you been telling Brian about you and him? What the fuck did you do?!”


	11. Chapter 11

Wednesday mornings were supposed to be the busiest day of the week. It could be because it was the day in the middle of hard working days. Everyone wanted to rush everything in preparation for a stress-free weekend. 

That particular snowy morning, People were bustling the streets to go to wherever they supposed to be going. Office workers, students, street vendors and even some hustlers who were just going to feed themselves after a vigorous night of work, were all minding their own in the busy streets of Pittsburgh.

It was the day that Brian supposed to be sitting in his office creating brilliant ads, meeting clients and going home to the man that had changed his life for the better.

Brian was supposed to be working and reaping the benefits for taking the advertising world by storm with his expertise. He should have been attending the employees Christmas party that Gardner had been kind enough to give his staff before going for a long Christmas weekend off. 

Instead, he was standing in a corner of Rodney and Vic’s house, listening to Emmett and Ted regaling about the real state of the situation.

It was a much gloomy few days for everyone in their circle of friends. It would be a sad Christmas for them all, most especially Debbie, Michael and Rodney.

The dark clouds that had loomed over Brian's head started that Sunday when he succumbed to Michael's request for him to visit. He should've known that everything was only a way for Michael to get him alone and tried blackmailing him.

The thought had made Brian see red and he was still furious even after three days had gone. He couldn't even look at Michael and not remembering what had transcribed on that Sunday morning. But he needed to set his emotions aside in a time like this. 

What he didn't want was for Debbie to hear all that especially the fact that his son had tried to off himself just to get attention from Brian. And what was worse, he'd gladly do it again if it meant he could have Brian back in his life. It was sick, so sick that Brian couldn't even fathom how Michael could be this venomous.

When he was in his truck after fleeing Michael's apartment, he couldn't help but cry and grieved for the friendship that he was sure had lost.

He arrived at Starbucks just in time for Justin to hop into the truck. And his ever perceptive partner had immediately sense that something was troubling him.

They went to have lunch at a diner near the school campus. Fortunately, that day being Sunday, it meant the place was nearly empty.

Brian proceeded to relate the distressing event that took place at Michael's apartment. When he came to tell about Debbie being there, Justin had suddenly gone paler than usual and he saw his hands trembling until he dropped the utensils in his hands.

The clacking sounds as it hit the plate had garnered the attentions of the few patrons that were dining on the other booths.

Brian was so slow to react. It was so unexpected and he honestly hadn't counted that reaction from his partner. Of course, he couldn't blame if Justin would be mad or even resented Michael for being devious and manipulative, but judging by Justin's reaction just now, he didn't look mad or anything like that, instead Justin looked frightened.

Brian didn't know what just happened and he suddenly abandoned his chair and food to sit beside his partner. He hugged him close to him and he lovingly ran his hand on Justin's stiff back.

“Hey, what just happened, mo chroí?” He softly asked. Justin was still holding him and fisting Brian's front shirt as if he was afraid to let go of it. This was puzzling Brian, Justin was acting uncharacteristically petrified.

“Shh, it's okay. You don't have to worry about Michael, okay? I have promised you that, my heart, have I not?”

Justin hid his face on Brian's neck and his hold had tightened than it ever was.

“You are scaring me, Justin. Please, talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you? Something is bothering you this past few days now, and something tells me that it's not about Michael.”

Brian had noticed it, yet he thought it was just because of everything that was happening around them especially the Michael issue, it was sure would bother his partner. But as days gone by, Brian felt that it was entirely something different. 

Justin had become a little subdued and he always caught him looking into space. When he asked if he was worried about Michael, Justin always told him that he wasn't thinking of him and Brian believed him. He could see in Justin's eyes that he was telling the truth, but then it left a whole new puzzle for him to think. What was going on in his partner's little blond head?

“You know that you can always talk to me, right?” Brian tried another approach. When it didn't elicit any reactions from Justin, Brian had begun to really worry. “Justin, whatever it is, I'll wait until you are ready to tell me. I'll be here for you, I'll listen if you don't want me to say anything. You'll have my shoulder if you just need to unload a tear or two, okay?”

That made Justin nodded to his neck as he felt the tears running down his collarbone.

“I love you so much, my heart.” Brian lovingly whispered and kissed his forehead.

Justin drew a deep, shuddering breath and eased his hold on Brian a little. They stayed huddled together for quite some time. Brian let his partner took all the time he needed and he never complained even his left arm had gone numb for almost ten minutes.

He didn't even care how they would look to the other patrons there, he had only Justin to worry about.

Justin finally pulled away from him after fifteen minutes more and Brian had tried his best to let him feel that it was okay for Justin to unload on his shoulder like that. He wanted his partner to feel comfortable opening up any emotions to him.

“What do you want to do?” Brian asked as they walked hand in hand to the door.

“Let's just go home, Brian.” Justin answered looking up from his lashes. “I just want to be with you.”

Brian gave him his version of sunshine smile and said, “You can always have me anytime you want. I'm yours, remember?”

Justin squeezed their twined hands, kissing Brian's shoulder with eyes twinkling up at him saying without words that he was absolutely aware of it. The gesture had melted Brian's heart.

When they got home, Brian prepared their tub and put lavender and chamomile essential oils, adding just a handful of lavender buds.

He stripped both their clothes and arranged themselves so that Justin would lay his back on Brian's chest. They soaked in a comfortable silence just rubbing each other's arms or thighs. 

The atmosphere was so relaxing and soothing, and in a way, the gentle running of Brian's palms on Justin's chest down to his happy trails was arousing to them both. When Brian lowered his hands down to Justin's thigh avoiding the engorging manhood, the blond couldn't help the moan came out of his lips.

Then Brian slowly palming his balls while his other hand ran up to play with Justin's nipples. 

“Brian…” Justin moaned his name as he started to sucked on his partner's neck. Brian's cock was so hard jutting on Justin's lower back.

“I want to be inside you, mo chroí.” Brian whispered before catching Justin's lips on his. He kissed Justin fervently, sticking his tongue inside while his hand was stroking his partner's hard cock.

Justin who was already far gone, twisted his body to face Brian. He straddled Brian's lap and they rutted together as they bit and nipped at each other's lips.

But the water made the friction on their cocks less satisfying and Brian made the decision of lifting Justin from his butt, settling him carefully on his waist before going out of the tub without taking their mouths off of each other.

He put Justin on the bed as gently as he could and they both bounced on the comfortable mattress. Brian took Justin's mouth a little roughly biting down to his neck and collarbone while sticking his index and middle finger inside Justin's mouth to wet it.

All the while, he was teasing Justin's entrance with the tip of his cock that was bubbling with precum, wetting it and slightly pushing just a little, but not enough to really penetrate.

When Brian was satisfied with the saliva on his fingers as Justin sucked on it like it was his dick, he pulled it out and stuck it without preamble into Justin's hole.

“Ahh…” Justin moaned from the sudden intrusion, but the wet fingers together with the precum had made the fingers slid so easily. Brian added a third finger and scissored it for couple of times.

Then Brian kissed Justin again, all wet and hot, while slowly entering his raw cock onto his partner's wet entrance.

“God…” Justin breathe through Brian's mouth.

Brian didn't stop until he filled him to the hilt. He paused for a while, invading Justin's mouth with his tongue and sucking Justin's like there was no tomorrow. Brian could feel his saliva on Justin's chin and it motivated him to do the same on his partner's neck as he ran his wet tongue on it, sucking and nipping.

Then he started to pull out slowly then pushing right in. He did it slowly for a few more times then increasing the pace as Justin was thrashing underneath him in abandonment.

“Brian…” He whispered as he clawed on his partner's back.

“You like that?” Brian asked through their mouths, while thrusting so hard that the bed had been creaking and banging to the wall.

“Ye-yes… Yes, I… love it, Brian…” Justin tried to meet Brian's thrusts but his partner paused for a split second then abruptly pulled out of him. Justin frustratingly groaned and hit his fist on Brian's bicep.

But then, Brian pushed Justin's knees up to his ears exposing his pink quirking hole. Without any words, Brian suddenly plowed back into Justin's waiting entrance so hard that the blond could literally see stars.

Brian gave all that he got into thrusting inside the hot cavern of the man that he love, until they both could feel the familiar feeling that they know would blow their minds afterward.

And as predicted, it really did. They orgasm within just seconds from each other that had left them both sated and jelly-like.

Justin just had enough energy to bring his lower limbs down from being folded into half, then joined his partner to visit dreamland.

The peaceful afternoon was being interrupted by the incessant ringing of Brian's phone. He was too comfortable lying on top of his sleeping partner to even want to move to answer the call.

The phone didn't stop ringing though and Justin pushed Brian to the side and tried to shake him awake.

Brian sleepily took the phone and contemplated throwing it to the wall for a second. In the end he just answered it in his heavy sleep voice.

“Brian! Brian!”

Debbie's grieving voice had sliced through Brian’s foggy brain.

“Debbie? What-- why are you crying?” Brian sat up and suddenly wide awake.

Justin sat up, too, and leaned his back on the headboard. He was looking anxious but remained silent.

“Brian, it's Vic! Vic is gone, Brian!” Debbie sobbed to the phone and Brian gasped in his breath. Oh, Lord.

“Debbie, I'm coming. Where are you?”

Debbie told him that they were at Allegheny and ended the call.

Brian threw the phone to the bed and hugged his worried partner.

“Vic is gone.” He whispered to Justin's ear who shuddered in his breath.

“I need to go to the hospital. I don't know what happened, and Debbie is falling apart.”

Justin nodded, trying hard to hold the tears together.

Brian released his hold on Justin and got dressed in a matter of seconds, pocketing his phone, keys and wallet. He kissed Justin one more time and walked away to the door.

As soon as Brian turned his back on Justin, Justin let the tears fall down on his face. This was too much. Everything was happening so fast and Justin hadn't still caught up with his own ghost. He couldn't even do a damn thing because he had chosen the wrong decision from the beginning, and everything had changed after that. A damn stupid mistake that he would be paying for the rest of his mortal life.

He stayed in bed all evening curling on himself. His past memories had been bugging him and coming out to haunt him and Justin knew he had nowhere to escape. He couldn't escape even he tried to.

Brian had called checking up on him at half past eight, informing him that they were at Rodney’s house sorting the funeral service and burial. He said both Debbie and Rodney were devastated.

Justin tried to clean the bathroom and their bed after that. He also fixed himself a tuna sandwich that he didn't even finish half of it. He was feeling so hollow and guilty, his guilt had been eating at him since that fateful day almost two and a half years ago.

Brian called again at ten o'clock saying he was on his way home. He could hear from Brian's voice that he was exhausted and sad and grieving for the loss of one of the members of his family. But he could also hear how listening to Justin's voice had somehow calmed his partner a little, that he had somehow given him hope that everything would be fine as long as they were together and that he had been the reason that Brian's heart was even beating.

He remembered Brian telling him that they were fated together and that he believed they were destined to be together, Justin could only hope that fate would twist in his favor when everything would be laid out open for Brian to see who Justin Taylor really was.

 

They had a restless night and they were both tired the next day. But Justin had to go to work and Brian had a meeting to attend and a late Christmas ad to fix, on that snowy Monday morning. He visited Rodney's house at lunch and found both Debbie and Michael there.

He noticed how Debbie was ignoring Michael and it was as if she was furious at his own son. He didn't mind it too much and put it down as a coping mechanism for Debbie.

He cornered Rodney before leaving and handed him an envelope with check inside. Rodney didn't want to take it, but Brian insisted and told him that he could use it for funeral or for the catering on Wednesday. As he had learned, Vic would have a service on Wednesday at ten in the morning, followed by the burial. It was a day before Christmas Eve.

“Thank you, Brian. It's so kind of you to help, but know that even just your presence would be enough for us.”

“I know, Rod. It's from me and my partner, actually.”

Rodney sadly smiled. “I heard Vic talking to you about seeing someone. I'm happy for you, Brian. Just fight for what you think is right and hold on to him if he makes you happy and don't let anyone makes you think otherwise.”

Brian nodded, understanding what was being said. Rodney was speaking from experience.

“I know you understand that he can't come with me on Wednesday, right? I don't want to make any unnecessary scenes on Vic’s funeral. But he sends his condolences and I promised to bring him and meet all of you when everything would quiet down a bit.”

“I perfectly understand, Brian. Thank you again for this.” Rodney hugged him and went to keep the envelope to his room.

Debbie walked up to him at that time with a nervous looking Michael hovering on her back.

“Brian, before you go--” She started but Michael cut her off.

“Ma!” Michael was wringing his fingers together.

“Hush, Michael!” She turned to Brian again after giving her son a deathly glare, “The Christmas Eve dinner is still on, Vic wouldn't want us not to celebrate and so we decided--Rodney and I, that we'll have it just like we planned.”

Brian nodded thoughtfully, he knew Debbie was in a lot of pain. She was still giving Vic the cold shoulders before he died and Brian knew she was dying inside thinking Vic passed away knowing she was still mad at him.

“Okay.”

She looked up at him then to Michael who was still fidgeting and said, “And, we need to talk after.”

Brian furrowed his brows. Debbie must be talking about what she heard the other day at Michael's apartment. Well, of course he should've expected this, Debbie was going to chastise him for breaking up with her son.

“Okay. I need to go back to work now, though. Talk to you, later.” Brian kissed her cheek then turned to leave.

The last thing he heard was Debbie's voice saying, “Don't think you are getting away with this, Michael, so shut your fucking mouth!”-- as he walked away from the house.

The day had dragged on but Brian did his best to finish whatever on his desk in preparation for the long holiday weekend. He left the office in time of Justin's out from school, too.

Their evening was a little subdued and Justin was still acting a little quieter than usual. Brian was also not in a mood to have a deep conversations after what had happened the other day with Justin at the diner, then learning about Vic’s death in just a matter of hours.

He guessed, he was just too drained and wanted to just hold his heart in his arms and just kiss him lazily until they were tired enough and gone to sleep.

***

The next day had come and gone too fast, and that Wednesday morning, Brian found himself talking with Emmett and Ted on Rodney and Vic’s living room

They just came from the Memorial Park after Vic was laid down to rest.

Emmett, being the gossip queen that he was, had been filling them in about what was happening. Vic, apparently, had another bad reaction with his cocktail and this time it made his cholesterol skyrocketed. He passed away in his sleep while taking that afternoon nap on Sunday.

He had also learned from Emmett that Michael and Debbie had a big blow out that same Sunday afternoon after he left their apartment. Emmett just wasn't really sure what's the deal about their fight, but he said Debbie was so furious with Michael.

Emmett had shared, too, that Debbie was overdoing the Christmas Eve dinner preparation. Emmett visited her the day before and saw her decorating the whole house and front yard with every Christmas decorations she could find.

Debbie was in mission of doing this Christmas Eve dinner special in honor of Vic.

Brian's eyes flickered to Debbie who for once was sitting on the couch beside the pregnant Melanie. Michael was sitting on the table munching on some crab cakes or something and Debbie was looking at his son more often than not.

He could see how Debbie was so preoccupied but she wasn't giving in to any pressure. Brian had always loved that side of Debbie, she was ready to take on anything for the people she loved.

***

Brian had Gus for the Christmas Eve morning and the kid was so happy ripping his gifts given by his daddy and daddy's heart. Justin looked as happy as Gus did, especially when the little guy had kissed Justin's cheek after opening his presents from him, which was a small music box with a little boy dancing in the middle of it.

Brian's gift was a little elaborate and flashy, and Gus was wide eyed ripping the wrapper and bouncing on his feet in excitement.

Justin had to help Gus in opening the box while Brian was jovially clicking his camera on every chances he got.

Unfortunately, Justin had to be at work from ten to one. The shop was opening from ten to six in the evening and Justin had the opening shift.

Brian and Gus had driven him to Starbucks and was out front when he finished at one. Justin had insisted that he took a cab to avoid carting Gus outside the snowy weather but Brian wouldn't hear any of it.

By three o'clock, they got Gus to change into the clothes that Lindsay had provided for the dinner, and both father and son had soundly kissed Justin on each cheek, then drove the icy road to Debbie's house.

They arrived at the house that seemingly been transported to winter wonderland. Emmett wasn't kidding when he said Debbie had gone all out for the celebration.

When dinner time came, Brian tried to eat with his so called family, but his heart was longing for the one who wasn't there. The one who was waiting for him at home and the one he would be going home to.

The people on the table was missing someone, too. They were all thinking about how it was only a year ago when Vic was still eating with them on the very same table. And just like that, he was gone. He guessed, everyone had just been hit by the realization of losing someone so suddenly. Vic was already sick for the longest time, but it didn't prepare them from actually losing him completely.

After exchanging presents, Brian was already squirming and was itching to go home. The gangs were all sitting in living room with coffee and pies for dessert. Gus was literally in toy heaven with all the presents he had received that day. He was sitting on the floor, eyes so wide with all the toys around him. Brian could feel his son’s predicament on choosing what toy would he play first.

It was honestly the only thing that made Brian last that long and hadn't had yet running home to Justin.

When the girls had started to collect their things, followed by Rodney, Emmett and Ted, Brian had also eased himself from the safety of the armchair and picked his boxes from the floor.

But before he could even take one step to the door, Debbie asked him to stay and told him that they needed to talk.

Brian protested and tried to postpone the inevitable lecture but Debbie was adamant in doing that tonight.

Brian frustratingly sighed but dropped the boxes down to the table and helped the girls with bringing Gus to the car and strapping him in.

Not long after, everyone was driving away except for Brian who walked back again to Debbie's house.

He found Debbie and Michael sitting on the couch silently, waiting for him to take his seat. He took the armchair again and looked at Debbie expectantly.

“So…” He began to say.

Debbie turned her head to Michael who was uncharacteristically quiet all evening, then she looked at Brian again.

“Brian, you know what this talk would be about. Please know that I'm shocked and so angry when I heard from Michael's own mouth that he intentionally did attempt offing his life and contemplating another one if-- if you won't take him back. I had to make him swear that he would never, ever do that again and would never even entertain that kind of stupidity.” Debbie took a deep breath and gave her son a heated glare who was squirming on his seat.

“The thing is, Brian-- Michael has always been in love with you and he loves you for so long and… he sometimes doesn't use his brain before doing something that could damage one's life.”

Michael's face had suddenly become ghostly white and he was bouncing his leg anxiously. Brian was so puzzled with his reaction, Michael seemed terrified and Brian had no idea what he was so afraid of.

“He did what he did because he loves you and wants you back. It's wrong in all angle, the blackmailing and him taking pills with booze-- but Brian, I'm asking you, as someone who took care of you since you were fourteen and opened my house to you-- please, take my son back.”

Michael had frozen and stopped bouncing his leg. He turned his head to his mother and gaped at her with his mouth hanging open.

Brian wasn't really surprised with this demand from Debbie, what surprised him more was the time it took her to actually do this for Michael. He honestly expected it two years ago. And sadly, he even expected the guilt trip and the reminders of her graciousness and kindness towards him.

“You loved each other, Brian. You were together for nine years and we all witnessed how happy the two of you were. You were building life together. You cannot remember anything, Brian but we are witnessed to everything you had done with Michael, it was something special. Please, don't throw it away. You need each other.”

Michael was clutching on his mother’s arm, he started to cry like five year old boy.

“Debbie, I have already talked to Michael about it and I have made my decision long ago. I don't feel anything for him anymore. Whatever I felt before the accident, it was all gone. And I don't think it's fair to either of us to continue our relationship when I don't love him more than just a friend. I'm not changing my mind, my decision is final. Michael and I are over.” Brian said in conviction, he looked at her straight in the eyes.

Debbie was quiet for a while, but then she hit him with her last bullet. “I want you to listen to me, Brian Kinney. My son is hurting because of you, you dumped him like some fucking shit when he stood by you for nine years. Is this how you going to repay us from all that we did for you? I took care of you, Brian. My family took care of you and this is how you going to show your gratitude? We are in too much pain right now and Michael is in destructive mode because of you! This is all too much for him. So, I'm telling you, Brian-- get back together with my son.”

Brian calmly looked at the people in front of him. The people who he thought was his family and treated him like one when his own family couldn't even make him feel like he was belonged with them.

He knew, for almost two and a half years that he had lost his memory, he was seeing them both with new eyes. There were reasons why he couldn't find that connection with both Debbie and Michael-- the same reasons that made him drift away from them.

It hurts to think that in just a matter of four days, he had lost the three people that he thought would be the only family that he knew of. With Vic’s parting, Brian had no power over that. It was Vic’s time to leave this world.

But with Debbie and Michael, he would walk away from them knowing that everything they did for him had come with price tag. They gave him something that he desperately needed but banking it all until such time to collect. And that time had finally arrived.

Brian might be expecting this kind of treatment from Debbie and Michael, but hearing it from her mouth was something he wasn't prepared for. It really hurt, it really did hurt so badly.

Brian stood up and tried to stay calm. Then he said, “I still want to thank you for all the things that you've done to me, Debbie. Both you and Michael had shown me how family should be like. I just thought that you did it because you wanted me to be part of your family, but I guess I'm wrong. You don't coerce or blackmail your family into doing something just because you welcome them into your home. Real family doesn't expect payments for whatever they had given to their members. It's all came from here.” Brian pointed to his heart, then he looked at the mother and son one last time and walked out the house where he once thought was a safe haven for him.

***

What had just happened?

Debbie was stunned by what had just transcribed with her suppose talk with Brian. She couldn't believe that he just walked away from her and Michael without giving a second thought.

The Brian that she had known for almost twenty years wouldn't say no to her. The Brian that she thought she knew would have been ready to move mountains for her and Michael if they wanted him to.

She didn't count on this Brian to turn his back on them.

Debbie was honestly furious with Michael when she heard him and Brian fighting four days ago. She couldn't believe that his son had been leading Brian with lies for over two years. And what she couldn't even fathom was Michael had intentionally took the pills and booze in an attempt to ‘get Brian back again’.

Debbie was horrified. She didn't know how Michael had successfully kept his lies for years and years without anyone exposing it to Brian. One way was that, Brian had been a little reclusive since his accident. No one got through the new erected armor, not Michael and not even Lindsay.

They all, of course, had seen the changes but they were all not used to this new upgraded version of Brian Kinney. They were kind of waiting for him to revert back to his old, narcissistic and heartless self, but it didn't happen. Until the gap between them all versus Brian had somehow become bigger and farther. 

After almost two and a half years, Brian wasn't the same man that he used to be. He had seemed to get farther and farther away from them.

Now, she miscalculated him. What she did just now had given Brian the one final blow to totally cut himself from them. Well, maybe with only her and Michael. Brian would never give up going to see his son.

Debbie had initially thought Michael should take responsibility for his deceitful doings, she was ready to tell Brian about Michael's lies and would let Brian decide what he'd do after with the information. Michael was seriously needed help.

She had a big blowout with her son after Brian left that Sunday noon. She was this close on slapping him hard that would make him wake up from this insanity that he created.

Michael was stupid enough to defend himself to her and justify what he was doing. But Debbie was so set on not letting this one just brushed off under the rag. Michael should face the consequences that she knew he hadn't really thought about.

She left the apartment when Emmett arrived from going to the gym with Ted. She surmised that no one had known about Michael's evil plot and she didn't want Brian knowing from other people, it should come from Michael himself.

“You better prepare yourself to what Brian will do to you after he learns the truth. I cannot believe I raised a liar and conniving asshole like you! We are going to sit and you will tell Brian everything tonight. I will call him and you better come to my house at seven!” She shouted at her son before leaving his apartment.

But she hadn't counted on Vic dying on her. Rodney called her just after one hour from her visit to Michael’s apartment saying that Vic was dead. That had changed everything. Her brother’s death had hit her to the core, guilt and fear engulfed her whole being.

When Brian showed up at Rodney's that Monday at lunchtime, Debbie felt so angry at her son. Brian didn't deserve to be treated like Michael had been treating him, he had amnesia for god sake and her son used that as a tool to deceive his best friend of two decades. It was unacceptable, unforgivable and cruel. 

Yet, she was still hoping that Brian would forgive her son, and maybe he would, but she was so sure this thing would forever put a distance between the two friends. The distance that would lead to the inevitable falling out, and their friendship would be irrevocably damage.

But maybe, there were still hope if she could make the deceiving stop, maybe it wasn't too late if Michael would be remorseful with what he did.

But on the evening of Vic’s burial, she was sitting on her dining table with Michael, who was already resigned to his fate of telling Brian about what he did. On the other hand, Michael was truly sad and devastated about the death of his uncle, the only uncle that he had known in his life. And he was also about to lose the only love that he had known ever since he was fourteen.

And as a mother, she could feel every pain and heartache that her only flesh and blood had been suffering regardless of how vicious he had been. He was still her son and she would always be his mother and every mother would want what's best for their children.

As she looked at his desolate face, Debbie's heart had been gripped with terror. Her brother had been infected with the disease that had cost him his life. He had been infected for almost eight years and the virus had full blown over four years ago. Her sweet brother had died at a young age of forty six. She didn't want Michael to have that same fate.

Her whole body involuntarily shivered when she remembered how Michael used to date an HIV positive, Ben Bruckner. They had met three years ago and Michael agreed to give the relationship a go. That had made her go ballistic.

Ben left the United States to go to Tibet after Michael admitted that he was in love and would always be in love with Brian. They were together for only five months and Michael's fixation with Brian had made Ben’s decision to end the relationship and left.

In all honesty, that break up had made Debbie breathe a lot easier. She wanted her son to be happy, she really did and Ben seemed to be a nice guy, but he was putting Michael at risk and Debbie was so wrecked with that realization. 

That fear had ebbed away when Ben was gone and Michael was so focused with Brian especially after his accident. Ben was out of the picture for almost a month when Brian had his amnesia. 

But then, just six months or so ago, he heard from Emmett that Ben and Michael were still exchanging emails. Ben was now in Thailand and doing some research and had been contemplating on going back home after the year ended.

She was consumed with raging fears again, but decided to keep that information to herself. Emmett said, Michael didn't want the communication with Ben to be a common knowledge among his friends and Debbie had kept her mouth shut on the topic. But she was already resigned to the idea that his son might want to get back together with his ex-boyfriend when he came back home.

And on that evening, while staring at her devastated and grieving son, who was obsessively in love with his best friend to the point he made up a story and unkindly played with his amnesic brain, she had felt that same fear for his son’s life. She didn't want him to end up like his brother and Debbie would do everything to prevent him from going back to Ben.

One might not call Brian the ideal partner in the past, and they all know that, but she had to admit that he was beginning to be one of the best men one could have as a life partner. He was changing since the accident, maybe even before that.

She wasn't so enthusiastic when Michael brought Brian to her house for the first time. He was sporting a cut on his eyebrow and the boy was aloof. He wasn't too communicative but she could already see that he was trouble from five miles away. But Michael seemed to like him so much, and not long after he was chasing after Brian who had a weird obsession with camera.

More often than not, Brian had bruises or black eye when she saw him in her house. When she asked, Brian never tell, but Michael would say that a kid in school had punched Brian. That excuses had been used too many times than she wanted to hear, but Brian just kept his silence and let Michael do the talking.

Then in one occasion, she remembered it was Brian's fifteenth birthday, he came to her house crying about his wreck camera. She hadn't seen him cry before, but the way he was acting that time, you would think that he had lost a sibling and not an inanimate object.

But then, there was also a time when he came with a bloody nose and a cut lip. Michael whispered to her that Brian was being beaten by his father.

From that day, Debbie had seen him in a different way. When Brian came to her house with bruises, she would clean it up and fixed it. But she was still bothered by his non-stop fist fighting at school, it sometimes made her think that his father was right to discipline him with his fist and she never had qualms in letting Brian know.

At fifteen, Michael was so obvious with his infatuation with Brian, but she was so sure Brian didn't reciprocate his son’s feelings. That had her relax for a bit, but then she caught them in Michael's room one afternoon with Brian's hand inside his son's pants.

She found a way to talk to Brian about it and wanted to know if Brian wanted a relationship with Michael. He answered her with a stern, no. He mentioned that he didn't want Michael like that and he was actually busy studying.

Well, that made Debbie felt good. She honestly didn't see Michael being happy with Brian, not for too long, at least. 

When the boy was seventeen, she found out that Brian was already sexually active. Though, in all fairness, he was a straight A student who didn't even seem to try so hard in achieving it. Unlike his Michael, who was a little slow academically.

Then Michael told her some of Brian's sexual encounters and the parties that they were attending. Debbie got a little hysterical and confronted Brian, she didn't want him dragging Michael to his excursions and exposing his son to things that he was still too young to do and learned. Brian just promised her that he'd never put Michael in danger.

On their graduation, she felt so proud when Brian got the highest honor and received a scholarship to the University of Pittsburgh where he majored in marketing. She felt a little twinge in her heart for Brian's achievement that she had always hoped for Michael to have, too. But her son had rather want to work in Big Q than trying to have an education.

Then Brian wasn't around much like he used to when he started college. She heard that he was so focused in his studies and his part time job. She could tell how Brian wanted to succeed, he was rarely seen out anymore and Michael was even complaining about it.

His absence from her house was more pronounced when the summer had begun. He got an internship at a top advertising agency and Brian was really into it.

When he started his sophomore years though, Brian had started to hang out with Lindsay, a rich, young lady that he met in one of his classes. Lindsay latched on him like Michael had when they were fourteen, but the difference was, Lindsay had been dragging Brian to her parents’ social events and gatherings.

Brian was still focused on his studies but Debbie could clearly see the want and hunger for power that was slowly building in Brian's eyes. If he was working hard for his success before, that had intensified in a magnitude where even Debbie had never thought possible.

Brian and Lindsay had seemed to click and for years that they had been friends, Debbie could see the transformation of Brian Kinney right in front of her eyes to Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney. 

He became the epitome of beauty with brain, who could have anyone he wanted, anywhere and at anytime. Michael was just happy to follow him everywhere he went, happy that his friend had been back hanging out the clubs again.

Brian had continued to attend the high society get together with Lindsay and her family. And by the time he graduated, Brian had already made some contacts around prominent people that he had been drinking elbow to elbow at these kind of events. 

Few years more, Brian had been known as the brilliant, young advertiser, who would do anything to get what he wanted. As he grew older, he became hungrier for more power in both his professional and personal life. He used everything he got to get to people, he used his brain, his experiences and even his body without any care in the world.

Debbie had witnessed how Brian became the heartless, narcissistic, asshole that he came out to be. She was there when he had risen to the top, in more ways than one, and she was there to see the young Brian that he knew before had slowly disappeared right in front of her eyes.

But despite all that, Brian still find a way to help his friends without drawing any attention to him and never taking credits for what he did. He would snark and hurt you with his boldness and honesty, but when he turned his back, he'd do everything in his power to help.

That was the reason she knew deep down inside, Brian really cared for them. He cared not just for her and Michael, but also for the growing members of her family.

With this in mind, Debbie always knew Brian would take good care of Michael. They had been friends and loved each other for so long that could possibly become even more, who knows, right?

Brian was also financially stable. It wouldn't hurt for Michael to live in a comfortable life and Debbie would honestly be less worried for her son's future.

Brian was growing up now, too. He seemed to be taking the opposite direction from what he did in college. It never escaped her attention when she had learned from the grapevine that Brian hadn't seen out clubbing for quite some time now. She thought it might have started after his accident, though the gang still couldn't give up the idea of him being the big bad Brian, Debbie knew it would become the thing of the past.

And that's what he wanted for Michael. A mature and responsible partner that wouldn't put his son at risk of ending like the fate of his brother.

That's what prompted her to do what she did with Brian. She guessed, she now knew where Michael had gotten his dark side and Debbie was well aware that she had just irreversibly screwed the twenty years they had shared with Brian as family.

That realization made her eyes tear up. Michael was saying something on her side but she ignored it, how did she tried solving one problem with much bigger one, was a big mystery. And now, she could freely say that everything would never be the same.

Debbie continued to sob her sorrow and despair. She couldn't hold anyone accountable for her woes but herself. Instead of acting like the mother that she should have been, ironing the mess his son had created in the right way, she let her fears get to her head and acted like the selfish mother that she was and put the final nail on the coffin. She had no one to blame, she did it to them, to her, to his son and Brian.

***

Brian honestly didn't know how he drove himself home when his mind wasn't even focused on driving. It was dangerous and irresponsible, but he knew he wanted to go home to Justin. What had been happening to him was too much to endure for a single lifetime. The rows and rows of bad news had been piling up faster than he could blink his eyes. Why is it so hard to have a peaceful life?

Those people were his friends, the only family that he knew, and yet they shattered him like the old Jack and Joan had done.

What was more painful, was Brian somehow had felt like he really belonged with Debbie and Michael as family, when he couldn't even feel that in his own home.

He found Justin sitting at the bar nursing a glassful of milk. He had left his partner on Christmas Eve alone to celebrate with people who he thought had been his family. The family who had just threw everything they did for him right on his face, guilt trip him and blatantly blackmailing him.

He didn't know how to cope up with this new difficulty in his life. For what it's worth, he was so proud on how he handled Debbie. He still hoped that they had a great life ahead of them.

He walked and looped his arms around his partner's chest from behind. Justin had jumped a little, he didn't notice him coming home.

Justin had suddenly felt Brian's tensed body. He knew something had gone wrong at the dinner, and his assumption was proven right as he felt Brian shaking. He was crying silently on Justin's neck, letting the tears flow and hoping that it would wash away his anguish, too.

Justin reached up and held his face blindly, then slowly rotated the bar stool to face him and hugged Brian tightly. Justin couldn't help but feel the desolation that had taken residents in Brian's life. He wished he could help alleviate some pain that his partner was in right now.

After a while, they ended up cuddling in front of the fireplace and Brian proceeded to tell Justin what had happened after the dinner. Brian hadn't even attempted to stop his tears as he was regaling Debbie's words. It hurts too much that Brian had to stop frequently just to take a deep breath.

Justin couldn't believe what was happening. He didn't see this one coming and he knew it would hurt even more when Brian would know the real story. He surely thought Debbie was going to do the right thing, but he guessed, she didn't.

He wanted to tell Brian everything at that moment, but looking at his face-- full of agony and pain-- Justin didn't have the heart to put him in even more suffering.

It was late at night when they decided to go to bed. There weren't any words spoken after Brian's outburst, but the soft touches and gentle kisses they had shared was enough to pacify the throbbing aches in their chests.

The next day, Christmas Day, they woke up after seven in the morning and lazily cuddled for few minutes before Brian pulled Justin out of bed and trudged them off to their living room to open their presents, but Justin insisted on making breakfast first.

Brian grimaced but followed his partner to the kitchen and they fell on to the task of whisking and squeezing so easily. Brian was trying to forget what had happened these past few days and concentrated on being with his heart for their first Christmas together.

They shared the pancakes and bacons with fresh squeezed orange juice at the dining table.

When it was time to open their presents, Brian went to his hiding place and took the three gifts he had for his partner.

Justin said that Brian was going overboard again, but his partner had only shrugged and said, “It's Christmas.”

Justin opened the biggest parcel first, which was the leather sketchbook case, and his face broke out into huge grin. Then he opened the expensive brushes that made his eyes almost popped out. Lastly, the wrist watch that Brian knew he would queen out.

Well, his partner was pretty unpredictable. When he was so sure he'd get a reaction from Justin, he was only hoping it would be a positive one or at least he'd get his queening to lesser degree. But Justin surprised him by launching himself to Brian.

“Thank you. I love all of it, Brian.” He whispered after kissing his partner. Brian was so glad that he had gone and followed his instinct, he wouldn't trade moments like these for anything in the world.

“My turn to open my pwesents.” Brian comically said. Justin reached for the parcels that he had hidden at the back of an armchair that made Brian laughed out loud. “You're so original, mo chroí.”

“Hey, that's a good place to hide presents.” He smiled and handed two gifts to Brian. The big parcel was too obvious by its shape and Brian decided to start with the less obvious one.

He opened the smaller box and looked at Justin as he stared down at a beautiful and expensive cerulean Armani long sleeve shirt and an equally exquisite cobalt blue tie. 

“Justin…” He tentatively said. This was an expensive present and Brian didn't want Justin spending his hard earned money buying him some lavish gifts.

“Hey, it's Christmas, remember?” Justin cleverly thrown his own words at him. “That's okay, Brian. Don't worry about my finances, okay?” When Brian hesitated to agree, Justin shove the larger gift to his hand.

“If it makes you feel better, this one was cheaper-- I only spent my precious time and skills. So… open it!” He excitedly said.

Brian was tearing the wrapper carefully, and when he saw the painting, it rendered Brian speechless.

It was an abstract one, but if you really stared at it, you could see that it was the northern lights. The selection of colors were stunning and soothing to the point it was almost hypnotizing. Brian couldn't get over how his partner was so talented. Creations like this should be showing at galleries and not giving away presents.

“Brian, say something…” Justin nervously said.

He looked up at his anxious partner and smiled so wide that he knew his face was splitting in half.

“I love it, Justin. God, this is so beautiful… so stunning, hypnotizing.” Justin let out a shaky, relieved breath.

“You really like it?” He asked biting his thumbnail, but a small smile was starting to creep on his lips.

Brian nodded and went back to staring at the painting. “I was just thinking that this should be shown at a gallery somewhere. But, my office is where this masterpiece will be residing from now on.”

Justin smiled happily. “Let me just send it for framing. It will only take three days.”

“We'll do it together.” Brian suggested, and Justin nodded. “Now, we need to get dressed if you don't want to be late for work.”

“It sucks to work at Christmas. I don't want to leave you alone, especially not today.” Justin said before he could stop himself.

The air shifted slightly. Brian nodded but Justin saw the sadness in his eyes, he must have been reminded by what happened the other night and Justin was mentally kicking himself for even mentioning.

Brian set the painting safely aside and took Justin's face on his hands and smacked their lips together. “I won't be alone, you are in my heart, remember?”

“And you are in mine, too.” They walked hand in hand to their room and got dressed.

They arrived just minutes before ten in the morning and Beatrice, Justin's co-worker that day, was already there. Brian walked him inside, and when Justin thought that he'd be walking back out, Brian went to sit on one of the plushy chairs instead.

He quirked an eyebrow at his partner who just shrugged his shoulders at him.

“I'll bring you coffee.” Justin offered and went to prepare one.

Brian didn't have anywhere to go honestly, and so he decided to stay and wait for Justin to finish his three hours shift. He called Gus at around eleven, greeted him a very, merry Christmas. The kid sounded happy, Brian was imagining the boxes and wrappers around his son and it made his chest warm inside.

Justin received a call from Daphne and Seth, wishing him a great holiday and he wished them the same, too. Daphne was still a bit angry with Justin, and she never shied away of telling him that since their blow out in Justin's apartment. She always said that Justin was digging himself deeper the longer he waited to tell Brian the truth. Justin agreed with everything she said, he just needed the right time.

The shop was almost empty the entire time, and Justin was keeping Brian company from time to time, while Bea was playing with her phone. They both turned it on, knowing the day wouldn't be that busy.

Before Justin's shift was over, though, Brian's phone went off and by the expression of his face, it was someone he didn't want to talk to.

He didn't answer the phone the first time it rang, and when it didn't stop until they were hopping on the truck, Brian answered it by yelling, “Get a fucking life instead of hounding me. I don't want to talk to you! Lose my number or I'm getting a new one!”

Justin was kind of taken aback by the tone of Brian's voice. He guessed, he just got used to the soft spoken Brian and he had forgotten the one who could cut deep through you with just words.

He felt shivers running down his spine. What would Brian do when Justin would finally tell him about them? The fear that engulfing his chest was enough to leave Justin heaving with pain. Good thing, Brian was too angry himself to notice his suffering partner beside him.

They spent the afternoon eating lunch at mount Washington, then walked around the restaurant with the most perfect view they had ever seen.

When they went home, Brian surprised Justin by tackling him to the soft, snowy lawn in front of their house. Justin yelped unmanly but got his bearing back when he rolled them together ending up with Brian underneath him.

He leaned down to catch the lips of his partner and deepening it in just few moments. But in a split second, Brian was squeaking gracelessly when Justin had successfully inserted a snowball inside Brian's jacket.

“You are going to fucking pay for this.” Brian said sitting on his butt, trying to take out the snow that was starting to melt in his shirt.

“I was hoping you'd say that. I want to pay by fucking you.” Justin said lustfully, looking at Brian while biting his lower lip.

Brian looked at him and he could literally feel the heat radiating from his partner even in the middle of the snow. His dick had twitched seeing the desire in Justin's eyes.

“What are you waiting for, then?” Brian challenged, smirking smugly at Justin.

Justin roughly took his nape forward and brought their lips together in a deep searing kiss, he straddled Brian's lap and rutted their crotches together. The hot frictions of their jeans on their dicks were driving them insane.

“Take me to bed, mo chroí.”

And that was the last words that was being said for the next hour.

***

Brian had received a call from Lindsay on Saturday morning at eight asking if Brian would want to have Gus that day instead of Sunday. She said that they were going to her parents’ house to have a Sunday dinner. He agreed and promised to be at their house in an hour.

The Saturday after Christmas day, had been spent, watching TV, eating, napping and playing with snow. Gus was particularly excited to use his new thick jacket and gloves with beanie and earmuffs that Gus’ daddy and daddy's heart bought for him.

Brian brought his son back to his mommies’ house at seven, all clean and sleepy.

When he went back down from putting his son to his bed, he found Lindsay sitting in her living room with a cup of tea in hand. She invited him to have a cup with her, but as always, Brian had declined politely saying that he wanted to go home.

Lindsay stared at him with an unreadable eyes and said, “When are you going to introduce your new boyfriend to us?”

“Soon.” Brian simply said.

“Why don't you bring him and have dinner with Mel and I this Monday evening?” She tried again.

Brian looked at her thoughtfully and replied, “I guess, we could. Let me talk to him.”

Lindsay's face had this triumphant look that she tried to close off, but she nodded in a way to agree with him.

Brian thought it would be time to properly introduce Justin to the ladies. He'd prefer if the family was complete, but now that he had this thing going on with Michael and Debbie, he didn't think he'd like Justin to get near them.

He left after that and found his partner waiting for him at the tub, soaking his porcelain, flawless body. The next thing that they had done inside the tub was steamy enough to put them both in sexual coma. It was safe to say that Brian had forgotten about Lindsay's invitation.

The next day, Justin had gone back to work at seven and they had arrived earlier to have breakfast just like before. When Justin started working, Brian kissed him once more saying that he'd go to the gym and shed the weight that he must've gained from the holiday season. Justin just shook his head, Brian didn't have an ounce of fat in his body to get rid off.

In all honesty, Justin was struggling with his emotions since Vic’s death. He was too messed up inside and so volatile to the point he was jumpy the past few days. He knew it was just a matter of time to finally crumble down and he knew he was already hanging on the edge. 

He was way too preoccupied as soon as he took over the counter. Seth had noticed that he already had his second wrong order, and it was only nine in the morning.

That had sent an alarming bell on Seth’s head. Justin was too efficient in all the time that he worked with him and he knew there was something troubling his young friend’s mind. 

He took him aside and asked if he was alright, Justin nodded his head but his eyes were telling Seth that nothing was alright. He sent Justin to take an early break that he wished could help him clear his mind even for a while. 

Justin had always been quirky, but he was the type of person who didn't share so much of his life to others. They had been working together for two years and became friends almost from the beginning. 

The guy was seriously beautiful and even a straight man like him could appreciate a face like that. But it wasn't Justin's look that made Seth befriended him, it was his personality and his unmatched kindness towards others. He could see it from the way he talked, the way he smiles and even his moves, he was full of compassion and dedication.

But he also noticed that Justin's eyes were full of pain and anguish. Seth even remembered thinking that he was way too young to have experienced this much desolation but the evidence was there, if you just know how to look at it.

Then his friend's life had begun to get a bit vibrant when he met the equally beautiful--in a Greek god kind of way-- Brian Kinney. The guy was shy at first but you could see how he was smitten with Justin the first time he came and bought his coffee. He came back regularly after that until Justin admitted that they were dating. The guy was so sweet and a keeper, though a bit older than Justin, but who really cares?

Seth was happy to see the sadness and pain lifted up from his friend's eyes almost instantly after dating Brian. He could testify how the two were so in love in just short amount of time and there weren't any pretensions he could sense. It was all real, though how one could fell so deeply in love so fast was still a mystery to him. It was as if they were already in a relationship for so long and not just in few weeks.

But he guessed, if you would find the one for you, everything would come so easy. He liked Brian, too. He loved how Brian had no qualms in showing his feelings to Justin, and they were even legally partner's just after two freaking month.

He kept badgering Justin after he noticed the band on his left ring finger. Justin admitted that Brian had brought them a house and they were now officially domestic partners. That had his mind blown away for few seconds, but he could see how his friend was really happy with what was happening to his life. And so, Seth was cheering on them from the front row seats.

He hadn't seen Justin since before the Christmas Eve, it was his turn to have the long break, but it was the first thing that he noticed that morning when he saw Justin and Brian came in, something just wasn't right with his friend.

Justin came back after ten minutes break, but he was still working in automatic. Seth could see the tension along his back and the resignation in his once twinkling eyes.

Seth decided to stay behind and overlooked the shop, and it kind of scary that Justin didn't even notice that Seth hadn't taken off after his shift was done at eleven. Seth just went on without mentioning it.

When it was time for Justin to go, Seth had prepared to leave, too. Justin nodded at him before he collected his things and left through the back door. Seth used the bathroom though before he left by the same way Justin did.

But he didn't expect seeing his friend still standing on the curb, staring blankly at the phone in his hand. He was looking at it as if the phone was going to eat him alive.

“Justin, what are you still doing here? Where's Brian?” He asked worriedly as he approached his bewildered friend.

Justin glanced up at him but he seemingly didn't register what Seth was asking or that he was even there in front of him.

“Seriously, Jus, what's wrong? You are kind of freaking me out today, buddy.” That had gotten his friend's attention and when he looked at Seth, Justin couldn't hold his tears and broke down on his friend's shoulder.

Seth tentatively put his arms around Justin and patted his back. Justin cried on his shoulder for few minutes until he collected himself a little and whispered, “He's not coming.”

“Hey, maybe Brian got tangled up with something that he couldn't get out of. You know he will cross the earth for you, even I know that. No need to cry over it, Justin.”

“I'm scared… I'm scared, Seth. I'm scared of losing, Brian.”

“What are you talking about? If you two have a problem, I'm sure you will patch it up in no time. You two are married for god sake-- well, sort of.”

Justin stood up straight but looked down on his shoes like it was the most interesting thing that he had seen in a long time. “You don't understand, Seth. Brian is going to be furious at me when he learned the truth about us. I screwed up big time and it will come back to bite me in the ass.”

“Justin, you are talking in riddles. I don't understand and I want to-- I want to help you and Brian in anyway I could. Can we talk somewhere that there is heat at least?”

Justin nodded and they walked for a couple blocks to a small diner. They sat in a corner booth and ordered a plate special for both of them.

“You know Brian has an amnesia, right?” Justin began shredding the tissue in his hands into hundred pieces.

“Yeah, you mentioned it once, you told me that he can't remember eleven years of his life. That's awful, you know. I just can't imagine.”

Justin nodded but didn't meet Seth’s eyes.

“His best friend, Michael, told him that they were in a relationship for nine years prior to the accident.”

Seth was shocked, “Wow, that was a long time to be with someone. But, Brian doesn't remember any of it?”

“No, he doesn't.”

“You didn't know before you two hooked up, did you?”

“No, I didn't.”

“Wow, man. Why did he keep something like that from you? What if his memory will come back and-- goodness, Justin.”

“He told me after we got the house and the domestic partnership. He was terrified that I wouldn't understand… he was afraid I might change my mind and think that he wasn't worth risking my heart when I know there's a possibility of him going back to his ex-boyfriend.”

Seth nodded in a trance like expression. “It's wrong, but I kind of understand where he's coming from. But what about the one you said earlier? You said you're afraid that Brian would be furious with you… Why would he?”

Justin looked devastated, his eyes were starting to get wet with tears. “Michael's mother had demanded Brian to get back with his son. They are stressing him out and using those times that they helped him when he was just a kid.”

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah, and Brian was truly hurt because he thought they were his family. Michael even tried killing himself just to blackmail Brian into getting back together.”

“The guy is crazy…” he shook his head and frowned. “I'm not defending the guy, but Justin-- he must be hurting, too, you know. It's hard to be in a relationship for nine years, then in just a blink, your partner forget his love for you and broke up with you. And now he is crazy in love with someone else.”

Justin was biting his lips.

“But it still didn't answer why Brian is going to be furious.” 

Justin took a piece of tissue and blew his nose. Then their food had arrived, but neither had touched their plates.

“Brian and I have known each other even before his accident.” Justin clearly said but Seth had a hard time understanding it though he perfectly heard what Justin had just said.

“Wha-- what do you mean, Justin?” Seth asked in bewilderment.

“Michael is lying. He has been lying and making up some stupid fantasy about him and Brian being together.”

“The fuck? Why would he do that? What about his mother? You mean to say they are both lying to Brian about the nine years shit?” Seth couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“They have both been playing with Brian's head. Michael has always been in love with Brian ever since they met, but Brian doesn't want him like that. I guess, he saw this amnesia as his way of getting what he has always wanted. He somehow managed to keep his deceit from the rest of their friends-- how does he do it, I don't know, but he has done it for over two years now.” Justin explained with an undisguised anger.

“This is too much. I can't imagine how will Brian react to thi-- but-- Justin, you said you have known him from before. Why didn't you tell him when you two have met again? Why did you act like it was the first time you met him?”

“At first I was just shocked seeing him there, but within seconds, I felt and I saw in his eyes that he didn't recognize me. I don't know what to say, and I was just so happy seeing him again after all this time and he was being sweet that I guess I became selfish from keeping the truth from him.” Justin worried his lips anxiously.

“But you had the chance to tell him. It's been what, three months since you two are together? Why did you keep this secret this long, Justin?”

“Seth, I want to tell him but it's not that easy. I can lose him… I can't--” Justin stammered. His eyes filled with tears again, but he wiped it on his sleeve before it could fall out.

“Justin, you have to tell Brian. Why are you letting those people manipulate him when you can stop this bullshit that they have been doing. Don't you want Brian to know the truth?”

“God, of course I do! It's been killing me to have to keep all this inside. But I'm scared, I can't lose him, Seth. I love him so much that it would likely kill me if we're going to break up again this time.” Justin rubbed his face as tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Justin, are you saying…” 

Justin looked up at his friend and nodded. “Yeah, Brian had a previous relationship before his accident. His first and only relationship up to that time. But it wasn't with Michael. It was with me, Seth. Brian and I were together for almost two years. I was with him since I was seventeen.”

Seth couldn't react after what he had heard from Justin.

“But we broke up three months before his accident. I broke up with him, I left him for another man. That is one of the things that I'm ashamed to admit to Brian-- that I was so stupid thinking that I could be happy with someone else. I made a huge mistake.”

“But you are together again, Justin. Brian could probably understand the reason why do you need to hide about knowing each other before. I mean, he hide about Michael to you, too. Meaning, he was on the exact predicament you are in.” Seth took a deep breath, he suddenly felt so weak. 

“Honestly, Justin, Brian loves you so much. Anyone with eyes could see that. You were so young the first time you were together, you've done some stupid things-- but who doesn't? You screwed up, just like everybody else. And obviously you had broken up with the guy you left Brian for. I don't remember you dating anyone since we've met, so… I don't see any problem that you cannot tell Brian about your past.”

Justin was shaking his head over and over. “I can't, Seth. I can't… It's not that simple.”

“What else is there, Justin? What's stopping you from telling your partner the truth? You can stop all this madness that those people have been creating, you just have to tell Brian the truth.”

“You don't understand. It's hard for me to tell him everything.”

“But why, Justin? Make me understand because I'm in total loss.”

“Because… I'm the reason why he has amnesia in the first place. I was the reason for his car to crash that night, Seth. I did this to him-- I almost got him killed. Because I hurt him again. I hurt him so much that night that he needed to take off.”

***

Brian decided to go to the gym after having breakfast with Justin. He was in the mood for some lifting and good cardio workout.

He was just finishing his last set of reps on the bench press, when he noticed a shadow hovering by his side. He ignored it and concentrated with the task at hand.

When he finally finished, he kept on lying down for few more minutes just to catch his breathing. He seriously needed to workout more.

“Looks like you're out of practice, Brian.” The voice to his side said to him. Brian sat up and just shrugged at the stranger talking to him. 

“So, how have you been?” The guy asked like they were friends or something, and he sat on the next bench to his left.

Brian turned to look at him. The guy was gorgeous, he was bulky with all the right muscles at the right places. He was smiling like they knew each other. But they didn't know each other, as far as he knew.

“Look buddy, I appreciate the gesture but I'm not interested. I'm not available.” Brian said to the man who was now gaping at him.

“Are you serious?” The man looked at him like he didn't know if Brian was joking or not.

“Serious as a heart attack. I'm taken and I don't want anyone but my partner.” He said matter of factly.

“What? Wait-- are you seriously telling me that you don't recognize me? I know it's been like over two years, but I don't really change that much.” The hot guy asked in bewilderment.

“Ah, two years, so you were one of those countless tricks, huh? Sorry, man but I'm really in a serious, committed relationship. So, still not interested.” Brian stood from the bench and started to walk away when he was being held at the elbow.

“Brian, what happened? Why can't you recognize me? Did you have any medical problems-- 

“I appreciate your concern, but unless we are closed, I cannot just disclose my medical conditions to you.”

“It's been few years since I was in your circle of friends, but I'd like to think that we still are.”

“You were one of the gangs?” Brian looked at him skeptically.

The guy shrugged, “I guess so. I left Pittsburgh after breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, your best friend.”

Brian looked at him with wide eyes. What the fuck? “What do mean your ex-boyfriend-- my best friend?”

The guy smiled, “I'm Ben Bruckner, Michael's ex-boyfriend. Anyway, did I just hear you saying you are taken and in a committed relationship? So, you finally grow up, huh? Did you get back again with Justin?”

Brian was seriously dumbfounded. What the heck this guy, Ben, was telling him? Was he messing with his brain?

He looked at the calm demeanor of Ben, he seriously didn't look like he was the kind to do cruel pranks to people around him. His smile was sincere and kind, and Brian decided to play along. Brian wanted to know what this Ben was telling him. But goodness, his chest was pounding so hard.

“Yeah, we're back together again. Listen, Ben, uh-- sorry for not recognizing you but I was in an accident two years ago. I hit my head so hard on the window-- I have an amnesia. I cannot remember most of my past unless they were being told to me.”

Ben nodded worriedly. “I'm sorry to hear that, Brian. But are you okay now, though? I mean, have you remembered anything?”

Brian shook his head. “Nah. I don't think it's coming back, it's already been over two years.”

“Don't say that. You just have to let your brain heal, you know. It will come back in the most unexpected time.”

Brian looked at Ben intently and an idea had hit him. Brian wanted to know what's been going on and why Ben’s version of his life was different from what he actually know. 

Brian wanted the truth for once and for all, now that he knew how viscous Michael could be, it wouldn't surprise him much if he was feeding him with false information. But was everyone lying to him, too? Were they making fun of his life?

Maybe he could have the chance to find the truth with some random stranger, more than the people he once thought he could trust. Well, it looked like he could try that with Ben, he could try to listen to what he knew about him.

“Uh, I haven't heard about you from anyone-- not even Michael, but now that I know we've been good friends, maybe you could show me some photos, mementos that you have about our group. Who knows, that might juggle my brain back.”

Ben shrugged and told him he'd love to share what he had in his apartment with Brian, providing it wouldn't interfere with his progress.

“I have read before that it's not advisable to tell the person with amnesia about his memories. They said it's better to let the brain do that in its own time.”

“That's what the doctor advised me, too. But I need to get on with my life-- And by having this huge blank-- it's hard. I just want to know bits and pieces that's not from Michael's point of view.”

Ben understandingly chuckled. “I think I know what you mean. But why not asked Justin? You've been with him for two years, that's a long time especially when it comes to the stud of Liberty avenue.”

Holy fucking shit, this was not happening. Brian felt like a thunder had struck him. What did Ben mean that he was with Justin for two years before the accident? He could have been shitting on him, right? Ben was shitting on him, but he knew about Justin, he even asked if Brian was back with Justin again. Brian felt his hands trembled.

“It's hard on him. He-- uh, we just gotten back together recently, just three months ago.” Brian tried to calm himself.

Ben nodded, “Well, as they all say, you will always find your way to the one destined for you.”

Brian felt his heart had tightened. If what Ben had told him was true, Justin had been lying to him all this time-- just like Michael and Debbie.

Brian tried to compose himself. He wouldn't let himself breakdown before knowing the whole truth that he couldn't seem to get from the people that he thought would never hurt him this much.

“So, you want to check whatever I have in my apartment?” Ben asked while walking with Brian to the locker room.

Brian didn't dare say any words, he just simply nodded his head and went to take a shower.

When he got dressed, he checked his watch and see it was already half past twelve in the afternoon. With decision already made, he took his phone out from his bag and texted his partner, “Can't make it at one, something important came up.”

Brian felt so confounded and hurt beyond belief. He must've been so bad in the past for God to punish him like this. He prayed throughout the entire time of their drive to Ben’s apartment, he prayed that it was only a misunderstanding where Justin was concerned.

He was certain that he couldn't survive it if Justin had been playing with him all this time. He needed to know why Justin needed to pretend that they hadn't met before when he perfectly knew they already had. Justin knew that Michael and Debbie were playing with his head, but he just let them do it to him-- and joined the party of deceiving Brian.

Brian took a deep breath and looked out the window blankly. It hurts to think that the one you loved, the one you hopefully wanted to have a life with, to have your future with and the only person you have given your heart completely-- who owned it entirely, was the one who ended up hurting you in the most painful way.


	12. Chapter 12

It was midnight, and Justin was turning restlessly in bed. He knew he would not be getting any sleep tonight and who knows until when.

He turned back to face Brian's side and ran his hand on the cold, empty space. His chest tightened as a cold shivering fear had blanketed around it. The fear intensified as he thought of losing the man that should have been lying there next to him, the man who loved to sleep with his nose up Justin's neck all night long.

Justin couldn't stop the tears from flowing again. He knew this would happen, sooner or later, Brian would hate him not just because he lied about their past, but also how they parted the last time they see each other before Brian's accident.

Being alone seemed to be inevitable for him. It was sad to think that when Brian had become the man that Justin always knew he was, when they were really having a life together and committed to each other, everything would slip away from him just like those dreams that he always had at night. The dreams where he and Brian were so blissfully content with their lives, but at the end of the night, he'd wake up to face reality and his empty apartment-- all alone.

He glanced at the digital clock and it read 1:26 am. This was the first time they had slept away from each other since they first got together and it's killing him inside.

Few minutes after, he wiped his face and bravely took his phone from his night stand. He was hoping against hope that Brian would send him another message, but when he checked-- he had not. The last message that Brian sent was about eight thirty that same evening saying, “I need some time away.”

That message confirmed his biggest fear, that somehow, somewhere, earlier that day, Brian had learned about Justin and his piles of lies. He had learned how his legal partner had been nothing but a liar and deceiver, just like Michael and Debbie.

Justin stood up and went to his studio. He was there when he couldn't calm himself after talking to Seth earlier that day. He spent the rest of the evening there hoping Brian would come home and talk to him. But when his phone vibrated in the evening, Brian wanted to do the opposite.

He could not blame his partner, though. He could not fathom how he would react to this sick joke if it was done to him. And so, Justin just painted something that depicted his turmoil.

He contemplated getting something to eat, he hadn't eaten since that morning with Brian. He and Seth hadn't touched their lunch that afternoon as Justin was bursting out his predicament.

That time though, he felt like his gut would turned out just for the mere thoughts of putting something in it. In the end, he decided to just continue to work on the painting that he had started earlier.

He prayed that when everything was all said and done, he hoped to God that Brian would find a way to forgive him. 

His hands started cramping after few hours of non-stop painting, and when he checked the wall clock in his studio, he was surprised to see that it was already quarter before six.

He quickly washed his brushes and tidy the room up a little bit, then he did the same with their bedroom and took a shower after. Justin was thinking how he would miss living in this house with Brian, the memories they shared in each nooks and crannies, the laughters with Gus that seemed filled the big house, and the promises they said to each other-- it would all fade away together with the love that Brian had once given to him.

Justin tried to ignore the fact that he was stalling for time and wishing with every bones in his body that his partner would come home and drive him to his work like he always did every single morning.

But when the clock hits 6:45, his hope had crashed down on him. He left their house with heavy heart.

Seth was on him the second Justin came inside the door. He was looking over Justin's shoulder expecting his ever present partner to be following behind. But when no Brian had come in, Seth looked at the distraught face of his friend who only shook his head confirming that Brian wasn't with him.

“What happened?”

Justin shrugged his shoulders and said, “I honestly don't know. He didn't come home all afternoon and just texted me in the evening that he needed time away. No explanation, but I guess, we both know what could have happened yesterday that made him run away from me.”

“Someone has told him. He found out from someone.” Seth said frowning.

“Most likely.” Justin said sorrowfully.

“What are you going to do?”

Justin shrugged again, “I guess, I just have to wait for Brian to come home. Or maybe he will message me in my phone, at least. He'd tell me whatever he decides, wouldn't he?” Justin sounded like he was seventeen, and Seth couldn't help but hug his friend.

“Of course, Justin. Brian will not just abandoned you. You two are legally partners. God, I hope it wouldn't get to the point where you have to dissolve it.”

“Highly unlikely.” Justin sadly said.

“Hey, why don't you go home and take some more rest. I'm guessing you didn't even have a blink of sleep last night.”

“No, I need to be occupied, Seth. I can't sit all day waiting for Brian to come home, I'll wear the carpet down.”

Seth nodded, but he kept an eye on his friend. It looked like a simple blow could knock Justin down.

Justin had it going for a couple of hours until his hands had badly shaken. Seth insisted then, saying he really needed to sleep. He was relieved when Justin didn't put any resistance to it, and Seth called a cab for him.

Seth was actually worried for both Brian and Justin. They must've been hurting so much, because no one could hurt you more than the one person you loved the most. Seth was afraid to think what would happen to his friends if they couldn't fix this problem they had.

***

Brian stretched his long, lean body like a panther waking up from his slumber. The thing was, Brian didn't sleep the whole night he was lying in his bed at the loft. His mind was elsewhere and he knew deep inside that his body sought for the warmth that he was used to lying with every night. The warmth that his partner exuded beside him.

Partner. Yeah, Justin was his partner, and he was apparently the only partner he had in his entire life. All the lies and bullshit that Michael had been sprouting at him since he woke up from his coma, was nothing but a deceitful and selfish way to get what Michael had always wanted.

Brian didn't know how he was fooled by Michael for so long and no one had known about it. Surely his other friends wouldn't just stand there letting the mother and son duo playing with his head, would they? He could understand why Debbie supported Michael's madness but it didn't mean he was just letting that go just like that.

And that was what he couldn't get about Justin. He was just letting Michael and Debbie stepped on his head, and Brian didn't know why. And that made him question everything that he shared with Justin.

But if he was being honest, there was nothing fake about Justin's feelings for him, he was so sure about that, he could definitely feel it. And for the three months that they shared, he could easily say that Justin had no mean bones in his body, and he was one of the most genuine person he had the pleasure of meeting.

The biggest question was, what made his partner keep this kind of important information from him? Brian wanted an answer, he wanted Justin to tell him why he felt the need to hide their past relationship.

Listening to Ben, he got that their past relationship wasn't really ideal. He had hurt Justin in a way he wouldn't give him the love and attention that he deserved. Instead he treated him like a fuck buddy who was a convenient to fuck whenever he fancied to. 

Justin was so young and somehow still had this fantasy about romance and boyfriend, picnics and flowers, and Brian didn't give him any of that. Until Justin sought those things from someone else and apparently cheated on him. 

When Brian still hadn't caved to verbalize his feelings for Justin, the blond chose to left him for someone else. And Ben told him, before he left to Tibet, Brian and Justin had already broken up for two months. Almost a month after Ben’s departure, Brian had his accident. So, most probably, Justin was still with the guy when Brian had his amnesia.

But then, Justin had seemed to isolate himself from the gang, tried to have a life away from his Liberty Avenue family. Ben had confirmed that Justin quit his job at the diner just a day after their breakup, and Justin was never seen at Liberty Avenue before Ben went to Tibet.

Brian was sure he never came to visit him at the hospital, surely he would remember a face like that even if he was in dazed. Justin must've heard about his accident, but as far as he was concerned, Justin never came to see him. 

So, it seemed like there was this big hole in the center of all things concerning Justin. Brian knew that there was missing pieces of this tangled mess that they were in, and that was what made his partner to choose to act like they hadn't met before.

But they were together for nearly two years, and according to Ben, Justin was living with him for almost a year before they broke up. And Justin should have told him that the morning they first met.

Ben had actually helped him clear some things that didn't make sense before, like how he never really felt any romantic feelings for Michael even after trying so hard to do it. Ben had also made him feel like the douche, narcissistic and heartless asshole that his friends had always called him. 

He couldn't believe how he was treating Justin before, and despite all that, his partner had endured being with Brian for almost two years. For him, it was already a testament that Justin must've really loved him that much. 

That knowledge actually had been one of the reasons he couldn't face his partner the previous day, and Brian was really hurt from what he learned about the deceit and lies from the people that he loved.

 

When they arrived at Ben’s apartment, he started telling him about himself as he lead them to his kitchen that resembled Justin's apartment before, but Ben had actually owned a dining table.

“I'm a professor at Carnegie Mellon before I decided to go to Tibet and joined a group to study the life in there. I met Michael in his comic book store when I was looking for something that could help me in my class. He just opened the store, he had bought it from the previous owner and all thanks to you.” Ben said while filling the carafe to make coffee. He sat in front of Brian while waiting for it to finish.

“What do you mean?”

“You see, Michael was dating a chiropractor before he met me. I don't really know much about that time, but I think you pushed Michael off of the Kinney cliff the night of his 30th birthday party at the loft that you actually arranged and paid for. You gifted him that night with a classic first issue of Captain Astro before it all went south.

“You two had a falling out-- I heard from Emmett that it was actually Debbie's idea that you let Michael off of your clutch to give him the chance to be happy with someone else. So he decided to go with the guy to Portland when he asked Michael to go with him.” Ben was suddenly looking at him with worried eyes.

“But before he could get on the plane, you called him from the hospital where Justin was brought for some serious incident making Michael missed the flight. But he still went later on, though, it didn't really take him long to come back and broke up with the chiropractor. 

“So, when he came back, he was out of job and his mother was bugging him to find one. But you gave him an idea using the gift you gave him on his birthday. You sold the rare comic issue on eBay to the highest bidder and Michael used the money to buy the store.”

Ben stood up as the coffee finished gurgling and poured the black liquid into two cups. Ben sat down again after giving Brian the other cup.

“That was the time Michael and I started dating, which didn't make Debbie happy and I guess it made you and your other friends uncomfortable, too.”

Brian frowned at that, Ben was a good guy for what he could tell from the last hour they have been talking, he was a college professor so why wouldn't they want him for Michael?

“I know what you are thinking, Brian. But Debbie and all of you had the right to worry. You see, I'm HIV positive. So…”

“But you are always safe, right? We don't have the right to judge anyone, but Debbie must be thinking about Vic.”

Ben nodded his head understandingly.

“Yeah. Anyway, we were together for over five months before I decided that I didn't want to be a placeholder. After over three months of dating Michael, you and Justin broke up, and the couple of months that I stayed after that, Michael felt like he was a single man like you.

“He was in love with you, Brian. I mean, I guess I have known it since the beginning of our relationship, but I thought it was something more to do with you than it was of Michael. He couldn't seem to get over you. And I cannot be with someone that's in love with someone else while sharing the bed with me.”

“Ben, was I giving him reasons why he seemed to latch on to the hope of us being together?” Brian really wanted to know what's Ben take on this.

“Honestly, I think at the beginning of your friendship, you were intentionally giving him crumbs just for you to have a hold on him. I think it came from the fear of losing what you have been used to than any other else. But it was mostly before Justin, because when I met all of you, I don't see that anymore and you've been with Justin for over a year before I came to the scene. I have that information from the snide remarks around the dinner table, not from an actual visual evidence from you. You didn't want to admit that before, but you were head over heels for Justin.”

“I still am.” Brian whispered.

Ben smiled, “Yeah. I guess you still are. If you had your accident on the last week of August, I wouldn't have known that because I left the first week of the same month. But you know, Michael tried to contact me after a year I left, I was in Thailand already that time and had an access to internet. We exchanged emails once in few months, but he never mentioned you or your accident. I just actually came back a month ago, a little earlier than I have originally planned. I'm going back to teach at Carnegie.”

“It's great Ben. I think your travel has helped you a lot.” Brian really liked the man, Michael was stupid letting this one go. Not that Brian wanted him for himself, no he didn't, his heart only belongs to only one man-- Justin. It seemed that Justin had always had his heart from then until now.

“It did, massively. Justin was actually interested learning about my trip, you know. He saw the pamphlet on my table when he was there waiting for Michael in my apartment before. They made this comic about a gay superhero, Michael write the story and Justin illustrated it. You know, Rage?” Ben waited to see if Brian had any idea. But Brian shook his head. 

“Well, Rage was a hit. Anyway, he was at my apartment waiting for Michael, and he saw it, asked me about it and we got to talking until Michael finally arrived. Then he always want to talk about it with me whenever we had the chance of talking. It came to a point where it wouldn't surprise me if Justin would suddenly say he wanted to come and join the trip. I was still undecided that time, but leaning towards going.”

Brian still wasn't saying anything.

“Honestly, Brian, I think Justin was so confused and somewhat hurt from the things that was happening to you and him. That was towards the end of your relationship, I guess he was tired or had already given up on you loving him the way he wanted you to. 

“You see, you weren't the easiest man to live with, or to love and share your life with. Justin was so young, he was only seventeen when he first met you and you were his first for almost everything. I wasn't there, but I heard that at the beginning, Justin was just happy to get any attention from you. You had him at your mercy, fucked him whenever you fancied him, but kept him in an arms length.

“But the kid was brave enough to out himself to his father who threw him out, they said you let him stay at the loft but I guess you weren't just used to share your place with anyone. Because when the loft was ransacked by burglars, you threw him out without batting an eyelash. If it wasn't for Justin's friend, I never met her--”

“Daphne.”

Ben nodded. “Yeah, yeah, Daphne. If it wasn't for her, who knows what had happened to Justin traveling alone with no definite plans and destination. She came to tell you that Justin went to New York to be a go-go dancer. Then it was Debbie who insisted that you must go and retrieved Justin from doing something stupid. You found him and let Debbie take him and that's where he lived for few months.

“When I joined your circle, I remember thinking how could Justin take everything, I thought that he must have really loved you to agree to the kind of relationship you two had. You see, you two weren't monogamous and you were tricking right under Justin's nose. I could see that he really wasn't into it but he didn't have a choice if he wanted to be with you. 

“But it was his first relationship and still a teenager, and deep inside, teenagers wanted romance, flowers and dates. But you didn't want any of that, refused to give in even for his birthday, which by the way same day as mine. The only birthday that I spent with you all. 

“Michael gave me a surprise party, while you gave Justin a hustler. I heard him discussing it with Mel and Linds, and I heard they brought him to a violin recital earlier as a gift to Justin. That's where he met Etha--” Ben tried to stop himself before saying it, but Brian had already get the gist of it. His blood ran cold through his veins. He couldn't believe what kind of life he had given Justin before.

“That was about the same time Justin and Michael had their comics printed. You were going to give them a launch at Babylon. Michael had already told you about what he saw one time on the street, it was Justin and Ethan kissing. He was furious, though, I told him not to interfere with you and Justin's relationship, but you know Michael, he didn't take my advice. Then at the launch, I don't know what happened at first but Justin was happy at one moment then he was looking distraught the next. In a blink of an eye the ‘guy’ was coming to meet him in the middle of the dance floor, then with one sad and resigned look at you, he went out with him.

“I heard later on about what really happened, the girls said, you asked them to call Justin to you but when he found you at the backroom, you were fucking yourself. He saw you having sex with Rage and maybe that was his last straw. He left that night and went to live with the guy, leaving the luxury of your place to something that you always call, a dump.

“Michael make it his mission then to bring you back to your old self, the ‘no regret, no apologies and no trick twice’ kind of Brian. And you two would conquer the clubs and parties all over Pittsburgh. Michael was spending all his extra time with you and when I called him out on that, he admitted that he'd always, always love you. That he'd be there whenever you needed him and that you'd come first from everyone else… Including me. That was the time I ended things with him.”

After that, Ben had taken a shoe box from his closet and handed it to Brian. When he opened, he saw it was full of pictures. He slowly went through it and few pictures had actually made his eyes a little weepy.

One picture in particular had him almost jumping to his truck and drove home to his heart. It was Justin carrying, by his estimation, a six months sleeping Gus in his arms. It was taken in Debbie's kitchen, and his kid was contentedly drooling on Justin's shoulder. His partner was holding Gus so gently and he was kissing his small head.

He looked at Ben as if asking for permission to take the picture with him. Ben though, reading him too well, nodded his head at him.

Brian left soon after that, promising he would meet Ben for a drink or two in near future. 

Brian was too distressed and agitated to go home, and so, he decided to just go to the loft and calm himself down.

When he arrived there, he sat at the sofa for quite sometime and actually been staring at the picture all that time. Then, a thought had crossed his mind. He quickly stood up and went to his closet.

He noticed he didn't have any pictures of him and Justin around the loft after his accident. It could be because he wasn't really a fan of displaying things like that, or Michael had actually hid some of it if he had one lying around before.

If Ben had a memory box, it wouldn't be impossible for him to have one, too, right? And so he turned his closet upside down in hope to find something that resembles a box, but there weren't any hidden at the back or even at the top shelves. 

He sat in his bed frustratingly and tried to think. If he had something important he wanted to keep away from prying eyes, where would he keep it?

“Think, think, think.” He said loudly at the empty place.

“If I have a nosey friend like Michael, who had an access to the loft anytime, I would keep my box somewhere safe where no one knew. A secret place.”

So he trudged to all the sides of the loft that he thought could have a secret hiding place, he even tried checking under the sink and the wall behind his flat TV, but there was none. He noticed the sky was already dark and went to the bedroom to check the clock, it was already seven o'clock.

Then his eyes flickered to the platform bed and just stared at it for quite some time, something was nagging at the back of his head and he knew he was closed to finding something.

He crouched down at the side and ran his hand on the smooth wooden frame, he was actually feeling the surface of the bed for any signs of secret hiding place, but he sadly couldn't find any.

Then he stepped back down to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the fridge. As he was twisting the cap, his eyes landed on the stairs to his bedroom. He drank the half of the bottle before trudging to the stairs and crouched down on the floor.

Then instinctively, almost like he knew all along, he just pull the two sides of the bottom stair and it slid forward effortlessly. And there it was, his secret hiding place, and he had found it. He found it with his version of memory box of his own, too. 

Taking it with him to the bed, Brian opened the lid with a shaky hands. There, he found a few things inside. Unlike Ben’s box that was just full of pictures, his had a variety of things.

First he took a rolled paper and checked it, it was a sketch of himself sleeping in bed with his dick hanging out. The signature at the bottom was, JTaylor 2000.

Brian stopped to admire the drawing and it almost made him feel like he was watching himself sleeping. He looked so peaceful and relaxed, his lips slightly curving into a smile, he must have still feeling the mind blowing orgasm that Justin had given him.

After few minutes of staring at it, he set the sketches on his side and trying to figure out what he was looking next. It was a reddish brown scarf with off white edges that felt stiffy to touch. He studied the color and it made him realize that it was actually a stain, a blood stain.

He quickly dropped the item to the box like it actually burned him. He recalled something Ben had told him earlier, he mentioned Justin was in a hospital for some serious incident. He knew he should've asked for some details, but he was just too agitated at that time and had lost focus on the matter that was deemed important.

He took it back and set it together with the rolled sketches. The next one in the box was some kind of a stress ball. Brian held it in his palm and squished it. He set it aside after a while.

Then he found an envelope addressed to Justin from PIFA. He opened it and read, it was an acceptance letter to the school. Other papers were attached and Brian was stunned to read that it was a receipt payments for few semesters at the said art school. It had his name in bold print and signed as the payer.

According to Ben, Justin had been thrown out by his father and he remembered Justin telling him once that his father moved his mother and sister to Syracuse or something.

Then why was Justin attending the community college instead of PIFA? Yeah, of course-- money. He was paying Justin's tuition up until he got into his accident and forgot everything. And it all came back to the mammoth question, “Why didn't Justin came to see him at the hospital and tell him about them?” Based on the last receipt, it was paid just two months before his accident and he was well aware that they weren't together at that time anymore.

He set those papers aside and took a couple of pictures from the box. The first picture was them together in a gallery or something, with Brian's arm placed possessively on Justin's chest while he was biting into the young man's ear. Justin was smiling happily and Brian felt the longing in his chest to have his partner in his arms.

The other picture was of a sleeping Justin on their bed, arms wrapped around the sleeping Gus on his chest. The picture was so surreal, it was an epitome of heaven on earth. Just looking at it, Brian felt his heart fluttered in his chest. It made him emotional looking at the two people who he loved the most lying in each other's arms peacefully.

He wiped his eyes and set the pictures together with the others on the bed, then he took the last piece of item inside the box. It was two tickets to Hawaii, both for him and Justin. But what made him so confused was the date of the departure written on the tickets, it was dated two days after his accident.

Why were they going to Hawaii when they weren't even together back then? It was impossible that they were back together. If not, Justin should've been the one on his side when he woke up from his coma, instead it was Michael who played the distressed wife to his sick husband. So, no, he was one hundred percent sure Justin was still with the other guy.

Brian started to feel the onset of an headache. This was too much for him to take in one day and despite the anger and hurt that he was feeling for Justin, he was still missing his partner, his heart, the man that he thought as his husband. 

He knew Justin must be worried sick about him but as much as he wanted to go home and be with him, he just couldn't. His mind was playing like a broken record, the voice saying, “How can you do this to me, Justin?” could be heard over and over again inside his head.

He wanted to think, he wanted to sink everything that he had learned that day into his head. And after learning the truth, what would this do to his already shattering relationship with the people he called his family? What effect this could have to the future that he was building with his partner? 

He was so terrified yet so furious. He just wanted this all to go away, so he'd be able to continue his life with Justin. But Justin hadn't yet to give him his side, and Brian was admittedly so frightened to know what else Justin had to say.

He glanced at the clock and found it was half past eight o'clock. He decided then to send Justin a message saying he wanted a time. He knew Justin would be up all night stressing about this, as Brian would be up all night stressing over it, too. But he needed to do this, he needed to be alone.

Justin would understand, he'd be perturbed but still respect what Brian wanted. That's one of the reasons he loved Justin, he knew when to be persistent but he also knew when to back off if needed.

Justin must've had an idea what was happening. His partner was instinctive and sensitive enough to feel that Brian had known the truth somehow. 

He collected the items and put it back inside the box and just placed it beside him in bed. Then he just lied there on the top of the duvet and looked up at the ceiling.

Now, everything about Justin being skittish, edgy and jumpy especially this past few weeks had made all sense to him. The sudden breakdown at the diner after Vic’s death and the uncharacteristic quietness that he knew something was bothering his partner.

Justin must've been dying to tell him about them, the guilt of keeping something so vital like this must be eating at his partner's conscience. He now knew why Justin insisted on the stipulation to their legal partnership, on why he was always ending their future decisions with Brian being the only one could break them up.

“Why didn't you just tell me the truth, Justin?” He whispered to the ceiling. “Why do you have to hurt me like this?”

It was blatantly obvious now that there was something that made him stop telling Brian about them. Something that even Brian knew would have the biggest impact to everything that had already been happening that day. And that realization made his gut tied in a knot, Brian was afraid to know and Justin was afraid to tell him.

 

He turned restlessly all night long and before he knew it, it was already six thirty. Brian had to literally grip on his front shirt to squelch the pain in his chest realizing Justin was going to work alone for the first time since they got together.

This wanting to be alone hadn't done anything positive as far as he was concerned. It instead only gave him a serious chest pain and lack of sleep.

Brian stood up and took a shower instead of wallowing some more. He decided to go to the office and be productive there at least. He could think of his next action later on, but now he needed to see what suit he had left at the loft that he could use that day. Thank god, he left a couple of them there.

 

Cynthia came into his office after Brian sat down for fifteen minutes, she had a cup of Starbucks coffee in hand when she came in. Brian could swear his heart had flown out to the roof of the building thinking who had brought the coffee for him. Cynthia had known Brian not having coffees anymore in the morning for few months now. So…

“Brian...” She started to say something but she noticed her boss was looking expectantly at the open door. “Brian?”

“What?” He asked flickering his eyes back to Cynthia.

“Are you expecting someone?” She asked looking back over her shoulder.

“What? Uh-- who gave the coffee?”

“Well, you were earlier than you used to be, looking deprived from sleep and caffeine, so… I bought one for you. Actually, it's the intern, but… you know.” She smiled sheepishly.

Brian felt a little disappointed, but he smiled at his assistant and thanked her for being thoughtful.

Cynthia nodded and stared at him like she was about to say something.

“You want to say something, tell me.” Brian prompted.

“Don't take this the wrong way, but, are you okay? You look like you haven't slept or eaten in awhile-- I mean, you did eat and sleep, right?”

Brian looked at her thoughtfully and shook his head. “No, I haven't. The last time I sleep was yesterday night with my partner and the last time I ate was yesterday's breakfast with him, too.”

Cynthia arched a perfectly lineup eyebrow but chose to remain silent. Brian stood up, walked to the door and closed it.

“Sit down, Cyn.” He asked politely, which his assistant did without words.

“I have some things to ask.” Brian started after he sat down.

“About?”

“Uh, about my-- ex-boyfriend? And you can call him by name, I'm okay with it.” Brian eyed her and he could see how the simple words puzzled her.

“Okay… what do you want to ask about Justin?”

Well, that confirmed it. Not that he didn't believe Ben yesterday, but a confirmation from another unbiased source could cement everything.

He cleared his throat and asked, “Just tell anything you know, the first time you heard about him from me-- just anything.”

Cynthia was looking more confused, but she was a wise woman and so, she just told Brian what she could remember about Justin.

“The first time I heard about his name was when a sophisticated woman came to you with a duffle bag, later on I heard you angrily mumbling about some stupid twat and equally stupid father. I asked what's the problem with the woman, you only answered, Justin Taylor.”

“That was his mother?”

“Yeah, I think so. I think Justin was thrown out of their house and was crashing with you. Many things happened, Brian, mostly weren't so great-- you resisted with all your might to get involved with him but in the end I guess you gave up and just let things go on. But not necessarily mean you stop tricking, drinking-- no boss. You also still fucking some clients here and outside Pittsburgh. In short, you were still you, but having a seventeen year old waiting at home every night. 

“Justin almost never call here, unlike Michael and Lindsay, Justin knew the words emergency and urgent. And when we talked, he was so polite and friendly. After awhile, he became someone that you always mentioned here and there-- like ‘oh, that food would make Justin drool all over the carpet’ or ‘get me that same application, Justin would love it for school projects’ or ‘Justin would know twenty different kinds of red, why are those idiots in art department know nothing?’

“I could see the difference in you, you know. It was so subtle, but it was there-- you loved him, Brian. You'd rather kill yourself than admit it to all especially Justin, but we know, well at least me, that you loved him.”

“Cynthia, did you know if I ever tell Justin that I loved him before?” This was killing Brian, putting back some pieces of puzzle about him and Justin were decidedly painful.

“Not really sure, but it's unlikely you would tell him that, Brian. You didn't even admit you were in a relationship. I think that was one of your problems, you know-- you were this stud who fucks whomever he liked. You do whatever you want and if someone got a problem with that, you'd say ‘fuck them’.”

Brian took a sip from the warm coffee, then said, “Did you know if we broken up before my accident?”

Cynthia furrowed her brows at that. “You weren't really open with your personal life, you know, but now that you mentioned it, I kind of think that you two might have broken up even months before your accident.”

Brian stared at her, focused on her every word.

“I told you about you mentioning Justin's name here and there, right?” She didn't wait for Brian to answer. “Months before your accident, roughly three months maybe, I noticed that you were more grumpy than ever and working long hours, like really long hours-- 80 hours a week long. I never had a call from Justin for a long time, but he really didn't call that much-- but you, you didn't mention his name in months. 

“Then I asked you once, I asked if Justin was doing okay. You blew out on me as if I asked if you murdered the pope. You told me to mind my own fucking business and your personal life was not something that I should be asking. You yelled and bit my head off, you demanded not to ask any questions regarding your life ever again and you made it a point to tell me that I should be minding my own life not the other's.”

Brian was gaping at Cynthia. He was really a grade A asshole.

“Brian, are you okay? I mean, did you remember anything?” Cynthia was worried.

Brian shook his head, “No, I haven't.”

“Why are you asking about Justin?”

He shrugged his shoulders and sipped his coffee again, which was cool by now.

“All I have was the version of Michael. I just want to know about your take on it.”

“Okay, I hope everything's right with you and your new boyfriend.” Cynthia smiled.

“We are trying and… I'm trying to be the best partner.” 

Cynthia looked sad in a split second, but she nodded at him and said, “You are a great man, Brian. Your partner is lucky to have you.”

“I'm the lucky one, you will understand after meeting him.” Yeah, whatever was happening to their lives right now, how much pain he was actually in, if given a chance to do his life over again, he'd still choose Justin to be ‘his heart’. He just really loved him so much.

And despite the hurt Justin's lying had cost him, it didn't mean he would just forget the good things his partner had done to him and his son.

He wasn't saying what Justin did was okay or that he would just forget about it, it honestly hurt him more than what the Novotny's made him feel and it was because he loved Justin so much that he couldn't fathom he could hide something so important to him.

 

Cynthia nodded and stood up from the seat. “Well, I guess, I'll go back to work now.”

Brian smiled and sincerely said, “Thank you, Cyn.”

Cynthia left his office and left him to do his work. The day had been busy with meetings and overseeing the progress of their early Valentine’s campaign. Brian had barely even have time to eat lunch, but he kind of like it, he at least had no time to think about his life.

At four o'clock though, when he just came out of his last meeting, Cynthia told him that Lindsay was on the phone.

He sat down on his chair and lifted the receiver, “Hello, Lindsay.”

“Bri, hey, uh-- how have you been?” 

“I'm good. How's Gus?”

“He's fine, Brian. Uh, I called to remind you about the dinner tonight. It's six o'clock. It's a bit early but I like Gus to eat with us.”

Brian closed his eyes and massaged his temples with one hand. He wouldn't introduce Justin to anyone unless they would settle about their problems first.

“Is there any problem, Brian?” She asked condescendingly. Her tone had an edge to it. It was as if she was expecting him to call it off in any seconds now.

Lindsay was playing with him, what would it be, he'd see it later on. “No, no problem. See you at six.”

He ended the call without waiting for her answer.

The true colors of his friends were showing one by one, he didn't know what was Lindsay's plan for tonight, but Brian would make sure she'd know who she was messing with.

He returned to the loft and shower, checking the closet one more time for a change of clothes. He was on his way to Mel and Lindsay's house at quarter before six.

Before he could even park, Brian knew that Lindsay had invited the rest of the gang if Ted’s car had anything to say about it. It was parked next to Melanie's sedan.

Well, he guessed the ball was rolling and Lindsay thought that she was the one playing it.

He knocked and Melanie opened the door for him. She was looking over his shoulder for someone but didn't see anyone.

Brian ignored her and strutted to the living room, expecting the others to be there. And they were there, sporting the owl like expressions, hungry for gossips and entertainment. If he wasn't so pissed, he would have laughed so much. This people were seriously in need for a life.

“Brian! So, where's the mysterious new boyfriend?” Lindsay asked from the couch which she was sharing with Debbie and Ted.

“He is busy. So, I came alone.” He said, arching his eyebrow up.

Michael snorted from the armchair. Brian looked at him, narrowing his eyes until Michael looked away from the intensity of rage he shot at him.

“Brian, I don't appreciate you not doing what we've agreed to do. It's unethical.” Lindsay chastised in her waspy way.

“You do realize it's so unethical of you to tell me that this dinner would just be with you and Melanie, but then you go and invite all of them? I want you to know that I don't appreciate being lied to.” He said it with pointing stare at Lindsay, then he shifted his eyes to Michael, who squirmed on his seat, then to Debbie who looked away quickly after meeting his eyes.

“Linds? What's Brian talking about?” Melanie asked from the doorway.

Lindsay ignored her. “They are your friends, so why not make it a dinner for all. We all want to meet the mysterious guy. But of course, there is no mysterious guy, is there? I know that from the start and now’s the chance for you to admit it when we are all present here. I don't know why you need to pretend to have a boyfriend, but now you cannot say you really have one-- and no, we don't believe your ‘he's busy’ excuse.”

“Well, I don't give a shit if you or anybody here don't believe me. I can't control your minds, think whatever you want, see if I give a damn about it.” Brian said looking her straight in the eyes.

“Hey, what do say if we all just eat and cool down a little bit?” Debbie intervened. Standing up when Lindsay looked at her and nodded.

She went to the kitchen with Emmett while Melanie sat on the couch where Debbie vacated.

“Where's Gus?” He asked looking around.

“He's in his room, Brian. He was playing train a while ago.” Melanie said gesturing her head to the stairs.

Brian turned around and walked up to Gus’ room. He could hear Melanie still asking Lindsay if she really told Brian the dinner would only be with the two of them. He didn't hear her answers when he reached the top of the stairs.

Brian hadn't actually thought that Lindsay would think she could embarrass him like this in front of everyone. He didn't know why she was even trying to do this and what she would gain from ‘exposing’ him to the rest of the gang. 

Brian was actually feeling sad more than angry to what was happening around him. He couldn't already stand Michael and Debbie, and now Lindsay wanted to join the club. It looked like he was going to lose more friends tonight.

When the dinner was ready, Brian brought Gus down and sat next to each other. The food was good but Brian wasn't really hungry, he ate the sandwich Cynthia gave him for lunch. But Brian helped Gus to finish his plate. He was doing what Justin had been doing when Gus was with them, he was making the meal interesting by making up stories about it.

Brian couldn't help thinking he was supposed to be in his own dining table with the man that he sure to be waiting for him since yesterday.

“Okay, another one, sonny boy. The captain noodle will never be seen again because super Gus is going to eat him-- ahmmm-- there you go!” Brian happily wiped the marinara sauce on his son's face. Gus had finished his plate and raised his arms showing his non existent muscles.

“I'm super Gus, daddy!” Gus said in an excited tone.

“Yes, you are. You are my super Gus.” Brian agreed giving his kid his sippy cup.

“I'm daddy's heart super Gus, too. He told me that every time!” Gus said smiling widely.

Brian heard some whispering at the table. He ignored it, instead he helped Gus to get off of the high chair that he was still using.

“Can I go play now, daddy?” He asked innocently.

Brian nodded and said, “But don't run, okay?”

“Okay.” Then he was off to go.

Brian sat back on his chair and tried to eat what was left on his plate.

“Wow, Brian, I didn't know you have that in you. How did you come up with that idea? I've never seen Gus eat the whole plate, like ever.” Melanie said from the other side of the table.

“I didn't, it was daddy's heart’s idea. You should see Gus with him, they are a hoot.” He said nonchalantly.

Michael's silverware had suddenly dropped to his plate, the loud clacking sound had gotten the attention of everyone. They all could see him looking at Brian with contempt.

“Michael, eat your food.” Debbie told him, snapping him from shooting fires at Brian.

“Yeah, Michael, why don't you finish your food? I'm sure your ex-boyfriend will be happy knowing you are being a good boy.” Brian said innocently, but his eyes were digging holes on Michael's skin.

Michael was suddenly choked on his own spit and squirmed on his seat.

“What's Ben got to do with Michael--” Emmett tried to say but he was rudely cut off by a furious and anxious looking Michael.

“Shut the fuck up, Emmett!” He turned to glare at the shockingly gaping queen.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emmett answered the glare with a much intense one.

“Just shut your fucking mouth!” Michael yelled. He was flushing like he had a fever. “You are sticking your nose to where it doesn't belong!”

Emmett was totally confounded and insulted. He stood up and threw his napkin on his plate. “I need some air. Excuse me.” 

“But it's freezing outside, Em?” Ted asked worriedly.

“Doesn't matter, it's better to get frostbite than getting bitten by the frost man.” He stared down at Michael who petulantly scowled at him.

Then he went to take his jacket and swished through the back door to get to the back porch.

The air at the table was so thick with tension that Brian thought he was about to suffocate from it.

But then, Lindsay stopped eating and wiped her mouth gracefully like the wasp that she was.

“I'm not really comfortable letting Gus to be with a virtual stranger together in one room, Brian.” Lindsay said.

Melanie did a double take on her wife, then looked at Brian. Brian wasn't surprised by this, of course, Lindsay didn't get what she wanted, she'd going to be brat about it.

“Too bad, Lindsay-- but I'm not stopping them from spending time together. As long as my son wants to see him, I won't stop him.” Brian said sternly.

“You won't stop it, but I will.” She said in a very composed way.

“Linds, wha--” Melanie was trying to ask Lindsay but she cut her off.

“Mel, you were against this before, remember? You were the one who told Brian that you weren't comfortable with it.” Lindsay turned to look at her.

“Yeah, and I remember you telling me that we just have to meet the guy, and it's okay if Gus would be with them.” Melanie recounted, her forehead was creasing.

“She let you believed that because she thought I wasn't telling the truth. So now, Lindsay knows that it could possibly be true, she is changing her tune.” Brian looked at Lindsay. “Did I get it right, Peterson?”

Lindsay was clenching her jaws but didn't lose her composure. She was tough, he gave her that. Melanie though, looked like she was about to burst.

“Linds, I don't like what I'm hearing here.” She shifted to look at her wife.

“We can talk later, Mel. But I want to make it clear to Brian that Gus is not going with him unless we meet his boyfriend and we approved that he will be good around Gus.”

“You can't do this Lindsay. And if you meet him, what's next, telling me that you decided he is not good enough to be around Gus? That's it, right? You are just going to drag this but in the end, you already have your decision. Well, let me tell you, I'm not letting you do this to Gus and my partner. They shouldn't suffer because you happen to be the demented mother of my son.”

“How dare you calling me deme--”

“Linds, stop this, honey. Let's all finished eating, then you can talk some more after you cool down.” Debbie said soothingly. It just too bad she had been lying to him, too, not to mention the blackmailing and some other things.

“But Linds is right, Gus shouldn't be around with people that we don't even know.” Michael said like Brian wanted to hear his opinion.

“Yeah? But it's okay to surround my son to a lying piece of shit like you?” Brian growled shooting daggers at Michael. He heard Debbie audibly gasped. 

Brian was trembling with anger, he was trying to compose himself since he came to the house and find Michael and Debbie sitting in the living room looking like innocent guests. 

He didn't want to be consumed with his anger especially when his son was only at hearing range, but he couldn't help it when Michael was acting like he was concerned for Gus’ welfare instead of his own wicked agenda. It made his blood boils.

“What--” Ted was looking around the table in bewilderment.

“It must be satisfying to see our children grow up to be vicious, right, Debbie? They still have our support to be cruel and manipulative son of a bitch. That's what you called a true ‘mother’s love’”. Debbie was about to open her mouth, but thought better of it at the end and shut it.

Brian had no appetite after that and stood up from the table. “I'm getting some air, too. Better to be around snowman than frigid bitches. Excuse me.”

Brian was thankful his jacket was just at the back of his chair. He shrugged it in, then went to the same way as Emmett took a while ago.

“I said no, Lindsay!” Was the last words he heard from Melanie before he closed the door. Lindsay must be boiling to be called demented and frigid bitch in just a matter of minutes.

He looked around the porch and couldn't see Emmett anywhere. He must've gone to Ted’s car or walked home, he wasn't really sure but the weather was freezing cold. Emmett was a responsible adult, Brian knew he could take care of himself. He was not being an asshole, he just knew Emmett wasn't stupid.

He stood at the corner wooden railing with his back to it. Time like this was what made him thankful that he had made a life away from his old friends. A life where he shared with someone like Justin, someone worth going home to. 

Setting aside their present issues, Justin had always been someone who truly loved and understand him, someone he would want to spend the rest of his life with. And if he had a say in it, he would be with Justin until his last breath.

With this thing happening to them, Brian truly believed that they could get past through this. He was hurting, yeah, and he was still hurting to the point it made him tear up thinking his partner could keep things this important to him. 

But he also knew that Justin had reasons why he did that. He truly believed in his heart that Justin didn't do this because of selfish agenda or taking advantage of his incapacity to remember some part of his life. 

It just saddened him though, that his partner didn't feel secure to think he could tell Brian anything, and that Brian loved him enough to try to listen and understand. Justin must be thinking of Brian before, the one he couldn't communicate and wouldn't want to communicate with him. 

Brian had promised Justin that they would fight for each other and whatever secrets his partner had still been keeping from him, he'd try to be opened mind and listened to it, he'd try to understand it. Brian wouldn't do anything unless he heard his partner’s side.

Admittedly, this could cause them a set back, for sure. But Justin was worth the effort to try and fixed this rift between them. It might take time to get them whole again, but nothing could stop him from loving his partner, his husband, his heart. 

Even his amnesia had tried to keep them apart, but it didn't win. They still found their way into each other. So, Justin might have done something awful to him before, like cheating on him, but it wouldn't stop him from forgiving ‘his heart’ and continue loving him.

His eyes had gotten misty from thinking about Justin, he missed him so much and he was longing to hold him, kiss him and just be with him. Justin must be worried sick of him, too. They hadn't been apart for this long since they started seeing each other and Brian wanted to go home. He wanted to be with the man that own his heart.

He took his phone off from his pocket and texted Justin. He felt so bad that he made him so worried and he knew his partner was already on edge. God, he must be thinking that Brian wanted to get away from him. God, no!

His fingers were furiously working as he typed, “I'm coming home to you, mo chroí. I'm so sorry for making you worry, but I'm coming home to you. I'll always come home to you. I love you.”

Brian stared at his phone as he tried to get his bearings back. It vibrated after few minutes and his heart had almost stopped after reading the message. What had he done to his partner?

The message said, “Thank god you're coming home. I'm so scared that you'll never want to see me again. I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you will give me a chance to tell you my side, and whatever you decide, I promise to respect it but I'll always be here waiting for you, Brian. Because I love you so much. You are my life.”

Brian kissed the phone as if it was Justin's forehead.

And that's how he was when Emmett saw him. Emmett was staring at the scene in front of him so fascinatingly.

He cleared his throat in warning, he didn't want to startle Brian. He seemed to be so emotional at that moment.

“Brian…” He tentatively called.

Brian ducked his head to the side, Emmett surmised he was embarrassed getting caught in an intimate act with his phone.

“It's okay, Brian, your secret is safe with me. I'm sorry if I interrupted something.” Emmett stood a few feet away from him.

“That's okay. I was just texting my partner.” Brian sighed, “I want to go home.”

“Yeah, we should go, you know. And Brian, I'm sorry to be here-- we actually didn't know about the dinner being exclusive for you and the girls, she invited us saying you were going to introduce your boyfriend. I don't think she believed you, though. I think, she was expecting you to come alone. And you did.”

“I know. I just-- honestly, I don't want to bring him and meet you all at this point in time, you know. Nothing personal, Emmett, but it's just not the right time. I don't want to subject him to the insanity inside that house right now, and believe me if I say he will cause a very none too happy reactions.”

Emmett nodded, “Yeah. Michael would go ballistic. What the fuck is wrong with him? Well, I think it's because I told him yesterday that I won't help him to talk to you when he asked me to call you. I told him I don't buy his shit for accidentally overdosing and I won't in anyway participate in his sick games with you.”

“He's not too happy, I guess?” Brian said, he didn't know it could be this good just talking to a friend.

Emmett snorted, “Anyway, I'm so happy that you finally found someone, you know. I thought you will be with-- uh, sorry-- sorry, Brian. I should really stop thinking about the past, you know. You are happy with your new life, so I should leave the past behind.” Emmett looked contrite.

“You mean, you thought that I will be with Justin for a long time?” Brian helped him to continue what he was about to say.

“Yeah, that's what I meant. He was a part of your life, I'm happy that you at least know about him.” 

Brian smiled painfully, “Yeah, of course. I want to know some important parts of my past and as I've learned, Justin was one of them.”

“Yeah, he was, Brian. It was only less than two years, but the impact he had in your life was to me way more than the people that you've known all your life. Too bad it didn't last. I've always thought he was perfectly made for you.”

“You liked Justin, Emmett?”

Emmett looked melancholic for a moment and said, “As a matter of fact, I do. But he just disappeared, you know. He quit the diner after you two had called it quits, I think Michael had something to do with that. Kiki told me she heard him telling Justin to give us all a favor and just disappear, she said and I quote ‘Brian wouldn't want to see your face after you embarrassed him like that, Brian wouldn't want to be around some cheater like you’, unquote. He never visited Liberty avenue after, he changed his phone number and we didn't know his new address. So…”

But Brian thought he was still in contact with Justin even after the break up, up to the day before his accident. He paid Justin's tuition after one month of their break up and they had planned on going to Hawaii two days after his accident if the tickets had anything to do with it.

“Did he happen to visit me at the hospital?”

“No, as far as the gangs are concerned, he never did. That was what made us all decide not to mention him to you. We don't want you to have a backlash from getting too much information, you know.”

“Understandable.” He said.

“I know that you loved him-- Justin I mean. You tried to deny it, but it was there in your eyes. And when he was bashed, you were so devastated. I have never seen you liked that.” Emmett said forlornly.

Brian's head turned on Emmett's direction in a flash. He looked at him with abject horror.

“Bashed? Justin was bashed?” He asked with horrified face.

“Oh god, you didn't know. Me and my big mouth.” Emmett said apologetically.

“Tell me… tell me, Emmett, please.” He whispered, the pain in his voice was too evident.

Emmett looked skeptical, but he nodded. “Well, it was Justin's prom. He told us he wanted you to be his date but you flatly refused him, then he didn't want to go but Debbie and the girls had convinced him. And so he went with his friend, Daphne. A lovely lady. Without anyone knowing, you went to his prom and you danced with him. Unfortunately, one of his classmates had taken offense on that particular show, I heard you kissed him in the middle of the dance floor, with everyone freezing from watching it.

“You were in a parking garage together, the homophobic asshole struck a baseball bat to Justin's head. Luckily, you were there, Brian. If he was alone, I don't want to think what could have happened to him. He was in a coma for three days and you were there, Brian, you were there with him all that time. You waited for three fucking days until he woke up. You--” Emmett had stopped as he noticed Brian was shaking beside him.

“Brian, hey, are you okay?” Emmett asked worriedly.

Brian didn't answer but he was holding onto the railing like his life was depended on it.

“Brian, I'm sorry-- I didn't mean to hurt you. Justin got through it like the fighter he was--” 

“What the fuck, Emmett?! What have you been fucking telling Brian, you blabber mouth?! Can't you just shut your fucking--” Michael screeched from the door. But Brian didn't let him finish as he walked by him, ignoring him and went inside the house.

Brian was actually shaking, his body was feeling numb and he just wanted to go home to Justin. God, it was the incident Ben had mentioned, that fucking scarf in the box-- it was Justin's blood. Brian's knees almost given up, but he held onto the dining chair where the others were still sitting and talking.

“Brian, what's wrong?” It was Debbie, she walked to him and held his shoulder. Brian shrugged it off and walked to the living room where his son was playing with his train set, the train set Justin had given him, his Justin who had almost died from a cracked in his head. 

He wanted his partner, he wanted him, now. 

The others were all hovering at his back as he crouched down to his son.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” Gus asked innocently. He stood up in front of his father and his small hands reached up to wipe his tears.

Brian shook his head, “It's nothing, Gus. Uh, daddy needs to go home, okay? I need to go home to daddy's heart. I missed him so much.” Brian kissed his son's head. “You be good, okay?”

Gus started to cry and held on Brian's shirt, he seemed to sense the tension on Brian's body. “I want to come wif you! I want to see daddy's heart! I missed daddy's heart, too!”

“Gus, you can't go with your father. Stop crying.” Lindsay said from Brian's back. That made Gus wailed even more but Brian tried to sooth his kid, hugging him to his chest.

“You can't come with me tonight, but I promise you I'm coming back to take you to daddy and daddy's heart’s house, very, very soon, okay?” Brian said to the distressed kid. But Michael started screeching again.

“What house? What fucking house are you talking about, Brian?”

Brian closed his eyes and ran his hands roughly on his face. God, he just wanted to get home.

“My daddy and daddy's heart’s house. It's very big and beautiful, I have my room there, bigger than I have up there.” Gus said pointing up to the ceiling. “Daddy's heart makes very beautiful drawing on my walls and I have lotsa, lotsa toys there.”

Everyone was gaping at the distraught looking Brian.

“Brian-- was Gus telling the truth? Are you living in a house with your fuck buddy?! Why didn't you tell me?” Michael was hysterical.

Brian faced Gus again and kissed his forehead. “Be good, okay?” He told him.

When Gus answered, “Yes, daddy”, Brian stood up from the floor and face his friends.

“Yeah, I have moved out from the loft three months ago and moved in with my partner to a house that we bought. I need to go now. I want to go home.” Brian said as calmly as he could, but his inside was still shattered by the fact that Justin had almost died from bashing. He wanted to set their problem aside for a while, and just hold Justin to him to assure himself that his partner was still there.

“You are lying. I don't believe you!” Michael yelled, following Brian to the front door.

“Then don't, I honestly don't care.” With that, Brian opened the door and slammed it on Michael's face.

Brian ran into his truck and quickly back away from the girl’s parking spots. He drove so fast that he knew he was breaking the speed limit, but he needed to be home.

After minutes of driving, he noticed from his rear view mirror that Ted’s car was trailing him. Fuck, this people didn't know how to back off. Why couldn't they just let him be in peace?

Brian stepped on the gas harder to increase the speed more, he wanted to lose them from following him home. He wanted to be with Justin tonight, alone.

But then, Ted’s car had gone faster, too. Brian was fucking desperate and he stepped on the gas harder. When he was near the intersection, he wanted to catch the green light before it would turn red. He noticed Ted’s car was a little behind and so he slowed down a bit to cross the intersection, he was sure that they didn't have enough time to catch the green light.

Brian was on the speed limit as he crossed the road, but something had happened unexpectedly. A speeding sedan came from the right side of the road and collided with his truck in a T-bone collision.

Brian's last memory before he blacked out, was the ear piercing screeched of tires, then the impact that his truck took from the collision, it shook him to all different angles despite the seatbelt that he was fastened to.

Brian felt everything was done in slow motion. He could even hear his heartbeat as he looked so horrified at the car coming on to him. Then his head hit the window and the glass cracked and smeared with his blood.

Brian had tried to open his eyes but it felt too heavy and his body was trapped that it was so difficult to breathe. Brian fought to say something to the people who were now opening his car door, it was a struggle but he thought he successfully said the name of the only person he wished to see for the last time.

“Ju- Justin…”


	13. Chapter 13

The tightness in Justin's chest had loosened a little and felt a lot better after receiving Brian's message. It was all he needed to know, that Brian was coming home to him and that he still loved him.

He almost cry after reading it, but he didn't want Brian to come home to a nervous wrecked Justin. And so, he tried to calm himself down and cleaned up a bit. He started with their bedroom, he changed the sheet that he was sure so full of his snot.

He went to his studio to clean his brushes, then took a shower and got the day old sweater off and changed into a fresh one. He finally went to the kitchen to fix some salads and grilled a salmon. Justin thought, they could start the evening by eating, he surely could use some food and who knew with Brian, he could be starving, too.

Justin tried not to overthink about what Brian had learned from their past and from whom he had learned it from. Michael and Debbie were out of question, they wouldn't put themselves in more trouble than they already were. Maybe Ted, Emmett or could it be the girls? Cynthia was a good bet, too.

But Justin knew Brian had no way of knowing about what had transcribed between them from the couple of months leading to Brian's accident. No one knew except the two of them.

***

Emmett was stunned to silence since Brian's breakdown from the porch. God only knows what would happen if Michael hadn't interrupted them.

Emmett felt so bad that he had mentioned about Justin's bashing, he didn't realize that Brian didn't know anything about it. When Brian talked about Justin, it felt like he already knew all about him.

But the events happened after that had escalated from horrifying to tragic.

Brian didn't wait for Michael’s rant to be over and left the back porch. Emmett could see how he walked shakily to the dining room and had to clutch on one of the chairs for support.

Brian could just get out of the house but he still decided to talk to his son before leaving. But the talk had turned Michael into a jealous raving bitch, when he learned from Gus that daddy and daddy's heart had a house together and Brian had admitted it right into his face.

Brian left in a rush after that, but Michael was still shouting that he couldn't let Brian destroy what he had been working for two years now. What Michael meant by that, nobody knew. Well, maybe Debbie knew, because she was yelling back at his son to stop from doing more damage than they both had already done to Brian.

But Michael was frantic and ran hysterically to Ted.

“Give me the key!” He demanded to the bewildered Theodore.

“What? Key to what?” Ted asked confusedly.

“To your car! Quickly, Ted! Hand the key over!” Michael was telling Ted to give him the car key like he owned it.

“Michael-- you ca--”

“Ted! Give me your fucking key!” When Ted didn't budge, Michael shouted, “Goddammit!”, then wrestled with Ted’s front pocket.

Then Lindsay and Debbie tried to pull Michael from Ted but not before he successfully took what he wanted.

Michael sneered but ran to the door without any words to anyone.

“Oh, no, not my car, Michael!” Ted shouted and ran after him. Emmett followed them and opened the back door to hop in after seeing Ted got into the passenger side, shouting to the still frantic Michael.

“Are you crazy, Michael?!” Ted yelled as he was putting his seatbelt on. “Oh god-- slow down, you mother fucker!”

Michael was driving like the lunatic that he was and Emmett was actually thinking why he thought it was a good idea to get into the car with a batshit driver.

He was shrieking as Michael stepped on the gas and was skidding from left to right. Other car drivers were honking on them and some were giving them the fingers, but Michael was too focused on trailing Brian's truck.

Emmett was holding the seat belt for dear life and started to pray “Our father who art in heaven”, over and over again.

“Jesus, Michael-- can you just stop this?! This is insane-- just let Brian go home in peace!” Ted was breathing heavily. “Emmett! Stop praying-- you are making me more nervous!” Ted was still shouting.

“He is not going to the loft! He should be turning right from here-- but he went straight ahead! Where is Brian going?!” Michael stepped on the gas harder.

“Michael, he said he's going home to his house with his partner! Have you not been listening? Let the man go home! You are going to pay any damage you have done to my car, don't think you're getting away with this!”

“I don't care what you want, Ted, I only care if Brian would waste everything that I have been working on this past two years! Damn! God-- this people don't know how to drive! Move, you mother fuckers!” Michael cursed and hit the honks so hardly over and over as they were left a little behind from Brian's truck.

Emmett was praying that they wouldn't be able to catch on with Brian after he passed through the traffic lights, it was looking more that way as Emmett noticed Brian's truck slowed down before passing the intersection.

But the succeeding event was like watching a movie. The horror that he felt when he couldn't do anything as he witnessed a rushing sedan, that came out from nowhere, crashing through the side of Brian's truck.

Emmett felt like he struggled to breathe as he could make out Brian's form inside the truck being thrown to the windows. A cold fear had blanketed his body and they were all seemed paralyzed as they witnessed Brian in another car accident.

All the vehicles had stopped the very second it happened.

“Brian… no!” Was what he heard from Michael.

Then, it seemed made them woke up from the trance and abandoned Ted’s car. They ran to the two collided cars as people were also starting to come over.

Michael was back in hysterics and was forcing his way to the driver’s door. As he was in the act of opening it, one man had stopped him, telling him that he couldn't just open the door carelessly and Michael answered like the wacko that he was. Sprouting to the man’s face that he didn't care about the fucking door, what he needed was to get his best friend from dying inside his truck.

Another man had to hold Michael back, he was still shouting and kicking and getting way too much attention than he needed to. Emmett and the first guy had slowly opened the door and caught Brian's head as it lolled to the side.

They straightened his body to the seat, and for one moment, Emmett had seen Brian's eyes flickered open and whispered the name that made Emmett's heart broken.

“Ju-Justin…”

Then Brian had gone unconscious. Ted was on the phone to Mel telling them what happened as they all waited for the ambulance with baited breath.

Emmett prayed that Brian would make it, and his mind went to Justin. Justin was the name Brian had called before he went unconscious, the one that obviously in his mind.

Emmett reached to touch Brian's hand, and he was thankful that it was still warm despite the snowy weather. Emmett whispered, “Brian, please stay strong. You'll get through this, just like everything that you had already been through.”

He couldn't help the tears rolled down on his cheeks as he felt Ted’s hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, he broke down as he watched the sorrow in Ted’s eyes looking down at him.

Ted caught him in his arms and sighed after hearing the faint ambulance coming. Michael hadn't calmed down yet from his hysterics while being held by three people on the side of the road.

What happened after the paramedics had arrived, was like a blurry vision to Emmett. Brian was being helped out of his truck with gash on his forehead. He was still unconscious as they loaded him to the ambulance. 

Michael tried to get to ride with Brian, but the paramedics didn't even entertain him. That had made Michael acted like a raging bull and started yelling and kicking anything he could get his feet to. The paramedics threatened to call the police on him and slammed the door on his face.

Michael continued thrashing until Ted shouted at him.

“I swear to god, Michael, I'm going to leave your ass here if you won't stop being selfish and inconsiderate. Your best friend is critical but you choose to delay the ambulance just because you didn't get what you want. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Michael still tried to dumbly defend himself but Ted just turned his back and walked away, Emmett followed behind.

“Ted, where are you going?!” Michael yelled but decided to follow them. “We need to go to the hospital! Brian needed me, Ted!”

Ted abruptly stop and turned to look at Michael with fire in his eyes. “If you just try to listen for once, you would know that I was going to tell you that we can go to the hospital by driving my car. But of course you wouldn't want to listen, you love to talk or whine or complain.”

Michael looked embarrassed for a split second but walked to the direction Ted was going to before he was interrupted.

In twenty minutes, the three of them were rushing through the entrance of Allegheny General Hospital. Michael was frantically talking to the nurse at the station checking for Brian's condition.

“Mr. Kinney has just come in ten minutes ago. He is currently being checked by the doctors and that is all I can tell you. And I'm afraid I can't disclose any medical information to just anyone except to his next of kin.” The nurse said to Michael.

“The fuck you can't. I'm Brian medical proxy, you can check your file when he was here two years ago-- I was the one who made decisions for him!”

Emmett pulled Michael to the waiting room, sat him on the plastic chair and told him that alienating the nurses wouldn't help them any.

Michael was still mumbling something when Debbie, Lindsay, Melanie and Gus came in. Both Debbie and Lindsay were asking about what happened, and Michael was telling them that Brian was driving fast and got his car crashing with another one coming from his side.

“He has to drive faster because you are fucking following him!” Emmett couldn't help but say it. “And Brian didn't crash to anything because he was over speeding, he was actually slowing down before passing the intersection and that asshole who was drunk driving crashed into Brian's truck. You loved to rewrite history, don't you?”

“I'm not rewriting anything! And that asshole paramedic didn't allow me to ride with Brian in the ambulance. I was telling him that I am Brian's medical proxy but he didn't listen.”

“He did listen, Michael, and that was why he didn't want you in the ambulance with them. You were yelling and screaming, then later on you were kicking them, literally. You were delaying the ambulance.” Ted said from one corner.

“How is he now?” Lindsay asked trying to take the focus away from Michael.

“That bitch over there doesn't want to tell me anything!” Michael pointed to the nurse at the reception.

“Because she doesn't know anything, yet. For god sake, Michael, this is not about you, it's about Brian lying inside that emergency room and we don't know what is happening, so, can you shut up for once?” Ted was almost yelling, but he was still composed despite the anxiety that they were all in.

“You should have let Brian go home like we told you. Do you really need to act like a wacko chasing him in an icy road? If we don't know better, it looks like you were acting like Brian has cheated on you or something.” Emmett snarked.

“Stop it, Emmett, have you not seen Michael is hurting. It's his best friend who is lying inside the emergency room.” Debbie was quick to defend her baby boy.

“Yeah, he is hurting, and it's enough reason to kick a paramedic delaying the ambulance.” Emmett wasn't going to back down.

They were all sitting silently after that except for Gus’ non-stop question. He didn't really understand what was happening, well he did know that hospital was a place to go if someone was hurt and Gus heard them mentioning his daddy's name. It made him think that his daddy was hurt and he started to cry asking where his father was. 

Lindsay had settled him a little saying daddy was only checked by the doctor and he should be quiet so the doctor could work on daddy better. Gus stopped crying, but the kid had known, or felt, that something just wasn't right and hadn't stop asking his mommy some questions.

After an hour, Gus was sleeping on Mel's shoulder. Melanie was berating herself for agreeing with Lindsay for coming to the hospital with Gus. The kid didn't need this stress over his daddy. But Lindsay was insistent that they should all go after Ted had called Melanie about what happened.

Michael and Debbie had gone to the station again to ask about Brian but no one was giving them information. Michael was shouting every time the nurse would tell him, “The doctor will come out if he is through with the patient.”

“But it's been an hour!”

“Sir, your friend was in a car accident, not being treated for flu.” The other nurse said shaking his head like he could not believe the audacity of Michael.

“Michael, let's go and sit back again. Let the doctor work on Brian and wait for them to come out and tell us about Brian's condition.” Debbie said steering his son away from the already pissed off nurse.

“But why's no one coming out telling me something?” Michael asked coming back to sit on the chair.

“They will come out, Michael. If they have something to tell us, they will come and inform us.” Lindsay supplied.

Minutes had passed, and everyone was already worried beyond belief. Brian was inside for an hour and what made Emmett and Ted more worried was the fact that Brian had seemed to bang his head again on the window. The window had even cracked from the impact. And that was only the most visible one, they didn't know the extent of Brian's other injuries.

A flash of movement from the entrance had caught Emmett's eyes. He zoned his sight to the distress newcomer, who was walking to the station with full intent and despair was written all over his face. Emmett had gasped and couldn't look away. He put his hand over his mouth as everyone was looking at him questioningly.

“Em, what's wrong, honey?” Debbie asked from somewhere to his right.

Emmett couldn't answer, then he whispered, “Oh my god…”

Then Michael followed his eyes and got his own almost popping out from the mirage he was seeing just few meters away.

“What's he doing here?!” Michael's shrieking got the attention of their friends and glanced over the station.

They all gasped in shock as they watched Justin talking to the nurse.

Everyone, except for Mel with Gus on her shoulder, got to their feet following the furious Michael to face Justin.

“Why are you here, you little shit?! Are you not done screwing Brian's head?! You get out of this building! I will not allow you to get near Brian!” Michael shouted and pushed Justin on his shoulder.

Ted and Emmett instinctively held each one arm of Michael, pulling him away from Justin.

“Sir, please settle down or I will call the security.” The nurse stood up looking at the telephone on his left.

Michael tried to shrug his friends hands but failed, then he flickered his eyes at the nurse, sneering, “You can't throw me out, I'm Brian's medical proxy! I want you to kick this asshole out of this premise! I forbid him from seeing Brian!”

“Well, I'm sorry, Sir. But we need Mr. Taylor here to sign some consent papers and the insurance for Mr. Kinney’s surgery.” The nurse shifted his eyes to Justin. “Did you have the legal papers with you, Mr. Taylor?”

Justin who chose to be quite, nodded his head and handed a folder to the nurse who started leafing through it.

“I have my partnership ID here, too.” He frantically fished his wallet for his ID and showed it to the nurse, who only nodded.

“I know. We already see Mr. Kinney’s ID, that's where we saw your name. Come with me and you can do the paperwork in a more quiet room.” The nurse tilted his head to the side, asking Justin to follow him.

“Wait, Wait, Wait! Why are asking for his consent? I am Brian's proxy not this little shit! I will sue this hospital if you will not throw him out, now!” Michael was flushing with anger, they were quite making a scene at the middle of the hospital lobby.

“Sir, I suggest that you go to the waiting room and let the legal partner of Mr. Kinney do what he needs to do.” 

That had elicited a collective gasping from the people behind Michael.

“That… that can't be rig--” Michael said in a state of shock. Debbie was steering him away again by his shoulders, followed by the equally shocked Lindsay, who didn't even acknowledge the presence of Justin.

Emmett tentatively approached Justin, while Ted stayed where he was. 

“Hi, Em.” Justin greeted, his eyes were suddenly filled with tears, and Emmett walked the remaining distance and hugged Justin.

“My god, baby.” Emmett whispered. After few seconds, they pulled apart and Justin smiled sadly.

“I'm sorry, guys, but I need to do the papers they needed for Brian.” Justin wiped his face with the heels of his palms.

“That's okay, we'll be at the waiting room. You do what you need to do, baby.”

Justin nodded and he waved a little at Ted who smiled back at him. Then he walked with the nurse to one of the rooms in hallway.

Ted and Emmett silently walked back to the waiting room, and sat at the empty chairs. They were all seemed to be taken aback by the new revelation.

Even Melanie, who was still sitting because of Gus had been sporting a bewildered expression.

Michael started ranting again after his initial shock wore off. He was pacing in front of their friends, muttering and cursing Justin and the hospital administrators.

“They couldn't just let anyone to sign for Brian's surgery-- and what surgery? No one came here to tell me that he needed surgery. We've been waiting for an hour and that douche over there refused to tell me anything.” Michael stopped in front of Mel. “We should sue their asses, Mel. I'm the legal proxy, it's there in their files. But they called that asshole, instead? Where did they get that idea? Did Justin call the hospital?”

“Michael, if I heard it right, Justin has Brian's power of attorney and they have a domestic partnership. That's the reason they get a hold of Justin, he is in Brian's emergency contacts.” Melanie explained, her voice had laced with some amusement in it.

“But Justin is--” Lindsay started to say but Michael cut her off.

“No, it can't be right. Justin is out of our lives, out of Brian's life for so long!”

“Looks like they find their way back into each other again… and some more.” Melanie supplied. “Now, I think we all know who's daddy's heart is.” Mel had a small smile on her lips and kissed Gus’ head.

Michael continued his rant and it was really getting on their friends’ nerves. They tuned him out for most of his whining and watched the direction where Justin had gone a while ago, willing the blond to appear back. 

They were all thinking of the same thing, and if what they were thinking was right, it was just so surreal to actually happen. It was like what Emmett believed, a cosmic thing or some shit like that.

Not long after, a distraught looking Justin was walking out of the room where he went into. But before he could step farther from the door, a tall, good looking man, in his late thirties or early forties had approached him. They talked quietly and the man patted the teary eyed Justin on his shoulder.

Before anyone realized what was happening, Michael leaped to continue his verbal attack to both Justin and the man.

“Is this the guy helping you to con Brian? Are you two already planning Brian's money that you can grab your greedy hands on? I'll sue both of you, you are not anything to Brian, you little shit-- legal partnership bullshit.” Michael said pointing his index finger on Justin's chest.

“I suggest you take your finger off of my client.” The man said in the voice that said, ‘you better do as I say’. “I'm Nathaniel O’Connell. Brian and Justin's lawyer. Ms. Marcus--”, Nathan nodded on Mel's direction, who followed everyone to the hallways.

“You know him, Mel?” Lindsay asked, narrowing her eyes at her.

“Yeah.” She said walking to Ted and gave the sleeping Gus to him. “He's a lawyer, of course I know him. I didn't know Brian is your client, though, Mr. O’Connell.”

“Because it's not true. They both planned this.” Michael was pointing to Justin again.

“I have all the notarized documents of their domestic partnership and the power of attorneys. Melanie can attest to you that those things can't be faked, I have my whole career in line if I do that and I don't have any reasons to do it in the first place. Brian is just paying me to do my job and so I do them.” Nathan said sternly.

“Daddy's heart?” Gus’ sleepy yet surprise voice was heard. He sounded like he wasn't sure that it was Justin that he was seeing. “Daddy's heart, you're here!” He excitedly said, wriggling to get off Ted’s arms to get to Justin.

When he did, he jumped onto Justin's arms who lifted him closer to his chest. Justin closed his eyes and hugged the mini-Brian tightly, he was trying so hard not to cry. He didn't want Gus to get worried from him having an outburst.

“Yeah, it's me Gus…” Justin kissed the kid’s head. “It's me, your daddy's heart.”

***

Justin was checking the salmon in the oven after he finished fixing the table. He wanted Brian to have a quiet night, they could eat and relax, then talk tomorrow.

He contemplated preparing the tub for Brian's bath, but thought against it. Brian might want to sleep after eating, and so, he'd wait for what his partner might actually prefer to do.

Justin sat in front of the TV, it would at least take his mind off of what would happen after he and Brian talk, how would Brian take on after learning the truth.

He guessed, the show he was watching wasn't that interesting because his mind was still occupied with Brian. He checked the clock above the mantle, he was surprised it was already an hour since Brian texted him.

He checked on the salmon again and made sure it was warming perfectly in the oven, and took two wine glasses from the cupboard.

Ten minutes later and Brian hadn't still shown up, Justin began to get worried. He didn't know if he should call Brian or just wait for him. Somewhere in his mind was telling him that Brian might've changed his mind about coming home, but Justin knew Brian had meant what he said and that was what he was going to believe.

The silence of the house had interrupted with a loud shrilling sounds of their house phone. Justin was startled that he had jumped from the sound.

He went to answer it with his heart beating so fast. “Hello?”

“Mr. Justin Taylor?” The voice on the other line asked.

“Yeah, I'm Justin Taylor. Wha-- who's this?” He tentatively asked.

“I'm Grace Martin, I'm calling from Allegheny General Hospital. Do you know a Brian Kinney?”

Justin's knees wobbled and he held onto the edge of the kitchen island.

“What's wrong with my partner? Did something happen to Brian?” Justin's voice cracked with emotions.

“Mr. Taylor, your partner was in a car accident roughly thirty minutes ago. We found his wallet with your partnership ID. The extent of his injuries aren't still determined as of yet, but his head hit the side window and his spleen is badly damaged. We need to perform an emergency surgery to remove it, but we need your permission now. When you come to the hospital, you can sign all the paperworks to consent.”

“Yes, yes-- of course, do whatever you need, please.”

“Okay, Mr. Taylor. When you arrive, you can tell Toby, the nurse at the station, that you are there to sign for Mr. Kinney’s consent and fill up his insurance. I'll leave all the papers with him. Bring your legal papers, too, just in case.”

“I will-- please, Grace, please help Brian. I'm coming over there, now.”

“We will, Mr. Taylor. Please try not to worry so much, and please drive carefully.”

Justin ended the call and tried to focus on the things that he needed to do. First, he turned the TV and oven off, then he went to Brian's study to take the documents with him while calling a cab from his phone.

When he was in the cab, he called Nathan informing him about Brian. He told him that he'd be at the hospital in few minutes.

Justin arrived and went straight to the station telling Toby who he was. Toby was actually relieved seeing him and Justin just thought it might be because of the papers he needed to sign.

But before they could get any more words about signing papers, Michael came barreling towards him. He was asking why he was there, calling Justin names. He wasn't really up to have a verbal match with anyone, especially Michael. No, not right now. He just wanted Brian to get better, his inside was churning and he was really, really scared.

Toby thankfully intervened, threatening to throw Michael if he'd not settle down, which made Michael to counter threat him, too. Toby even smugly explained about Justin's significance being there that had at least rendered the group into silence.

Toby took that chance and get him away from the group that somehow got Toby annoyed, but not before Emmett giving him a hug. That felt so good, a friendly hug, a sincere gesture, was what Justin needed at that time. And so he tear up a little.

Toby took him to a room two doors from the station and let him sit comfortably on a conference table. He place a folder in front of him, smiling a little and said, “Here are all the papers to sign, Mr. Taylor. I'm just right outside the door.”

Justin nodded. “Thank you, Toby.”

Toby smiled, “I know you can't help but worry for your partner, but splenectomy isn't really complicated. The doctors are more concerned about the head trauma especially when it is the second one in two years. But it seems, Mr. Kinney doesn't need another surgery for his head. I'll make sure the doctor will find you after the surgery.”

“Thanks, again.” Justin nodded his head and started to open the file while Toby went out of the room.

Justin tried to carefully read the papers before signing and he also filled out the insurance papers. After filling everything, he stepped out of the room to find Nathan waiting for him. He approached Justin, asking about Brian's condition which Justin didn't exactly really know. 

Then Nathan was telling him he already fixed anything that might question his and Brian's legalities. He made sure that the doctors would inform Justin first and foremost about anything concerning Brian's medical conditions.

Justin was tearfully thanking him for his help, until Michael came to accuse Justin of his overactive imagination. Nathan had set him and anyone, who had a problem with Justin being Brian's partner, straight.

He could see they were all shocked at what they heard, but no one really challenged Justin's place in all this especially after Nathan’s words, except for Michael.

Then Gus had suddenly woke up, and Justin was struggling with his emotions when Gus leaped up to his arms. But Justin held it together, barely, but he thought he made a good job restraining his tears.

“Isn't it a little late for you to be still out of bed?” Justin asked the kid in a soft tone but was looking at Lindsay, then Melanie. Why those two thought bringing Gus to the hospital was a good idea, Justin couldn't understand.

“Daddy is hurt, daddy's heart.” Gus whispered looking up at Justin with eyes suddenly heavy with tears.

“Hey, hey-- listen to daddy's heart, Super Gus, daddy will be alright, okay? The doctors are helping him. But now, you should be resting so you will be as tall and strong as daddy. Do you want that?”

Gus nodded enthusiastically. “Yes!” He turned to look at Mel. “I want to sleep now in my bed, mama.”

Mel nodded, looking a little relieved.

Gus turned back to looped his small arms around Justin's neck and kissed his cheeks. “I love you, daddy's heart. Tell daddy I love him, too. Okay?”

Justin bit his lips to stop his eyes from bawling, instead he kissed Gus’ head and whispered, “I'll make sure to tell daddy that. Now, be good for mama Mel.”

Mel came forward to take Gus from Justin, then put him down to the ground. He was getting heavier and Mel was a little afraid to stress herself from carrying Gus, she still wasn't through with her first trimester.

She took Justin to her arms which surprised the both of them, and said, “Nice to see you again, kiddo. I hope it's in better circumstances, but we are here-- so, welcome back.”

Justin smiled and thanked her for her thoughtfulness. Melanie had always liked him.

“We'll be going, everyone. Gus needs to rest. Linds, call me if anything happens, okay?” And without waiting for her wife’s answer, Mel took hold of Gus’ tiny hand and walked away.

But Lindsay ran and stopped her. “Why are you leaving me here, alone?”

Mel looked at her like she just grew another head. “You are not alone, Linds. Everyone is here, and Gus needs to rest. I have told you before that he doesn't need to come here and witnessed all this.”

“Why not? He is Brian's son. His father would want to see him when he woke up.” Lindsay told her.

“I don't think Brian would want Gus to see him in this condition. Don't you realize this can be traumatic to Gus.” Then Melanie suddenly looked a little horrified. 

“God, why I haven't think of that before, why did I agree to bring Gus here when I know it would never be about Gus and Brian-- it's always about you, Linds.” She took a deep breath and looked at Lindsay. 

“I'm bringing Gus home. Whatever plan you have in that blonde head of yours, stop it before you lose everything.”

“Are you threatening me?” Lindsay asked condescendingly.

“Of course, not, dear.” Mel looked back at them and nodded her head once, then they walked away from them heading to the entrance.

“I don't appreciate you telling Gus that his daddy would be okay when we don't know if he's going to be. It's not fair to lie to my son, Justin.” Lindsay said after facing him.

“What do you want me to say to your four years old son? That his daddy is lying on an operating table and being cut opened by the doctors? It's traumatic to a kid his age, Lindsay!” Justin was steaming.

An uncomfortable silence had befallen them, and before anyone could say anything, a voice calling Justin's name was heard coming from their back.

“Mr. Taylor?”

Justin turned to face the caller and found it was the doctor. He slightly raised his arm and walked the short distance to the doctor who was standing near Toby.

“Doctor, how's Brian?” Justin asked.

“Mr. Taylor, I want to talk to you at my office. Please follow me--” The doctor was interrupted by Michael's loud voice.

“Why do you believe his bullshit, he is not Brian's anything! I am his medical proxy, I was the one you talked with two years ago, remember? I was there and not him-- so why are you talking to him and not me?!”

“Mr.--”

“Novotny, Michael Novotny.” He supplied.

“Yes, Mr. Novotny, I remember too well. But, this time is different, Mr. Kinney has a very detailed lists in his wallet. He has an in case of emergency contact list, which is Mr. Taylor. He had a partnership ID and the spouse’s name is Mr. Taylor, as well. So, it was obvious who Mr. Kinney wants to be notified in case of an emergency like this. We learned that Mr. Taylor has Mr. Kinney’s power of attorney and it's all been supplied with documents. So, you see, it's Mr. Taylor that I need to be discussing about Brian's condition. If you'll excuse us… Mr. Taylor, right this way.” The doctor turned his back from the group, expecting Justin to follow. 

They could still hear murmurs from behind, but Justin thought he heard Debbie chastising Michael to stop harassing everyone.

The doctor lead Justin to the door at the end of the hallway. He let Justin passed and they both seated, with the doctor behind the table while Justin sat on the chair facing the doctor.

“Mr. Taylor, I'm Dr. Rodriguez. Mr. Kinney is my patient since his first accident over two years ago. As you know, he has suffered from memory loss and haven't recovered any, yet-- as far as I'm concerned. With this accident, we are more concerned about the effects it would have to his head. Not that we aren't concerned with his other injuries, but because he already took severe trauma to his head and haven't fully recovered from it, yet.”

Justin felt like he was breathing underwater, like a current was pulling him down sinking to the bottom of the sea.

“The thing is, Mr. Taylor, we won't have any idea into what extent his head trauma this time would be, until Brian will wake up from his surgery. Even so, we need him fully out of anesthesia and his pain killers be reduced to properly assess anything regarding his head. One thing that I can gladly tell you right now, is that Brian is out of surgery-- a successful one without complications in and out of the operating table. He's not in coma and we are strictly monitoring if he needed for a drug induce one, but as of this moment, we don't see the need to do it.”

Justin was listening intently, he wanted to understand everything.

“They are transferring him to ICU after his recovery time in roughly an hour. You can stay with him, but I only recommend you for now, until we can fully assess Mr. Kinney’s head. We don't want to stress the patient more than he already is.”

Justin was so relieved that he could get to be with his partner.

“What are his other injuries, doc? I mean apart from his head and damaged spleen.”

“He has a left shoulder and arm contusions, the lateral end if his clavicle was dislocated but it didn't need a surgery to fix it. It will heal in its own time. Mr. Kinney should take it easy for 2 weeks, and the recovery time for healing is 4 to 6 weeks.”

Justin nodded, preparing himself living in hospital rooms because he wasn't going to leave Brian. Not this time, not ever again.

“Mr. Taylor, can I ask some questions not relating to Mr. Kinney’s accident?” The doctor looked at him.

“Uh--sure. What do you want to know?” Justin asked, a little curious about what the doctor was about to ask.

“Do you know Mr. Kinney before his first accident?”

Justin looked at Dr. Rodriguez for a while and nodded.

“Yeah, we were together but we have broken up before his accident. And…” Justin trailed off, looking down to his hands on his lap.

“You were banned from getting to him.” The doctor knowingly said.

Justin nodded. “I couldn't do anything… I mean, I guess, I could but-- I messed up everything, I was messed up. I let Michael get into my head and… I thought, I really thought I was doing Brian a favor by staying away. Now I know that it was a mistake, a big mistake. A mistake that I seemed to always do.”

“I'm not here to judge, God knows how I messed up with my marriage. We all messed up once or twice in our life. It's part of the process, but Justin-- may I call you, Justin?” When Justin nodded, Dr. Rodriguez continued, “I was reviewing Mr. Kinney’s old file, just to freshen my knowledge. I came with the paramedics’ report about that night. It was noted that Mr. Kinney was calling for a name-- Justin-- over and over again when he woke up a bit while being transported here, he was completely unconscious just before they arrived.”

Justin bit his lips, trying not to succumb to his emotions.

“Tonight, it was almost the same, he was unconscious when the help arrived, but woke up for twenty seconds or less while they were transporting him here, and he was calling the same name for that little time he was conscious. It's safe to say that Mr. Kinney was calling your name.”

Justin had to clench his jaw to keep himself from having a nervous breakdown in front of the doctor.

“What I want to tell you, and I don't have a proof for this, yet. But I'm inclined into thinking that Mr. Kinney’s recovery for his initial trauma was compromised. I have explained it to Mr. Novotny before. The patient couldn't have too much information especially when the information wasn't right or true. It would cause false memory and inaccuracies, sometimes it would have a severe irreversible effects. It's human brain, so hard to explain and with Brian, he didn't have even a flash of memory for the last two years and a half-- not a single one, that's why I reckoned that it might have been compromised. I can also be wrong.”

Dr. Rodriguez leaned forward on his table bringing his twined hands in front of him.

“I recommended a therapist before I discharged him, but he never did seek for one. I talked to Mr. Novotny, too and he said it was up to Brian if he wanted to have one. I may be overstepping here, but I sense he has too much influence over Mr. Kinney. I just want him to try doing the therapy, open up something… anything, to someone who knows how to help, psychologically speaking. I think something is keeping his memory locked. Might be from the physical trauma his head had suffered or from the emotional one, that subconsciously, he wanted to personally forget. As I told you, it's human brain, very unique and complex.”

“Doc, I want to help, Brian, in anyway that I can. But, trying is the only way with Brian and that is the only thing that I can promise.”

“That's the only answer that I'm hoping for, Justin.”

“Can I ask something, doc?”

“Sure.”

“What irreversible effects are you talking about a while ago, I mean-- when Brian was being influenced by others to cause false memory, what would it do to Brian in a long run?”

“It would be hard for his brain to separate the real memory to the false one, causing it to be hard for him to know the accuracy of his memory, it will do something to his psych, leaving him doubting everything. Some wouldn't remember anything again, or just parts of it. But because Mr. Kinney still hasn't remember a thing from his eleven years, we are still in the blanks about the extent of negative effects of the false informations, if there was any.” The doctor was looking at Justin like he knew that there was.

“When was the last time Brian had seen you, I mean does he still have any follow up appointments?”

“Appointments are confidential, but-- yes, he still have a six months check ups. The last time, he seemed smiley and happy. But he told me for the first time how scared he was if he wouldn't retrieve his memory. He was physically fine, almost perfect actually. No lasting side effects from his past traumas, well, except for the amnesia.”

“Dr. Rodriguez, thank you so much for giving me the time to explain everything. I would like to see Brian when he settled in ICU. I want to ask if there's anyway that I can sit with him through the night?”

“Okay, I will instruct the nurse to give you a cot in the room. I don't think Brian needed to be in there for long, but we'd monitor him for 24 hours. If the result is good and promising, we can transfer him to a regular room. You will have a more comfortable cot over there. That time we can start our assessment on his head.”

Justin thanked the good doctor again, they shook hands and he was being led to the ICU waiting room.

“I think, it's best for you to wait here. The nurse will tell you when Mr. Kinney is all settled in.”

Justin nodded and patiently waited for the nurse to bring him to Brian. He texted Nathan that he was already in ICU waiting room and the doctor would not allow any visitors until Brian would be in regular room. He asked Nathan to tell the others about it.

Nathan didn't reply until almost fifteen minutes. His message was about Michael going hysterical learning about the restrictions of visitors in ICU. He was finally got thrown out by the security and had a warning for his next visits. The others had walked out with him.

Lindsay was shouting with Mel on the phone, but left the hospital after talking to her.

Nathan said, he would be available anytime Justin needed anything, legal matters or not. Justin thanked him for his big help, he was so relieved that Brian had a presence of mind when it came to matters like this.

When the nurse came and brought him to Brian's room, Justin was trying his best to collect himself. Brian needed him, he needed someone who he could lean on and not the other way around.

Justin bit his lower lip as he enters the room, it was a bit dim, but eerily quiet. Brian looked okay, in a sense where he didn't have any cuts and bruises except for the one on his forehead. His shoulder was wrapped with bandages, there was also one on his upper abdomen. But other than that, there were no more visible physical injuries.

But then it was the psychological one that they were all most worried about. And no one could even determined the extent of the damage this time, not until Brian was clear from anesthesia and pain killers.

Justin tentatively held the hand that was on the side of the bed, it was warm. He couldn't help leaning down and kissing it as gentle as he could. When his tears fell down, he quickly wiped it and ran his hand on his partner's arm instead.

“You can do it, Brian. This time, you have me by your side and we will do it together. We can get through this together. I'm here, your mo chroí, and I'll never leave you again.” Justin whispered.

Yeah, he would never do what he did the first time Brian had an accident. He gave up on him easily, but not because he didn't love him anymore, it was because of the shame he was feeling. The guilt for cheating on him, then the regrets of hurting him again just hours before the car accident. Everything just crashed on him all at the same time and he gave up from the pressure of handling it.

Then Michael came in the inopportune time when he was already feeling so down and full of guilts.

The night of Brian's first accident was the night Justin had made the second mistake of his life, he chose to hurt Brian again. Few hours before his car crashed, Justin was in a position where he could have rightened the mistake he did by leaving Brian for Ethan, but for some reasons-- Justin turned his back on him and left Brian so broken and hurt… yet again.

 

Justin thought he could find what he wanted by being with someone who was opened with their feelings, expressing it freely and openly, showing him with gestures and words. In the beginning he thought it was great, it was perfect, and maybe it really was.

He found out that it felt really good when someone gave him attention and romance him without fearing it would backfire tenfold when the guy came to realize that he made something that he wasn't supposed to do. It felt great just to be treated like you are the only one in his life, that your opinion matters and your presence was appreciated.

Justin lived through it, waking up with a flower on his chest, breakfast in bed and picnics on the roof with the moon and stars the only light shining on them. But somehow, something was missing, he was blissfully happy living his dream romantic life, but it still felt so hollow.

As the weeks went by, Justin was missing everyone so much, especially Brian. He had quit the diner the day after the Rage party when Michael cornered him, and told him that he wasn't wanted anymore. Michael told him that it was best if he wouldn't show his face anywhere they frequented. Justin had his chance with Brian but chose to fuck him over, cheated and lied on, and Brian would never forgive him for embarrassing him like that.

When Justin went home that night, he thought so long and hard. At the end, he decided that Michael was right. Brian had never promised him anything and always told him the door had no locks. Justin couldn't handle his emotions from the lack of one from Brian. It wasn't Brian's fault that he didn't show or tell Justin what he wanted to hear, he was just Brian being Brian-- Justin got prisoner by his own emotions and his young mind and being inexperienced, leading him to this new phase of his life.

Justin loved Brian so much, so much that it still ached when he remembered them together. He was in bed with another man, instead of being with the one that he loved the most. But he already made the decision and Justin had already broken his and Brian's relationship apart in a quest for the romance that he longed to have. 

He couldn't waste the sacrifices he did of breaking up with Brian, and so he needed his relationship with Ethan to prosper, he needed it to last.

And he decided to just cut his Liberty Avenue family off. He came to the scene because of Brian, and now that they weren't together anymore, he would just disappear like he wasn't even there at all. It wasn't the best way to deal with his heartache, to deal with being apart from Brian, but it was too hard for Justin to be around them and around Brian when he knew he couldn't even hold the man’s hand or kiss his lips anymore. It would be hard to get used to his new life with Ethan when he would still surround himself to the life that he had for almost two years.

That was when he decided to quit the diner, change his number and didn't go to any place where he knew the gangs could be there. A clean break up was what he needed.

But as weeks went by, he missed Brian even more than he thought possible. Then his semester was almost finished and the bursar’s office was ready to ask for the next one. He knew he couldn't afford the tuition anymore and he really didn't want to stop his studies either.

A week later, he went to talk to the bursar's officer, asking how he could have some financial aid.

But the officer had told him he didn't have to worry about his tuition the next semester, it was already been paid, in full.

Justin hadn't expected that. Brian couldn't possibly pay for his tuition, not when he wasn't with him anymore. He didn't want Brian to do that, but what choices did Justin had?

This was a huge deal for Justin, something that he couldn't just overlook or shrugged off. He wanted to thank Brian personally and thought to pay him a visit.

It had been just a month since he last stepped on the loft building. It was a long one month, but Justin had survived. He was so nervous, and prayed that Brian was at least alone.

It was eight in the evening and he knew Brian was still in his home, it was still early for Babylon, even for Woody's, but he didn't see his jeep down there. He knocked on the metal door and try to hear from inside if he was in there, and after his second knocking, the lock was released and the door had slid open.

Brian's face registered a bit shock, but he immediately covered it and gestured his hand for Justin to come inside.

“Hey, Brian.” He greeted.

“Hey, sunshine. What makes you visit my humble abode?” Brian asked while walking to the kitchen and took two bottles of water from the fridge. He settled it on the kitchen island, while Justin sat on one stool.

“Brian, I just want to say thank you. You don't have to, you know-- but I'm not in the position to turn anything down. I guess, I just want you to know how grateful I am.” Justin bit his lip.

Brian didn't say anything for a while, he just nodded and looked at Justin thoughtfully. 

“How are you?” He suddenly asked that made Justin looked up at him in surprise.

“I'm good.” He answered and absently worried his lips.

“You will not ask me how was I?” Brian asked, a small smile curving his lips. He walked from the other side of the island to the stool next to Justin.

“So rude of me, sorry, so-- how are you?” Justin chortled, feeling a little bit at ease.

“I've been good.” Brian said in his low voice, looking at Justin's lips intently.

The next thing that happened was something that Justin hadn't known who initiated. They could have moved together meeting halfway, or maybe it was him who leaned forward or maybe it was Brian. But what Justin did know, they were both clawing at their clothes and kissing each other like they hadn't kissed in forever. And in a manner of speaking, yes, they hadn't kissed in forever.

In just minutes, Brian was inside him, furiously thrusting into his quirking hole. Justin locked his feet together at Brian's back, moving against Brian to make the penetration even more deeper.

Brian was growling and was kissing him nonstop, it was so animalistic, and Justin was so out of it. He had missed this, he was missing Brian, he never even thought he could have this again.

Just two nights ago, Ethan had surprised him with a roof picnic once again, the weather in June was just right, and they were lying cuddled up together after eating some cheese and crackers. But Justin closed his eyes and imagined it was Brian who was holding him instead. He smiled and soaked at the feeling of being in Brian's arms-- even just in his own mind.

But now, he was here being pounded by Brian, and it was real, it wasn't some phantom dream that would be gone as he opened his eyes.

Brian moaned into his mouth again, moaning his name while nipping on his lips. He was sure he would be sore all over but it was pure heaven and Justin didn't want it to end.

When they both came, panting into each other's mouths, Justin kept his arms locked on Brian's back, not wanting to be disconnected. 

After a while, when Brian really needed to pull out, he just threw the condom off and proceeded to kiss Justin again. Justin answered back with his own ferocity and decided to roll them over and ride Brian's cock for their second round of hot steamy sex.

After couple of hours, they were both catching up with their breaths and just lying next to each other. Justin was contemplating standing up and leave before Brian could throw him out, he didn't think Brian would do that, but he didn't want to stay and find out for himself.

But before he could do anything, the phone rang on the counter at the kitchen. Brian ignored it, but when it went to voicemail, Michael's voice came out loud and clear.

“Briaannn, where are you?” They could hear the loud thumpa thumpa of Babylon at the background. “I have been waiting for an hour. Did you find a trick and fucking him right now?” Justin stiffened after hearing that. “If you are, well, fuck him fast and hard then throw him out. Ten minutes, Brian, I'm waiting for only ten minutes. Bye.”

The tension that suddenly surrounded them had been thicker than the molasses. Justin cleared his throat and sat up, smiling a little at Brian.

“I guess, I have to go.” He said, then without waiting for anything-- not like he expected Brian to do anything-- he walked down to the stairs and picked up his clothes. Brian was quiet when he was dressing up.

He returned to the bedroom, all dressed up and leaned down to kiss Brian's cheek one more time. “Thank you, again.”

Then he was gone.

Justin didn't sleep that whole night, and he was missing Daphne terribly. She was really great with advice, and Justin thought that he needed one so badly.

He went on with his life after that night, and it was harder after he had felt how great it was being with Brian again. But he knew not to crave for it, he knew it was something that he couldn't have again.

The call had come after a week of going to the loft. Justin was staring at his phone while standing on a curb in front of the restaurant that he was working, trying not to think that he was going crazy. He answered it after the fifth ring.

“Brian…?” He asked tentatively.

“Why so surprised?” Brian answered in lieu of the greetings.

“I don't know, maybe because I don't know how you get my phone number?”

“Oh, that. Between the second and third round.” Brian said sounding amused.

“What?” Justin was out of the loop.

“I called my phone using yours when you went to pee after our second fuck.”

God, Brian knew how to torture him.

“Okay. So, why are you calling me?”

“You look hot when you are confused.” Was what the answer came.

“Brian, what are you talking about?” Justin was really confused.

“Look to your right, 2 o'clock.” 

When Justin did, Brian waved from inside a corvette that Justin didn't even know that he had. He walked to the car’s direction and said to the phone, “Nice ride.”

“You like it?” Came the proud voice of Brian.

“Sexy, yeah. But I'm all for comfort.”

“Bummer.” Justin chuckled at Brian's answer.

Then Justin ended the call as he opened the car’s passenger door and slid inside.

“Hey.” Justin greeted.

“Hey yourself.” Brian answered while gunning the engine and within minutes he was driving to the loft.

There were no words necessary, and Justin didn't care if what was happening with him and Brian was so wrong in any sense. He just wanted to feel Brian again, if this was the last time, he wanted it to commit to his memory.

They fucked three times in just over two hours, then Justin got dressed to get home. Brian told him he would give him a ride and didn't give Justin the chance to refuse.

Brian didn't say anything when they arrived at his neighborhood, and Justin honestly didn't want to hear any mocking from him.

They parted without any words, just like how they got together hours before. Words were overrated, Justin thought.

The next meeting was through a text message, it was three days after the last one, it only said, ‘Marriott. R1125.1800H.’

They had a feast that night, both with foods and fucks, and Justin loved that Brian let him to top-- not once but twice in one night. He went home the next morning, all sore but blissful.

They had been seeing frequently after that, almost every other day for couple of hours, and sometimes they spent the Saturday night at a hotel. Ethan was starting to question about his whereabouts and the tension in their apartment was high especially when he would be gone the whole night. Justin made sure to limit their nights at the hotel, which he felt Brian wanted them to have more.

After almost two months of seeing each other secretly, Brian asked Justin for a whole Saturday night and Sunday morning at Four Season. Justin had been a little hesitant to agree due to the fact that Ethan would bite his head off for another overnight sleep.

As predicted, Ethan had yelled when Justin told him he needed to finish a painting that night. Ethan had told him that he was suspecting Justin was screwing behind his back, and when Justin answered that he couldn't control Ethan’s mind, Ethan told him to be careful.

“What do you mean? Are you threatening me?”

Ethan looked at him, eyes becoming soft as he sat on their bed.

“I'm not. What I mean, if you are thinking of going back to Brian, just think of the reasons why you've chosen me in the first place.” Ethan ran his fingers on his curly locks, “He will not change, Justin. Not for anyone, not even for you. You will just keep this cycle over and over again, because Brian will always be Brian.”

“I'm not--”

“I can't tell you what to do, or what to think. I love you, Justin, and I want to give everything that I can to make you stay with me. I'll continue loving you until you want me to, just you and me, Justin. You don't have to worry about going home to a trick in our home, no emotional stress, no best friends interference, no other people will come before you. That's what I can give you, Justin.

“Go and paint or whatever you have to do tonight. But please, make this night be the time to question yourself of what you really want. I will be here, right here, waiting for you.”

Justin left their apartment in a daze. Ethan had a point, he was right when it came to those things about Brian. He had hit it right into the core of his problems when he was with Brian leading to the night that he left. And everyone knew, Justin knew that Brian would never give those things to him, he would never give up the life that he was living for so long-- not for Justin. He was in love, and still in love with Brian, the sex was phenomenal but the time that he would get fed up again from the lack of emotions from Brian or the non stop tricking was sadly imminent.

He walked the hallway of the Four Season to their room, his mind was still occupied. He knew he couldn't keep doing this, he shouldn't keep doing this to himself, but Justin couldn't stay away.

When he was about to knock on the door, it suddenly opened in front of him. A waiter in uniform was coming out of the room, he was tall with tanned skin-- just how Brian liked his men, he looked at Justin for a second then smirked at him.

“Are you the next one?” Justin didn't answer, he just caught the door before it closed on him. “Good luck, I hope you lubed up so well, he could tear you-- he is huge and rough as fuck.” The guy smirked, then turned to leave.

Justin felt like someone had punched him in the gut as he pushed the door wide open.

“I thought I told you to get your ass out of he-- oh, hey. I thought I could still hear that asshole waiter.” Brian was coming out of the bedroom door of the hotel suite. He was only in his wife beater and faded jeans, unbuttoned.

Justin closed the door quietly while Brian looped his arms on his chest from behind, kissing his nape and sniffing his scent there. Brian always loved his neck.

“You're a little late.” He whispered, but he didn't let Justin say anything and attacked his neck intensely. “Hmm, I missed you.”

Justin wanted to cry at that moment, how could Brian hurt him and made him happy all at the same time. He loved to hear him saying he missed Justin, but his head was screaming, ‘You didn't seem to miss me that much, you just had your appetizer minutes before I came.’

Brian knew that he was coming, he was late by ten minutes and Brian couldn't even keep his cock that long while waiting for him.

If Justin was in his right mind, though, he'd know that Brian was clear with any human scent that wasn't his own. But Justin wasn't thinking so well.

Brian fucked him in front of the fireplace in the living room of the suite. It was an elegant and luxurious suite, but Justin couldn't even appreciate it, his head was so messed up.

“I know you're hungry, and I ordered some dinner. It's on the dining table. Wanna eat?” Brian asked while running his hand on Justin's arm. 

Justin looked up at him, he smiled a little, then nodded. Brian helped him to stand and lead him to the food that was still covered with steel dome cover. They ate the meals in silence and Justin hadn't said a word since he stepped into the room. Brian kept on glancing at him.

They showered afterwards, and Brian fucked him against the shower wall. Then they proceeded to the bed and Brian handed him a condom and told him that he wanted Justin's dick up his ass, then kissed Justin's lips so fervently.

After three hours and three fucks later, Brian's breathing had began to get even. He started to have that sound in his nose when he was asleep and Justin wiggled his way out of Brian's hold. He perused the fluffy bathrobe and went to the living room, standing in front of the glass windows.

It was lights all over Pittsburgh, and in late August, the weather was hot. It seemed to be the opposite of how he was feeling inside. He was cold, ever since he left Brian for Ethan, he felt so cold inside. But the pain he had endured just to be with Brian was an avalanche compared to the cold he had at that moment. He had a glimpse a while ago with the waiter of what it was like or what it could be when he kept on doing this. Justin wouldn't survive the next time Brian would push him off of his cliff.

Arms to his chest had startled Justin. Brian pulled him closer to his body and bit his ear.

“What are you doing out here, Sunshine?” He whispered.

“Nothing, just-- I just can't sleep, that's all.” He said the first words he uttered that evening.

Brian kissed his neck, he had really, really, loved his neck.

“I have something for you.” Brian's whispered, nipping on the juncture of his shoulder.

Justin turned his head a little to meet Brian's eyes, and asked, “What?”

He released his hands from Justin, walking to his briefcase that was lying on a credenza. He pulled out an envelope and gave it to Justin.

Justin found two tickets to Hawaii two days from that day, he looked up curiously at Brian.

“I thought that it's time for us to have that vacation. It's for a week of fun under the sun, and under me.” He took Justin to his arms and kiss his ear again. “When we come back, we can move your things back to the loft again.”

Justin felt like dying. This wasn't happening to him. Didn't Brian know that he was killing him inside? That he was hurting Justin knowing he desperately wanted to get back with Brian, but common sense said it was just a disaster and heartache waiting to happen.

Brian was saying he wanted him back, this was his grand gesture of showing him he wanted them together again. Justin desperately wanted Brian back, but he honestly thought that he couldn't do it again. He was already broken, any more damage to his heart would surely end him.

He couldn't begrudge Brian on how he lived his life, it wasn't his fault that Justin couldn't deal with it. And so, he had decided, “I can't, Brian… I can't come with you.”

Brian stiffened for split second, then released him from his arms. He looked at Justin with pain in his eyes.

“Justin…” He trailed off, seemed to be speechless to what he wanted to say.

“Brian, I love you so much. You know how much I love you…” Justin's eyes had begun to tear up. “I understand you, I'm beginning to understand you and I respect what life you wanted to live. Please, understand me, too. Understand where I'm coming from.”

Justin bravely looked up at Brian and saw him clenched his jaw and was blinking rapidly. He knew Brian was in an unknown territory and would soon lash out on him. Justin was so sure he was so close on doing his pain management.

“Brian…” Justin tried to say.

“Shut up. Don't talk anymore.” He calmly said, too calm that Justin felt a shiver down his spine.

“Okay. I should leave.” He whispered and turned to get his clothes near the door. He quickly put it on, and looked back at Brian who was looking out the window like what he had done just minutes ago.

Justin walked up to him and hugged him from behind. This was it, this was the last time he would be with Brian and he wanted to tell him how much he loved him.

Brian didn't react, he just stood there with the envelope still on his hand, he didn't hug Justin back. Brian also knew that this was it. He had hurt Justin so much that he chose to be with the fiddler than going back to him. He had lost Justin forever.

“I love you, Brian. I love you so much.”

Brian let out a painful breath but still didn't move.

“I love you.” Justin whispered again, and turned to leave.

They were both thinking that what people say about love not being enough was true. Sometimes, people could love someone so much, but it wouldn't matter if one of them wasn't willing to take the risks. Justin chose the safer one and left the more complicated one, mind over heart. 

***

Brian remained standing in front of the window until he knew he could walk without his knees giving away. He put the envelope back to his briefcase and pocketed his wallet and keys. Then he left the suite without a backward glance.

He went home to his loft and placed his briefcase on the counter. He took the tickets out and went to crouch down on the floor by the stairs. He slid the last step forward exposing the secret compartment and taking the box out of it.

He opened the lid and placed the tickets inside. Brian closed the lid back and put it onto the compartment again.

He went to the kitchen after and drank half a bottle of water. Brian didn't expect that Justin would reject him, he honestly thought he would be happy to get back together. He knew Justin still loved him, he could see it, he could feel it. But his fear had stopped him from coming back, he instead, ran back to his fiddler for safety and his sanity.

Brian knew he was a hard person to love and to live with. But he knew that Justin would be it for him and he was his only chance on having a happy life with someone. He guessed, he could have made some promises to Justin, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't promised Justin something that Brian didn't know if he could keep.

But it hurts, it hurts to the point he couldn't breathe. It was like having a chest pain and it pained him to even let the air into his system.

He took his car keys back from where he threw at the counter. Then he left the loft without any destination in mind. He drove the streets of Pittsburgh at midnight, and Brian was stepping on the gas a little harder than he should have.

When he crossed the highway, his mind went back to Justin. The man that he loved, yeah, he loved Justin. He knew he loved the young man and he was also aware that he would not loved anyone like he loved Justin. Brian didn't know how to go on from this, he knew how hard it was when Justin left him for the fiddler. 

Justin told him before leaving that evening that he loved Brian so much. It was his fear that actually stopped him from coming back to him. 

So, what's good in living if he would suffer the rest of his existence wallowing in pain, when he could have had the one person in his life that could make his life worth living?

Brian was honestly tormented. Because after all these pride and egos, the no regret no apologies, it was still Justin who made him whole. He was the only one who he loved and if he was being honest, Justin was the only one who loved him so real. He really wanted Justin back.

The truth was, Justin had never outright demanded him for something. He just wanted to feel like he mattered and that Brian would at least made him feel that he was worth fighting for. And Justin was more than worth to give the things he deserved.

Brian only needed some changes, the same thing that Justin did for him when they were still together. Why was it so hard for him to do it? Did Brian needed more life threatening accident to finally wake up? Did Justin's bashing and his near death on that operating table wasn't enough wake up call? Did he really wanted to regret not getting Justin back before it was too late?

Brian felt his eyes were stinging with tears, but he quickly slowed down to make a U-turn. He'd go to Justin and Ethan’s apartment. He was going to talk to Justin again, he'd make sure to make Justin understand that Brian would do anything for him. That he was ready to fight for him.

With renewed determination, he stepped on the gas to get to Justin's new place, a place that always worried Brian for Justin's safety. 

He didn't know he drove so far away from downtown Pittsburgh and had to exit from the freeway, but before he could change lanes, a speeding sports car appeared to overtake him from his right. Brian had to quickly maneuver the steering wheel counterclockwise, but from the speed that he was taking, the brakes were just too late to completely halt the car and to keep it from colliding with the concrete barriers on his left.

Brian's Vette was totaled from the front, it had gotten most of the impact, though, saving Brian from more injuries.

***

Justin went home from the hotel with heavy heart, he walked all the way to his apartment and used the time to contemplate on what he just did with Brian inside that hotel suite.

Brian had practically asked him to take him back again, showing whatever had happened, despite Justin's cheating issues, he still wanted to be with him. And god knows how much Justin wanted to go back crawling into Brian's arms. It was obvious from the way he was seeing him secretly, cheating on Ethan, and putting his heart on the line again.

But he was just so confused, and so messed up that he couldn't even think clearly. He knew in his heart that he loved Brian more than anything in this world, but he couldn't give him the things and the future that Justin always dreamed about.

But was it really that important to have your dreams be fulfilled? Was it important enough that it wouldn't matter fulfilling it with someone that wasn't the love of your life? Would that still be considered fulfilled dreams when the one that you've been dreaming to be with wasn't part of the future you've been considering?

He opened the apartment with red rimmed eyes. Ethan looked up from the table he was reading, and broke out into a relieved smile. The happiness he felt was radiating from his body.

But Justin didn't say anything, he just walked up to their room and toed off his shoes. Ethan came to the room and hugged Justin from behind. Justin shivered from the memory of that evening, Brian hugging him from behind and kissing his neck, whispering he missed him.

But then Ethan moved his hand to the front of Justin's pants and biting on his neck. Justin felt like throwing up, he felt dizzy thinking what he had left on that hotel room, how he had hurt the man that he professed to love and turned his back on him in fear that he couldn't handle the future with him.

Then, his mind went back to the man licking and sucking on his neck, the one who was stroking his dick inside his pants. Could he really see himself being with Ethan for all his life? Ten years? Twenty years?

Did he really just chose Ethan over Brian, the man who would forever be in his heart, no matter what?

“Ethan, no-- not tonight…” He said, moving away from the man.

“Justin…”

“No-- God! I'm so stupid…” He said to himself, his eyes were watering again. “I can't believe I said that to him.”

“What? You said what? What are you talking about?” Ethan asked confusedly.

Justin looked up at him, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “This is a mistake, Ethan. I would never be happy with you. I made my biggest mistake when I first left Brian for you, for romance and shit. Tonight…” Justin sat on the end of the bed, “... God, tonight, I make an even bigger one by refusing to come back to him.”

“So, you've been cheating on me, like you've been cheating on Brian before? I knew it, but I gave you the chance to see what's the best option for you, Justin, because I love you. I have promised to give you the life that Brian couldn't give you.” Ethan said in an angry voice. 

Justin couldn't blame him, he was angry with himself, too. He was so selfish screwing these two men's lives just because of some fantasy and teenage dreams.

“I'm sorry, Ethan. I'm really, sorry.” He croaked out.

With that, he put his shoes back on and left the apartment once again.

He took the bus to the downtown again and walked the rest of the way to the Four Season at one o'clock in the morning.

When he arrived, he asked the front desk to ring the suite room that Brian was in, he wasn't answering his cellphone when Justin called him from the bus. The lady on the counter had told him Mr. Kinney had checked out about an hour ago. 

Justin felt like the sky had dropped onto his head, surely Brian was in his pain management mode already. It was his way to forget about anything that hurt him.

Justin walked all the way to the loft, it was two in the morning when he arrived at the building and punched in the code. He took the steps two at a time and knocked on the metal door when he reached Brian's floor.

There were no answer, and Justin was sure Brian was at Babylon. He could be back soon, though, and Justin didn't care if he had someone with him.

He sat with his back to the door, and for some reason he had drifted off right there.

He was being awakened with a screeching voice from the stairs, Justin had leaped up from the floor, “What the fuck are you doing here, you cheating piece of shit?”

It was Michael, great. Justin had dodged him every time he was with Brian in his loft for over two months. But now, he guessed, he couldn't escape him anymore.

“I'm waiting for Brian.” He said.

Michael put his hands on his hips, “You don't have any business with him anymore, so fuck off.”

“I don't care what you say. I'm here for, Brian, not you.”

“Well, you're gonna starve and die of hunger waiting for him. I'd say, good riddance.”

That perked his ears up, “What do you mean? Where's Brian?” He nervously asked.

Michael looked thoughtful for a while and Justin just noticed how disheveled he looked like. Michael's eyes were red rimmed, too.

“Michael, where's Brian?” He held onto Michael's arm that roughly shrugged him off.

“None of your business. Now, could you get out, so I can do what I'm supposed to be doing?” He snarkily said.

“Michael…” He tried again.

“If you will not back off, I'm calling the police.” Michael threatened.

“Please…” Justin was already dying inside. He knew something had happened to Brian.

“Out, now!” Justin stood aside, but didn't move away like Michael ordered. “I'm calling the police.” 

Michael was simmering and dialed his phone. Then he said, “Yeah, 911. I'm calling to report someone… He's in my best friend's loft and trying to get inside… no he is outside… but my friend is not here and I told him to go… I'm here for some papers he needed… I have my own keys… I told him that my friend is not going to come home but he refused to listen… Okay, they are two minutes away? Perfect.” Then he ended the call.

“Michael…” Justin started to plead.

“Explain to the cop, you little shit.” He said condescendingly.

Michael opened Brian's door to buzz the cops, but closed it again and stayed outside the door.

“What's the problem here?” One of the two cops asked them even before coming up from the last flight of stairs.

“Officer, I'm Justin Taylor, I just came to talk to my ex-boyfriend. He is the owner of the loft.” Justin tried to calmly explain. But his inside was shattering, not knowing what had happened to Brian.

“And you are?” He asked Michael.

“Michael Novotny, I'm Brian Kinney’s best friend. I found him lurking outside Brian's loft. I told him to go, but he won't listen, Brian doesn't want him here, he stalked my friend for so long.”

“Mr. Taylor, why are you lurking outside Mr. Kinney's home? I guess you know he wasn't home, right?”

Justin nodded, “Yeah, but I was hoping he'd be coming home from where he was. I just need to talk to him, it's personal, officers.”

“Mr. Novotny, why are you here?” The other cop asked.

“I'm getting some important documents for Brian. I told him Brian is not coming home, but he is so stupid to understand what I said.” Michael crossed his arms on his chest.

“So, you thought it would be a good idea to call the police?” Asked the older one who looked so annoyed.

“He wouldn't listen!” Michael defended.

“Did you see him forcing an entry to the loft? Vaughn, check the lock of the door.” The man asked his partner, who checked the door thoroughly.

“Everything's good. No evidence of forced entry.” Vaughn confirmed.

“But he could have a key, he once had them.” Michael said, giving Justin the side eyes.

“What were you doing when Mr. Novotny found you, Mr. Taylor?”

“I drifted off sitting there…” Justin pointed to the ground on the door. “I was waiting for Brian to come home.”

“Do you have a key to the place?” Vaughn asked.

“Before, but I gave it back to Brian when I moved out from here.”

“I suggest to keep misunderstanding like this to solve it on your own. We don't need to waste our time on small things that can be dealt in civilized manner. You understood, Mr. Novotny, Mr. Taylor?” When they both nodded, the officer continued. “Now, you go do what you need to do, Mr. Novotny, and we will calmly escort you out of the building, Mr. Taylor. You perhaps, can talk to your ex-boyfriend later today. Would that be good to all parties?”

Both Michael and Justin nodded their agreement, and Justin went out of the building with the cops.

Justin walked the streets of Liberty avenue, it had been so long since he stepped on it. But the glitz and glamour of it was being ignored, his mind was still on Brian and what could have been happening to him.

Michael surely wasn't there for a visit and he certainly knew Brian wasn't there. He mentioned about getting some important papers that Brian needed.

So, where was Brian? He tried calling again but he wasn't answering.

With heavy heart, he turned and walked to find a motel to sleep for that night. He just pray to God that Brian was in safety. Whatever had happened and whatever would happen to them, he just wished Brian was thinking of him, that somehow and some ways, Justin would be in his heart as Brian would be in his until his last breath.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a warning for this chapter, folks.
> 
> This chapter contains an explicit F/F and F/M pairings. So read at your own risks. For some, scroll down button may just be your friend today, or else, you may want to buy some bleach before reading:)
> 
> Also, this chapter is in Lindsay's POV.
> 
> Thank you all for the reviews and Feedbacks. I loved reading them, it may take me awhile to respond, know that I treasure each one of them.
> 
> And… Two chapters more to go:)

Lindsay was livid, she couldn't believe Justin just swept in again. He came out of nowhere and now proclaiming to be Brian's legal partner. When did it happen? Michael didn't seem to know about it, too.

The lawyer, Nathan, had told them that Justin was already in Brian's room, staying the night. The doctors wouldn't allow anyone but him to see and stay with Brian.

Gus should be allowed too, he was Brian's flesh and blood, for god sake, and she was Gus’ mother. But Melanie just have to get him home even when Lindsay didn't want them to.

She tried to call Mel and woke her up, shouting to bring Gus back to the hospital again. Mel refused and tried explaining that kids weren't allowed in some units like ICU, and even if it was allowed, it wasn't good for Gus to see his father in a state like Brian was in. 

Furthermore, the kid was resting, he was already stressed out from being at the hospital for hours thinking that his daddy was hurt. And it was way past visiting hours. 

But Lindsay was insistent and told her that she'd make sure they would allow them entrance to Brian's room. Gus should be there for his father.

“Linds, please, just come home. Brian has Justin to take care of him, that's what partners do. Gus and I need you. We can go back there tomorrow to check on Brian, I'm sure they'll let us visit when he isn't in a critical condition anymore. Please, just come home, Linds.” Lindsay heard something in her wife’s voice, something that she hadn't heard before.

Mel was sounding sad and hurt, the pain in her voice almost made her weep. Lindsay was immobilized for minutes, she heard Mel letting out a shaky deep breath and something had thawed on her icy chest.

What was she doing to them? Why was she trying to mess her life, and in process, Mel’s, the new baby and Gus’ lives, too?

Why was she trying to make her Peter lived in Never NeverLand, a place where no one grows up, where it was Wendy who had Peter? Peter might once wanted to stay there, but now, not anymore. 

She had tried to stop Brian from growing up before, and she had succeeded immensely. She honestly hadn't expected him to be so amazed by the glitz and glamour of the elitist. He had basked in all the attentions he got and made it his mission to be one of the people to be looked up to.

Brian was always aloof and reserved. She first saw him when she was meeting a friend at the library. Her friend was returning books that she had forgotten she borrowed from few months back. Lindsay knew the assistant librarian and her friend wanted her to talk her out from getting fined. 

The assistant librarian had agreed, but not without a condition. Because it was the last day of semester, she needed a hand to keep the books in order. She told Lindsay's friend to tidy the Science and History sections, then she's off the hook. Lindsay told her that she'd wait on one of the tables.

In just few minutes of leafing through a Health magazine, Lindsay had noticed a gorgeous guy sitting three tables away from her. The guy was the definition of Greek god, with jaw so strong, his nose was regal and eyes so hypnotizing.

She didn't realize she was staring until the guy looked at her in amusement with his mischievous eyes. He arched an eyebrow at her, then looked back down to what he was reading.

Lindsay was so frustrated that the guy didn't look at her again, not even a glance, a nod, a flirty look-- she tried making a little sound like clearing her throat, bumping her shoes to the other chair-- but no, he didn't give her anymore attention. Why was he even studying when it was the last day of semester? 

He was contemplating going to approach the guy, maybe he just wanted to be chased by girls or didn't want to be seen so eager. But Lindsay didn't get a vibe that the guy was like those hypocrites and self centered men in the circle that her family brought her to all the time.

When she made up her mind to just eat her pride and approached the guy, her friend had shown up and yanked her out of the library.

She was trying to tell her friend that she needed to talk to the guy first, but she didn't want to stay at the library one more minute. Actually, they both didn't use the library that much. Lindsay had visited it for just a couple of times for the whole semester, but the guy looked so homey there.

Lindsay had tried coming back the next day, she tried sitting at the same spot as she had the other day and waited for three hours, but the guy didn't show up.

She postponed her vacation the next day to Paris to meet her sister and their cousins that had already left a week ago. She wanted to know more about the guy and what Lindsay wanted, Lindsay get. By the next day, she decided to talk to the assistant librarian and tried asking her if she knew the guy. It was hard to describe especially if quarter of the male students in the university was tall, dark and handsome.

But when she said that the guy looked like he belonged to the library, her eyes lit up and told her, “Not you, too, sweetheart.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, we are drooling on our panties for that piece of morsel, but rumor says he is batting for the other team. Not sure though, but I haven't seen him sitting or walking around with girls, not that it meant automatically a girlfriend if he was with one-- and he's here every single day. Though, they said he was kind of genius already, but he was just too focus with his studies. His name is Brian Kinney, by the way.”

That started it all. She went to Paris after a week but not before making sure she knew what major he was taking, where was his apartment located, his part time job and his summer job. In short, Lindsay had become a stalker of one Brian Kinney.

For that week of following him, Lindsay hadn't seen Brian with anyone. He didn't date, he didn't really have a close friend-- not even his roommate-- he just went to his job at a record store, then later that week he started his summer job at an advertising company.

When Lindsay came back from her long vacation to Europe, she started to stalk Brian again. Now, with the new semester coming in, she made sure to have one of his classes. Good thing, he was attending an art class, that made it almost easy to get closer to Brian.

When the first day of classes started, Lindsay was so excited to attend the her class with Brian. She made sure her dress was the one she bought from Paris, the one that showed her curves and her long creamy white legs.

But her effort was for naught, when Brian not only didn't notice her, he also left the class in a flash.

Lindsay did try for the next class which was after three days, but Brian didn't even glance her way. By the fourth meetings of their classes, Lindsay decided a new tactic. If wearing beautiful and sexy dresses would not get Brian's attention, she'd make her move by going straight to her target.

So, she made sure by the next class, she sat as close to him as she could. And before he could flee, she stood in his way and asked if the food in the cafeteria was good. Brian looked at her like she asked him if the sun was rising from the west. Then Brian crunched up his nose in disgust saying it was for shit, then he stood up and left.

That was a major victory to Lindsay, Brian had talked to her for the first time. She worked harder after that to get Brian to notice her or even talk three words to her. Though it was like pulling teeth, Lindsay faced the challenge gracefully.

By three months since the semester started, Brian agreed to eat with her after class. They went to a little cafe house outside the campus and ate sandwiches with coffee.

You could say Lindsay had succeeded in wanting to be closer to Brian, she realized that she could do that if she didn't try so hard to impress him. When Lindsay started to dress in jeans and acted a little less flirty, Brian would stop and talk to her, even just a minute or two.

Until that day he agreed to have lunch with her. She tried to stay on a neutral topic because she still didn't know what topic could have spooked him up and fled. Lindsay didn't want that, she wanted Brian and she would get Brian.

Lindsay was sure before going to college that she was a lesbian. She had a secret affair with the wife of her sister's ex-brother-in-law. Lynette, her sister, got married when she was 20 and Lindsay was 17.

It was her sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner and Lindsay was bored to death. But she knew too well that she couldn't excuse herself if she didn't want to hear the end of it for a week. So, she patiently sat there and sigh for like the twentieth times that evening.

Then she felt a hand, a soft hand patted her knee. She was wearing a dress that flows above her knees. She was startled a little and glanced at the owner of the hand and found a deep brown eyes looking back at her.

Lindsay smiled a little and tucked her hair behind her ear, she remembered that she was Sophia, she was in her mid twenties. Sophia’s husband and Lynette’s soon to be husband were brothers.

Sophia smirked a little, then the hand that was on her knee moved just an inch upward. Lindsay froze at the unexpectedly movement but bit her lower lip and didn't slap Sophia’s hand off her. That made her bolder and inched her soft hand a little bit further leaving a hot trail on Lindsay's inner leg. 

Sophia’s smiles had widened when she felt Lindsay opening her legs farther apart. That was a go signal for her, though in all honesty, Lindsay didn't have a clue on what she was doing with Sophia.

But it felt good, so she gave in to the heat that her touch had elicited on her groin.

Sophia's hand was now running up and down on her inner thigh and Lindsay felt herself get wet. She squirmed a little that made Sophia smirked while feeding herself with the chocolate mousse. She intentionally licked the spoon clean, then ran her tongue on her lips.

Lindsay bit her lower lip to stop herself from whimpering when Sophia's hand landed on her wet panties and gently circling her middle finger on her clit. After teasing her, she slid her finger onto the side of her panty and blindly feeling Lindsay's opening. It was so wet and she played on it for a little before sticking her finger inside her wet folds.

Lindsay suddenly gasped, but covered it by coughing and drinking her water.

Sophia didn't stop fucking her with her finger and added her index and moved it in and out so smoothly. She pulled out her fingers, ran it on her labia coating it with the wetness she collected from inside of her. Then she penetrated her again with her two fingers and now she increased the pace of her movement. Lindsay was holding onto her cutlery so tight that her knuckles were turned white.

Then she felt it, the heat and tingled running down her spine, and she came. She had a fucking orgasm, a mind blowing orgasm given by a girl, in front of her family and her sister's soon to be in laws.

It was crazy but Lindsay wanted it. She glanced at Sophia after she collected herself and her breathing was back to normal.

Lindsay was about to faint when she saw her lifting her hand, that was still wet with her juices, to her mouth and sucked it.

Lindsay thought that she was going mad that night because Sophia had awakened something in her body that she never thought possible.

When everyone started to get coffees and teas, Lindsay leaned into her ear and whispered, “I want that again.”

Sophia smirked savagely, but nodded a little. “I'll tell you where, later.”

Lindsay couldn't wait, but she knew she had to. They probably gonna do it after the wedding which would be two days from that day.

But then, before leaving, Sophia slipped a small notes to her with the message, “Tomorrow, 2pm at Hilton Garden. Room 412.”

Lindsay didn't know how she booked that room so fast, but she didn't care. She'd be cutting classes tomorrow after lunch.

When Lindsay arrived at the hotel room, she knocked at the door and it suddenly opened and a hand had yanked her inside. She yelped in surprise but couldn't help moving along when Sophia slammed her to the door. She kissed Lindsay's mouth hungrily while frantically opening her blouse, exposing her breast. 

Sophia groaned as she looked at her ample bosoms and licked the pink nipples, then sucked them to her mouth greedily. Her hands continued lifting her skirt up, yanking her panties down and started fucking her with her fingers.

Lindsay was moaning wildly, but Sophia didn't stop sucking her tits, one after the other. Then she dipped her head down to get to her navel, down to between her legs.

She completely took the panties off and arranged Lindsay's leg to her shoulder to give her room to explore her wet folds, that was now sticky from lust.

She licked it, moaned at the softness of it, then inserted her tongue inside and ravaged it like she had never before. Lindsay was so out of it, thrusting herself to Sophia's face who was sucking her nonstop.

“Come with me.” She interrupted and walked to the bed and let Lindsay removed all her clothes. When she was done, Sophia got in between her legs and started licking her thighs up again.

She attacked Lindsay's wet opening while her hand kneaded on Lindsay's breast and the other was furiously stroking her clit, stimulating her further.

They dance until they couldn't hold on anymore, then Lindsay was coming, feverishly shuddering her orgasm. A little while later, Sophia taught her on how to get her off. Lindsay, did a good job for starter and the day at the hotel room was a day well spent.

The two met twice in a week after that, and Lindsay was being introduced into the world of homosexual relationship. It was new, it was exciting until Lindsay told Sophia that she was in love with her. Sophia then talked to her that what they were doing was fun, but she had a family and couldn't let them suffer because mommy was bisexual.

Lindsay was devastated. She was actually heartbroken. They had been seeing for almost all her senior years. She wasn't a virgin in any sense, she had her first sexual experience when she was just fifteen. It was to a guy her age that she met at a party and fool around with. They hangout the next day, and had sex in his room at the basement of his parents house.

Lindsay liked it, but she didn't enjoy it as much. It was a bit painful and she bled. The guy wasn't even gentle. They saw each other few more times, then he said they were over.

Lindsay didn't really care and just started going out and enjoyed the happy stage of being sexually active. But now that she had known the feelings of being with a woman, those times that he had sex with men were almost forgotten.

She was sulking all summer after her high school graduation, but agreed with her parents to visit her aunt in San Francisco. She went for two months and Lindsay had the best time of her life over there. She honestly couldn't count how many lesbians had bedded her and Lindsay almost never wanted to come back.

The whole freshman year in college wasn't really enjoyable. There were many lesbians around to fuck and Lindsay had her fair share, but she hated to do it secretly. That's what she missed about San Francisco, she could be whatever she wanted to, it was liberating, no parents breathing on your neck all the time.

But now, she needed to be seeing people behind the curtain, or locked doors. But Lindsay didn't stop, it was too good to stop. Heterosexual sex didn't do it for her anymore, she had tried it twice since her breakup with Sophia, but it wouldn't hold a candle to sex with women.

Now that she was chasing for a man again. This really made her confused more than she ever was, and when her parents visited last week to her apartment, they noted her good aura. Her father asked if she had met someone, a gorgeous man who made his little girl’s heart goes pitty pat.

She nodded without thinking, then she saw their faces broke out into a proud parents smiles. Lindsay lived for that approval, she always wanted her parents to be proud of her like they did with Lynette. And so, it made him work on Brian even more.

 

As they ate that afternoon, she noticed Brian kept on looking over her shoulder. Lindsay had to stop herself from looking, instead she intentionally elbowed a wad of table napkins to the ground.

When she picked it up, she turned her head slightly to the left to check what was so fascinating on her back that Brian couldn't seem to take his eyes off.

Then she saw it was a man, a gorgeous man sitting by himself, eating a croissant like he was eating a dick while having a flirty eyes on Brian. Lindsay was scandalized and was fuming, but she knew she couldn't act that way or Brian would never talk to her again.

She sat up back again, staying to get her composure. She needn't to worry, though, Brian wasn't even paying attentions to her.

So, Brian was gay? That could be a problem to her. But wasn't she gay, too? Or maybe she was bisexual. Yeah, she was, and Brian could also be one. If not, she just have to make sure that they would have sex together, then Brian could see how great it was to be with a woman, too. Well, she didn't even know if Brian had never done it with a girl before, maybe he had and that would be much easier for her to seduce him.

After the lunch, Brian walked her out of the cafe and told her that he needed to go somewhere. Lindsay was disappointed, she thought she could make him agree to do something, like watched a movie or just hanging out together. Well, Maybe next time.

She walked around the campus for an hour but felt bored. She went to Brian's apartment, and hid on a spot where she knew she could see his room clearly from there especially if the windows were opened, and it was.

She spent on this spot countless of times since she first known of his address, and she knew it was a safe spot to spy.

Then Lindsay saw a shirtless Brian standing up from the bed or maybe a couch and disappeared from the view. But then, he saw another man, a shirtless one too, coming from where Brian was before.

So, they came from the bed, maybe, and Lindsay knew what they were doing before that. Damn, Brian had ditched her to be with that guy he saw at the cafe house. She felt angry and disrespected, why did Brian had to do that? Lindsay knew she needed a more effective plan if she wanted Brian for herself, and him being gay had even made it harder.

The next couple of weeks, Lindsay backed off a little, giving Brian a space from her. But it was all according to her plan. Then one day after class, Brian approached her asking if she was alright. Lindsay was dancing inside, this was too good to be true, her plan had worked.

So, she proceeded to tell him that she hated her parents but wanted to be a good daughter like her sister. She told him pieces about how they were neglecting her but demanded to do what they wanted, not even asking Lindsay if she wanted to do it.

“Like the ball they always attending. People from different fields of work, highest ranks among the elite society. What a twenty years old like me be doing in that kind of get together? It always bores me to death.” She pouted and dramatically sat on the chair again.

“Were there any children those elite breeders produced?”

“There are, a few, God forbid if they would have more than one. Their businesses and social lives would suffer and that could not happen. As if they really cared if their children have already eaten or gone to sleep or study their lessons. They weren't home, my parents left us with nannies but acting like they should get an award for being the best parents. Bullshit.”

“So, don't go.”

“If I want to have peace for my midterm, I should go. Well, it's only for couple of hours, three tops. So, I'll survive, I guess.” She said standing up and collected her things.

“When is the ball gonna be?”

Lindsay's heart was beating wildly, this was really happening.

“Saturday night.” Lindsay already checked Brian's part time job and he was on for afternoon shift.

Brian looked thoughtful, but he nodded after a moment. “Okay, I can come with you.”

Lindsay tried not to smile, “Brian, you don't have to. I know you have a part time-- it's okay, I can do it for few hours.”

“That's okay. I'm free that time.”

So, that was how it started. Brian went with her, and Lindsay showed her the people of power, the people who was being looked up because of their standings in society.

Lindsay made sure he talked to some who were kind enough to encourage him that everything was possible, he just have to know the right crowd to associate himself with.

Brian had seen the life that he could have if he wanted to, the life so far from the one he was being raised, the one where no one could abuse him or hurt him. Power, that was what these people had to be where they were and Brian wanted that.

From then on, Brian joined Lindsay for every events her parents attended, he unexpectedly enjoyed talking to successful people, it awakened something deep inside him. Lindsay's parents were glad that she was bringing someone and they seemed to like him.

Brian, on his part, was relieved to know Lindsay wasn't getting this to her head and acted like his girlfriend, instead when her parents mentioned the word ‘boyfriend’ pertaining to him, Lindsay would automatically answered that they were just friends.

That made Brian felt a lot better knowing Lindsay didn't see them as such even though they were going to these events as dates.

Lindsay on the other hand, just got what she exactly wanted from Brian. She had to play it cool though, she didn't want Brian to suspect.

After a while, she came to know more about Brian's life, about his best friend, Michael-- which made Lindsay nervous. They were both gays and Michael was obviously in love with Brian, too, though Brian had seemed not interested for more than just friends, which made her breathe a little easier.

One night, when they were already in their junior years, they attended a charity event hosted by the city mayor. Lindsay invited Brian to her apartment when he dropped her off. She told him that she stole a bottle of imported whiskey from her father's wine cellar.

Brian chuckled, and agreed to go up with her.

They slumped on the floor of her living room with a bottle of 12 years old reisetbauer. Brian was about to protest when he saw it, but Lindsay said that her dad wouldn't even realize he lost one bottle from his hundreds under the cellar.

They drank by passing the bottle back and forth.

When Brian was beginning to feel the effects of the liquor, Lindsay said, “Do you know I'm a lesbian, Brian?”

Brian took a double look at her. Honestly, he got that vibe on her, but not a hundred percent true lesbian blood, he reckoned.

“I think I may have had an idea.”

Lindsay nodded, “Yeah, I did it with men, too, before. Not lately, but before my first initiations to the homosexual world. I had an affair with the wife of my sister's ex-brother-in-law. She was smoking hot. She taught me everything.”

“Hmm, not that I want to have the image of you going down on her, but where is she now?”

“I don't know. We broke up when I told her I was falling for her. She has one kid with her husband and she told me she couldn't come out, she couldn't do that to her family. So… I was left heartbroken.”

“Doesn't matter. You can find the one for you.” He said thoughtfully.

“How about you? Are you secretly in love with Michael?” Yeah, this was her chance to know about Michael's standing on Brian's life and what Brian thought about having relationship. She loved that Brian was beginning to see her as his close friend and slowly opening up to her. It was about time, Lindsay was patiently working on being that for over a year now.

“Michael?” He asked looking so surprised. “No, he's my friend, my best friend for almost eight years now. He's like the brother that I never had.”

“I see. But what about past relationships?” They were friends for over a year but they never really talked about Brian's preference. Though, it was obvious by now, Brian hadn't really spelled it out to her.

“Nah, I didn't have any. If I were to have a boyfriend, he would be someone that could take on me, you know. Someone who will be brave enough to tell it to my face if I screwed something up. Someone that I would feel in my heart-- was the one. I promised myself that I would find that guy, and we will take on the world together. He should ground me though, if I feel like being an asshole. I want to be super successful and super rich, but I still want to be human. And he would remind me that --every single time I would feel like I'm above everything and everyone.” Then Brian chuckled a little. “I call him my ‘Dream Guy’ in my head.”

Lindsay was stunned by that. She always thought Brian didn't want any commitment, or that he really hadn't had a dream guy in his head. Guy. Yeah, now Lindsay had a big problem.

Lindsay let Brian sleep on her couch. She didn't attempt to do anything, she would have her time and now it wasn't. He needed Brian to trust her.

The next week after midterm, she asked Brian to go clubbing, saying she hadn't experienced going out to the clubs. She also said that Brian was studying so hard when they all know that he was already a genius.

Brian agreed to bring her to Babylon because as much as he'd like to help her, he couldn't have the courage to go to a lesbian club. Lindsay danced with him for few songs, then encouraged him to take some men to dance and maybe some more.

This was all her plan to divert Brian's interest in finding his dream man, well, she knew he wasn't really searching because according to Brian-- his guy was just going show up when their time would come.

But she wanted Brian to see what's out there. The endless seas of men to choose from, he could have much pleasure without the headache of being tied to.

Brian actually enjoyed his time at Babylon especially when Lindsay told him to go hooked up with some men. He was worried she wouldn't like it there, but Lindsay seemed to be enjoying herself.

So, Brian danced and fucked to his heart's content. It was a long time since he was here and Brian had actually missed it, he also missed his best friend. He had fucked two times that night and one blowjob. He loved the feeling of being wanted and by the looks of some people in the backroom, Brian was just not being wanted, he was being desired by those men.

He was so lit up all night long and Lindsay was so understanding and waited patiently with some twinks on the dance floor. They went home that night and Brian crashed on her couch once again.

The going out continued until spring break. Michael had joined them most of the time and the trio were out from dusk till dawn.

Brian still coming with Lindsay to her parents’ events and Brian had known few of the younger elites who mostly were owners or CEOs of their own companies. Brian was so inspired to be one of them and he would work hard to have that.

Before their junior years ended, Lindsay executed one of her schemes in tying Brian to her permanently.

She had readied everything and prepared for the night that she would never forget. They planned on meeting to go to Babylon but she made sure it was the night Michael couldn't get out from the inventory he was doing at BigQ.

Lindsay let Brian drink and fucked the whole night, then she called a cab for them to get to her apartment. Brian was so drunk and Lindsay pretended she was, too. Brian ended up on her bed instead of the usual couch he always perused.

Lindsay took her skirt and blouse off leaving her lingerie on. She then, drunkenly whispered to Brian that he needed to take his clothes off. Brian did, so slowly, but he did-- leaving nothing on.

Lindsay drooled when she saw him half hard, but she knew she couldn't just pounce on him like tigress on heat. She made one quick move to roll her body to Brian's side and put her leg between his thighs.

Lindsay knew Brian was drunk, but he could actually remember everything that had taken place the night before. Lindsay couldn't act like she was sober, she needed to keep her acting in order to get out of this-- Scot free-- the next morning.

She moaned on his side and slowly moved her pelvis to his hip, tightening her leg on his to get a little friction. She went on with her drunken moaning, breathing to his neck.

“Hmm, Linds, wha-- what’r ya doin’?” Brian opening one eye to peep on her. He saw her so drunk just like him and she seemed to hump on his hip with her wet pussy.

“Hmm, whaa--? Uhh, Am soo hornyy, Bri…”

Brian groaned a little, Lindsay didn't know if it because he was annoyed or just agreeing with her.

Then Lindsay placed her hand on Brian's chest, making sure on touching his nipple. She moved her hips more boldly and her lips touched his neck.

Brian was already half hard when they went to bed, Lindsay just have to do something to make him more aroused. “Bri--aan…” She moaned, then she bumped her thigh on his cock and Brian had softly moaned.

That made her bold enough to roll on top of him but kept her eyes closed.

“Linds… No--” Lindsay kissed him to stop him from talking and she did her best to make it as rough as she could. She couldn't let him think he was fucking a woman, she knew she had to be wild and rowdy.

She kept on biting him, scratching his nipples and lining her clothe female parts with Brian's cock. She couldn't take the panties off, not before Brian was totally into fucking her, though Lindsay was so horny that it drove her crazy. This was it, she just have to be sure that every plan she had would be completely executed.

She was celebrating inside when Brian's hands moved to her hips, slightly guiding her moves to his pleasure. Then they were kissing again and Lindsay whispered, “Fuck me!”, as she increased the pace of her hips on Brian's cock. She didn't want him to cum like this, she needed him to be inside her and cum in there.

Brian was hard and she knew they were doing it. She blindly took her panties off and let her wet folds feel the hugeness and hardness of Brian's cock. God, she was going crazy by the sensation it brought him. It made her think about the first time Sophia had finger fucked her under the dinner table. This was equally mind blowing.

“Wai-- wait… Condomm, we need-- condom.” Brian panted.

Lindsay reached the nightstand and find the one she had prepared for this night. She opened it with her teeth and making sure Brian didn't see the foil was already tampered.

She rolled it down on his rigid length, then rolling down to the bed bringing Brian up on top. “Fuck me!” She demanded roughly. She knew not to call his name or moaned it before he could penetrate her.

Then he was there. Without any words, or any foreplay, not even a kiss, he just stuck his dick in and went on riding her. It was so fast and Brian was keeping his eyes shut so tightly it crinkled the sides of it.

Lindsay was moaning and she couldn't stop uttering his name now. She was in heaven and she knew that they were making their future right at that moment.

In less than five minutes, Brian had cummed. He was panting so hard, and Lindsay waited for him to kiss her, but he didn't. He pulled out none too gently and she groaned at the feeling of emptiness.

Brian pulled the condom off and threw it to the floor on his side of the bed. He turned on his stomach with his head facing away from her, and in few seconds, Lindsay could hear a soft snore coming from Brian.

Well, the experience wasn't too bad. But, she just wished that Brian had been more gentler and maybe a little touch and kisses would be great. He didn't even kiss her neck or sucked on her tits. It would be mind blowing, too, if he just tried to go down on her. But Brian didn't do all that, he didn't even kiss her lips the whole time he was inside her.

But, it would be okay. It was obvious that Brian wasn't experienced having sex with women and Lindsay was happy to know that. They could practice more when they started to build their family, and she wouldn't wait for too long now. Lindsay smiled triumphantly as she rubbed her abdomen, softly muttering, “You are my way of getting him, my child.”

Yeah, because when her parents would know that she was knocked off, they would pressure Brian to marry her. They wouldn't think about his background, or his preference, what they would worry about was their name being tainted on. She could act like she didn't want to do it, so Brian wouldn't think that she had planned it all along, but in the end she would agree that their child needed a family to grow up to.

The next morning was tricky. Lindsay made sure that the condom was thrown to the trash before Brian could notice it had holes in it. Lindsay was furiously apologizing to Brian and promised that it wouldn't change anything between them, that they were just horny and drunk the other night and that they were still gays.

Brian had felt guilty, but at least Lindsay made sure to him what happened was something they could blame on alcohol.

Weeks after that, Lindsay acted like she used to be. She didn't let on how excited she was waiting to get her first pregnancy test the following day.

But to her disappointment, the test came negative. She tried three more times but it all had the same results. She tried testing her urine everyday for five days until her period came and she had reacted in frustration and smashed her vanity mirror with her phone.

She had planned it to perfection. It was her fertile days, the condom was pinched with holes and Brian didn't suspect anything from her. But she screwed it up by not getting knocked up.

How could she pull it off again? That might take a little while to plan again, but Lindsay had worked this long already and she could wait for few months more for it.

That chance had come again after eight months, when Lynette was tying knots again for the second time. Brian had come with her and the reception was terrible.

They planned to just end the night at Babylon and got wasted. Lindsay had been clinging to Brian since the taxi ride, she said she was so drunk she felt dizzy. Brian was drunk, too, but guided her to bed where they fell down drunkenly. Lindsay struggled to remove her dress, Brian didn't even try.

Lindsay nudged him, saying he needed to take his clothes and shoes off. She wouldn't stop elbowing him until Brian toed his shoes off and started to unbuttoned his shirt.

He just got a couple off and groaned in frustration that he couldn't seem to do it right. Then, Lindsay took over. She took his shirt and slacks off, running her hands on his chest. Brian didn't react and Lindsay thought that he was already sleeping.

She kissed his broad shoulder, up to his ear. Brian tried to open his eyes, muttering something incoherently. Lindsay continued to explore his body and stroke Brian's cock that was hard since she removed his briefs. Brian seemed to be a horny drunk.

She kissed him on the mouth, trying her tongue inside, not stopping his hand on Brian's cock. Brian was thrusting to her hand and even kissing him back, but he suddenly opened his eyes and squinted at her.

“Li--Linds?..”

Lindsay worked on his cock so hard, ignoring him and biting on his nipples. Brian moaned at that, Lindsay blindly feel the drawer and found the thing that she had been keeping there-- just in case. 

She rolled it on him while Brian opened his eyes again. But Lindsay took hold of his cock and sat down on it without any delays. She let out a long moaned, but started to ride Brian's cock in earnest. He held his hands onto her hips and moved with her. Lindsay tried to bring one of his hand to cup her breast, but Brian yanked it away and put it back on her hips.

Lindsay was getting so loud, her movements was on the right angle for her G-spots and Brian was so big and long that it was being hit every single time she slid down. Because Brian refused to hold her tits, she placed her own hand on it, rubbed her nipples and kneading it eagerly.

She put her other hand in front of her so very wet folds, stroking her clit in pace that she was at risk of having cramps. She didn't care, though, she wanted to have this experience be the best one, yet.

Brian was closing his eyes tightly again, just like the first time. Then Lindsay could feel his hand was inching down her cracks. She encouraged it by guiding it to her asshole, when Brian just circle his finger on it, Lindsay took hold of his middle finger and pushed it in. She groaned at the initial burn and the unfamiliarity of it, but she really didn't care if she wasn't getting any pleasure from it. Maybe it would be great if she got used to it.

Then Brian moaned as he slid his finger in and out of her ass. It hurt Lindsay but she didn't let on, she kept on riding Brian's dick and moaned with abandonment. She had her hand back on her breast kneading it together while the other was still on her clit, stroking it rapidly. Then Brian was coming, shuddering a little, followed by Lindsay who slumped on his chest after her vigorous exercise.

She pulled away from him and groaned at the burning she felt from her ass. Seemed Brian had used more than one finger but Lindsay hadn't even noticed it from the high she was feeling from riding his cock. She took the condom off him and she was happy to see that it didn't have any semen inside. She threw it in the waste basket near her.

Lindsay wanted to cuddle with Brian, but thought against it. It would already be a hard morning to face, she didn't need to add the clinging to one of the things she needed to explain.

The next morning, Lindsay sat on the bed waiting for Brian to wake up. She slipped on a sweatshirt and pajama pants to make him comfortable at least. She wanted to appear apologetic and undemanding.

Brian had actually looked terrified when he first opened his eyes and looked at her. But Lindsay worked on her drama skills to placate Brian. She told him that she was so sorry for initiating the sex the other night. She defended that she got so horny for not being with someone in two months. She promised to him that she wouldn't do something like that again, even if she was drunk. Brian suggested she should go on dating with some of her lesbian suitors.

Brian apologized to her, too. He said, he couldn't do that to one of his friends and that he would never allow that to happen again. Lindsay nodded, but in actuality, she was breaking inside. She hope to god that she would get pregnant by this, it looked like this was her last chance of getting Brian to herself.

After three weeks, Lindsay felt like climbing the walls from anxiety. She sat on her bathroom, waiting for the result of her test. After few minutes, she peeped on it and growled out of frustration. It was negative again.

She threw the plastic stick onto the wall and screamed. She cried for hours after that, she was so angry for the missed opportunities.

Seemed like she would be stuck as one of the best friends and suffer the same fate as Michael. Maybe she'd do just that, stay beside him, be the constant one in his life, the one he ran to, the one he was familiar with. Who knows, maybe their time would come and Brian couldn't escape from it anymore.

Years and years had past, Brian seemed to be completely different from what she had met when they were only twenty. He had become the stud of Liberty avenue, who fucks anyone who was willing, who never wanted to commit anymore, the one who seemed to love being alone. 

Brian was slowly blinded by the rush of feelings he got from being wanted, from being needed and he loved the idea of getting it without the hassle of being hurt at the end. He was beginning to think that this was the life he must be having, the life where he could do whatever he wanted, without anyone to answer to.

Lindsay supported that idea and kept on encouraging Brian that it was okay to live like that. In her mind, though, if Brian couldn't be hers, then Brian was better off being alone and lived as bachelor. At least his desire to find his dream guy had disappeared from his mind, and that was a victory for her already.

She met Mel when she was 24, from a friend who was having a baby shower. Melanie was attending with a friend, too. They got to talking, got each other's number and the rest was history.

Lindsay buried her feelings for Brian and concentrated on building a life with Melanie. She truly had fallen for her, but Brian would always be her number one. And Melanie might've felt it, because she couldn't seem to warm up on Brian, especially after knowing he had fucked Lindsay before. Michael blabbed what Lindsay had accidentally sprouted on him years ago.

Lindsay actually enjoyed the attention she was getting when Brian and Mel got head to head with each other. Then she was ecstatic when Brian finally agreed, after so much insistence, on her request to donate a sperm to her. She told him that Brian wouldn't have anything to worry about the kid because Mel and her would raise it and Brian could be in baby's life if he chose to.

“I will take care of our child, Brian. Mel and I will make sure it has a great home and we'll make sure to make that happen. I want you to be the father, Brian. I want someone to father my child because I love him-- as my friend and family, I want someone who also cares about me. It's hard to think to go to the sperm bank and have a child with someone that I didn't know. Please, Brian, do it for me.”

Brian did it, and Lindsay was in heaven. She didn't imagine having a child with Brian in this circumstance, though. She always thought before, that they would form a family when she got pregnant with their baby. But it didn't happen, with all the plans she concocted, it was all for naught. Then she couldn't risk having sex with Brian again after his firm promise that he wouldn't touch her like that again.

When Gus came and she tried to get him to be a doting daddy. She could see that Brian actually loved their son and she couldn't help it if she fantasized them being family more times than she was willing to admit.

Then, it came a surprise to all of them when Brian started seeing a teenager over and over again. The kid began to stalk Brian according to Michael, but he later on became a permanent member to their circle. But Justin's presence didn't really threaten her because Lindsay kind of know that Justin was only a convenient to Brian. 

Brian got so busy with his work sometimes, and it was an advantage and practical to have a piece of ass on your beck and call. And the way Brian was treating him, it was safe to say that Justin wouldn't really last, and it made her breathe so easy knowing Brian was treating the kid as fuck buddy and not more.

But when few months had passed and Brian seemed to even get more attached, Lindsay tried to get closer to Justin. She wanted him to trust her, she wanted him to run to her and tell her everything that was on his mind.

The kid was resilient, he was very persistent, too. And before everyone knew it, Justin had obviously gotten through Brian's barriers.

It didn't help when they were all seemed mesmerized by the kid’s audacity to take on with his father. Most of them were a closet case until they finished college or even older. But the kid was so brave to out himself when he was only seventeen, and he even stood proudly when his father had left him behind and moved his mother and sister to another city.

Lindsay was starting to resent the kid’s presence when it became clear that Brian was starting to lower down his facade when it came to Justin. The others might not notice it, but Lindsay knew, she knew him when he wasn't this Brian yet. And she knew that it was only a matter of time before Brian succumbed to his feelings for Justin.

But the the bashing happened, and what Brian had worked on in accepting Justin as someone important in his life had been gone to waste as he dealt with his pain and immersed himself with his pain management tactics.

Lindsay hadn't talked to Brian in all this, but she had her way to get to Justin. When Brian didn't visit the kid, and he'd ask Lindsay about him, she'd subtlety told Justin that Brian wouldn't want to do anything with someone that wasn't perfect anymore.

But that didn't loses the kid’s hope, instead it motivated him further to get well. And he did, and he also made Brian took him back and let him stay at the loft instead of his previous accommodation with Debbie.

At that time, they all could see how Brian helped Justin in any way he could. He was once again started to lower his guard down around Justin. He was encouraging the kid to continue his art education despite his still unstable motor skills, Brian even paid his tuition.

Lindsay was on a brink of having a nervous breakdown when they attended the dinner at Debbie's and Brian was acting like a teenager. He was giddy and flirting all night with Justin, who happened to get into PIFA despite his hands, and he seemed to have Brian's affection and support, too. 

She just thought that it was so unfair, and Lindsay was not happy about it. Then when the gangs around her started to talk about their favorite topic-- sex-- she just suddenly exploded and told them to shut up from mentioning sex all the time. It honestly was getting into her nerves that Justin got to have everything that she wanted.

She dedicated most of her time on thinking for some ways on how to stop the blossoming relationship between the two, and she started with the age jokes on Brian. It was a harmless jokes, but she knew the impact it would have to Brian. Then she added the jokes on becoming domestic, and that really made Brian's head go nuts.

It was cruel, she knew that, but Brian was his Peter, and not anyone else's, not even Justin's. And when Brian started acting out, tricking more than he was before, it left some doubts and uncertainties in Justin's mind. 

Michael, blessed his heart, had ran his mouth when Justin was in a bad mood one morning. Justin told Michael that he caught Brian fucking a trick on the sofa, it was the first time he brought someone to the loft since the bashing. Justin seemed to think that Brian had suddenly seen the light and turned into a devoted boyfriend who wouldn't screw around.

Well, Michael told him that Brian wouldn't do that, he would never do that. And when Justin asked why was he at the loft then, Michael told him it was because Brian was feeling guilty about his bashing.

That had started the downfall, she could clearly see how Brian struggled with his feelings, the feelings where he tried to deny yet it was obviously there.

Justin, on the other side, the teenager that he was, had a hard time taking Brian's callousness to him. He never thought Brian had been reacting out of fear from the strong feelings that he had for Justin. The kid took it as literal as it was being portrayed.

Then, he was becoming doubtful and insecure of his place in Brian's life and even they had agreed to follow some rules, the doubts and insecurities had already embedded deeply into Justin's mind.

Lindsay found a way to capitalize that insecurities and uncertainties. She and Mel brought him to a violin recital and let him get to know the artist. Lindsay smiled triumphantly when the violinist seemed to like Justin, too. This could get to be the reason for the ending of Brian and Justin.

And to her jubilation, it really did. It had ended the almost two years relationship. Justin had been seeing the violinist and had fallen for his romantic gestures and words. At the night of their comic’s launch, Justin left Brian for the fiddler for good.

That had been the last time everyone heard about Justin. Brian went on like a hollow version of himself. The breakup had affected him far more than anyone could think.

Few months later, Brian got into a car accident and had ended with amnesia. It worried Lindsay so much that everything seemed so different with Brian when he woke up from the coma. It was such a reminiscent of the twenty years old Brian that she first met in college. 

Her heart twisted in pain, especially when he seemed to really not recognized her at all. Then Brian looked at her like the way he did when they first met, so cold and calculating. Lindsay almost whimper when he called her, Peterson. 

After trying to get close to the ‘new’ Brian and utterly failed, Lindsay felt so frustrated. She remembered how she worked so hard to get closer to Brian, it took years of scheming and plotting, but in the end she didn't get what she was hoping for. Well, except for Gus.

Then this new Brian seemed to be more aloof and more guarded than the one she net in college, which was already a hard work to break through. 

On the other hand, this one was becoming the father that Lindsay was dreaming about, but his focus was only for Gus and none whatsoever with Lindsay or even Mel. He refrained from having a verbal sparring with her, too. Well, it was maybe because he really didn't remember her and how they really were.

Lindsay had to back off when Brian get testy with her being a little demanding. This new Brian was even more harder to read and manipulated and had actually a gall to tell her he didn't trust her. He was so suspicious how Lindsay got him into donating his sperms and gave up his rights to his son and he told that to her face.

And after years of trying, Brian wasn't badging. He didn't even make an effort to get to know her, and except for coming to visit Gus, Lindsay was just another person to Brian. It wasn't only her that Brian didn't seem to connect, it was all the gang actually, in exception of Michael. She thought that Michael was getting more attached to this new Brian, and he was the only source that they could have in regards with him.

One day though, he heard Gus mentioning something about seeing daddy's heart again. Lindsay got worried that he might be talking about Brian having chest pain or something. She tried to talk to his son asking what he meant about it, Gus only said “I said, I wanna see daddy's heart again”, which didn't really make any sense.

Then, Mel told her that Ted called saying Brian was seeing someone. Lindsay had the same feelings she had when she learned about Brian getting serious about Justin. But then, she knew that it could only be a tactic on his part. Brian could have only be making this up.

She held onto that thought, and it made to the point that she actually believed that Brian was only making the story up. Even when he confirmed what Ted told them was true, Lindsay never believed it, and she wanted to be proven right about it. The ring that he wore had made her act like a jilted wife.

She asked Brian to bring his boyfriend after Christmas, and to her surprise, he agreed. But she knew Brian would be coming alone for the dinner and she wanted it to be known among their friends. She wanted Brian to stop pretending that he was seeing someone and stop wearing that stupid ring.

And he did come alone, and Lindsay felt liberated. She had known that Brian was just bullshitting them, and she let him know that she wasn't too happy about it. Brian didn't back down and countered her barb words with his own. Melanie even got annoyed with her when Brian stated that he was being invited to an exclusive dinner.

The night had gone from one fucked up mess to another even more fucked up mess. She was so enraged and jealous that she had been sparring with Brian even in front of the food. She got even more irritated when he credited his action for being a great dad to his phantom boyfriend.

The tension had escalated just before Brian left their house. He was telling Gus he was going home to daddy's heart because he was missing him. Brian was agitated coming from the back porch, and they all learned that Brian had moved in with his boyfriend to a house they bought. 

This wasn't what she was thinking when she invited them all that night. But the truth had come out, one after the other. And Lindsay wanted to thrash everything that her hands could grab.

And the biggest surprise of the night was Justin's appearance at the hospital. Lindsay was waiting for the doctor and she was ready to argue to be let in with Brian because she was the mother of his child. But that had been squashed down when Melanie left the hospital with Gus and Justin was proclaimed as Brian's legal partner.

Lindsay was going mad, this wasn't what she wanted, this shouldn't be happening. She had planned for so long to make Brian the way he was before the accident. Well, maybe it wasn't really her who made Brian his asshole persona, but Lindsay knew that she was a very huge part of it.

Now, Melanie seemed to be on the edge, too. Their marriage was hanging by the thread already, honestly, it had been rocky for few years now. Did she really want to lose everything? She already didn't have Brian, she never had him in the first place, was she willing to let Melanie go, too?

Years, she spent most of her college and young adult life chasing after Brian. She was disguising it to be a worried and caring best friend, but in reality she was trying her best to trap him to her. But it didn't happen, then he asked him to help her bring a child to the world and he did. What else did she want from him?

He also helped them in anyway that he could, but what had Brian gotten from her? She plotted another scheme to break the already cracking relationship that he had with Justin. Instead of helping them patching it up, she used it to further the damage.

She knew Brian was terrified with his feelings for Justin. Years and years of acting like he was something else, the erected facade, the ever present mask of indifference-- until such time he believed the persona he created was really him. Lindsay knew all this, she was there when Brian was just this ambitious yet so grounded kind of man, just like the one he was becoming once again.

But Lindsay could still remember the conviction Brian had when he was telling her about his dream guy that he hope to meet in his future. She could clearly see the hope and faith in his eyes. But a decade of playing his persona had hardened Brian, until he thought it was the best way of life for him, and it worked until he met the fierce blond, the one who had balls bigger than most men twice his age.

Justin's was obviously Brian's dream guy, the one who got the one thing who many had tried-- some more than the others. Circumstances had set them apart, but in the end, they still found their way into each other, despite the amnesia and failed relationship.

How many times Lindsay needed to interfere and plotted her wicked schemes? Not to mention, everything that she did, the end results would still be the same one as before, Brian still wouldn't love her.

Well, not the kind that she was hoping for.

Lindsay was sitting in a bench outside the hospital. Melanie had long hung up on her when she didn't answer her request to just come home on the phone. She sounded hurt and sad, and maybe a little resigned, too. Lindsay had to act with her brain on this one.

Melanie was pregnant, she had chosen to carry it despite the fact that she had some medical complications before. She did it even when she was at the height of her career. Mel had done everything, from fighting her battle with her parents for her, to overlooking her undying loyalty and fascination with Brian and she had done all she could do to give them a better home and family, the one that she didn't have growing up.

Did Lindsay wanted to waste that just because she was still feeling vengeful about her unrequited love? Or was she still hoping that she could have her chance with him after all this years?

She dialed her phone and waited for the other line to pick up. When it did, she didn't wait for anything, but instead she said, “I'm on my way, I'm coming home to you and Gus”, then she ended the call.

She called a cab and drove away from the hospital, away from the man who took her heart the very first time she saw him, the man that she would love until her dying day, the man that she knew would never be hers.


	15. Chapter 15

(Continuation from the end of chapter 13)

Justin woke up a little disoriented. It didn't register immediately where he was, and he got scared.

He sat on the bed, looking around like a lost puppy. Then it slowly coming back to him, the events that had happened to lead him to sleep in a motel.

Brian, what had happened to Brian? And where was he last night? Michael had to be an asshole and not tell him where Brian was at, and he called the police on him.

He tried to call the phone again, and now it was going straight to voicemail. “God, Brian, where are you?”

Justin used the shower but had to dress on his clothes from the other day. He would just have to buy a clean one at a thrift store.

He checked out and walked out to a warm August Sunday morning. He decided to get a new shirt and briefs first, and changed his old one in a diner next to the thrift store. He didn't stay to eat, instead he walked directly to Brian's loft.

He had been knocking for five minutes, but Brian wasn't answering, he surmised he didn't get home from where he was the other night. But, Brian almost never slept at a trick’s apartment.

After five more minutes of knocking, Justin left the building with a heavy heart. He walked aimlessly for a while, but Justin needed to think about his new situation. He should move his things out from Ethan's apartment, but he didn't know where to go. 

He went back to the motel where he slept the other night and booked himself for three days more, then he collected his things from Ethan's and settled it in his room.

He actually only had few things, and the computer that Brian had given him was the most valuable one. Ethan was there when he opened the door, he looked a little relieved to see him, but Justin squashed it out when he said he was just there to collect his things.

“So, you are back with Brian?” He asked.

“No, but I'm trying to.” He honestly answered. Ethan had deserved that much from him.

Ethan nodded, and he left Justin to do what he was set to do there and continued to read his book.

Justin was finished packing in less than an hour. He had his computer, two duffel bags for clothes, and another one for his books and sketchbooks.

He called a cab and Ethan was kind enough to help him bring his things down.

“I'm sorry, Ethan. You don't deserve what I did to you. I hope you can forgive me one day.” Justin sincerely said to his ex-boyfriend. They were standing on the curb waiting for the cab to arrive.

Ethan looked up at him, squinting a little from the light of the afternoon sun.

“That's okay, I mean-- it's not okay you dumping me like this. But, hey, life is short, we just have to do what we think is best for us.” He smiled a little. “This motivates me to win the Heifetz competition, you know. Maybe Europe is my place to be to have a new life and the career that I want.”

Justin reached out to touch his arm, “You don't need any luck, because I know you'll be killing it. I hope you'll get it, not just the competition, but the life and career that you want.”

The cab stopped in front of them, and they moved to put his things in the trunk. When it was done, Justin pulled Ethan to him and hugged him tightly.

“I'm really sorry.” He whispered. “Have a great life, Ethan.” Then he kissed him on his cheek.

Justin turned to get into the cab, but Ethan turned him back to face him. “Have a great life, too, Justin.” Then he kissed Justin on his cheek one last time.

Justin smiled as he sat at the back seat of the cab, it was good to know that Ethan wasn't resenting him about breaking up. At least, they parted in good way and even wishing each other a great life ahead.

Justin stayed at the motel the whole afternoon and perused the classified ads for some apartment rentals. He marked on the places he thought was okay, location and budget wise.

When it was seven in the evening, he walked back again to Brian's loft, hoping he'd catch him this time-- without Michael.

But before he could get inside the building, a hand held his arm and Justin was startled from it. He must've been so occupied not to notice someone was talking to him.

“Hey, you are the kid with Kinney, right?” Justin remembered him to be one of Brian's neighbors. He was a middle aged man, who occupied the loft directly down to Brian. As far as Justin knew, he was living alone.

“Yeah.” Justin ignored the used of ‘kid’ on him. He guessed, compared to Brian, Justin was really a kid.

“I thought so. Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened to him. How was he now?” The man asked that made Justin's chest pounding so hard.

“What do you mean? What happened to Brian?”

“You didn't know?” He asked, so surprised that Justin didn't have an idea about what happened to Brian.

“No. I was here the other night and today morning, but Brian wasn't home.” Justin answered, his voice was edging on panic.

“Well, I was watching the late news last night, it was after 2 am. They were reporting some tragic accident on the freeway, and they identified him as Brian Kinney. So many Brian Kinney in Pittsburgh, perhaps, but I called the Allegheny this morning at eight, and it was really Kinney. He's in the ICU.” The man sympathetically said.

Justin felt dizzy and his stomach was turning. The guy patted him on his shoulder, “Hey, kid, you okay?”

Justin glanced up at him with teary eyes, “I need to go. I need to see, Brian.”

Then he left the man standing there, shaking his head in sympathy. Justin called a cab on his phone and directed it to Allegheny as soon as it arrived.

It was almost nine in the evening when the cab parked in front of the hospital. Justin walked all the way to find the floor for ICU.

When he arrived, he followed the path of the hallway, then he could hear the voice of Debbie from where he was standing. He supposed, they were sitting in the waiting room, but Justin wasn't sure who else were present at that time because he was frozen to his feet.

He retracted his steps after few moments, he went to the end of the hallway, opposite to where the Liberty gangs were sitting. He found the door to the stairs and opened it, he sat on the steps and felt like all his energy was spent. He felt so weak and so scared, he was scared for Brian, he didn't even know his condition. The fact he was in ICU, it just meant that Brian was critical.

He let out a sob, he let out the pain in his chest by crying into his hands. He rested his elbows on his knees and just cried until there were no more tears coming out. He was a mess, he knew that, but he didn't care. Brian was here somewhere, fighting for his life. And Justin could have prevented the accident if he didn't turn his back on Brian.

This was his fault, Brian was in that fucking car because of him. He was in the safety of their suite room last night, but Justin had to ruin it and drove Brian away because he was hurting him again.

Justin let out another sob, a painful sob that was mixed with guilt and regret. This could not be happening to Brian, no god, not Brian.

When Justin composed himself a little, he realized he had been crying for over two hours. He stood up and started to walk back to where he heard Debbie's voice, and he was relieved he couldn't hear anyone anymore. He peeped inside the room and found it empty.

He continued to walk to the nurses’ station, and asked the nurse there if he could visit Brian Kinney. The nurse looked at him and was about to tell Justin that it was passed visiting hours. But maybe she saw something in his face, or maybe in his eyes, and she nodded her head in agreement.

She lead Justin to the door with a glass window, and Justin could clearly see Brian lying in the hospital bed.

He couldn't help to whimper and put his hand on his mouth. Brian was severely injured, a big bandage was wrapping his head and one on his chest. His face had a big bruise on his left cheek.

“He had a severe blow to his head from the accident. He is in a drug- induced coma since after the operation to relieve the pressure from his brain, draining the blood that pooled and repairing the damage blood vessels.” The nurse helpfully supplied.

“Are there… Are there any more major injuries?” He asked in small voice.

“He has two broken ribs and few have cracks. Thankfully, no other injuries beside that.”

“What are you doing here?!” Michael's voice rang through the quiet hallway. The nurse turned to face him with an irritating look.

“Mr. Novotny, this is a hospital, and ICU at that. Please observe the hospital rules, if not, I'm forced to call the security.” She said sternly.

“You don't have to do that. I'm Brian's medical proxy and I get to decide who can come and visit, and this little shit here is not allowed to get near Brian. He doesn't have any right to be here, he doesn't do anything except bringing troubles.” He reached and held Justin's wrist, “Come, we need to talk.”

Without waiting for anything, Michael pulled him to the elevator, and out of the hospital. Michael didn't release his wrist until he shove Justin to a bench outside the hospital.

“You listen, Justin. I will not tell you again because this is the last time you are coming here. Since Brian picked you up from that night, you are fucking up his life. He had a great life, maximum pleasure with minimum bullshit, that's how he was. But you came along, stalked him, forcing him to let you into his life, into his home. Brian feeds you, paid your tuition, but what did you do? 

“You cheated on him, humiliated him, you hurt him, just because he didn't want to do what you demanded from him. You are nothing but ungrateful, Justin, and since he's met you, you've done nothing but makes his life miserable. Please, do us all a favor and just disappear. I've asked you before, I'm asking again, please get out of Brian's life, let him live in peace, let him be whatever he wanted to be. Just like he was before he met you.”

Justin left the hospital that night thinking Michael was right, he was nothing but brings trouble and pain to Brian's life. He was enjoying his life before they met, and now, brian was suffering in that hospital bed, fighting for his life. And it was all because of him.

He didn't sleep that night, he just cried whatever tears he still had, painfully uttering Brian's name on his lips.

He didn't get out of the bed for the next two days, until the manager of the motel knocked on his door. He was telling Justin that his stay was over and needed to leave in one hour if he wouldn't extend his stay. Justin extended it for another three days.

He went out that morning to actually eat something solid, he felt so weak and Justin couldn't afford to get sick. He knew he should be moving on, and sooner or later he had to think about his well being and his future, how hazy it might look right now.

He checked the classified ads again, and had noticed that there was one that was actually across the town. Justin contemplated on how he would get the money to actually start to live on his own. He had a part time job at a seafood restaurant after he quit the diner, the pay was good, but not enough to pay the rent, food and his studies.

Then a thought came to him, and he really considered his options and the consequences. In the end, he decided to refund the tuition at PIFA, in which Brian had paid in full, together with the books and miscellaneous payments. It totaled more than twenty one thousand dollars.

Justin knew it wasn't the right thing to do what he did, but he was running out of options. He promised Brian to pay for it and Justin was going to do that, whatever happened, he'd going to pay Brian his money.

He went to PIFA the next day, and luckily, the money could be refunded within three days. Justin went to check the apartment he saw on the ads, and found it was a good one. The neighborhood wasn't that great, but it was actually near the community college.

Justin thought he could continue his studies there by spring semester. He needed to establish himself first, his home, a part time job that was actually paying good money or at least had some benefits.

He moved to the apartment at the other side of town in two days. It was fortunately empty, and Justin just had to buy some important things like mattress and bedroom necessities, few cooking and kitchen utensils, and most importantly some groceries for him to survive.

After he moved in, Justin called the hospital and asked about Brian. He knew he needed to stay away from Brian, but he couldn't concentrate not knowing how he was.

The nurse that he had inquired told him that Brian had already woke up from his coma and was now in recuperation. The nurse told him that she couldn't disclose any more information as it was confidential.

That had been enough to Justin. Knowing Brian had already woke up from his coma and was actually in road to recovery, had made him relieve and breathe a lot easier. He really did wish for Brian to be happy, to be well and to have what he wanted. He never begrudge him of anything he wanted.

As time gone by, Justin filled his apartment with essentials, until it became his home, his sanctuary, something that he could call his own.

He also found a job at the nearby Starbucks, in which it did pay good and had a health insurance for their employees who worked not less than six hours. Justin was fortunate to have the job.

Justin lived a simple yet a contented life. It wasn't perfect, or he wasn't the happiest man alive, but he was doing okay and he was in a way happy, too, that he at least had moved on and made his life a good one.

He enrolled at the community college of Allegheny county, and had a good friend, Seth. He was his co-worker, too. Daphne had been calling him once in awhile, but Justin didn't share much of his life with her anymore. He just told her that he had broken up with Brian and he was seeing Ethan now. He didn't mentioned to her when she called recently that he was living alone now, far away from anyone he used to know.

He would tell her about his life, not just now. She was already stressed from studying so hard, and she didn't need an additional stress from him, too.

Justin never dated as well, he wanted to try, but he just wasn't into it. He believed that the one for him would come at the right time and at the right place, he just have to be patient. He didn't want to search for it, or eager to fall into another relationship, he wanted the fate to bring the one for him. He believed he would come.

And boy, did he come? Justin was so floored and shocked to see Brian in front of him buying a coffee. God, it had been so long since he saw the only man that he ever loved. And Justin was happy to know that he looked mighty fine.

But what had he been doing in this part of town? It's almost a thirty minutes ride from downtown Pittsburgh. He was about to greet Brian and maybe tell him that he was happy to see him, when he realized Brian was staring at him like he was actually a stranger.

It got him so worried, but tried to hide it. He wanted to see what was happening and why Brian was there.

Turned out, Brian hadn't really recognized him. Brian was stuttering and couldn't keep his eyes off of him, if Justin didn't know better, he would say Brian was smitten. 

They talked for a while, Brian was even flirting with him, admitting that it was his first time in that part of town, and Justin was about to cry when Brian told him his name before he left. What was happening?

He wanted to go and hunt any Liberty Avenue gangs and asked them what had happened to Brian, but he didn't do that, he couldn't do that-- not after all this time of staying away from them. He instead, thought about Brian's situation so hard, what could have happened after his accident.

At the end of his shift, he concluded that Brian had to have an amnesia. He was totally not the Brian that he knew from two years ago, and Justin didn't even know how to act in front of him. Brian even ordered muffins, for Christ sake.

Brian returned to Justin's work the next day, and subtlety asking for his working schedule. Justin wanted to talk to him for a while, but he honestly didn't know how to do it. He also didn't know what to say, but he wanted to know what had happened.

When he returned again for the third time, Justin decided to get a little bit bolder and asked Brian to sit with him, in which the brunet happily complied, he admitted that he was about to ask Justin the same. 

He missed Brian so much, and if talking about mundane things would quench that longing, Justin would gladly do that, even when he was dying to talk about something else. But a chance to sit down with the man that owned his heart since he was seventeen, was a chance he wouldn't pass.

It was hard and painful to learn that Brian didn't recognize him, or them for that matter. It was painful to witness how his eyes were devoid of that familiar mischief, instead it looked a little bashful, uncertain and even self conscious. This Brian was far from the Brian that Justin used to know.

After that day, Justin thought why he hadn't told Brian that they used to see each other, or asked him what was going on, but this Brian seemed to render him speechless. He seemed to be doing exactly the opposite of what he used to do and Justin was so out of balance. 

He didn't know how to approach the matter of their past, and when Brian asked him for a ‘lunch date’, Justin was about to faint, it was just so surreal. And Justin had let his selfishness ruled the situation and basked in all the great things that was happening. 

Until such time, their new relationship had grown deeper in such short time and Justin knew he would be in knee deep trouble for keeping the truth from Brian. But, on the other hand, Justin was so happy, he was so over the moon and sometimes he needed to pinch himself just to make sure everything was not a dream. Brian was becoming the man that Justin knew he could be, the man he thought he could only have in dreams-- two years ago.

Brian was different, but somehow, he was still the same. Different by means of being more open to what he feels, his true emotions were showing and he didn't care if he was showing it publicly or privately. It was like a breath of fresh air, and Justin couldn't believe Brian was back in his life and building a stronger relationship together.

He was the same, in the sense of how he was with Justin's well being. He was still caring, though he wasn't doing it in more subtle way liked he was before; he was still generous to a fault, and he was a man of action.

In the few months they were together, it still fascinated Justin how they had gone from pulling teeth just to get some emotions from Brian to the sensitive man who would do anything for Justin. Not that the Brian before wouldn't do anything for Justin, he honestly would, but he'd do it and acted like it wasn't a big deal, then he'd do something to put Justin in his place-- like bringing tricks and fucking them in front of him.

But now, Brian seemed to hold onto him like Justin was his precious treasure, he'd make sure Justin knew how he felt, brought him to some places to spend time with and he'd want it to be just them.

That boggles Justin's mind, honestly. He never, in a million years, had thought Brian would want to be monogamous, but they did.

The following few weeks, Justin and Brian had decided to take the final steps of being committed. They had bought a house for them, they signed for domestic partnership and they had sex without any barriers between them.

But just like every skeleton in the closet, secrets were revealed one by one in front of Justin. The most painful one was learning how Michael and Debbie had manipulated Brian's head, taking advantage of his incapacity to remember his past eleven years. Justin couldn't believe Michael would outright lie to Brian telling him they have a nine years relationship together, that almost made Justin thrashing the whole house.

He couldn't believe the gall of that opportunistic asshole, he didn't know that he was deceiving Brian for years and years now. He resented Michael so much at that time.

Then, that had him thinking about his own predicament. Justin was so terrified to face the ghost of his past with Brian. The things that he had done, the words that he had said. They had such a beautiful relationship now, and Justin was so scared that he'd ruin it again with telling Brian the truth.

But what Michael and Debbie had been doing to Brian was unacceptable and it hurts Justin so much that he was letting them do that to Brian.

In the end, as it always had, the fate always intervened. 

Everything would soon be laid open, lines had been crossed, trust had been abused and everything would change yet again. 

Justin knew this would cause a rift between the family and Brian, a rift where Justin couldn't be sure to be still repairable. He, too, wasn't certain if Brian could forgive him from what he did.

But Brian still wasn't out of the woods, yet. Justin had to focus on making sure Brian would get through this, and he promised to be there for him in any way that he could. He'd never leave Brian again, not until Brian would tell him to do so.

***

Sitting at the room with no sound, except for the beeping of the machines, had made Justin think of what he had done the last time Brian was in this condition.

He abandoned Brian, he left him to the care of his psychotic best friend, and let Michael's words get to his head. He was vulnerable that time, he was at the end of his rope and his emotions were all over.

Thinking back, Michael couldn't have known about his guilt over rejecting Brian that night, and Justin hadn't even thought of that. Whatever Michael was saying to him, it just all got straight right to his core and agreed about everything what Michael had said. 

He agreed that he was nothing but trouble, and he did nothing but hurt Brian. He agreed that Brian was better off without him and he had agreed to stay away from him.

Justin sighed, and held Brian's hand on his.

“I love you, Brian.” He whispered to the unresponsive man lying in the bed.

The night had passed, doctors and nurses were coming in and out of the room. They were all saying that Brian was doing okay, his vitals were going strong and he would be in and out of consciousness the whole night.

And Brian did woke up, though still in a heavy daze, he couldn't hold his eyelids for more than few seconds. That was great news according to the professionals, but Justin could only breathe normally again when Brian would fully wake up and could recognize him.

The next morning, when the doctor had decreased the dosage for his painkillers, Brian could keep his eyes open for a minute or even longer. Though, he didn't really talk or look at his surroundings or even at Justin, Brian was beginning to be a bit oriented. At noontime, his vitals had stabled and the doctors had agreed for Brian's transfer to a private room.

The room was spacious, just like Dr. Rodriguez had told him. It already had a cot on one side and Justin felt a little better seeing it. But being in here, Justin knew the gangs would be coming in throughout Brian's stay. This could also mean that a scuffle could break out from their group any moment they all would come in.

The first one came by two o'clock in the afternoon. Debbie and Michael's voices could be heard since they got off the elevator. Justin closed his eyes and looked heavenward, asking God for strength.

Michael ran to Brian's side as soon as they entered the room. Michael was teary eyed, as he stood on the opposite side of the bed where Justin was seated. Debbie was standing at the foot with her hands clenched together on her chest looking at Brian with worry.

Michael was saying to the sleeping Brian that he needed to get well, that Michael needed Brian and couldn't live without him. Justin glanced up at Michael when he heard that, he narrowed his eyes challenging him to say more. Michael glared at him in response, holding Brian's other hand.

“Michael…” Debbie called his son and her eyes flickered to Justin, looking apologetic and a little contrite.

“What, ma? I have more rights here than anyone wants to claim. I'm Brian's best friend.” Michael defended.

“Honey, just settle down a little. Brian is going to be fine.” She softly said to her son. Then she looked at Justin. “Right, Justin?”

Justin looked back at Brian's face and shrugged his shoulders. An uncomfortable silence had befallen them and Justin was incensed as Michael continued crying while he was stroking Brian's arm and twining their fingers. Debbie sat at the couch on one side of the room.

The door had suddenly opened, and nurse Nicole peeped in looking at Justin directly.

“Justin, Dr. Rodriguez has arrived and he wants to talk to you.” She said smiling a little. Justin nodded and stood up from his chair, glancing down at Brian and walked out with the nurse.

Justin whispered, “Please check on Brian while I'm with Dr. Rodriguez”, to nurse Nicole, who understandingly nodded her head.

Justin was only sitting for ten minutes, being updated on Brian's condition by Dr. Rodriguez, when the the doctor's beeper was suddenly alarming. The doctor had excused to check on it, then Justin saw the undisguised worry on his face.

The doctor looked up at Justin and stood abruptly, “We need to go, it's Brian.”

They both ran the hallways to Brian's room, but before Justin could enter, he was being held back by a male nurse.

“You can't go in, let the doctors check on him.”

Justin struggled a little, but he knew it was useless and he needed to be focused and be cooperative for Brian's sake. Then he could hear Michael's voice in the waiting room.

“What happened to Brian?” Justin asked the nurse who was holding him.

“He woke up. But then he started to get hysterical, the doctor needs to sedate him to calm him down.” Justin nodded.

“Why don't you sit in the waiting room with some of your friends? I'll call you when they are done with him.”

Justin obliged. He walked inside the waiting room to find the whole gang present. They were all surrounding Michael and Debbie, he supposed they were telling them what had happened, but they all looked at him when he entered the room.

Justin sat at one corner, and didn't look to where the others were. Emmett and Mel started to walk in his direction, sitting on the chair on each sides.

“Hey, baby. How have you been dealing so far?” Emmett asked sympathetically. Mel stroked his back gently.

“It's been a long night… and day, but Brian is doing better. His vital is stable, thank god. They said he woke up, I was with the doctor.” Justin said trying to keep himself from crying.

“We are here for you and Brian. I know we all have things to talk about and clear out, but right now, we just have to focus on Brian.” Melanie kindly supplied.

Justin nodded and murmured his gratitude. He still didn't look at the direction of the others who were still standing on the other side of the room.

“Why don't you start talking about your disappearance, yeah, Sunshine?” Debbie's voice was suddenly heard.

Justin closed his eyes, God, he didn't want to do this here. He just wanted to be with Brian and not to think about anything else.

“Debbie, this is not the time for that.” Ted said, his voice was sounding irritated.

“Why? It's rude to just take off like that. He didn't even talk to me before he get lost.” Debbie was flushing a little.

“Asked your son, Deb.” Justin simply replied.

“What Michael has got to do with you being ungrateful?” Debbie was now in protective mother hen. Typical.

“You know what, Debbie, you are right. I'm being ungrateful, but not to you or anyone else, because as much as I'm glad that you took me in, you know that I had paid all my dues to you. I was giving third quarters of my paycheck to you. But it's Brian that I was being ungrateful of, I made a mistake of going away, letting him face his amnesia alone. I shouldn't have listened to your grateful son, but I did. And I let you two fucked up with his head.” Justin couldn't contain it anymore.

“What do you mean, baby--” Emmett was about to ask but Michael cut off.

“Brian was never alone! And it was best that you left, he never wanted you to be there!” Michael was screeching. Ted had to move away to save his eardrum.

“And he wanted you there? Tell me, Michael, how does it feel when even a Brian with amnesia still wouldn't want to be with you?”

Michael was red as a tomato, Debbie had looked away from the piercing look that Justin was giving them.

“Justin, there's no need to feel smug about your position in Brian's life.” Lindsay was so quiet in all this drama, but now she looked like she was about to get hysterical.

“But he wasn't, Lindsay. Michael had already tried to break them up, and I'm not talking about two years ago either. We don't know that it was Justin, but he tried to make it looked like Brian was cheating on his partner when we were at the loft. Brian told me, Michael, so don't even think to deny it.” Emmett was shooting daggers at Michael who was about to deny his words.

Ben entered the room at that precise time, making Emmett, Ted, Melanie and even Lindsay to walk up to him and hugged the newcomer. Michael who was talking to his mother had suddenly gone pale, and became visibly anxious.

Ben smiled at them and hugged his friends back, then he looked at Justin who was standing from where he sat before and Ben walked the small distance.

“Hey, Justin. I'm sorry to hear about Brian.” Ben said and caught the smaller man on his arms.

“Thanks, Ben. Thanks for coming, the doctors are inside Brian's room right now.” Justin said without elaborating any further.

Ben nodded, and patted Justin's shoulder once again as they sat on the chairs. Everyone who welcomed Ben had followed through and sat on the chairs next to Ben’s and Justin's. Leaving the Novotny's on the other side of the room.

“I'm glad you two are back together.” Ben suddenly said, he was talking softly, but it was heard so clearly across the room.

Justin got intrigued by that, “How did you know?”

“Brian has told me.” Ben smiled at him.

“Really.” It wasn't a question. “When?” Justin had an idea about this, and honestly, it all made sense to him now.

“Sunday after Christmas. I saw him at the gym…” He looked up, squinting a little. “We had some talking, and he told me about the two of you.”

“Did he recognize you, Ben?” Justin asked, shifting his body slightly to face Ben.

“No. I thought he was ignoring me, because he was mad at me for breaking up with Michael. I learned that, he thought I'm cruising him. You know what he said to me? And I swear I thought Brian was taken by a pod person, Justin.” He chuckled a little. Everyone was listening intently, even Michael who was trying to ignore Ben’s presence.

“What did he say Ben?” He asked in a soft voice.

“That he wasn't interested. He said he wasn't available and was very committed to his partner.” Ben smiled indulgently, Emmett ‘aawww’ was heard from two seats away. 

“I swear he said that to me, Justin. Then when I told him that I knew him from two years ago, he said, ‘Oh, so you were one of my countless tricks. Sorry, buddy, I'm really in a committed relationship, so the answer is still no.’ It got me all worried, he was obviously not well, so I told him about me and Michael.” Michael made an unpleasant squeak, like a pig who was being slaughtered.

“He got all flustered, then began to get interested with what I was saying. He admitted that he was suffering from amnesia, and asked me to see some mementos at my place. He took a picture of you and Gus that I have.”

Justin bit his lips, and nodded to himself. Yeah, it all made sense now. So, apparently, Brian had learned all the truth on Sunday. And according to Emmett, which had actually hurt Justin to know, Brian had dinner with them all on Monday at Lindsay and Mel’s place, before Brian had the accident.

Brian knew that Justin was miserably waiting for him since Sunday, and he was worried sick not knowing what was happening. Though, Justin already had a hunch about Brian knowing the truth, it still pained him to know that he was out having dinner with his family without even letting him know.

That thought had supplied his intuition that Brian was mad at him. Though, he texted him that he was coming home to him, it wouldn't mean Brian wasn't angry. Brian must've been livid with Michael and Debbie when he learned about their deceit, but he was still there having dinner with them.

After few moments, the door to the waiting room had opened and Dr. Rodriguez had appeared. He made a beeline to Justin, while the young man quickly stood on his feet.

“Mr. Taylor…” The doctor began, but Michael walked to where they were standing and interrupted the conversation.

“Doctor, how is Brian? Why did he react like that when he woke up?”

The doctor turned to look at Michael for few seconds, then he returned to face Justin again.

“Mr. Taylor, Mr. Kinney is completely awake by now. I want to talk to you in private but I think I need to say this in front of all of Mr. Kinney's friends and family.”

“I'm glad you finally think that way, doc. Brian needs us, his family who is there for him since he was fourteen.” Michael said a little smugly.

“Let me clear this to all of you. Mr. Taylor is still the only person that is allowed to have Mr. Kinney's medical updates. Whatever he wants to share to all of you, it's his personal decision. Now, as I was saying, Mr. Kinney has awaken, but he has gone into a bit of hysterics.” Dr. Rodriguez looked at Michael, then to all who were present there.

“This is important for all of you to know, Mr. Kinney is having trouble associating the real memory to the false ones and his mind can't handle it. He is mentally unstable right now. I don't mean that he needs to be transferred to psychiatric ward nor there is a need for him to be. He just needs time to think of what's true and not.”

“What do you mean by that? What's true or not? We don't understand.” Lindsay asked, her voice was in total confusion.

“Real memory and the false ones. I have already explained two years ago that feeding Mr. Kinney's mind with too much information, especially the false informations could hinder his brain’s healing process, I pointed out how it could have irreversible effects on him.” The doctor faced Justin again.

“Mr. Taylor, we decided, that Mr. Kinney needs the time to heal without someone's interference or influence on the situation. He is so fragile right now, and another misinformation could lead a severe damage to his brain. He is under sedation for an hour or two, then we would like to talk to him first, calm him if he's going to be hysterical again. Then, he can choose whom he'd think can help him clear things up.”

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin dropped.

“Is it agreeable to you, Mr. Taylor? We are looking for your partner's best interest here.”

Justin swallowed dryly, he blinked his eyes to hold the tears and nodded.

“Yeah, of course, doctor. Please do whatever you think can help Brian.” Mel put a supportive arm on the small of Justin's back.

The doctor nodded, pleased to know that Justin didn't view their decision as questioning his place on Brian's life. Before the doctor left, he told Justin that he would be kept posted on Brian's condition.

The room was silent even after the doctor had left. No one could verbalize their thoughts and they were mostly shocked about what they heard. Their eyes were flickering between Michael and Justin, trying to get some sense into what was happening.

“I swear I'm going to sue this hospital for not letting us see Brian. They withhold informations from us, and Brian is in there having mental instabilities. For all we know, someone’s poisoning his head and forcing his way again into Brian's life.” Michael sneered, glaring daggers at Justin.

Justin narrowed his eyes and looked at Michael in equally blazing ones. The gall of this wacko. “Well, I'm sure as hell was not the one deceiving Brian in making him believe that he was my boyfriend for nine fucking years.”

A collection of surprised gasps were heard around the room. They were all, except for Debbie, looking at Michael with shocked expression. Ben had a looked that was edging on pity and disrespect.

Justin hadn't wanted to get baited by Michael. This wasn't about them, it was about Brian and his health. But he couldn't just let this remorseless piece of shit to get away with everything he had done to Brian. Justin wasn't innocent either and he was totally aware of that, but he hadn't made up a fucked up stories to fit his sick fantasy.

“What-- wha-- oh my god, how can this be happening?” Emmett said shaking his head in denial. “You mean, when we were talking about his ex boyfriend, he wasn't talking about Justin, he was talking about you?”

“The guy has amnesia and you took advantage of it? What kind of a sick person you are?” Melanie gritted her teeth. She couldn't believe he made this man the father of her unborn child.

“What? You believing this piece of shit? He came back bearing legal papers and you all welcomed him with open arms? How sure you all are that he isn't lying? He is a cheater and opportunistic in the first place. How can you all be looking at me like that and not question this asshole of what lies he has been telling Brian.” Michael looked smugly at Justin when the others had quieted down.

“Have you all seen them together? Did Brian get to mention the name of his boyfriend to any of you? Brian didn't even bring him the other night to have dinner with us! How can you all be sure that he is Brian's boyfriend? He had the chance to bring him to us, but Brian didn't, because Justin is only a fuck and would always be just a fuck to Brian! Nothing more!” 

Michael ended up shouting, a vein on his forehead was so prominent that Justin was afraid it would burst.

“I know Justin is Brian's partner. I just told you all that Brian told me so.” Ben’s voice cut the silence that had started to descend on them.

“I can tell you that I talk to the pope last night. I can tell you that I'm the president of Ghana. I can tell you that I have been to the moon and dance there, doesn't mean shit, though.” Michael taunted.

“Yeah, like how you can tell Brian that you two had a relationship? An intimate relationship for how many years? Nine fucking years? Yeah, right. So pathetic and desperate.” Ben smirked unkindly, he looked angry. “If you must know, I talked to Brian last Sunday.”

“Don't insult my son, Ben. You don't have the right.” Debbie interjected.

“Yeah, of course. It's only Michael who is allowed to be cruel and vicious. Didn't you hear that he is deceiving Brian? Or do you already know, Debbie, but still supported the sick games Michael had been doing?” Ben shook his head disbelievingly, his face twisted in disgust as Debbie looked away.

“Oh my god…” Ted whispered in daze.

“I think I'm going to be sick.” Mel said rubbing her abdomen. Lindsay ran to her side and asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom. She shook her head, and took the bottle of water from Lindsay.

“Are you happy now, Ben? Are you here to destroy me and my mother?” Michael said angrily.

“Destroy you and Deb? Why would I? I am defending Justin whom you are doubting his place in Brian's life just because Brian didn't tell you about him. Are you happy destroying Brian and Justin's life?” Ben answered.

“Stop now both of you!” Debbie shouted.

There was a few seconds silence, but then Justin's voice was heard, saying, “Why don't you continue telling us your talk with Brian last Sunday, Ben? I want to hear that.”

Ben looked at Justin and nodded.

“He was too shocked when I introduced myself as ‘his best friend’s ex-boyfriend’. You see, he didn't recognize me. I didn't have an idea either that he was in an accident. Michael had been emailing me for a year now, but he surely didn't mention it to me, and now I wonder why.” Ben looked at Michael dubiously. 

“It was funny when he thought I was hitting on him. But I was really taken aback when he openly admitted that he was in a committed relationship. I asked if he was ‘back again’ with Justin, and he said that he was. Looking back, I think Brian was surprised to hear me say the words back again.” It was his turn to look at Justin.

“Because all he knew it was Michael who he was involved with.” Ted said, shaking his head. “For nine years? Wow. Nice storyline, though it's so cliché.”

“So, how did you meet again, baby?” Emmett the romantic at heart.

“Brian saw me once when I was seating at a cafe house, it was early September according to him. I didn't see him at that time, he didn't approach me, either. Then, Brian said, he saw me like three times more, randomly. At the mall, on a bus stop, until he saw me at my work. That's how we met again.” Justin fidgeted with his fingers, this was time to tell all of them of what they didn't know.

“No one knew what really happened to us, except for me and Brian. Our break up and my disappearance didn't mean we weren't seeing each other, because we did.”

“You calling me manipulative, when it was you who keeps on cheating to your boyfriends.” Michael snarked.

“After one month of our split, I have learned he paid my tuition for PIFA, and it was so overwhelming. It was such a big deal to me, when I was already resigned to have to stop my schooling. I went to the loft to personally thank him, and he was the same Brian that I know. He was joking at me, flirting even, until…” Justin trailed off.

“Brian cannot resist your beauty, baby.” Emmett smiled.

“We saw each other secretly after that, I know it was wrong but I still love Brian. I never stop loving him. The night of the accident, he asked me to go with him to Hawaii and told me when we came back we can move my things back to the loft.”

“You refused him.” Mel said softly.

Justin wiped the tears that rolled down on his face with the front of his shirt. “Yeah, I was so scared. I thought that I couldn't handle another break up with Brian if ever I was getting back with him. My head was so confused, and when I went to Ethan's apartment, I realized that my life would be nothing if it wasn't with Brian. Romance and flowers wouldn't give me happiness, Brian would.”

Justin rubbed his face roughly.

“I was a mess, I felt so guilty for what happened to him. I had done and said some things that I shouldn't have and I regretted it until this day. I came to see Brian both at the loft and here, Michael knows it-- both of it-- he even called a police on me instead of telling me that Brian was in an accident.”

“The fuck?” Mel cursed out.

“He got to me when I was so down and broken. I was so full of guilt that everything he said had gone straight to my head. It was a coward moved from my part, but I thought I was giving you all, especially Brian, a favor by staying away. And I did stay away, I want Brian to be happy and like Michael said, he was better off without me.” Ben, who was still sitting beside Justin, caught him in a side embrace.

“But then, we found each other again, and I couldn't tell Brian what happened before his accident, that we have known each other before. I didn't have the heart to rehash it to him and risked what we were building up again. It was killing me, and I know, soon enough everything would come out. But I just couldn't, we were so happy and I finally had the things that I thought I could only have in my dreams. Brian had finally let me in, and I know it was so selfish of me to keep the truth from him, but I was so afraid, so terrified.”

The room had gone quiet again. No one knew what to say, they were all in awe of how Justin and Brian were fated to each other.

“I don't want to be insensitive or something, but, God, this is like a movie. It's so fascinating how the heart cannot forget.” Emmett said a little teary eyed.

“Apparently, the mind can forget but the heart always remembers.” Melanie said.

“And he calls you ‘my heart’.” It came from Ted. It made Justin looked up and smiled albeit a little sad.

“How'd you know, Teddy?” Emmett asked leaning forward to look at his friend’s face. Brian had told him about that once on the phone, but Emmett wondered how Ted knew.

“Remember when we were at the loft? Brian was at the bathroom and his phone rang, the caller ID said ‘Mo chroí’. When Michael asked who was Mo, Brian didn't recognize the name, but when Michael said what a stupid name Mo Chroí was, Brian fled to the bathroom with his phone in hands.” Ted told them, Emmett was nodding in remembrance.

“I kind of researched the meaning. It's Gaelic for ‘my heart’. Didn't we notice his loft was devoid of some of his important things, like his computer and DVDs? I guess, if we checked his closet, it was already empty.” Ted continued.

“Gus calls Justin, ‘daddy's heart’.” Lindsay said. It made Mel looked at her and smiled a little bit.

“Brian brought him to my work place one day, introduced us to each other. He was like…” Justin was telling them in a surprisingly happy tone, “... ‘Justin, this is Gus--my son. Gus this is Justin-- he's daddy's heart’.”

Emmett's ‘awww’ was heard, and most of them were smiling. How could they not know this Brian better, why were they so hung up on the idea of him going back to his old self?

“Why I never knew Brian is seeing someone? I only know last night when Lindsay invited us to meet Brian's new boyfriend.” Debbie asked, which made them all stop.

“We don't know anything about Justin at all, Deb. Though, we had an itsy bitsy hunched that there was something or someone so important that he ditched us all after he called Mo chroí that evening at the loft. He was a bit flustered, a little worried too, I guess.” Ted said looking straight at Debbie. 

“That's because Michael made it looked like Brian was cheating on Justin. I told you that, Brian told me that.” Emmett said.

“And the ring, don't forget the ring, we all have gossiped about it since that night.” Ted looked at Emmett who nodded. Then, all their eyes had shifted to Justin's finger. Justin lifted it to show them. 

“But nothing was definite. Brian wasn't talking more about his personal life.” Ted added.

“Then, Brian mentioned for the first time that he was seeing someone on the morning of Michael's emergency at the hospital. Ted blabbed to Mel about it.” Emmett supplied.

“And we don't have an idea that daddy's heart is actually Justin. Though, Gus wouldn't stop talking about his daddy's heart. Last night was the first time we all have seen or heard from him in two years.” It was Melanie.

“Vic was the first one to know that Brian was seeing someone.” They all looked at the new comer, it was Rodney. “Brian called Vic last thanksgiving, and he admitted that he was in South Beach with someone special. Though, I don't think Brian actually mentioned Justin's name.” 

Rodney walked inside the room.

“You must be Justin.” He said offering his hand to the young man, who stood up to accept it.

“Yes, I'm Justin Taylor. I'm so sorry about Vic.”

Rodney smiled sadly, “He is in a better place now.” Justin nodded. “How is Brian?”

“He has awaken, but still under observation. I'm sorry that the doctors are not allowing anyone to get to his room in couple of hours, maybe even more.”

“That's okay. We want Brian to get well. The doctors know better.” Rodney said, sitting on one of the vacant chairs.

The conversations had lulled after that. They were avoiding Michael who was quietly sitting beside his mother. Ted and Emmett had gone to the cafeteria after an hour of waiting, and bought the group coffees and sandwiches.

They ate after that, but Justin hadn't even finished half of his food. Not long after, Dr. Rodriguez came to tell them that Brian had been awaken and lucid, some professionals were with him to evaluate his physical and mental health. He told Justin specifically, that Brian would be the one to choose the person he wanted to talk and trying to clear his mind with.

Justin nodded and uttered that he'd understand. It should be Brian's choice whom he was comfortable talking to. Justin couldn't help hoping Brian would ask for him, he wanted to be there for Brian. But after all the truth had revealed, Justin wasn't even sure if he could face Brian right now.

After almost an hour, doctor Rodriguez came back. Everyone was waiting with baited breath, and Justin was trying not to get his hopes up.

“Hello, everyone. Mr. Kinney's assessment was done.” The good doctor faced Justin and addressing him for his next words. “Are you allowing me to say Brian's condition in front of everyone, or do you prefer to have a private conversation for this?”

“It's okay, doctor Rodriguez, you can tell us all.” Justin assured him.

“Okay, so, Mr. Kinney is calmed and collected, and so far, he has understood that he was in his second accident-- not the same first one. Apparently, when he woke up and seeing Mr. Novotny, he thought it was the same time as he woke up on his first accident.”

Everyone was holding their breath as the doctor continued.

“What I mean to say, he thought, everything that had happened between the two accidents didn't really happen. He thought it was just a long dream while in coma and he freaked out. But when we make sure to him that this is his second car accident in over two years, he got a bit calmer.”

The doctor looked at Justin and continued.

“He also let us swear that Mr. Taylor is his partner and not Mr. Novotny. I assure him that his current legal partner is Mr. Justin Taylor and it is all proven with legal documents in our files. That settled him even more, and a psychologist was with him and it all went well. So…”

He turned to look at all the faces around him.

“He asked for his ‘Mo chroí’ to be with him. That's you, Mr. Taylor, eh?” Dr. Rodriguez smiled to the anxious man in front of him. He clapped him on his shoulder, “That's okay, just talk to him. Answer everything that he wanted to know, clear those things that still hazy to him. Be totally honest, that's all he needs right now.”

“I will, doctor, you can be assured of that.” He said with conviction, then, he looked at the doctor curiously. “Did Brian's memory came back?”

The doctor shook his head, “No, he still can't remember anything. But that's what we are trying to do, help him to sort the things that is suppressing it.”

“Thank you for helping Brian, doc.” Justin said to the good doctor who only nodded. But Michael had to interrupt, of course.

“Wait! That's it? How can you be sure he will tell Brian the truth? He is lying to him all this time--”

“Michael, stop this.” Ben told him sternly.

“What? You can't tell me what to do. Who are you, and why are you even here, anyway?” Michael barbed at Ben who looked at him unflinching.

“I will not even justify that with an answer. We are here for Brian and Brian's well being only.” Ben jibed back.

“The decision of sending Mr. Taylor to Mr. Kinney's room, is actually Mr. Kinney's. If you must know, Mr. Novotny, it was mainly your presence there when he opened his eyes that made him freak out.”

Dr. Rodriguez looked at him squarely in the eyes.

“I suggest, if you are here solely for Mr. Kinney's sake, let us do what we have to do and not contradict it. We are here to help, and we will help every patients that we have, to the best of our abilities. Now, if you can excuse us.” He gestured to Justin to walk with him, and they left the room in stunning silence.

***

Justin opened the door so gently that it wouldn't disturb a fly if there was one on it. He could see Brian sleeping on the bed, and he looked so peaceful and calm.

He walked to the side of the bed tentatively. Justin was honestly lost on what he should be doing, he guessed, he was going with instinct here. He just hoped, he'd be more help than to make it worse for Brian.

He was staring at his partner that he didn't realize he was silently crying.

“Are you going to just stare at me? You can start by kissing your partner, you know.”

Justin was startled, but it was what he needed to know, that he was allowed to touch the love of his life. And so he carefully leaned down and touched Brian face with his hand. Running his thumb on his cheek and kissed the lips that Justin was dying to kiss again.

“I love you, Brian. I love you so much. Please, forgive me for what I've done.” He kissed Brian's lips again, mindful of his bruised shoulder.

“I love you, too. I will always love you, mo chroí.” Brian answered and lifted his right hand to cup Justin's face and deepening the kiss as far as his lungs could endure without breathing.

“I must taste so awful.” Brian said, looking a little shyly at him. Justin smiled in response, but leaned down to peck his lips again.

“No, it's not. You taste fine, still the best one that I ever had.”

Justin sat at the chair beside the bed, and held on to Brian's hand.

“Are they giving you shit out there?” He softly asked, twining their fingers together.

“No, the hospital staffs are all kind and understanding. They didn't object to any of our papers. Dr. Rodriguez has been great, he is updating me personally about your progress and conditions.”

“Good. But I don't mean the medical team. I meant about the family outside. Michael and Debbie especially.” Brian was studying his face.

“It's okay, I can handle them.”

“But you don't have, too.”

“They've been great so far, Brian, well, except for you know who. And Ben and Rodney are here, too.”

Brian nodded, then looked up at Justin intently.

“I freaked out, you know. I freaked out when I saw Michael hovering over me. It was a nightmare, thinking I just woke up from the coma that I had before. It freaked me out thinking that you were just a dream, those things that we have, those things that we did-- I just lost it thinking it wasn't all true and I was back to being without you. Or worse, being with Michael.”

Brian had actually looked a bit paler all of a sudden.

“Brian, you need to know the truth. I learned from Ben that he had told you some things that I should have been the one to tell you from the first time we met again.” Justin glanced down to their twined hands.

“Yeah, you should have, Justin. But, whatever stopping you from being honest with me, I know you have a reason for that.”

“Yeah, I have. But it wouldn't justify the fact that I had lied to you, too.”

Brian tightened the grip on his hand.

“For what it's worth, I'm glad to know that it was actually you that I had a relationship with, and not anyone else's. It makes me feel terrible, too, learning how I mistreated you before. I'm really sorry for that, mo chroí. I'm truly sorry for subjecting you to a life like that.” Brian squeezed his hand. 

“Admittedly, I was so hurt knowing you are hiding things from me. But, I wish you know that you can tell me anything, and whatever it is, I will try to understand, Justin. It may hurt me knowing the truth but I want you to know that I will open my mind about it.”

Justin couldn't hold his tears anymore. Brian was here, lying in a hospital bed, was deceived by his friends and even Justin himself, but he was still the one making him feel better.

“Don't cry, my heart. Please… don't cry.” He yanked on Justin's hand to make him lean on his uninjured shoulder. “Help me get through this. I need you to help me get through with this.”

“I'll do everything I can, Brian. And I promise, I will never leave you again.” Justin cried to his shoulder.

“I want to know the truth. Why don't you start by telling me our story. Start on the night we first met.” Brian lovingly said, lifting their twined hands and kissed the back of Justin's palm.

“Okay… But I want you to be comfortable. I don't want to hurt your shoulder.”

“You are not. It's my left one that is hurting. Why don't you come and lay down beside me?”

“You sure? But your head--”

“My head is fine. I'll tell you if I'm hurting, I promise.”

Justin was hesitant, but he wanted to get closer to his partner, Brian was feeling the same.

When they settled, Justin was lying on his side facing Brian. His right hand was still connected with Brian's left and Justin rested his left arm on his partner’s lower abdomen. Brian teased him to put it on his dick, and Justin chortled, “Maybe, later, stud.”

Brian kissed him on his lips, and moaned that he missed Justin so much. Justin was thinking the same, but just being so close to Brian was more than enough especially after his tragic accident.

“So, tell me, mo chroí… how did we meet the first time around?”

“Well, I was seventeen and I want to experience the life of being gay and… I guess, I just want to meet someone and have sex. It was crazy and risky, I know, you've told me enough times. But, I'm lucky that I met you, I don't regret being stupid that night. You asked me to come with you, I agreed and we left Michael, Ted and Emmett steaming on the side of the road.”

Brian chuckled lightly, but then he got sobered immediately. “It was risky, Justin. My god, my heart is racing just to hear that from you. So, I was your first? I mean, I heard it from Ben the other day, but was I really the first one to make love to you?”

Justin nodded, “Yeah, you were my first. And it was great, you know. You've met me and Gus at the same night.”

“We met the night my son was born?” Brian's voice was full of amusement.

Justin nodded with twinkle in his eyes and proceeded to tell Brian how it happened. Brian had heard the story about the night of Gus’ birth, but in Michael's version, it was just the two of them who fled to the hospital from the loft where they were ‘making love’ when Mel called.

Justin went on telling Brian about their lives when they first got together, and how Brian was stubbornly resisting to let Justin in. Justin had to stop sometimes, just to soothe or made sure to Brian that he had gotten over it, when the story would tackle on how Brian treated Justin especially on their few months together.

He also made sure to mention how Brian was there for him, helping him in his own way, and how he had gone through the aftermath of bashing with Brian on his side.

Brian had shuddered, and whimpered while holding Justin's hand so tightly, when the bashing was mentioned.

“How come I didn't learn to value our relationship, and you for that matter, after you nearly-- I was so fucking asshole, Justin. How did you stay that long with me?” Brian was shattered knowing this things. The truth hurts, as they said.

“Because I loved you.” Justin whispered. “And I believed in you, somehow I really believed that you wanted me in your life, Brian. I even know that you might've loved me even back then.”

“You were scared, Brian. Until now, I can't remember the prom, but Daphne said you were so happy that night. But then, you have to experience the pain of seeing someone you cared about got hurt. The pain that you've felt made you think about your childhood.

“You've been hurt by the people that should've been the ones to love you the most. That was the pain that somehow made you closed off or be skeptical about lot of things. When I met you, you were so guarded, you don't believe in love, in relationships, in regrets, you don't apologize and you do whatever your heart desires.

“I want to think, that I somehow made an impact on you. I know, because I felt it. That was what upset me the most, I know that you cared and loved me, but you were fighting it, you were trying your best not to fall in love with me. And when I got hurt, your fear had been justified. And you continued keeping me on arms length.

“What happened to me is not anybody's fault except for Chris Hobbs.” Justin felt Brian flinching when he heard the name. Brian remain stilled after that.

Then Justin went on with the part where he was most uncomfortable with. The time of his cheating on Brian, the time where he felt romance and sweet words were the measures of being in love.

Brian was so quiet listening on how Justin went to choose the other guy over him, right after Brian pushed him from the proverbial Kinney cliff. 

Brian had to put his right hand on his head upon hearing that. Justin got worried and stopped to check on his partner. Brian was squinting, then he'd dig his thumb and index fingers on his temples. Justin was about to get off the bed to call the doctor, but Brian stopped him, told him to give him just a few minutes.

Justin respected what Brian asked of him. He was lying there looking at his partner so worriedly, but he remained silent, he didn't even dare to move.

After ten minutes, or even more, Brian took his hand off his head and face, and looked down at his partner. Brian was looking at him like it was the first time he saw him. That made Justin so scared, he hoped, after his last confessions, Justin could still call Brian his partner.

Brian told him to continue, and Justin hesitated a bit. But he knew he needed to. This was all about Brian, and he swore to help him in any way he could, even if it could lose the man he loved.

So, to end it, Justin told him about their secret affair for two months before the accident. How Brian had asked him to have a vacation together in Hawaii and practically asking him to move back into the loft when they came back. How he had refused to what Brian was offering, and how he ran back to the hotel after realizing that he didn't care what Brian could or couldn't give him-- he just wanted to be with Brian. 

He told Brian how he went to the loft and waited on his door. How Michael found him sleeping, and refused to share the information that Brian was in an accident, instead he called the police on him. He mentioned how he was coming back and forth to the loft for days, if it weren't for Brian's neighbor, Justin wouldn't know sooner what had happened to Brian.

Then, he shared how he went to the hospital and had let Michael get through to his head. How coward he was for turning his back on Brian when he needed Justin the most. How his guilt had made him to cower from everything that was happening around him. How he thought staying away from Brian would be the best thing that he could do to his partner.

But then, he told Brian how he tried to get his life back together, how he coped being alone and away from Brian. He confessed about the tuition he refunded, how he used it as a way of living off of the streets, and enrolled at a much affordable ones.

Justin was actually bracing himself from Brian's reaction, and he couldn't honestly tell what he was feeling from the expression on his face. Brian was stilled and quiet, and hadn't said anything for quite sometime.

Justin thought that, if this was the last time he'd be with Brian, Justin didn't want it to make it harder for the both of them. He'd wait for what Brian would tell him, and Justin would respect whatever his partner would ask of him. Brian deserved that much from Justin.

After few agonizing minutes, Brian shifted slightly as far as his injured shoulder would allow him, and kissed Justin's head. His hand that was holding Justin's hand was tightening in his hold.

“I was on my way to your apartment to talk to you, maybe even beg you to come back to me. I was so determined to make you understand that I would do anything for you, Justin.” Brian paused. “And I will not stop doing it, until the day I die.”

Justin was totally stunned. He sat up quickly, he was gaping and wide eyed staring down at his partner with wonderment written all over his beautiful face. God, he couldn't believe this. 

Brian smiled at him, the ever familiar tongue in cheek smile, and reached to cup his still gaping face, and lovingly said, “You're still beautiful, as beautiful as you were the first time I saw you under that lamppost, mo chroí.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, friends.
> 
> Thank you all for the feedbacks.
> 
> Hug~ Nadine


	16. Chapter 16

Two Years Later

“... Lastly, I want to thank the one person that I can truly call ‘the one’ for me. He is the one who makes me complete, the one last piece to my puzzle that is holding me up, the pillar that has been supporting me. Amnesia couldn't make me forget how I feel for this beautiful man. The man that I have loved, the only man that I ever loved and he would be the last one that I will love.” 

He smiled at the tables that had been occupied by the Vanguard employees and their loved ones. He settled his eyes on the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

“You all must be thinking, ‘what happened to, Kinney?’” Hushed laughters had been heard throughout the banquet hall. “Well, that beautiful man, right there-- happened to me. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you, mo chroí. This award is for you, my heart.” He gave Justin his trademark smirk and addressed the crowd again. “Thank you all, and good night.”

Brian walked down the steps back to his seat, where Justin was waiting for him. He was standing and proudly applauded for his partner.

Brian caught him in a hug and kissed his lips softly. 

The event went on, and Brian was being approached by some other people throughout the night to congratulate him, and some were even boldly asking him to work for them.

Brian was just taking it all in strides. He was honestly happy where he was. Gardner had already made him a senior partner a year ago and he was talking of selling the agency to Brian in just a year. 

Gardner was even kind enough to make a proposal that Brian would pay him in two years. Brian would pay half of the amount next year, and he would turn over the company to Brian, and the other half would be paid by the following year. That way, Brian could focus more on building his empire than stressing over money for paying Gardner. 

Gardner could honestly sell it to just any rich man who could buy him out too easily, but he wanted the company to go to someone who actually cares about the place. He didn't want it to merge into another company, he wanted it the same as it was now. Then in process, it would be even more successful that it was today.

Brian and Justin were so floored when Gardner had proposed that. Brian had always wanted to own his company, and this was his chance of fulfilling yet another dream of his. One dream had already been granted to him, the man who he was holding hands with.

At 36, his professional life was great, it would even get better after buying the company. His personal life was unrivaled. He honestly, hadn't been this happy in his life.

He couldn't ask for more, having Justin and Gus in his life was more than he could hope to have.

***

After recovering his memory while listening to Justin telling him about his life, Brian felt relieved. It was so good to remember everything, and he was happy that despite how he and Justin parted that night before his first accident, they still found their way back into each other.

But then, when everything sank in, it was too painful to endure the things that Michael and Debbie had done to him. Brian tried to put it at the back of his mind-- but as much as he tried not to blame himself for it-- he instinctively thought that he was somehow the one to blame for this. Just like he was blamed for everything that Michael had fucked up. He knew he was reverting back to his old self, he could feel it in his veins.

Then his eyes fell on Justin who was sleeping in the cot few meters away from his bed. He was sleeping peacefully, liked he hadn't slept for so long. Well, he knew his partner hadn't slept since his accident, and it was good to see him rest like a baby.

Looking at Justin, he remembered everything. The sparks from that first night, the chemistry they had even from the start, the laughters, the tears, the fears and the pain throughout that two years. He knew Justin was worth chasing for, he was worth changing for and he was worth than anything in this world.

But he was so confused, he knew his old personality and his new one had been clashing inside his head. And if he would let it without addressing it with his doctors, Brian knew he would have a colossal drawbacks coming, and he didn't want that to happen. He wanted to be in good shape, body and mind, for Justin, for Gus and for himself.

The next morning he addressed it to Dr. Rodriguez and he requested a psychologist to assess Brian. Turned out, he really needed time to evaluate himself more, he was confused to the point he didn't know who he really was anymore. It was a very serious problem according to the doctor.

So, it was decided that Brian needed a psychological help and doing it without outside influences, was monumental to his recovery.

 

When Dr. Rodriguez had informed the family in the waiting room about Brian's condition-- that he had gotten his memory back-- Michael had staggered backwards in daze. He looked like he was about to faint or bolt to somewhere that no one could find him. But no one, except for Debbie, was feeling sorry for him. 

They all returned to the hospital the next day in hope to have a glance at Brian and maybe talk to him for awhile. They were all excited, well, most of them were excited and happy that their friend had somehow gotten through with yet another hiccups in his life.

But the doctor and Justin had come out to see them in the waiting room and delivered the news, it was a little setback from his condition. It was explained that Brian had difficulty in dealing with his two existing personality. It wasn't so much of a problem, it was just a matter of acceptance. The eleven years Brian, the persona, had to accept that it was just that-- a persona. Until he could get it into his mind that it would be okay just to be yourself-- Brian would have a difficulty in dealing with himself.

The family easily agreed to let Brian deal with it alone, with the help of the professionals and the support of Justin, they all thought that it would be easier for Brian to come to terms with himself. Justin asked Lindsay and Mel that Gus was an all clear visitor for Brian, and the kid was happily spending his afternoons with his dad and daddy's heart.

Well, most of the friends might be supportive of the doctor's decision, but Justin thought it wasn't all of them.

A week later, Justin heard a ruckus from outside the hallway. It was two in the morning and Brian was deeply asleep on the bed beside Justin. He slowly got off and went to check what was happening, and found Michael with two security guards and few night nurses arguing.

“I just want to talk to him-- you don't understand, I'm his best friend but they don't allowed me to see him. I need to see Brian, I need to explain to him everything that had happened-- why can't you all understand that!” Michael explained. He was being held by the guards on each arms.

“Mr. Novotny, there is a strict policy, and it's doctor's order--” one of the nurses tried to explain but Michael cut her off.

“Fuck the doctor's order! I need to talk to Brian! I know it's that fucking twink’s doing-- he banned me from coming to see Brian--”

“Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have anything to do with this-- I don't really have to, you know. Because I'm not afraid to let Brian see you, I'm not afraid nor threatened by you. I play fair, Michael-- this is all up to Brian.” Justin said from few feet away from the group. They all looked back at him.

“I don't believe you! I know you are telling Brian lies about me.”

“I don't have to, he can remember everything you did.”

“That's why I have to talk to him--”

“No, you don't! Listen, Michael, I don't know if you are being stubborn or you are just this selfish. Your best friend is right inside that room-- trying to fix himself physically and emotionally. Is it that hard for you to understand that? Is it that hard to give Brian that peace he needed? Is it really hard for you to think of Brian first before yourself?”

 

Michael was being escorted out of the building after that and was temporarily banned from the premise. Justin let Melanie know about the incident when she came that day with Gus. He told her how Michael didn't respect the doctor's order and to let him know that Justin wasn't playing anymore games with him. If he wouldn't back off, he would get a TRO on his ass. Mel said that she'd talk to Michael.

Then Justin contemplated not mentioning it to Brian, but then, he heard it from one of the nurses. Justin gave him the full version and Brian became visibly agitated. And that had started the floodgate to open and Brian had been moody and short tempered after that.

The therapist started to slowly address the issue, after talking to Justin, she was convinced that she needed to settle this before going back to help Brian with his outlook in life.

In the end, Brian had admitted that he was devastated by what his family had done to him. How hurt he was to know that his trust was being abused by the people he thought he trusted. He also told her that he was starting to blame himself for Michael and Debbie's actions.

The therapist told him that it was normal to be angry, and in sense, he should be angry. But then, he should also think what he wanted to do with the situation. She said, Brian had so many options to choose from.

But whatever action he chose to do, she said, he should also be ready with the aftermath. One thing to think, if he'd go after Michael and Debbie, sue them or permanently cut ties with them-- would it make Brian forget about the pain? In say, ten years from now, would Brian still feel the same anger? Would it make the Novotny see the evilness in what they did? 

Brian thought so hard about what she said. It was true that at that moment he wanted them to pay for everything that they did to him, the lies, the deceit, and the blackmailing. But would it make him feel good to know Brian had retaliated and the Novotny had suffered-- financially or emotionally?

Brian thought that it was so unfair that even at that moment, where he was the one who was being deceived, and yet he was still thinking about Debbie and Michael's welfare. When they were the one who started this mess in the first place.

But then, he talked about it with Justin, and his partner said, it was too much to think about in short amount of time. He said Brian could let himself simmer down a bit, and if he was not high with his emotions, he could consider his options again-- just like the therapist had suggested.

Brian thought Justin had a point. He couldn't make a decision, a life altering decisions when he was having an emotional breakdown. He should be concentrating on the other matter at hand.

The next few weeks was spent with the professionals to make sure that Brian would be physically, mentally and emotionally stable. The therapist and Brian had been working about his acceptance for what he thought was the real Brian. It was truly easier said than done.

Talking to the therapist had really helped him immensely, though, it was something that he regretted not doing after his first accident. It helped him accept what he really was inside, sans the mask and facade. 

He had learned too, that being true and accepting it was the best thing you could give to yourself. You were giving yourself the respect of being who you really were, and in return, you would be respected by those people who mattered.

It became easier after that and the doctors had released him after almost a month of staying at the hospital. And Brian had agreed to continue to have sessions with his therapist. 

The family had been so understanding so far, they've been supportive even the doctors didn't allow them to visit, but they sent Brian flowers, thoughtful notes and foods. So, everyone was happy that Brian was finally being released.

Well, except for Michael, and maybe Debbie, too. But both had attended the welcome back party for Brian the day of his release. But it wasn't without warnings from the gangs for Michael to act like a civilized man, the warning was extended to Debbie, too.

After an hour, acting civilized was obviously very hard for Michael to do. When all of them were lounging at Brian and Justin's living room, Michael had seen his opportunity to talk to Brian when he saw him go to the kitchen.

He discreetly followed him and tried to talk to him, Brian flatly refused saying he wasn't ready for that ‘talk’ yet. But Michael became insistent and not seconds after, both were yelling on each other's faces.

Everyone got wide eyed and sprinted to the kitchen and saw how Brian was aggravated. Michael looked angry as well but then they heard Brian saying,

“After what you've done-- I can't even imagine how you can stand there and demand to talk to me. Demand-- not asking, but demand! You know, even seeing you stepping into mine and Justin's home, eating with us on the same table and drinking coffee with us like you've never done anything to me-- it's preposterous, Michael!”

Justin walked to where Brian was standing and tentatively rested his hand on his back.

“That's why I need to talk to you! You must know how sorry I am, Brian!” Michael shouted and Debbie was trying to get her son’s attention but he just shrugged his mother off.

“Are you? Are you really sorry, Michael? Do you really think what you've done was wrong, or are just saying this so that you can execute your next move?” Brian sneered.

Justin thought he heard Lindsay whimpered, but he couldn't even spare a second to think about it, he was so worried about Brian. He was skeptical with this plan from the beginning especially when he heard that the gang had agreed to Michael and Debbie to come. But they assure him that both had been warned to behave and they promised not to badger Brian in anyway. So far, Debbie had kept her word more than her son.

“I don't expect to be treated like this, Michael. Not from anyone, especially not from you and not from Debbie. I cannot start to tell you both how devastated I am.” Brian's voice hitched.

“But you've forgiven Justin! Why can't you do the same for me? He manipulated you and lied to you, but he'd just bat his eyes and he's forgiven?” Michael wasn't backing down. 

The gangs were so angry that Michael couldn't let one get together be spent in peace and laughters. Not after he had begged them to let him and his mother come. And now he was doing this?

“Michael, that's enough!” Emmett and Debbie said almost the same time.

“What problems I have with Justin, it is between us. And what problems I have with you and Debbie are between us three. If I forgave my partner for what he has done, it's my decision-- not yours, not your mother's, or anybody else's. You know what, I was only being polite welcoming you to our house, but honestly, you and Debbie's presence is disturbing me.”

“I think it's time to go, guys.” Ben said from where the others were standing on the door and hallway.

“Brian, we are really sorry. I hope you know how sorry I am.” Debbie sobbed to her hands.

“You know how much I loved and respected you, Deb, and it hurts so much to know what you've done. It won't heal overnight, Debbie.”

Debbie nodded her head while wiping her face with her sleeves. Then Ted and Emmett had taken Michael out of the house before he could make even more damage to his already breaking friendship with Brian.

When they were all left and went to Debbie's house-- except for Ben, Seth and Rodney-- Ted, Emmett, Mel and even Lindsay had non stop barreling Michael for being stupid, insensitive and remorseless. 

They all decided that day that both Debbie and Michael should respect what Brian had asked them to, to give him space. A space to heal, a space to think if he could still be friends with them.

Melanie threatened Michael to follow what they had been agreed upon if he didn't want to have a problem when their child would be born. According to her, she couldn't stomach the viciousness and deceit that he had done, and she wasn't going to let her child be around to a kind of man like that. She said, Michael needed to get his act together.

Fortunately, the Novotny's stopped pestering Brian and Justin, but the others were welcomed to drop by. It was actually great to have everyone again, and it was also a way for the gang to reconnect with Brian, and Brian to them. And in some ways, they had slowly establishing that camaraderie that they had before.

Justin was back to school since a week before Brian's released from the hospital, and his studies were doing okay despite what was happening to their lives. He was still on track to graduate at the end of that year, and he also started his internship at a gaming company called Xirxus and had to quit his job at Starbucks.

Brian had gone back to Vanguard just after three days of his release, Gardner and Cynthia, and their other employees had welcomed him back to work. Most of the employees were tense knowing Brian had been able to remember again, that he might be reverting back to his old self, but they were all please to know that their concerns were unnecessary.

Brian had told Cynthia everything, about what Michael had done and who was his current partner was. She was too happy to know that Brian's boyfriend was still Justin, but she was fuming with Michael and Debbie. 

She also resented the fact that she hadn't known what predicament Brian was going through, when they were seeing each other everyday. But Brian assured her that he was in a better place at that moment, and they should leave the past behind.

In spring break, Brian had asked Justin to go skiing in Vermont. He wanted to do the things that they hadn't done before, and going to Vermont was one of the things that they had planned but hadn't done together. Brian booked them in a beautiful lodge for a week, and Justin had enjoyed every single time of it.

Their first day had been spent skiing with a trainer, showing them the basics and safety measures, in which Brian was so adamant about. Their second day was the beginning of their week long skiing, they both loved it, though it got them so exhausted and slept for ten hours straight.

The next day, they decided to take the slope that was steeper than the one they took the other day. It was so great that when they arrived at the end, Brian tackled Justin onto the snowy ground.

They were giggling like teenagers for a while, when Brian suddenly became sober and seriously said, “Let's get married, mo chroí.”

Justin had gone speechless, it made Brian a little insecure, though his mind had been telling him it was what they both wanted. 

“Hey, it's okay if you're not ready. We are legal partners already, and I'm good with that right now.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss his Justin's lips.

“Yes.” Justin whispered when they pulled apart. Brian had the looked of surprise on his face.

“Really?” He asked hopefully, he was looking down on Justin who still had his back on the snow ground.

“Yeah. Let's do it. It's legal here in Vermont.” Justin smiled so radiantly, in which Brian answered with his tongue in cheek smile.

“We better talk to the resort manager, I suppose he can direct us to the right people.”

Turned out, there was a lists of wedding officiants that offered varieties of wedding packages, even for the last minute weddings.

They chose the one that had been recommended the most, and called her that very same time. She agreed to meet them at the restaurant near their lodge, and before the night was over, Brian and Justin had an official date to their very own wedding.

It was done on their fifth day in Vermont, and Mary Edwards, the Justice of peace, and their wedding planner as well, had done a great job considering the time they had given her.

The sixth day had been spent in bed consummating their marriage, and they just had to ski one last time on their seventh day to end their spring vacation that ended them being married.

Brian knew that this past few months, Justin was having this sort of insecurities and fear in his head. He knew he couldn't blame his husband for somehow doubting him after his memory had returned. 

Justin must've been preparing himself for Brian to tell him that he was ready to trick again, or that Brian might do something just to let Justin know where he stood in Brian's life, to put Justin in his place-- so to speak.

That first night of being married, Brian made sure to tell Justin what he needed to hear, what he needed to feel, and what he needed to have to quash his fears and insecurities. Brian made sure before the night was over, that Justin knew where he stood in Brian's life and never to doubt it again.

They came back with invigorating energy and their friends were suspiciously prodding them to let them in on their secrets, because their smiles were so telling that they had been keeping secrets.

In the end, they told their friends about their wedding and shared with them the pictures and other mementos from that day. They were all happy for both Brian and Justin and wished them a great life together.

Brian noticed, though, that Lindsay was a bit more emotional than the others. He decided that it was time they needed to talk, he knew Lindsay was trying her best to be a good mother and wife, but Brian wanted to clear some things with her.

He invited her to lunch the next day which she happily accepted. Brian started by telling her that he appreciated what she was trying to do. He shared with Lindsay how he was aware about her willingness and effort to be the mother and wife that she should have been all along.

Lindsay got emotional and confessed how she had done so many terrible things to Brian, and even Justin. She said, their first meeting and what happened years and years after that weren't all accidents or unintentionally done. She was profusely apologizing to Brian about her manipulations, how she had tried to tie him to her by getting pregnant twice.

That last information was new to Brian, but the rest, let's just say that he was well aware of it. Brian told Lindsay, that he wasn't innocent as well back then, he had somewhat used Lindsay to get into the elite circle that he found so rewarding.

But knowing that Lindsay had intentionally tricked him into having sex, with all the intentions of getting pregnant, had made Brian angry, but most of all he was disappointed. He didn't know why he attracted people who had manipulative tendencies. As far as he knew, even if Brian wasn't the best kind of friend you could find, he knew he wasn't that bad either. 

So, why were his two best friends had both betrayed him this way? What had he done to them to deserve this kind of treatment? Brian was so thankful that she didn't succeed. He didn't know and couldn't imagine if she got pregnant at that time when they were both so young. Brian wasn't sure if he could take the pressure and complications by having such big responsibility at such a young age.

Some of her confessions were so hard to hear, and even shocking to learn that she could do something like that to him. But in the end, he appreciated her honesty, and her apologies might be a little late, but Brian was so glad that she had realized what she could have lost before it would be too late for her.

But it didn't mean he could just forget about it just like that. He actually felt numb at her confessions and didn't really know what he wanted to do. This was all so fucked up, and he couldn't believe that his two best friends were the ones who was making his life miserable.

Brian told her to give him time to process because nothing was sinking in. Lindsay nodded her head and wiped her face with tissues and excused herself to the ladies room. They left the restaurant after that and Brian went home in daze.

After telling Justin everything, Justin told him that what she had done was sickening, but it was Brian who should know if Lindsay was worth forgiving for. She was already remorseful of her wrong doings, it manifested by telling him the truth when she could have hidden it to herself. And it was clear that she was trying to clean her act.

Justin said that she could prove her sincerity in time, and being the mother of Gus, Brian had to deal with her. And hopefully, she would really change for the sake of their marriage, her children and their friendship.

Brian hoped so, too, because he honestly didn't want to lose another friend, but he would not hesitate to cut ties to any of them if he needed to.

Few months had passed, it was late June, Emmett had broached the subject of Michael and Debbie. They actually had a surprise dinner party for Melanie, a baby shower, and they thought it would be great if the gangs were complete.

Brian had talked to Justin about it, and also about what he was still feeling when it regards to Michael and Debbie. In the end, Brian decided that he was willing to try to bury the hatchet, and meet them halfway. 

Justin also told Brian that he should do what he was just comfortable doing, if he was willing to talk, then Brian could try and talk to them. If he wanted to just eat with them without talking, then he should do that. He shouldn't force himself to what he was not ready to do, and even if he would now mingle with the Novotny, it didn't mean that all was forgiven. 

On the other hand, it would be good for him emotionally to deal with it than just trying to forget about it. If in the end it wouldn't work out, then so be it, at least Brian could say that he had tried, he couldn't go and look back regretting he hadn't made an effort to reach out.

Brian told Emmett that he and Justin would be coming to the dinner at Debbie's, and he wanted to invite Ben to come with them. Emmett said he would mention it to the hostess, but he was sure Debbie wouldn't mind.

The first dinner was actually a good one, with Michael being in his best behavior, and everyone from the girls and boys, to Ben and Rodney were all there. It made him feel a little nostalgic that he had to kiss Justin's head and looked at Gus who was playing with his transformers.

The evening wasn't bad, and Mel was glowing when she had realized it was a surprise baby shower for her and the baby. She was so happy opening gifts after gifts, to the delight of Gus who helped her tearing the wrappers.

Michael was subdued all night and Debbie was trying so hard to please Brian, but at the end of the evening, Brian thought it was good to have everyone around. 

Though, Brian had to confess that the dynamic of their group wasn't the same anymore. It wasn't the same group of carefree people who would throw insults and jokes so openly. Now, they were all somehow acting so reserved and had to be careful of what they had to share or not. 

He guessed, some things had already broken, the equilibrium had tilted, and even years of friendship couldn't bring it back to where it used to be.

Ben became the closest one to Brian and Justin, maybe the fact that he wasn't in any contact with the Novotny’s had made him less stressful to deal with Brian and Justin. He hadn't had the need to balance his friendship between Michael and Debbie, with his friendship with Brian and Justin.

Not that Brian and Justin thought their other friends were so stressed out in dealing between the Novotny’s and the Taylor-Kinney’s that made their efforts less sincere. No, it wasn't like that at all, but their other friends had to deal with being the middlemen, and they all know how the Novotny’s could get when they wanted something.

But both Brian and Justin would never begrudge any of them just because they wanted to maintain their friendship with the Novotny’s. This was one of the reasons why Brian decided to end the silence with them, he wanted to give their friends a sense of togetherness-- so to speak.

 

Brian was slowly warming up to Lindsay again. She proved to be getting better and she was focusing more on Mel, Gus and their new coming baby.

 

Brian and Justin were the first one to know that Ben was seeing someone. They could see how their friend’s eyes lit up when mentioning his new beau. The guy was a professor like Ben, who transferred from the big city of LA. His name was Sam, Samuel Thompson, and he was born and raised in Pittsburgh. 

Sam had settled in LA ten years ago, he even bought a house there, but his mother got sick with cancer a year ago and had to come and be with her. He left his great life in gay heaven to be closer to his mother, who was now in remission from breast cancer.

Ben invited Brian and Justin for a Fourth of July celebration at his house and introduced Sam to them. They both liked the guy, he was charming but kind, and he seemed to really like Ben, too.

Mel delivered her daughter, Jenny, a week after the Fourth of July. They all went to visit her and the baby, and Brian and Justin loved to have Gus for few days with them, giving the new mothers the time to welcome the additional member of their family without worrying about Gus.

When they arrived though, Michael was starting to get Brian to have pictures with him and Jenny. Brian yanked his husband's hand and hugged him from behind before he let the picture taken.

That's when Michael's mood started to get sour. All evening he wanted to have him, his daughter and Brian get a picture together, but Brian wouldn't leave Justin's side. Every time Brian was pictured, Justin was always in it, too.

Before they left with Gus, though, Lindsay handed the baby to Justin and tell Brian to carry Gus, too. Then she got the camera and snapped a few for them. It was a great time, and apart from Michael's tantrum that most of them just ignored, the evening was a happy one especially for the girls.

 

Michael started to pester Brian again, and he started it by texting, but Brian never reply him back. Brian had thought it out for few months now, but he really didn't think he could be that kind of friends with Michael again. Even with Deb, a dinner once in few months was all Brian could give. He and Justin never went to the diner for so long now, they weren't really comfortable with them anymore. 

When Michael's messages for him were left unanswered, he was calling his cell phone and even his office nonstop, but Cynthia would cut him off immediately.

Then he went to Brian and Justin's house, bringing another Johnny Walker with him, and Brian had to tell him right then and there that Michael was not welcome in their home. That they weren't going to be friends again like before, if they would see each other anywhere like at Debbie's, then it was just that-- sharing tables with common friends. Michael left so angry that time.

 

Brian and Justin attended another dinner at Debbie's with an invitation of honoring Vic’s birthday. This one had ended prematurely, when Michael made snide and nasty remarks about Justin. 

It was almost two months from the first dinner, and as they were all eating and talking about anything, Justin's graduation in December had been mentioned. They were all congratulating the young man for his coming achievement, when Michael had to say, “You better start working your ass off as soon as you can, so you can pay Brian back for all the money you owe him.”

Brian quickly looked up at Michael with undisguised anger and said, “My husband doesn't owe me anything. What's mine is his and vice versa. We have that in writing.”

“But of course, he wants to make sure he will get everything of yours. What does he owns that is actually valuable? And he is not your husband, Brian. You are not married.” Michael snarked back. Debbie was trying to make him shut up, but Michael was on the roll.

“He is my husband, that's all you have to know. And you shut up right now, Michael.” Brian warned.

“So, he got you to marry him? He surely didn't waste time, eh? Just how gold diggers work.”

The collective gasping and the shouting of Michael's name around the table was heard. Ben was readying himself to hold Brian back if he decided to lunge on Michael.

“If you have problems with me, Michael, address me. Don't talk like I wasn't sitting right here.” Justin said, holding Brian's hand, if it was to stop him from pouncing on Michael or if it was to support Brian, wasn't so clear to most of them sitting at that table.

“Well, if it's up to me, you won't be sitting on that chair ever.”

“That's it, we're done here.” Brian stood up, his face was flushing, and his grip on Justin's hand was tight. “Thanks for the dinner, Debbie. Good night to all of you.” He looked down at Justin, his voice softening. “Let's go home, mo chroí.”

 

The next couple of months were full of whinings from their other friends, who had been bugged by Michael in one way or another. Michael was trying to know when Brian and Justin got married, but no one was actually telling him. 

Debbie didn't know anything about it, and Lindsay was about to bite Michael's head off when he tried to get Gus to tell him about it. Luckily, Gus told his mothers that uncle Michael was incessantly bugging him, and Lindsay had to step her foot to stop it.

That had begun the fight between Michael and the girls. No one really knew what started it, but all of a sudden, Michael was petitioning for partial custody of Jenny Rebecca.

Debbie was livid when she had learned about it, and she ran to the girls’ house to shout at them, saying they didn't have the right to keep Jenny from her father. She didn't even ask what had happened, she just automatically lashed at the girls.

Few weeks later, Brian heard from Lindsay that the judge hadn't favored on Michael's petition, but he was given visitation rights. The girls weren't so forthcoming on what was really happening, they just all knew that they had this ongoing battle between the girls and the Novotny's.

***

Justin got his diploma from the community college of Allegheny county after all the hard work that he had endured just to finish it. He had stopped working at Starbucks since his internship at Xirxus, but maintained his good friendship with Seth.

Brian initially asked him to apply for his internship at their art department, Vanguard undoubtedly needed another graphics designer of Justin's caliber. But Justin said he wanted to see how far he could go by doing it on his own, and he was a little bit more interested in game designing over making an art campaign.

A month before his graduation, the company was ready to hire Justin, wanted to make him their newest graphics designer. Justin weighted his other options, Brian was still trying to recruit him, too. But with the working schedule the Xirxus had for him, which was only from 8 to 2, giving him few hours to do his paintings on the side.

In the end, he had chosen to stay where he was. Justin wanted to have time to paint, it would always be his first love-- well, Brian was his first love but painting was a closed second. Brian respected his decision, but he told Justin that he always had a place in Vanguard if he changed his mind.

On the day of Justin's graduation, Debbie had invited them for a dinner party at her house. It was two days after Christmas, and they actually hadn't had any reason not to attend. 

They hadn't seen the gangs on Christmas Day, in which Brian and Justin spent it with Gus at their house. But they gave their presents to each and everyone of them on Christmas Eve.

Debbie was really trying to reach out, but of course, she was Michael's mother first. Whatever happened, she would be at Michael's side. In a way, they all understood her. Downside was, she would, most of the times, get blindsided by her love to her son, making her irrationally foolish.

They all went to Debbie's house, with the man of honor perched on Brian's side. Michael was there, and he hadn't said anything, not even to congratulate Justin. Brian wasn't sure why he'd bother attending when he would just mope in the corner. 

Then he tried to talk to Brian alone, but Brian would brush him off. Well, Brian was actually angry at him, he had told Michael what he had decided and that they couldn't be closed friends again, but as usual, Michael would never listen. But Brian wouldn't do anything to ruin Justin's party, and so he stayed sitting with Justin all night.

“Brian, I think we should celebrate New Year's at your house.” Michael said when they were all eating the feast at the table.

Michael saw most of his friends had looked at each other, secretly communicating with their eyes. It took him few minutes of silence to finally get it. That made Michael furious, and decided to run his mouth again.

“So, all of you have been planning to have a party without me?!” He was shooting daggers around the table.

“Actually, Debbie hasn't been invited, too.” Brian helpfully supplied.

“How dare you do this to me and my mother, Brian. We've known you longer than any of them.” Michael screeched. Brian had only looked at him, lifting one eyebrow up, daring him to say more.

“Michael, leave it. Brian can invite us whenever he feels comfortable with us going to his house.” Debbie soothed his son.

“Not my call, actually. It's Justin's house, so, he gets to decide who he wants to invite.” Brian said, spooning the mushrooms on his plate to put into Justin's. Brian didn't like mushrooms, but Justin loved it.

“Oh, I didn't know you become the wife, Brian.” Michael taunted, trying to hide his smirk when Brian had frozen. Most of them were still beginning to know Brian and they weren't so sure that a comment like that would send him right through the edge, in which the old one would surely be running to the baths at that moment to make sure no one would call him ‘the wife’ again.

But what happened next, had stunned not only Justin, but all of the others who occupied the table.

Brian spooned the last mushroom on his plate, but instead of putting it on Justin's plate, he fed it to the young man’s mouth. Justin ate it with little hesitancy, but indulged Brian by smiling at him.

“Good?” He asked Justin, as if Michael hadn't just called him ‘the wife’.

Justin nodded, “Perfect”.

“I think I need to get the recipe from Debbie, I want to try to cook it for you. You love mushrooms, and I love you.” 

They all weren't sure if Brian was just fucking with their heads, and of course, by being closed again for few months now, they had witnessed how Brian was with Justin when they all got to hangout sometime.

But this was a verbal declaration and most of them hadn't heard Brian said that word ever. And he looked so serious, it was as if cooking and saying I love you were an everyday occurrence in their life. Maybe they were.

“You surely can do it, Brian. What you cooked last weekend for me and Gus, was mind blowing. Maybe make the mushrooms more spicy, though. Then, I'll reward you afterwards.” Justin said smiling so widely, then winked seductively at Brian.

The others were looking at them like they were watching a tennis match, they were holding onto their words. This was another development from the couple that they had slowly getting to know. It was still weird to watch Brian do or say something that his friends knew he wouldn't do before. But now, most of them thought that it was refreshing.

“Dad, make sure you do the hamburger this Sunday.” Gus, now over five years old, said to his father, who smilingly nodded to his son. “Dad makes the bestest patties in the world. He makes them from scratch, then we grilled it in our backyard, even with snow. Are we still going to the hills after lunch this Sunday, daddy's heart?”

Justin nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, your dad is dying to take a thousand shots from his new camera at downtown Pittsburgh that's covered in white.”

“Okay. You let come with you to ride bike in summer?” Gus looked hopeful at his father.

“Nice try, sonny boy. Your moms will going to castrate me and daddy's heart if we let you come with us. Maybe, when you are twelve.” Gus pouted, but then he continued to eat and had forgotten about what they were talking.

The others were still gaping at them.

“What is this, Brian? You are shitting us, right? You are letting Justin do this to you?” Michael said fisting his hands on his sides.

“Well, just what you've heard. I cook, I have picnics with them, I mow our lawn, I go grocery shoppings, I surprise Justin and Gus randomly, I sit with them watching 101 Dalmatians, I feed Justin publicly, I kiss him publicly and I bottom for Justin more often than you all could even fathom. I also kick ass washing the dishes manually. If that makes me his wife, well, I'm glad to call him my husband-- and he is actually my husband.” He paused to pointedly look at Michael. “Satisfied?”

***

The last dinner that they had attended, was when Debbie wanted to introduce her new beau, a police detective named, Carl Horvath. It was the beginning of April, the weather was warmed, and it was a great day to have a barbecue outside.

Ben decided to introduce his boyfriend, Sam, to everyone. They all liked his charming personality and it was just a bonus that he was tall, dark and handsome. Michael had been quietly brewing in one corner.

Carl was okay, they all could see that he was trying, but it was obvious he wasn't used to be around homosexuals. Brian thought, the guy just needed a little time to adjust.

At the middle of dinner, Sam had mentioned that Ben encouraged him to read the comic Rage, and was thrilled to know that the creators were actually Justin and one of Ben’s friends. He told Justin that he liked it, and innocently asked why they didn't do any follow up stories.

“It didn't work. Gay superheroes aren't famous as heteros wearing spandex does.” Michael said, but didn't even look at Sam.

“That's too bad. Well, the copy is going to be classic one day, I'll surely keep it. Signed it for me, guys.” Sam said, and Justin nodded timidly.

“What do you mean, not popular? Didn't you have the fifth printing because comic lovers, gays and straight, wanted a piece of it when they had known there would be no follow ups?” Ted confusedly asked, the table got quiet while Michael was squirming a little.

“How many copies per batch?” Brian asked, Justin wasn't looking up from his plate.

“The first one was 3000. The three consecutive printings were 2000 and the last was 3500. I'm working there part time, so, I know.” Ted said, then he looked at Justin in bewilderment, then dubiously at Michael. He caught Brian's eyes that was flashing in exasperation.

“How come selling 12500 copies isn't popular? That must've generated a good profit then?” Brian asked to the suddenly quiet Michael.

“So much expenses. The publisher is a shark, so not so much profit.” Michael lamely said. The table had gone uncomfortably silent.

“But there's a contract, I have reviewed it. The publication would only have a clean 40% on each sets of printing. 60% would be divided to the two of you equally. That would roughly be… Ted? Help a lawyer here.” Mel looked at Ted, who was already counting in his head.

“12500 copies with 4.99… Minus 40%... divided by two… 18,700.”

Brian shifted to looked at Justin. “Did you have the check?”

Justin looked up at Brian and whispered, “No, I haven't.”

The air around the table had suddenly shifted, the tension had become so palpable that Brian thought he'd be going to get suffocated.

“Why not? You have worked for it.” Carl asked, oblivious to most of the past history between the two.

“He has disappeared. And he didn't seem to need it now, Brian was paying for everything.” Michael decided his foot was delicious more than his food, so he tried to stick it to his mouth, like he usually did.

Brian's eyes were flashing with fury. “The issue is not about who's the one paying in our household, the issue here, is where the hell is Justin's money? I don't care if he needs it or if he wants to donate it to orphanage. What I want to know, is why haven't you given my husband his share? He disappeared, okay, the check must still be with you. It won't disappear, too, now will it?”

He's back for over a year now, so, why haven't you given it to him?” Lindsay asked.

“I- I forgot--” Michael stuttered.

“Why are you biting Michael's head off? He said he has forgotten, so give him time to give the money to sunshine.” Debbie, always ready to rescue his only heir.

“Okay, it settles then. You write his check tomorrow, we'll be by your store in the morning.” Brian sternly said, he had a bad feelings about this, and the people around them had been thinking the same. Michael was really digging his own grave.

“I can't.” Michael said stubbornly.

“Why? Michael, you are under contract. You do realize what it means, don't you?” Mel interrupted. She detested the man already and had more than their fair shares of fights over their daughter. She wasn't talking to him for so long now, and if she did, it was only if necessary.

“I'm the one who worked to sell it! What did he do? He did nothing! Why would I give him a share when he wasn't even around? Then now, who has a house? A new car? Who graduated from college? Well, it wasn't me! And he did all that without spending a penny. He never worked hard in his life to get what he has, Brian is throwing money at him! So, he doesn't deserve any money from me!” 

The outburst had shocked Carl and Sam, who had never witnessed that kind of drama. Well, Carl might've seen worse than that, but he wasn't expecting his girlfriend’s son was a nutso.

“Justin had worked the comic harder than you, Michael. You might be the one to sell it in your store but what you did was to write the story in a piece of paper, the idea wasn't even original. My husband worked his ass off illustrating that fucking comic. He was the one who spent weeks shading Zephyr’s mother fucking ass. 

“Have you had any idea how many times Justin had to suffer from cramping his hand? Did you know how hard it was to juggle your school, working the diner and doing your comic at the same time? He bought the ink for his printer when he used his computer, did you compensate for that? So don't talk to us about you working so hard, because you don't understand what is working hard means. I suggest you talk to your lawyer, because we are suing you.” Brian calmly said.

“No need to do that, Brian. I think you are overreacting, Michael can give Justin his money back. Give him the check, Michael.” Debbie voicing her opinion.

“I don't have it anymore.” Michael still stubbornly said.

“What do you mean, you don't have it? It's a big money, Michael!” Debbie shouted.

“I said I don't have it, I used it for the store. I renovated the upper part two years ago, and I upgraded the security locks and alarms. I also installed the camera. So, see, I used it for my store.”

“As you've said, it's YOUR store. Not Justin's, if you want to renovate or upgrade anything, it should be on your own dime.” Ben helpfully explained.

“Do you hold any shares in Michael's store, Justin?” Carl asked looking so disappointed. He never thought Debbie's son could do something like this to his own friends. Well, Carl was going to be shocked when he found the extent of Michael's viciousness.

“No, I don't have any shares with the store itself. I just illustrated Rage.” Justin answered.

“Well, this is a serious matter, Michael. You have to think clearly and settle this privately if you can, it will save you a lot more money.” Carl suggested, but Michael glared at him.

“I didn't ask for your opinion, you don't have the right to tell what to do!” Michael snarked.

Carl shrugged annoyingly, “I have the right as a cop to remind you the law. I can't do anything either, if Justin will decide to sue you.” Carl sipped his beer. “He can take your store if he wins his case, by the way.”

“He can't do that! I'll sue him if he do that.” Michael spewing spittles of saliva.

“Well, Michael, you better pay up if you don't want to get sued first. You used Justin's money for renovations without his approval. They could make you pay the interest for the 18 thousand for years. You would be digging more holes for yourself if you will bring this to court. And I'm telling you, you have a weak case. You'll just get in more trouble paying big bucks to a lawyer to represent you.” Melanie snarked, she still couldn't forget how he made her, Lindsay and Jenny’s lives a living hell.

“I don't have money. Justin doesn't need it.”

“As your accountant, I would suggest you tell the truth on this table. This is not a laughing matter, Michael, or some vendetta for Justin having everything that you couldn't have. You will end up broke.” Ted said looking at Michael intently.

“But he said he doesn't have money, Ted!” Debbie defended her son.

“As I've said, I'm his accountant, Deb. Apparently, he used Justin's money and keep his shares and profits. He told me the money was from an investor, I guess we all have forgotten about Justin's share as time goes by. I'm really sorry for that, Justin. I should have been paying more attention.” Ted looked at Justin's apologetically. 

“Your son is not poor by any means, Deb, he can pay Justin the 18 thousand without a problem.” Ted supplied. “I'm helping you settling this off court, Michael. We are stopping you from doing something stupid, when you can only give Justin what's his, in the first place.”

“You told me you don't have any money when I asked you for a loan to fix the roof five months ago.” Debbie said a little hurt from his son’s unwillingness to help her.

“Because I need the money! Don't make this about you, ma. They are all pulling me down, can't you see that?”

“Just pay Justin's money, Michael. This would stop right here if you do. No one’s pulling you down.” Carl interrupted.

They noticed Brian was talking to Justin quietly, and Justin was responding by leaning into Brian's ear. After that, they looked into each other's eyes, then Brian kissed Justin's forehead.

“Okay. Justin and I decided to give you a week to pay up. You'll give the check to Mel and Lindsay to split it into two. The money will go to Gus and Jenny's college funds. If you fail to do so, we'll see you in court. Either way, the money would still go to the children's funds.” Brian said in his ‘don't fuck with me’ voice.

“My daughter is not a charity case. She doesn't need your money.” Michael shouted. Everyone was rolling their eyes.

“Well, she won't need it if her own father would have been contributing for it, don't you think?” Melanie snarkily said.

“But Michael is giving support to Jenny!” Debbie defended his son, again.

Melanie snorted, and looked at Lindsay who smiled a little sadly.

“I tell you why I always get head to head with your precious son here, Deb. We asked him to let Linds be the legal guardian of Jenny, just so she could have any rights to the child in case something would happen to me or Michael. We weren't taking his rights but just an additional parent, like we did with Brian. He is now Gus’ legal guardian. But your precious Michael here, has stubbornly refused, and you know what he wanted? He wanted Brian to sign as legal guardian to Jenny. So, in case something happens to me, him and Brian would be Jenny's parents.”

To describe that everyone was shocked was an understatement.

“We refused, because Linds and I know Michael's intention was not about Jenny's welfare. It's his personal wicked way in attempt to get into Brian's life. When we didn't budge, he appeal to the court to have a partial custody. You all know about that. Thank god, the judge gave him only visitation rights. 

“But guess what, he visited his daughter when it was only convenient for him, never even asking in advance, just barged in and demand Jenny will go with him. Sometimes, we needed to cancel our planned schedules because your son wanted to have his daughter with him. But then, within an hour he'd be back saying she was too fussy.

“And with all the troubles that he had done, you think that he is giving financial support to demand things like that. In Jenny's nine months of life, Michael only gave her 500 dollars. Not that ‘my’ daughter needs anything from him, mind you, Linds and I can provide for her. If I would only be thinking about myself and my wife, I could take Michael's right to my daughter easily, I can challenge him to the court just like what he had done to us, but I want my children to grow up with their fathers closed to them.” Melanie was fuming, everyone’s jaws were dropped to the floor. This night was a night of revelations.

Most of them knew the drama between Michael and the girls. Debbie going berserk when she heard the girls and Michael were fighting in courts. She automatically thought, Michael was being fucked by them.

But none of them knew what was really going on. Not even Ted who was Mel’s best friend or Brian that had been the subject of their disagreement.

“Why should I give you more money when I know Brian is giving more than Gus could ever spend?” Michael was not backing down from this.

“Yes, Brian and Justin are generous, Michael. But their responsibility is to Gus. Whatever they give, we take just enough for Gus’ needs and put the rest in our son’s funds. Brian and Justin are also consistent with their schedules with Gus, they never assumed or returned Gus because he wasn't behaving.” Lindsay said and she was talking to Michael like he was five years old.

“Michael, you have some things to discuss with me.” Debbie said in an embarrassed tone.

“I will not discuss anything to any of you. How dare you all do this to me. I'm your friend, I've been there to each and everyone of you. I have done everything for you, Brian. I've been a great friend to you!”

“Yeah, you're so great that you've played with my amnesic mind and made me believe that we are boyfriends for nine fucking years. I guess, I'm also indebted to you for trying to blackmail me into a relationship by killing yourself because you were so desperate to take advantage of my memory loss. Yeah, a great friend would do that to you, right?”

Carl and Sam were horrifyingly looking at Michael. This man was a nightmare. The others were looking nauseous, they hadn't even thought of that before.

***

What happened after, something that both sides knew, was the ending of decades of friendships, something that they could never have again. 

Michael refused to pay after a week, he never contacted Brian or Justin, not even a word to Mel or Ted. Two days later, Michael had been served.

In Michael's anger, he went to hunt Brian. It was Saturday morning, so he knew Brian was home. When he arrived, Justin opened the door to his incessant knocking. He pushed past him, and yelled Brian's name while going from room to room like he owned the place.

He found Brian standing near the dining table at the dining hall, he was about to see what was the fussed all about when Michael appeared in front of him. Ben and Sam were behind him, ready to lend their support.

“What is this, having a foursome?” Michael snarkily said, shooting daggers at the three of them.

“What do you want, Michael?” Brian growled.

“This, you mother fucker!” He threw the paper onto Brian's chest.

“So, you've been served. I thought this is what you want when you didn't respect our deal.” Brian said coldly.

“You are not doing this to me!”

“I just did.”

“You son of a bitch, we were there for you when you needed us, and this is what you're going to pay us with?”

“Michael, let's just see in court. Now, could you let us get back entertaining our friends for brunch. Please, get out of our house.” Justin said behind Michael, who whipped back to face Justin with fury.

“You, slut! What, are you that great in bed that you get Brian crazy for you? You must be feeling high and mighty making Brian drool all over your ass.”

“Get out, Michael.” Justin said sternly.

“What? Did I get the slut’s feelings hurt?”

“That's enough, Michael! You don't get to insult my husband in his own house.” Brian shouted.

“Just get out, Michael. Get out of my house.” Justin said.

“Why don't you do that, and get out of Brian's life!” Michael roughly pushed Justin on his shoulder. That caught the young man off guard and stumbled backward. If it weren't for the quick reflexes of Brian, Justin would have been on the floor.

“That's it, Michael! You stay away from us, I don't want to see your face ever again. And if you put your filthy fingers on my husband again, you will regret the day you met me.” Brian said in between clenched teeth.

“We were great before he came into our lives, Brian! I wished you just left him on that cold cement when he was bas--” Michael didn't finish what he had to say, because Brian's fist was already connected with his jaw.

Emmett and Ted who were standing at the door and had witnessed everything, they arrived when Justin was about to close the door after Michael just barged in there, helped the bleeding Michael up from the floor.

Justin was holding Brian back, as well as Ben, who tried to get between Brian and Michael.

They successfully took Michael out of the house and called a cab for him to go. While waiting, Ted told him that Michael had definitely burned the bridge between him and Brian. Brian could actually forget about what they had done to him, but he won't let anyone say that kind of things to Justin. That was unforgivable.

“You really don't get it, do you, Michael?” Emmett said angrily. “Your friendship with Brian had ended when you deceived him, but instead of feeling remorse, you have to do this to them, too? They've been nothing but given you chances after chances, but as usual, you took it for granted. But listen to me, what you did today, you won't be getting anymore chances, honey.”

Michael went straight to Debbie, who combusted into anger just seeing the already forming bruise on Michael's face. She didn't say anything, but yanked his son and went straight to Brian's house.

When Emmett opened the door, he couldn't believe what was happening. Debbie didn't waste any second and got into a litany of insults and jibes. She went into calling Brian derogatory names and even bringing up his childhood.

“You are an animal! You hitting my child like he was nothing, when we were the one to help you when your fucked up father would beat the hell out of you! We were the one who fed you, you ingrate! What did my son ever do to you, except loved you? You are nothing, both of you are nothing to me and to my family! If you ask me, you deserve everything that you got! Both of you!” She pointed sharply at Justin, then turned to Brian again. “Don't worry, I will personally pay what my son has taken from your beloved blond boy’s ass.”

Everyone heard Justin's whimper. That made Brian got out of his trance like state, and went to embrace his husband. Then he focused on Debbie, the cold look in his eyes sent shivers down everyone’s spine.

But before he could say anything, Justin was already telling Debbie what he wanted.

“Don't think about the money, you can have it, but you listen to me. I will tell our lawyer to cancel the lawsuit, but you two will never, ever contact me and Brian-- ever again. I don't want your faces here in my house, in my work, or in Brian's office.”

Brian then added, “I don't want to hear anything from the two of you again. Is that clear? If not, I swear, I will sue you both for fraud, for blackmailing me and the money you owe Justin. I will not back down this time if you two wouldn't respect what I want. This is the last time the four us will be in the same room. Have a good life.” 

Brian lead Justin to the stairs and went to their room. Ted and Emmett had walked Michael and Debbie to the door, while Ben and Sam stayed at the house to clean the table and went home after that, giving the couple a space for themselves.

Ted and Emmett drove the Novotny's to Debbie's house. They were all silent inside the car, and both Ted and Emmett had gone inside the house when they arrived. Carl was sitting on the couch, but Debbie hadn't even noticed him and went to sit at the dining table.

“What's just happened back there?” Debbie asked in complete bewilderment. Carl shifted to listen to them, his forehead furrowing.

“Brian kicked us out, that's what happened.” Michael helpfully whined.

Ted shook his head in frustration. “Brian has finally cut the ties between the two of you, Deb, and you too Michael.” Ted scratched his head absentmindedly. “You know what, just do this for once, and do what he says. I don't think you can do more damage than what you have already done today, and that's saying a lot especially the history you guys have with them.”

“What did I do? I know I've said a lot of things, but Brian has heard them all before.” Debbie said in confusion. She felt scared for a moment there at Brian's house. She just felt that this time there was no going back.

“That's the main problem, Debbie. Michael told you that Brian punched him, the first thing you did was to run to Brian and Justin's house in a lightning speed, without even knowing from Mighty Mikey here what he has done to get that bruised jaw.” Emmett said looking pointedly at Michael.

“What happened? I don't know anything-- I just--” Debbie was struggling.

“Well, Michael came tearing Brian and Justin's house because he was being served. Michael, you thought going berserk would get you out of the lawsuit?” Ted addressed Michael. “Well, Debbie, Michael went on and on, throwing insults after insults. Calling Justin, in front of Brian and inside their house, a slut.”

“Not only that, when he was being asked to leave, he forcefully pushed Justin. Luckily, Brian was there, so he fell to his husband's chest instead of the floor. This time, Brian told him to go. Of course, Mighty Mikey couldn't just leave like a normal person. He has to have the last word, he said to Brian, that he wishes Brian just left Justin there in a cold cement when he got bashed.” Emmett said.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Carl said that startled Debbie.

“Carl!” Debbie roused from her chair.

“What did the two of you have done to those boys?” He asked, completely baffled.

“I didn't know that Michael has said that.” She said crying to her hands.

“Of course, you didn't know, Deb. But as usual, you just have to act without knowing anything. Brian was almost hyperventilating by the time Michael has left. You both knew how that incident affected him, but you just have to say those awful things you said, haven't you? Now, did it make you feel better?” Emmett said.

“I think, when you said Brian deserves what he got from his father and Justin deserves what had happened to him, you just cut what is still left connecting Brian with you. You just put the nail on the coffin by saying that to them.” Ted said a little melancholic. He was furious with these two people in front of him, but he was also sad that this family would never be whole again.

He wasn't a fan of Brian before, but after his second accident, him and Emmett had tried to reach out to both Brian and Justin. And they started to know this ‘new’ Brian, and really tried not to compare the one they used to know to the one he was now.

“This is too much for me. After deceiving an amnesic man, then you'd do this to him? What did Brian has done bad to the two of you?” Carl growled. He stood up after a while. “I can't stay here… I can't even look at you both.” Carl took his jacket from the back of the sofa.

“Just a word of advice, and this may be a futile attempt when it comes to you, but I just have to say this. Please stay away from Brian and Justin.” And with that, Carl left the house shaking his head over and over again.

Ted and Emmett left after that, too. They went to the girls and told them what had happened. They all knew that this would shatter what they had known for so long, the only family that most of them had in their lives.

***

It wasn't an easy few months after that. Everyone had tried adjusting to the situation, tried coping up with it, but they all had accepted it eventually. Might be because, after knowing what Michael and Debbie had done to Brian when he still had amnesia, they all had an inkling that the family they formed would be shattered in one way or form.

But they all had taken it on their own pace and on their own time. The rest of the gangs had been hurt and angry about what happened. They were hurt for Brian and Justin, that they had to experience and hear such horrible things from one of their families. They were angry at Michael and Debbie for doing that to someone they called family.

They all perfectly understood when the Taylor-Kinney wouldn't want to do anything when it came to the Novotny’s anymore, they would probably do the same. But how angry they might be with both, they still couldn't desert Debbie.

They would never approve of what they had done, and they would never be that closed like before, but they still let Debbie know that they would still be around if she needed them. They let Michael know, too, that if he wouldn't leave Brian and Justin alone, they would help the couple in throw his ass in jail. 

The girls, Ted and Emmett were still attending some of Debbie's dinner invitations, but Brian, Justin, Ben and Sam had never stepped on Debbie's house again.

Brian didn't begrudge his other friends for their decisions to stay connected with Debbie, she didn't do anything to them, so it wasn't his place to tell people not to be friends with whomever they liked to be friends with. He was just glad that for once, Debbie and Michael had finally left them alone.

Brian didn't actually understand why he didn't cut ties with Michael and Debbie immediately after remembering, when he knew it was only a futile attempt. But according to Justin, at least they did what they had to do, it just didn't work out. So, no regrets.

 

On summer, Brian, Justin, Ben and Sam had decided to go on a vacation together. The four of them had spent a week in a Caribbean cruise ship, it was so big that you sometimes forgot you were floating on the sea. They all enjoyed the trip, especially the island and beach hopping. They were so glad that they had done it. They went back home so relaxed and invigorated, ready to face life again.

Brian had focused on his job, his husband, his son and the life that they were building. Brian couldn't ask for more with what he had in his life, even though some bad things had happened, some pains and heartaches, Brian believed that it was just a way for him to be where he was at that moment.

What had been done in the past, he tried letting it go, he wanted to focus on the future, wanted to focus on things that mattered. 

He had been saving to buy Vanguard after a year, and Ted, who was now Brian's accountant after Tony had gone overseas, was helping him investing his money onto something that could guarantee a big profitable returns. And he thought, Ted might know what he was doing. He was considering recruiting him when he bought out Vanguard.

They were leasing the loft for almost two years now, and decided to sell it next year to add on their funds for buying the company. Everything was looking good, and they were projecting to have more than what they needed in a year. That had eased Brian's mind immensely.

Before Christmas, Cynthia and Gardner had barged in his office, both were smiling from ear to ear. When Brian asked what they were on, Gardner had widened his smile, while Cynthia rolled her eyes.

“Brian, congratulations!” Gardner said.

“I haven't signed anything yet, so, I'm assuming you're not congratulating me for owning this company.” Brian retorted, but he had a feeling he was about to hear a very good news.

“Not yet, but you will be in a year. But now, it's about the Clio awards this coming February. You, Brian Kinney, is nominated for advertiser of the year and your team’s work on Ramsen’s pharmaceuticals is nominated for the Best ad campaign. Congratulations, Brian!” Gardner walked up to him and patted him on his back.

Brian was so thrilled to hear it, and when his eyes flickered to Cynthia, she mouthed, “Congratulations!”.

“Thank you, guys. Wow, another nominations.” Brian said feeling so overwhelmed.

“Yeah, it's on February 6, in LA. I already told Cynthia to clear your schedule. I'm going to inform the rest of the employees. Now, you only have to make sure your husband's schedule, I'm sure you want him to be there with you. I'll let Cynthia book your suite for a week, that way, you and Justin can have a mini vacation. You deserve it, buddy.”

Gardner left after that, Brian hadn't even had the chance to say thank you because he was too shocked to move. Cynthia had stayed and congratulated him again.

As soon as she closed the door, Brian dialed Justin's phone.

“Hey, you slacking again, big guy?” Justin's jovial voice rang into his ear.

“I love you.” Brian said, his voice was still at awe.

“Did you just call me to say that?” Justin's voice had softened.

“No-- yes-- uh, wait…” He stammered.

Justin chuckled lightheartedly. “What? Make up your mind. Yes or no… No or yes?”

“Mo chroí…” 

“Yes, my love?” Justin teased.

Brian took a deep breath. “I am nominated for Clio, two awards.”

It was now Justin who got tongue tied.

“My heart, are you still there?” Brian asked.

“Wha-- oh my god! Brian, this is such a great news. I'm so happy for you! I want to kind of be there with you right now.” Justin said in a slightly emotional voice.

Brian kind of feeling the same way, too. He glanced at his watch, and saw it was quarter after one. Justin would be out of his work at two. Deciding his next move, he only said to Justin, “Stay where you are, okay?”, then he ended the call.

Brian collected his things into his briefcase, fixing the clutters on his table, then went out to tell Cynthia that he was done for the day.

He made a stop in a flower shop and bought a small bouquet of different violet colored flowers. It was a combination of roses, tulips, orchids and irises.

He went inside the Xirxus building, he had been there before, but just that once when Justin was working late and he went there to take him home. 

Now he struggled to remember Justin's cubicle, and when it took him few minutes to walk in on a maze like structure, but hadn't found his husband yet, he stopped one of the passing employees and asked.

“Excuse me, can you point the way to Justin Taylor’s desk?” He asked the young man who looked at him from head to toe.

“Hmm, you Taylor’s boyfriend?” The man smirked at him, looking at the bouquet on his hands.

“No.” He shook his head.

“Well, you aren't a delivery boy, that's for sure. So, why are you looking for Taylor, when you can look at me?” He flirted, inching his way into Brian's personal space.

Brian dramatically leaned a little backwards, as if calculating the man in front of him.

“Hmm, not bad. Although…” He smiled innocently, “...I much preferred brunet and tall.” The guy was dirty blond and shorter than Justin.

“But you're here for a blond and not so tall guy, kinda like… me.” He smirked.

“Yeah, but you see, he is different.”

“Well, I don't see the difference. He's hot, but I'm way hotter. He doesn't flirt, too. Kind of a monk, if you ask me. So many guys hit on him, but he doesn't entertain. I think he has a boyfriend.”

“No, he doesn't have a boyfriend.”

“Well, I kind of feel sorry for him. He must be celibate.”

“No, he is not celibate. You wouldn't believe how many times he got off every single day.”

“Hmm, doubt that. He is acting like a monk here. He is a great guy, don't get me wrong, but he is not game when it comes to casual sex, or even flirting.”

“Well, that's good to hear, I guess. Did you try to get into his pants?”

The guy chuckled, but blushed a little. “No harm in trying, right?”

“What did he say?”

“Well, he just said he wasn't interested. Mark got the hots for Taylor, though. He isn't backing down even Taylor has made it clear he wasn't interested.”

“Hmm, interesting.”

“So, what are we waiting for?”

“I'm waiting for you to tell me the way to my husband's desk.”

“Well, Mr. Kinney, your husband's desk is over there…” Justin said from Brian's behind who turned to face him, pointing his thumb onto his left side. “... But your husband is standing right here.”

Brian's face broke out into a smile, then caught Justin in his arms leaning down to kiss him.

“Hey…” Justin said in a daze after pulling away.

“Hey…” Brian was leaning again to kiss his lips, then looked into Justin's eyes. “So, who's Mark?”

Justin frustratingly groaned and looked over Brian's shoulder to the guy Brian was talking to.

“What have you been telling my husband, Powell?”

The guy smiled sheepishly, but then looked at Justin in confusion.

“You are married? You never told us that you are.”

“No one asked. I wear a ring on my left hand for God sake. Anyway, this is my husband, Brian Kinney, Brian, this is Allan Powell, the residence flirt.” Justin smiled when the guy stuck his tongue out.

“So, my loving husband, what are you doing here?” He said turning back to Brian who handed him the bouquet. “Wow, thank you. I should be the one giving you flowers. Congratulations again, Brian.” He stood on the tip of his toes, wrapping his arms around his husband, and kissed him again.

“You can pay me tonight, my heart. But I'm here to take you to a late lunch or early dinner date at the restaurant of your choice.”

“God, Taylor, how come you can snatch a man like this? Now I understand why you never look at guys, because you have this demiGod at your beck and call.” Allan said from their side.

“You still there, Alec?” Brian playfully asked, Justin snorted.

“I'm on my way, actually. Nice to meet you, Brian. If you decided to ditch Taylor's ass, come here and look for me, okay?” Allan teased.

“Doubt it. I promised mo chroí here, that he'd be my first and last love.” Brian retorted.

“Awww, I can't take it anymore. I'm going. Ta-ta.” Allan turned around and walked away.

“Hey, Allan.” Brian called.

“Hmm?” He looked over his shoulder.

“Tell Mark that you have met Justin's husband, and he is a jealous kind of person.”

Allan smiled and winked.

Justin groaned and yanked Brian's hand and led him to his cubicle. He collected his messenger bag, then they walked out of the building hand in hand.

***

Brian smiled cordially, shook hands politely and accepting the congratulatory gestures gracefully. It was a night that he would love to remember over and over again.

It wasn't his first time to receive an advertiser of the year award for Clio. He had his first one before he turned 30. But that time, he was focusing more on what it might get him, rather than the achievements itself.

He targeted a spot at the prestigious agency in New York, and fucked his way into getting an interview, literally. He almost got the job, almost.

He guessed, it just wasn't meant to be, Brian's future was in Pittsburgh. Now, he wouldn't even dare to consider going out of this place, maybe he would if it meant that Justin would be coming with him. Who knows, he'd leave that to fate, like he always did when something hazy was crossing his mind.

But right now, holding his husband's hand, sharing this achievement with the only man that he loved, had made this award even more meaningful.

His life had certainly changed since the first time he laid his eyes on Justin. It was gradual, and one could say a painful way to be where they were right now, but Brian thought it was all worth it. Justin was worth it, he was worth fighting for. 

Brian didn't regret anything, he might've lost some friends and family along the way, but it was something that he just had to let go. It wasn't easy in any means, but sometimes he needed to think about his own and especially Justin's welfare, too. 

Michael and Debbie had come to the point where they had affected Brian and Justin's emotional and mental well being. It wasn't a healthy relationship anymore, and as much as they would like to stay connected with them, they wouldn't have the peace that they truly wanted to have.

They had heard little about Michael and Debbie over the years that they hadn't seen each other. They heard that she got married to Carl just a year ago, and Michael was dating a younger guy who had been working in his comic store.

The guy was working as a help for three months before they started dating. When they got together, he made the guy responsible for his book, which Ted had already quit doing after the Brian and Justin issue. He recommended a friend to Michael to continue doing the job but Michael refused.

Michael had trusted his boyfriend, and the guy was doing a great job balancing the book for several months, before Michael wasn't checking the book anymore. After six months of dating and trust already cemented, he deceived Michael by forging his signature. All the profits and his bank account had been emptied after the New Years. His expensive collectibles that was roughly ten grand were all stolen, too.

Michael was left with what was inside the comic books store, and debts up to his eyeballs. He decided to move out from his apartment and sold some of his remaining valuables to cover some of his losses, and moved in with Debbie and Carl, in which the older man didn't really approve.

But Brian hadn't interfere with their lives anymore, and Michael was a grown man who could handle few misfortunes. Everyone had them, it's what made you a better man sometimes.

Brian couldn't wait to face the future with Justin, it was already better than what he thought he could ever had. Justin changed everything when he came into Brian's life, and it was true what they say about losing someone before you know their worth. 

Luckily, they had been given a second chance, and even amnesia couldn't stop and forget to whom his heart belongs to. Justin was the only man that his heart wanted, the one that he could see himself growing old with.

Brian was realistic enough to know that there could be some hurdles along the way, some things that might test the strength of their love, the depth of their commitment to each other, and how far their fidelity and devotion would go. 

Some would try to shake their trust, planting some doubts and some would even challenge their happiness. People would get envious and vicious, some would stab them at their backs, but he knew, some would have their backs, too.

In life, there was no guarantee for everything. No one even knows how long you were going to live, or if what he was feeling right now would still be there the next time he opened his eyes in the morning.

But Brian knew he couldn't live in fears, or let it run his life, or else he would regret the things that he didn't do.

His and Justin's life might not be perfect, no one ever had one, because life was full of flaws. But, it was them being together, facing whatever their future would bring, what made it so perfect.

Brian and Justin were ready to face the future, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end, hope you all liked it. Thank you, guys for the reviews and Feedbacks. I enjoyed reading each and every one of it.
> 
> Hugs~Nadine


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